Soccer - 4 Year Old to Give up or Keep Trying?

My son did soccer last spring when he was almost 4. We went through the same thing. He was fine with all the warm up activities and then when the ball came out and they were ready to play he came off the field. We had lots of tears and lots of excuses why he could not go into the game. We let him ride it out and finish the 8 weeks at his own pace. we next tried T-ball with worse results- we wound up not going to the last three weeks becasue it was getting too stressful for all. Now we have tried a sports class at the Little Gym and he loves it. They introduce many different sports. We decided to just keep trying different things until we found something that kept his interest. Don't stress too much as it is not worth it. It will all work out and he will find his nitch!

Hi T.,

When my first child turned 5 I was so excited that he was now old enough for sports. I had visions of practices and games and a happy little athlete. I saw it as a milestone of sorts. I put my son in t-ball, and he hated it, to the point where he would cry about going to practice. We finally did pull him out because we came to the realization that sports are not all that important, and if they are not having fun with it, what is the point.

His older brother (from my husbands first marriage) used to sign up for sports and then his mother would take him out and that just drove me crazy so I figured we might as well wait until middle school when he can choose to play sports in the school. Then we are not paying for something that the kids end up hating. I think it is just too much for them. They are tired after school. Strangers have been telling them what to do all day long. They need some free time just to be kids.

It is now 4 years later and I have never once regretted the decision, nor has my son ever asked to play a sport again. As a matter of fact, he now knows what he is and is not interested in and is very strong with his opinions about that. He will tell you...I don't like sports, I am an artist. He dislikes sports so much that he won't even play sports on the playground during recess. Maybe he would have been interested if he didn't have that experience at age 5, or maybe he just isn't into sports, and that is ok with me. On the other hand, he is an excellent runner and enjoys golf, so it is just the team sports he doesn't like. He can't wait to be old enough to join track and the golf team, which we will support at that time.

Now my 6 year old is starting to want to play sports and we have this rule no sports until middle school. We might have to change that because every child is different. It won't be fair for me to say that he cannot play football because we have this rule, and then put my 3 year old in ballet this fall (which I am going to do). My two boys couldn't be more different, so I guess I learned that with parenting we have to be very flexible and tuned in to each child and how they are made differently from each other.

In the long run, I don't think it matters if you make him stay or take him out. He likely won't remember the details down the road, and as long as you don't continue to sign him up for things and then take him out you really aren't teaching him that it is ok to quit- after all, he's only 4. My son doesn't even remember the t-ball time period.

D.

Hi T.... I had a similar issue with my 4 yr old son and soccer (he is 5 now). I enrolled him in a soccer program that ran about 12 weeks, the first 6 weeks I couldn't get him on the field.. His dad and I talked about just letting him quit and then I figured first that I already paid for him to play for a full 12 weeks and 2nd what was it showing him, if I let him quit? The coach would put him in but he would cry and they get taken out. What we stopped doing? Was letting him come to us (his dad, and I) on the sidelines. If he didn't want to play that was fine, but he had to go sit with his team if he didn't want to play. After 6 weeks he pulled the coaches shirt and asked to go in, after that we couldn't get him out! I hope the same trick works for YOU! Keep in touch and let me know what happens!

:) V.

Hi T.,

Having girls who were always involved with sports (soccer) and other activities, the only adivice I can give is that when my girls wanted to join something, I told them that that was a committment and they had to finish it through the season,or semester, or however long it lasted. That being said, your son is only 4. Although he should still learn the lesson, I agree with you that you should speak with the coach (my husband is one) and if he really doesn't want to play, don't force him, but do attend for the rest of the season if you can and have him sit on the side with the team since he is part of the team. Hope that helps. Good luck and enjoy those kids....my oldest is in 2nd year of college and youngest is freshman in high school and it goes so fast!!!! N.

Hi T., I have simpathy! I've just recently gone through the same situation with my five year-old daughter. She was enrolled in outdoor soccer this past fall and was very excited to start, although, now I'm realizing it was just all the new equipment, the pink ball and pink cleats, that she was excited about. She loved to practice, she loved to kick the ball into the net, but when it came to the game she wanted nothing to do with it. I think part of it was not being familiar with the game, and part of it was fear. The way the kids just swarm the soccer ball, she didn't want to be a part of that. I told her that we had to finish the season because she made a commitment to her coach and her friends and teammates. It was painful to watch though, it was heartbreaking and frustrating at the same time. I started to worry she would get hurt because she was just standing on the field. We continued to try different positions, and the coach even was out on the field with her a few times. The last game she had, she was put in as goalie, and of course loved that! She didn't have to be a part of the crazy crowd around the ball, and everyone cheered when she got the ball.

Anyway, I'm pretty sure we're not going to try soccer again, but I haven't really given up yet. I still continue to ask her about it, but we've now started Irish Dancing and that's all she can talk about! I guess my view on the whole thing is, I want my kids to know that they can't just give up on things. So, if we make the commitment, we're at least going to stick it out for the duration. If they decide they don't like it after that, then that's fine, and we'll try something new. Hope this helps! Good luck!

A little about me:
Married to my high-school sweetheart, with three kids; my oldest a girl and two busy boys. I work part-time as a graphic designer and also own two home businesses. I provide graphic design services and also am a Silpada Designs Jewelry Representative. I live for free time with my husband and kids.

Hi T. - I have a 12 year old son who has been involved in T-ball, karate, soccer and baseball since he was five. What I have found is that they have no sense of "commitment" because they have no clear concept of time. Like we do. They live for the moment. My son has grown to really like soccer. He has found for himself that the other sports are not for him, right now. I know, it's kind of frustrating to pay money for a sport and then they don't want to play. And we want them to learn "commitment". That's all part of being a parent. Helping them find their interests. As above, I have found that the more I stay out of view and reach during play, the better he did. He just seemed to fall apart when I was in the picture. He held it together better on his own. And just when you think you have it all figured out, it changes! Because they are constantly growing and changing! Hang in there!

He may not be ready or he may not like soccer and it's no fun getting bumped or knocked into...especially being your oldest he's not used to it, that being said I wouldn't quit going and trying, if he doesn't play that's okay but I'd take him for the rest of the season...I would explain to him that he will get bumped or kicked at some point and that the other kids aren't being mean they're just trying to play the game...when my almost 4 yr old started karate he cried the first lesson until I figured out he thought when the teacher was telling him to do something my son thought he was getting yelled at because the enviroment was different and the teacher was using a loud voice to control the class...find out what is upseting him in his words and explain or fix it if you can....lots of people yell at soccer games and it can be pretty itimidating for a young child...I would set an example by continuing with your commitment, you won't pull him out of school when he doesn't want to go anymore...and with a team sport you have other people depending on you...it's a good lesson. We have 5 boys, they have tried several different things from sports to groups and our rule is you honor your commitment and once you have you don't ever have to do it again if you don't want to....I think it's good to expose them to different things and let them chose what they like or don't like...we also only do one sport per kid at a time and one school activity at a time that way we don't overload them or us! Best of luck!

As a child of a mother who always tried to get me to do things that I didn't want to, I say . . let him choose. It's ok to try to get him to try new things but if he's not into it, back off. As he matures he'll be able to tell you more of what he would like to do.

Hi T.-
I am mom of 5 from ages 12 down to 11 months. They have all been very active in sports. My advice to you is to not let this stress you out! If he doewsn't want to play- don't make him... he just isn't ready yet. I have coached 5 year old soccer for a few years and what I find is that some just aren't ready. Let him go watch his friends, kick the ball around in the yard but making him play on a team at 4 is just not necessary. He will have plenty of time for organized sports. This a time that you can relax and enjoy not having to be somewhere at a certain day or time. He will be ready eventually and you will know it!
It is different allowing them to quit at 8. At that time you would want to think about settin a precedent. I would take a break, you are bringing unecessary stress to you, him and most importantly your realationship! Just my 2 cents:)

I am a mother of 4, youth soccer coach and player. Try again in a few years. Starting him at 4years old will not make him a better soccer player. Involve him in activities that are fun for him. If you really want him to play soccer i would recommend that he at least learn the game by the time he is 10.