Snob??

LOL I dont think it makes you a snob, just a mom who has enough headaches without smelling stinky feet and cheap cologne! :)

Probably depends more on how you said it than anything. When offering any kind of criticism, no matter how warranted it may be, always remember to do it with gentleness and explanation.

Yep. I would have been offended. Like you, I don't wear cheap shoes, I'm on my feet all day and need high quality shoes that look good. Nobody needs to know that they are expensive and given the fact that most people I work with are struggling financially right now, I would never point out that they are expensive, or that I only wear expensive shoes.

Cologne/perfume is a state of mind. I worked in cosmetics when I was in college and believe me, some of the most expensive perfume out there smelled horrible. You don't always get what you pay for.

We have friends that are really into wine. In fact, they have added a rider to their home insurance policy because the bottles they keep are so valuable. We asked them once what makes a good bottle of wine. Their response? Whatever tastes good to you makes it a good bottle of wine. So very un-snobbish.

My point is that it's okay to have expensive tastes. Just remember that all of the money, shoes and cologne in the world will never make up for having no class. I think you should apologize to your sister and let your son keep his shoes.

Yes, the word SNOB comes clearly to mind. It's one person's likes and preferences over another. I would never tell someone that a pair of shoes or perfume that they are wearing are cheap and would need to go back. The money was a gift to your teenager, let him spend it as he chooses. It appears your teenager has a more level head on their shoulders when it comes to spending money wisely.

Teen-age sons shopping with their own money should be able to get what they like.

Maybe your sister was actually trying to stand up for your son without looking like she was doing so? Do you usually get along with her?

I'd apologize to my sister, if this were me, whether I meant it or not. I wish mine lived close enough to come over and get offended at my house! : )

p.s. Most cheap perfumes give me headaches too. : )
p.p.s. You should probably talk to your son about his stinky feet and things he can doa bout it.

Good luck!

I think we all have our "things" that we splurge on and our "things" that we save on. For me, splurges are great high thread count sheets, well-made classic clothes, good hair cuts and REAL leather shoes. For my husband it's golf clubs and his Harley-Davidson stuff.
I'd rather save on certain make-ups, paper products, etc. and hubby is happy with a barber shop clip.
Maybe you just hit a nerve and she felt insulted?

Yes, it would be offensive because you said it in front of her. Secondly, the cheap perfume and shoes is a matter of YOUR preferences, not your teenage son. If he liked it and tried to save some money by getting what he wanted, you should have let him do so. I would apologize to your sister!

PS: It's not so much the gift that is offensive, it is the fact you turned up your nose at her gift and said "let's get something decent"...as if her gift was not!

If anyone should be offended it's your son, not your sister. Perhaps your sister is offended because her kids wear Payless shoes. But so what? We all have different beliefs. It's certainly not worth getting upset over.

I do have to say that you can explain to your son that Payless are poor quality and will mmake his feet sweat and stink - but should you force him to return what he bought with his money? Probably not. You need to untie those apron strings.

Depends. If you knew your sister's kids wear Payless shoes and her spouse wears Stetson cologne, then saying what you did in front of her would be HIGHLY offensive.

If you were clueless that she enjoys those things, then saying you're sorry you didn't mean to offend her, that you didn't say what you meant properly might smooth things over a little.

Everyone's household operates under a different set of "standards". I find that it is usually best to refrain from flaunting them if they are higher than those of your guests. It doesn't make you a snob to HAVE those standards for yourself, particularly if you have a "legit" reason behind them (smelly feet, and headaches or whatever besides just the "name" factor), but to make an issue of it in front of someone who doesn't share those standards is probably a no-no.

Added later:
Something you might not be aware of, that might be useful, is something I heard about from a friend dealing with her daughter's feet. Soaking for 20 minutes in a diluted vinegar bath (just the feet in a foot tub, lol not their whole body), a few times a week, can REALLY help cut down on foot odor. If your son's feet smell all the time, it is probably a hormonal thing combined with some bacterial growth on his feet that doesn't just wash off. It has to be killed, and vinegar is a fantastic (and cheap and safe) disinfectant. If he has a problem, using it daily for a week or two should solve it. Once every week or two thereafter would be a good maintenance system. :)

Uh, it's your son's money. He can spend it as he sees fit. Maybe next time you can tell him that you'll buy his cologne and shoes. He doesn't need to spend his gift money on those things.

Apologize to your sister.

Well, Yes, I think it IS kinda offensive. You basically told her that her family wears cheap shoes. But I don't think she should have called you names and stormed out. Sisters should be able to talk openly and work things out without resorting to such immature behavior. I hope you work it out with her. I think you calling and apologizing is a good first step. Good luck :)

It might not have been so much that you object to the shoes and the cologne, it might be the way you put it.

I get extremely ill from perfume and cologne, so I do feel for your need. But if you snapped out an abrupt, bristly dismissal of your son's choices, I would have felt sad or upset for him, and it would have been easy to form an opinion of you or your attitudes. If that's the way it emerged from your mouth, it sounds like your sis interpreted your response as snobbish.

If it was a more sensitive and reasoned explanation of your objections, then it sounds like your sis has issues that probably go back further than this event.

Has she ever criticized your attitudes before this? I'd guess yes. And she could be giving you useful information. Almost always, when I'm uncomfortable with someone else's assessment of me, it's because there is at least a grain of truth in what they say.

ummmm R....you sound a little snobbish!!! lol
It's your son's money, he can spend it as he wishes. You can tell him to take his shoes off outside if his feet get funky, and let him know that the Stetson has to be worn outside of the home.
Yes, it sounds like your sister was a little overboard, but maybe it offended her because she likes Payless shoes and Stetson! lol
L.

Sounds like just too much family togetherness, Holidays make people insane. My understandind of your post is that DS picked these things out himself with money he had recieved for christmas, and your sister just happened to be in the room when you criticized his choices. Not that they were gifts she had given him. correct??
I would probably apologize to both of them at some point, being more clear in explaining to DS why you have your preferences. and as for sis, tell her sorry she was upset and leave it at that.

I think you should apologize to both of them. You can teach your son to always wear socks with his shoes which will cut down on smell, and his cologne is a reflection of who he is, and developing his own favorite scents. Its part of his development as trying to grow up. Eventually he will be on his own, and will have to know good value compared to good taste. If he always has to have the best or nothing, he may end up a lot less in his life unless he has a high paying job, or he may end up with a wife with high demands. Don't be so critical of people!

I too get a headache from MOST perfumes. Only the most expensive will be okay and that's only if I don't get close. I can't even be in the same house with a cheap smelly hand cream or cologne. It's not just a little headache either. It's a HUGE reaction from itchy eyes, itchy ears, nose hurts, eyes hurt, teeth hurt and some of them even make me need to vomit.

I do think the shoe thing is a bit odd. But I am sure it's important you. The problem is, most people don't care all that much and they don't listen. My own family has seen how crazy I get when I'm having a reaction. They don't really believe me. It's hard. I just know one day I'll be on the floor having a seizure. Then they'll get it.

If your son's feet really smell that bad, it probably is not the shoes. I have bought Payless shoes for my children for years and their feet never smell. Just hope you and your son are always blessed to have enough money to buy expensive shoes and cologne, some of us are happy to have shoes of any kind for our children, let alone cologne.

The perfume thing I find absolutely hilarious. There is almost no difference in ingredients, when it comes to perfume. If you were to look somewhere like cosmetic database, the ingredients in Chanel and some random perfume at walmart would almost be identical. In that way...I can't understand how cheap stuff would give you "raging headaches."

She gave you gifts. You should never EVER talk about taking gifts back or disapproving of them, when guests are in your house. It doesn't matter, if it's family. It's rude and thoughtless. You could have waited until she left and returned the items without her knowing. To say this anywhere near her you were acting snobbish and just plain rude. It's OK to have different tastes, but it's not OK to insult someones gift in front of them. Come on.

I think it wasn't your sister's buisness so she really has nothing to complain about.If your son is offended, then he should come talk to you about it. I completely understand your reasoning for buying good quality shoes and cologne.
It doesn't make you a snob though-just a smart shopper! Your purchases last longer then others..... :)
M

Yep your a snob, and maybe a little controlling. Your son is learning how to be thrifty and sould be commended as he may not be so fortunate at all times in his life. Get some oder eaters for the shoes and let him make his own dessisions!!!

I can't imagine that being offensive. I've been around people who had preferences that I didn't really care about, but it didn't offend me that they were different.

Probably you sound like a snob, but that is fine, I have been called that too by my sister, but she lucks out because all my buys go to my nieces from my daughters, but I see my sisters point of view and I agree I can be snobby.. NOW, I think if my son was to buy his OWN stuff with his OWN money than how he smells or how comfortable his shoes are, are none of your business.. I think that is great he bought that on his own and if the cologne bothers you tell him he can not wear it around you and the shoes he will learn himself if they bother him or his feet smell, he is a teenager not a 3 year old...
Would I apologize ??? No, these are your views, but realize that it is snobby becasue I do not believe ALL cheap shoes are bad and make your feet smell..

I believe you were being a snob. I don't blame your sister one bit. You need to understand that you can't get everything you want. So what if he got $250.00 for Christmas, he probably wants to get more things for the money, so going a little cheaper is okay. You can put things in his shoes to try to cut down on the smell (baking soda, odor eaters, etc). I defintely wouldn't want to teach my kids to buy the most expensive things in life because one day they might not be able to afford or they too will be quite snotty. Just let him be himself and figure things out on his own. I would appologize to your son and sister and bring your expectations down a few notches. Good luck but I believe you were in the wrong you should have praised him for getting the good deals.

I'm with you. I will buy one pair of high end shoes at a massive discount online (have been known to score $900 sigerson morrison boots on ebay for $30) or in a thrift store before I'll buy new cheap ones with synthetic smelly parts (not that some new cheap shoes aren't real leather and just fine-it's about quality not name). And I'll do without perfume altogether before buying any cheap smelling perfume. It's not snobby, it's personal taste. She thought you were insulting her style even though it wasn't about her. You didn't say, "People who wear those shoes or perfumes are beneath me and poorer than me" you said he'd get something decent-which those weren't to you. That said, it's his money, and if he liked them, you should let him pick. And if he wants your guidance for nicer or 'different' things, she should respect that. I know I'll want to guide my kids in the art of shopping when they're older too, whether they'll let me or not is another matter.

It's important to teach children about quality. One pair of good shoes will last for years--one pair of cheap shoes will last a year. However, sometimes you have to let them learn that for themselves. I understand the smelly feet comment. But it sounds as if he is old enough to know what he likes and learn from his mistakes. So I would say guide him, but don't force him.
As for the cologne--I agree, it smells terrible!! And most girls feel the same way about it. I would explain that it really isn't a cologne that will attract girls, since that is what he's after, and help him find one that will. However, again, if he likes it, it's his neck.

These are not things that are worth hurting your relationship with your son over. At his age its important to be a guide and mentor, to set by example, and to let him learn who is in his own way.

Hope that helps!
J.

Maybe she was offended because you said "we would go get him something decent". Shoes from Payless are decent. Stetson is a decent cologne to some people it is just a matter of what you like. She might have felt different if you had just explained to your son from the start that the cologne would give you a headache and the shoes will make his feet smell instead of saying "decent".

As many have already said it is all a matter of taste. My sister always has to have the best of everything and I don't believe that way. She has never to my face said that something I have is not good enough. I guess if you have the money, spend it how you want but don't rub it in someones face. To me thats the cheapest thing you can do.
Just an FYI its not the shoes that make your sons feet stink. I have 4 kids and it truley does not matter what kind of shoes they get, their feet will still stink if they don't clean them well enough, don't change their socks or possibly have athletes foot. Plus how long do you actually think those shoes will fit him at his age.
I would say give your son credit for being thrifty with his money especially at his age. Like someone else said if you want him to have exepensive shoes you should buy them and let him spend his money on something else.

I have to laugh as I read this because I am the exact same way!
I agree with the cheap shoe thing, they make my boys feet stink as well.
My family does call me a spoiled snob. But they know thats just me and thats how I am. The hard thing is explaining it to the kids so that they understand that there is an actual reason for doing what we do.

Your sister will come around, give her time.....

Wow, your sister is really super sensitive. I don't like Payless shoes or drugstore colognes either but for different reason. I've never found either one of them to be a good value. The Payless shoes never fit well and don't last very long (that's been my experience at least) and the scent of the drugstore colognes either doesn't last long or changes scent once you spray it on. But I realize that other people have different experiences than I do.

I'm just not understanding why your sister got so fighty and resorting to name calling on this issue. If she has a different opinion and different experience than you have had, why does she feel the need to bully you into agreeing with her. Maybe there's something deeper going on there that just needs to be addressed or maybe she's just having a bad day.

I hope the two of you can patch things up pretty soon.