Son Sensitive to Bullying

We had a similar situation with my step daughter. She has never been diagnosed, but for a while we thought she may have Asperger's or Tourets. She went to a speeach therapist that helped for a while, but eventually her mom decide to pull her out of mainstream classes and put her in the LD classes. As much as we hated to do that and label her that way, she is a different child! She actually likes school and has only been sent home once verses the 6 or 7 times she was sent home the year before.

I have a 4 year old son with autism and a 6 year old son who started 1st grade today and is fairly sensitive. My first question is, did you get a diagnoses from a doctor? If so, they should have given you the names and numbers of different resources and groups in your area to help you understand the diagnoses and help you along the way. Your son should also probably be on some sort of IEP at his school. I don't know if your son has had any kind of behavioral therapy, but for my son with autism it helped. The thing about Asperger's is, it is more of a "social disease". They are usually High functioning in speech and cognitive areas, but lacking in personal and social skills and ques. Without reaching him, in a way that he understands, he may never learn how to "behave" so that he gets along with his peers. I would suggest talking to a professional behavior therapist about the proper way to go about things. What we have to remember about these kiddos that are the spectrum is, their brains are wired different from typical children. Sometimes all the sweet talk and reasoning in the world just won't work for them. You have to crack the code to how their minds work. You can not will them into "proper, typical" behaviors. You have to teach them. And as far as the other kids go...kids are cruel. Tell your son that those kids would've found ANYTHING to pick on. My 1st graders school counselor read a book and had a class discussion with his class last year, about how people are different from each other and that it is ok to be different and to be understanding of those differences. Personally, because my 4 year old son is actually autistic and a bit younger, we have only had a couple of "run-ins" with name calling. But it was never done to his face and he wouldn't understand or care anyways. If it is truly bothering your SON, then I suggest getting professional help. Try starting this link I found for Central OK (I am in Kansas City)

http://www.asofok.org/?page_id=39

Hope this helps.

B.,

I really like what Rachel B from the 18th wrote to you. She has the ins and outs of experience...I can tell.

I have a 15 year old step-son who was FINALLY diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome. You are very fortunate to have the diagnosis early on. Make sure you follow through with the Speech Therapists, Counselors, Focus Rooms, easy access to the principal, fidgets and so forth. All of these things can be accessed by making sure it is in your child's IEP.

If you are having problems with IEP's then make sure you have a Disability Advocate. They can be costly but so refreshing to have someone fight for your child's rights. The advocate is well respected and knows all of the "Magic Words" that a school will respond to. Without those words the school legally does not have to tell you them or respond to your requests, pleas and anger. They will tell you they are doing all that they can do. In reality there IS more they will do once the advocate is on board.

All of this information is to let you know that your child is "NORMAL" for Asperger. They do not feel normal BUT they are for themselves. Being shy, unsure of how to relay feelings (hence the crying or tantrums), bullied by others (because his normal is not their normal) and absolutely no social skills (hence the name calling) is always the norm.

School Counselors who understand Asperger can meet with him and start explaining to him how HE IS normal, why others see him as different, role playing, etc. Focus Rooms offer get away from stress areas. Fidgets offer anger, frusration, confusion and helplessness control. The child needs to feel in control of their life so possibly the principal could make his door open to the child any time they need someone to "rescue" him from bullies. Gives the child a "safe zone" same with the Focus Room.

Just remember...any advice you give your child may not make sense to them. Their reality is not the same as our reality. Go to the library and get books on Asperger Syndrome. Read, read some more, talk with doctors, teachers, counselors, therapists, read still more, research online, chat with other mothers who have Asperger children and yet read more. You will be amazed at how you can change your way of thinking to help your child with advice, suggestions and working knowledge. Maybe some of these sites will assist you in finding local sites.

http://www.joshuacenter.com/
http://www.dmh.missouri.gov/kcrc/
http://www.asperger.org/
http://www.udel.edu/bkirby/asperger/
http://www.familiestogetherinc.org/disalinks.htm/
http://www.kumc.edu/aarc/

I hope I have helped a little. Keep Smiling!! Lilly :)

Kids can be so cruel can't they? I wish I had some good advice, but I'll pray for your son.

I have a child from my daycare that just moved on to Kindergartin last week. He's a very emotional child and cries often. His mother and I have tried and tried to help him find more appropriate ways of expressing frustration. His cries usually come with pretty big tantrums. So we are obviously worried about the same things. She even works with troubled kids one on one in their homes. She understands behavioral therapy and techniques. But for some reason it can be so much harder when it's your own child!

I was abused in school growing up. I feel so sorry for these children.

Suzi

I'm sure this is such a hard thing to go thru. My nephew suffers from severe siezures and it left him mute and also developmently behind. He had very hard time with first grade with being teased and bullied, and he grew pretty angry along with becoming violent. My sister was at a loss of what to do for him, it was discovered the teacher really wasn't able to give him the kind of enviroment he needed and often the teasing he suffered was "overlooked" She had to take him out of school and enroll him a school that was specialed for kids like my nephew who needed a little bit of extra care and teaching.

Your son shouldn't have to put up with bullying and I firmly believe the school has to enforce a no bullying enviroment.
Of course they will never be able to stop it 100% but they can show it won't be tolerated

I would suggest sitting down with the teacher, principal and get some feedback from them.

I hope you find a solution so your son can enjoy learning.

I can not begin to explain how relieved I am to see that there are other mothers in this group with kids in the spectrum. My son, 10 years old, was diagnosed with PDD when he was 6 but we had beeing seeing doctors of all types since he was 3. First grade was particulary hard for him. He was very sensitive as well and cried all the time. We had a terrible experience with his first grade teacher. She told the other kids in her class to call him a cry baby when ever he cried and this was a special Ed teacher!! It broke his heart. Of course all the stress she caused made him break down more and it was a vicious cycle.

He is 10 now and still sensitive but most people do not even realize that he is a bit differet. I like to think of it as quirky. The advice about bevioral therapy is a great one. Through a program called the Kern Regional Center, I was living in California at the time and I was given a weekly visit from a behavioral therapist who came to our house for a year. Also, we put him on a soccer team with other kids with special needs and he truely excelled which helped build his self esteem. The point is there is no easy answer and you will need to find the way to reach your son but it does happen. The person who talked about finding the key is perfectly right. Good luck.