So Frustrated... My Daughter's Swim Lesson

The most important thing about littluns and swimming is that they not fear the water. Let her swim where she feels safe.

I would start taking her to the Y for fun family swims and get her used to the pool that way. Once she is used to the pool at the Y then you can switch her lessons over or put her on swim team etc.

Leave her where she is. Big difference between 80 to 88 degrees! If she enjoys it, let her be. Move her when she is older. Hey I am with her, who wants to be cold.

I've seen a lot of different swim team families, being that I was on the swim team from age 4 on. Some kids cried before practice, or threw up. Their parents pushed them so hard. They weren't there for themselves, they were there because they had to. They had to swim and they had to win. It was hard to watch.

There were also kids who swam for the love of it. Usually those were the kids who didn't burn out, and weren't being pushed too hard by their parents.

My kids are taking swim lessons now (4 and 5). Maybe they'll be on a swim team, maybe not. But for now, what I really want is for them to experience the pure ecstasy and joy that can come from being in the water. I want them to trust their bodies, feel proud of themselves, and have fun. If they decide to take that and turn it into competition, great. If not, great.

Fear doesn't have an expiration date, and a kid can't be forced out of fear.

No, no, no. Don't be frustrated with her. She is showing you that she is NOT ready. Stop pushing!!

Look, I'm a swim mom. I've been through the whole enchilada with two children. My kids were on swim teams for years. I STILL have one on the swim team. I know what I'm talking about.

Keep your daughter where she is. Wait a year for the Y team. The Y not only has a cold and big pool. It's LOUD! I sometimes wonder how the parents can stand being in there.

I will add, after realizing that your daughter is older than I originally thought, that the advise you have about getting her private lessons during a quiet time in the pool is a good idea.

Your daughter needs some time to mature and grow into being able to stand the huge difference. Give that to her.

If you push this, she M. totally torpedo being ON a swim team. And you don't want that.

Dawn

She will never progress and learn to swim in deeper water if she is kept at the baby pool. Perhaps you could take her to the Y for a free swim time so you could be in the water with her at first. She could get used to it before she would have to be evaluated for a level at the Y. My kids have been taking lessons at our local Y since they were 3 and are both doing great and not afraid of the water.

Shouldn't this be about her comfort level. She's 5 is it really necessary for her to start 'competing'?

Instead keep her were she's at and visit the Y on occasion for fun so that she can become accustomed to the pool, then if in the future she wants to compete she will be comfortable at the Y pool.

well, she's only 5. there's nothing that says she "has" to be on the swim team.

i know how frustrating it is when they freak out or seem "unable" to do something we feel there's no reason they can't do (says the mom who has spent an entire week trying to get her 6 year old to swallow one little pill).

but if you calm down and get past the frustration, you will probably see this is not the end of the world.

why can't she start the YMCA class at a lower level? until she gets comfortable - which, isn't that the point? at 5 1/2, my son wasn't swimming the whole pool during classes. if the goal is to get her comfortable swimming in 'real life' situations, then i would think, putting her in a level I or II class might be a good thing if that's what she needs. you don't want to terrify her and turn her off to swimming all together. unless this is just all about the swim team and "winning". it's not, right? take a breath, take a step back, and do what's best for her. go at her pace.

No need to pressure her to step it up -- is there? If SHE is not interested in the idea of a swim team and all that comes with it (competition, rather than being in the water just for fun), then why push this at this time? She has plenty of time to adjust to a larger pool.

You sound a bit angry with her for not just plunging right in and doing her usual good job when she was in the larger, colder pool. Why do you feel this way? Kids are keenly aware that "the deep end" is indeed very deep and many, many kids are scared of it. No matter how much anyone tells her "You swim in that water the same as in the shallow water, you'll be fine," in their young minds they just do not get that. Why be so hard on her for being thrown by the change of setting? Many children her age would be thrown by going into a larger pool and being told to perform. And those eight degrees make a big difference to your body in the water. Top the deep end and the cold water with mom's frustration -- you M. have said nothing but she surely felt your frustration with her -- and of course she got balky and upset.

Did you swim competitively and maybe you're hoping she'll be interested too, hence your frustration? Or is it more a matter of wanting her to move up in her skills and feeling she won't get that at the beginner pool? She M. not be as confident in her own skills as you and the teacher are -- and if she is not confident, you and the teacher can't be confident for her. I would let her stay with the higher teacher-student ratio for now, and at the end of the school year see if that is a natural break time for moving to a new pool.

Just because the Teacher said that, doesn't mean you have to, do that and get her IN a swim team. It should be your daughter's CHOICE.

My daughter, was about 7, when she felt comfortable about being in the deep end.
My son is 6, and doesn't like to go in the deep end. We don't make him do it.

Please don't tell her she is in the "baby" pool or get frustrated with her. She'll get a hang up and start comparing herself... to others. And that is not a good habit, for a kid to get into. Especially when they get older.

Your daughter is young.
Each child progresses differently, in skill and in readiness.
It does not necessarily happen, in tandem.

I think your daughter is ready to move out of her comfort zone ("baby pool"). It's great that she can swim in the small pool--she has definitely learned the technique. What happens when she falls into the pool at a friend's house? Will she know how to adapt? If she did 'start over' in the beginning class at the Y, she would probably move through it pretty quickly:)

So WHAT?
It's 8 degrees colder, the water is deeper, it's a strange/new pool for her and she is FIVE.
Give her a break.
She has YEARS of swim team ahead of her (lots of experience here, I assure you.) Let her continue to learn and develop where she's comfortable for now. If you push her too hard she M. shut down and refuse to swim altogether.

She need to get used to the new pool if this is the next step. I'd talk to the YMCA people and ask what they think the best plan to ease her into the new pool would be. At my YMCA, you can have individual lessons for very reasonable prices, so of course they are customized to the child's level. Perhaps this might be the answer. Good luck. I wouldn't push the swim team unless it's just for fun. I can't quite wrap my head around a kindergarten swim team - it seams like a lot of pressure for a 5 year old to perform.

I think that you should appreciate that your daughter isn't ready for the next step and not push her. If she hates it, she won't compete well. If you push her into something she's not ready for, you M. create a phobia (I have a phobia of deep water after being dropped off a diving board at 4 during swim class). So don't get frustrated with her. Read her cues. She's not ready for the Y and she's not ready for competition. Appreciate the advice,but it's just that and you don't need to act on it right now. I would also find opportunities to expose her to different pools in the summer or heated pools around the county. Not as a test but to have fun, swim with friends, etc. She is only 5 and she's doing better than my DD who won't get her face wet so she hasn't started lessons.

how about doing a private lesson in the deep end with an instructor. Last Summer, my son who was ten didn't know how to swim and wasn't about to learn UNTIL we made him. At first, he was hesitant about the water, in particular the deep end, but after just one lesson, he was glad to be taking them. now, I know your daughter is younger, but I think when you do a private lesson (even if just one) it can make all the difference. try the private and then do the evaluation once again. She'll probably do just fine..

Let her have fun at the baby pool. Then in the summer you can take her to some local lakes or an outdoor pool and gradually get her used to a deeper and bigger pool. Unless you live on a boat and she had to be able to prevent herself from drowning I would not rush things. It M. just have the opposite effect of making her fear the water.

My kids started swim team at 5. You don't want her scared and I know it is frustrating because you know she can swim. What if you talked to a Y instructor ahead of time explained the situation and have a one one private lesson for her. Also the instructor could play games and make the experience fun :)
Best of luck,
L.

I HATE the cold water. Switching her now M. just make her not want to swim any more...
Can I ask why it is so important for you that she moves on to swim team? Why not leave her where she is comfortable and has fun?
Anyways one thing I M. suggest is investing into a neoprene swim suit - that way she can stay comfortable in the colder pool.
Good luck.

You want to be frustrated...try taking her to swim lessons all over the valley for 4 years and she still can't swim.

There are pools in every other backyard here and she has to know how to swim, but she can't.

I am not looking for my 7 year old to be on a team, but just want to be sure she is safe.

For now, I would let your little one be comfortable in the water and move her when she is ready. Maybe take her to the big pool every so often so she will realize the depth of the water.

I would take her to open swim at the y. For a mo9nth or so until she is comfy. Ask if they can predict the least busy time. Like afternoon or early weeken or something. Just play and be in with her and I bet she gets over it quick.

Since she is already a proficint swimmer it seems she has out grown babay pool and just needs to get used to y pool.

I can't do 80 degree water. Even 88 is cold to me. I use a therapeutic pool that's 91. I just HATE the cold shock, and my kids do too. :)

I think 5 is young for swim team. She is showing she is not ready, afraid of the deep end, too.

I agree that you should take her to the Y for recreation swimming. Get her used to the environment and the pool. Also, those lap pools are really cold. I know they are only a few degrees less than the leisure pools, but it makes a huge difference to me, so she probably is cold.

Also, you might consider doing private lessons at the Y, at least maybe one session, so that she has one on one attention and can ease into it.

Also, ask her if she really wants to do swim team. If she does, then let her know that she's going to have to swim in pools like that. Maybe she was just shocked, but if she really likes swimming and is excited about swim team I find it likely that she will "get over it" fairly quickly.

I do totally get your frustration, I do, but 9 feet is a big difference when she's been used to just putting her feet down if she needed it. I know she probably doesn't do that as she's a proficient swimmer, but in her mind she knows she can, and in 9 feet she knows she can't.

Hang in there, and yes, I'd probably start working towards moving her to the bigger pool.

As a former life guard and swim instructor - children MUST FEEL SAFE and COMFORTABLE in the water...if they fear it - they will not swim - they will panic. You do NOT want panic.

Personally? 80 degrees is too hot for me to swim in. We have a heated pool in our community and I can't get in it as it just is too uncomfortable for me.

As far as swim team? It's up to HER. Does she want to competitively swim or do YOU want her to competitively swim?

As to WHERE she should swim? Both places...she needs to get used to OTHER swimming pools as well. That's how she will become a better swimmer and just go for it...

Good luck!

My kids have their lessons in a small warm pool and the instructor often tries to get them in the big "cold" pool. They often resist because of the temperature. The Y has different standards for their swim levels. My kids are good swimmers and would do well on the typical swim team but were told they were not ready for the team at the Y. If you want to go there for lessons, go with them to the pool there on your own during non lesson time and swim with them. That will get them used to the pool there.

She is five years old. probably almost 6.

If she is holding back - forcing her or 'getting her acclimated' isn't going to help your chances of getting her on a team.

Wait until she is 7, or maybe 8, and then see if she is interested. Having a get-together at the larger pool THEN might be a good idea too - that she can see people she knows not reacting to the deep end.

basing all this on Waldorf education - and that forcing children to do things M. wind up with them not liking the activity in question or life in general at that point.

Warmth is a big part of Waldorf too! You've maintained that warmth for 2+ years and she is not ready for something colder yet.

Good luck and hope she is able to receive only what she is ready for - according to HER version of ready!

M.

Get a few guest passes for the Y, and take her there yourself and swim with her. Slowly get her used to the deeper end of the pool, under your close supervision.

My kids are taking swim lessons at the YMCA, and I agree that the range of levels and competitions avaiable is a big plus, and if you are Y members, swim lessons are very affordable.

Join the Y and get her used to the temp and the atmosphere. It was just a new place she doesn't feel secure in yet.

This way she'll be able to be comfortable and progress even more when the time comes.