Son Playing with himself...what to Do????

Setting boundaries at this age is more than appropriate. Letting him know that experimenting or "playing" with his body is okay but that those are things that are meant for doing alone, in the bedroom. It is important that you use language appropriate to his comprehension and that you re-direct as often as it takes, each and every time. Once he puts his hands in his pants, tell him that he either needs to stop or he needs to go spend some time in his room will set this boundary. I am guessing that this will nip it in the bud and he won't be so focused on it anymore. This will at least buy you some time until the teenage years. :) Just kidding. Boys and their "wee wees", they go hand and hand...literally.

Hope this helps. Good luck.
N.

Hello M.,
I read your story and i had to laugh, because i went through the same situation. My son is now 5yrs. old but when he was two have played with himself and i was freaking out! I told my mother and she told me to not make a big deal of it and he will eventually grow out of it and he did. She said that most boys do when they realized that it feel different.(or should i say nice)Lol! So don't freak out. Good luck.

He is at the normal age for this. My 3 year-old son also does it from time to time, especially in the tub, or when he's on the potty. A couple of times, he has pulled down his pants at home, and I just act very nonchalant and tell him he needs to be in the bathroom for that. If you make a big deal out of it, he'll want to do it more.

We always used to say, non-judgmentally, it's fine to do that, but it's private and you need to go in your bedroom or the bathroom. (I also pretended not to notice a lot but reminded him every couple of days.)

Hi~

Argh; I understand your frustration completely; my son went through the exact same thing. My son's pediatrician gave me the best advice and it worked immediately on my son. Tell him that is a private thing to do and if he wants to do that, he must go to the bathroom or his room to do that. My son quickly learned that he would rather quit doing what he was doing with his private, than to miss the activity he was engaged in (watching tv, playing with a puzzle, etc).

Hope this helps!

My son, who is now 5, went through the same thing. We put rules in place that he was only allowed to "play" down there in bed, when he is alone. This gave him permission to learn about his body, without everyone else have to learn it with him! It worked and I think he still "plays" in bed. Good luck!

DO ABSOLUTELY NOTHING AND FORGET YOU EVEN SAW IT.
IT'S ABSOLUTELY NORMAL.
DON'T MAKE ANY SORT OF "DEAL" ABOUT IT. DON'T ACCIDENTALLY
REINFORCE IT WITH EXTRA ATTENTION!
IF HE IS TOUCHING PRIVATE PARTS IN PUBLIC, GENTLY REMIND HIM THAT KIND OF BEHAVIOR IS PRIVATE BEHAVIOR, AND TO BE DONE IN PRIVATE. SORT OF LIKE THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE "OUTSIDE BACKYARD VOICE (WHICH IS ALLOWED TO BE NOISY) AND THE "INSIDE" VOICE WHICH IS RELATIVELY QUIETER.

R. Katz, Psy.D.

we did a combo of things when our son reached this stage -- one thing our dcp did is ask if he needed to go potty everytime she caught him with a hand down his pants... which would usually be enough of a hint he'd take his hand out for awhile. so we did that as well. we also let him know that touching himself was totally natural, but was something for private, not in front of other people. between the two, and probably just passage of time, the habit became a lot less frequent and i've not noticed him touching himself in front of us or others in quite a while (he's 5 now).

I have two girls and I started watching a little boy and his sister. The little boy was three when I started watching him and at one point I found him playing with himself.

I sat down with him privately and asked him about it. He was a little embarrassed at that point and I told him that he didn't need to be scared. He wasn't in trouble. But I explained that we all have private parts. We have parts that we cover with clothes and we aren't supposed to show everyone else those parts. I also explained that I knew that it felt good to play with his private parts, but he shouldn't do that when he was around others. He needed to keep that private and the girls did not need to see that. I just kept explaining that it was private and we should not do that when around others. He stopped and I never caught him doing it again.

It will never stop...and he won't grow hair on his hands. I don't agree that you should tell him to do it in the bathroom, privately yes, but not in the bathroom.

I have 3 boys. I feel your pain! LOL! It is a boy thing and they all do it! I just made sure to stress that if that is what they wanted to do, they needed to do it in the bathroom or in their bedroom. I try to do it with a gentle tone and do not make them feel wierd about it. You will deal with this until they are 5 or 6...look out!
As for potty training...
have you tried putting cheerios in the toliet for target practice? My boys loved it! I would get behind them and cheer them on! Shoot it, shoot it..you got it yea hunter! He is probably scarred for life!

We have taught our daughter, who will be 3 in February, that those are "private parts" and only SHE can touch them. Or, mommy and daddy when we are cleaning her. We want her to know that if anyone else ever touches her there, it's wrong and she should tell us. We also don't want her to grow up thinking it's not ok if she touches herself. We want her to have a healthy relationship with her body.

Also, as a part of the parts being "private", we've taught her that no one else gets to see them either, which means keeping them covered in public.

Short of reinforcing this lesson to your son over and over, I'm not sure what you can do. Any type of yelling or punishment may just trigger a sense that private parts are a bad thing, which you don't want. By 3, they are old enough to reason with to some degree, so I would just try explaining this as best you can, again, reinforcing it over and over and see how he responds.

Best of luck! : )

Hi, I am the mother of two grown boys.I think that he needs to know that that part of his body is just as generic as the rest of the body such as hands, feet, etc. but does need to cover it up. I remember those days and it actually took longer for the younger one to understand that we aren't supposed to run around naked. Ah, what a joy that would be on a nice hot summer day, right? But little 'Al Bundy' will eventually not like a sagging diaper forever as they do become uncomfortable especially when they are in social situations and while my sister (mother of three sons) shreiked at her boys to stop, I wasn't quite as loud but made it pretty clear that we weren't going to be too many places if one put their private part out in public.Point is, whatever you style, he will grow up and most likely not do that anymore. Incidentally all five of our boys have grown into five productive young men and not one of them works in a shoe store! So not to worry-keep up your sense of humor you and your hubby sound so fun!

Hi M.,

I have a 5 yr old son who also has had his hand in his pants A LOT for the last year or two. Since I didn't want to make him feel like he was doing something wrong, I gave him the "rule" that he can only do this at home, not outside the house. He never asked why and I never provided a reason.
As for potty training, my son also fell into the "stubborn" category. We tried everything and it simply came down to him going in the toilet when he was ready. He knew when he had to pee, but was just more comfortable in the diaper, and also didn't care how much "stuff" was in there. He finally was out of the diaper for peeing but continued for a long time to poop in a diaper. He didn't wear one, just asked for one when it was time to poop. Again, he finally made the move to the toilet when he was ready (which was a few months ago!).

J.