Son and My Mom Have Been Lying Ot Me About Where He Is

Dear S.,

My heart breaks with you. I can’t imagine finding out that your mother deceived you for so long.

As I read your story all I could think of was the prodigal son. In some aspects Maren and Aelsa are correct. He is 18 now and legally he is an adult. He now has to find out that there is accountability for his actions. You sound like a good Mom who set boundaries and raised him with values, although he might have forgotten them right now. I know it is hard to watch or hear this all unfold and have no control. You still have a couple of options. Through his My Space account tell him that no matter what he does you are his mom and you will always love him. I would even suggest that your husband let him know that also.

Then the next thing is to get down on your knees and pray. Trust that God is still in control and He loves your son, your Mom, and you UNCONDITIONALLY. He is hurting to see this all happening, but he knows how it will end. He works all things out for good. I know it sounds like a last resort but it really is the first resort. You can’t control your son but you can control how you respond to his actions. If he finds that you are willing to still love him but not control him things might start to click in the back of his head. I have found great comfort in praying for those who have hurt me. I ask God to bless them, keep them safe, and open their hearts and eyes to the truth. God had Job bless his friends who turned against him and hurt him during his trials. God did that to help Job forgive and let go. You might also read Isaiah chapter 54 and verse 13. “All your children shall be taught by the LORD, and great shall be the peace of your children.” This is a promise to you. Believe it and pray it over your son, give thanks to God for his promise and that he will work in your son. Remember when you pray for someone he or she usually act worse in the beginning before it takes effect, because their heart is being convicted by God. They are rebelling against the conviction of their heart not you.

Ask your Mom why she did what she did? Was she afraid of something? Try to put yourself in her shoes. It might help you with your anger/frustration.

One of the biggest things I have had to learn with my 3 kids is that, I have raised them to the best of my ability and tried to instill right from wrong, values, morals, and most of all love in them. How they act though is their choice not mine, and I am not a bad parent because of their actions. DO NOT let others try and place that judgment on you. They have NOT walked in your shoes.

I pray that this will all come to pass quickly for you. Look to see what you can learn from all of this so you can help someone else in the future.

God Bless.

J.

It's hard to let go, but when they become adults they have to account for their own actions and behaviors. He will always be your son no matter what he does. You have no control over him anymore nor are you responsible for him. Love him and try to the best of your ability, to support his choices. As for your mother, explain to her that you love and respect her but by deceiving you, trust must be earned again.

He is a legal adult but he must face the realty of the situation. He must earn your trust and so must your mother. Pray for him and he will be back when he wakes up and realizes what he has done. As long as your mother is bailing him out he will not learn.

I feel for you! They both betrayed you and it is not easy for you to come to grips with what is happening. Stand back take a good look and pray about the whole thing. If you have a church or pastor now would be the time to talk.

Blessings,
C. B

Sadly your son is 18 and know an adult, at least under the eyes of the law, if you plan to keep a relationship with him then you are going to have to play this very carefully otherwise he will run further into her arms. Let him know that you don't approve of the relationship, but you will keep your opinions to yourself, the hardest lessons learned in life are those we learn on our own and one of the hardest things to do as a parent is to sit back and watch them learn them. I take it you have never met this woman, maybe set up a time where you could chat, give her the benefit of the doubt maybe she is good for him at this point in his life, I know that what I am saying goes against the norm, but a relationship with my child is more important to me then who is right or wrong. And when this realtionship fails (I believe it will) be there for him and he will always know in the future that when things get hard you will be there. And then sit back and figure out what you are maddest about is it the fact you mom lied? Is it the fact she is 40? If she was 18 would you be just as mad about him moving out?

Next forgive your mom a little, she was in a really bad spot and there is no way that could have been easy for her, she was trying to protect her grandson and her daughter, she definatley went about it the wrong way, but put yourself in her shoes and ask what would you have done? Don't think I have been much help and it is just my 2 cents but good luck!

I agree with Alesa, you have got to let this one go. He's 18, and if you don't think he took your advice before, he's certainly not going to now. If you want a relationship with your son, try to seem non judgmental and keep contact impersonal and conversational. chances are he will wake up one day and you will be there. good luck!

This sucks, but you son is an "adult" now- Try to keep an eye on him and stay in contact through myspace if you can, be there when he falls.

I would be furious with my mother... and have a discusion with her.