Son Started Day Care & I Am Stressed!!

My daughter went to a daycare facility when she was 8 weeks old. I made an effort to not hold her constantly when I was on maternity leave because I knew the teachers would not be able to do so with a 4 to 1 teacher ratio. However, I was very surprised when her teacher told me that if an infant wants to be held then the child should be held. She told me that if all 4 of the babies she was in charge of were crying at once to be held then she would sit on the floor with all 4 of them and make sure that she was touching each of them so they were conforted. I know that it is very stressful to send your child to be in anyones care other than your own. I would talk to the care provider b/c I agree that she shouldn't tell you not to hold your child. I do think your child will adjust to the new situation and it does take a few weeks. If you feel that your child is in a safe environment and that the care provider has your child's bet interest at heart then everything will turn out fine.

Best Wishes!

This isn't going to help you with stress, but I totally disagree with the caretaker on the asking you to not hold him so much.

First of all- what YOU do with YOUR child is NONE of her business. Second, you did not hire her to advise you on parenting- you hired her to care for him. Third, there is actually NO REASON why she shouldn't hold him frequently anyways.

This is coming from a mom of soon to be four children who also babysits 2 or 3 other kids occasionally (from infant age to 5). I CLOSELY tend to ALL of them. (AND I hold my 13 month old VERY often!!!) It is certainly possible to do so! And I babysit for FREE (close friends' children)!!!! This is her JOB that you are PAYING her for, she should set no such conditions, and do what she is payed to do even if at times it is hard for her(what job isn't hard, anyway?)...

Perhaps she's taking advantage of a first time mom?

Sorry I didn't help with the stress:( I think I may look for another sitter if I were you, however. Then again, I tend to be very passionately opinionated about things and possibly slightly overreact:)

Rebecca

Hey, we have the same last name initial!!!
I feel your pain. 3 years ago I took on caring for an infant that was only 4 months younger than my own infant...it was very rough at times when both were crying but given a schedule which I assume this woman has then I don't see why she wouldn't be able to provide your baby with some comfort. Your baby needs interaction and love and is not there to just be fed and what not. I suggest that you communicate your concern and go from there...I wish you luck, it's not easy being away from your baby to go back to work.

Hi A.,
I know that the situation is hard. I've been through it twice. While the noise situation is different from your house, its good for kids to learn to sleep with noise, and in fact, you'll be surpised how quickly they adjust, and once used to it, what they can sleep through. As far as holding a baby, Moms should by all means hug and love their children as much and as often as they want. I have learned through my own family that there can indeed be too much coddling. I think what the provider was implying was that the baby wasn't happy being put down. It cried unless she was holding him. Since young babies can't support their heads, its harder to walk around with them and help the other children. My first born was this way. One thing to try: when your son cries, don't jump up (unless its the 'I'm hurt cry') count to 5 and slowly approach him. Kids, even at this age take alot of cues from us: stress, happiness, sadness, etc. It could be what my hubby refers to as the 'boob factor'. Each woman is built differently, and so their baby comfort zone is different. It could be that the provider is just not as comfy there as you are. When my hubby would hold our daughter and try to soothe her, it wouldn't work, he didn't have the 'comfort pillow'. But when my sister would hold her, who is built like me, she would calm right down. Another thing to try would be to have another family member, if possible, be the one to respond to your son's needs a bit more. My s-i-l is a stay at home mom. Her daughter is so attached to her and her oldest, as they are the ones that pick her up most often, that no one else in the family can soothe her. Something that worked for my daughter, who is at a home daycare with 5 other kids, is that I would leave her car seat. When she got too fussy, the provider would put her in it, and gentle rock. She'd usually fall asleep or quiet down. Also, I bought an umbrella stroller for the provider. It allowed my daughter to be in an upright position, see what was going on, while freeing up the providers hands to help the other kids. It sounds weird but it works. One final thing to try is to take a few toys, blankets, etc. that have the scent of home and you on them to the daycare.
Good luck
M.

I have a friend who is a day care provider in her home, and she took care of a baby not long ago, with the same situation. She felt exactly the same way that yours did, and expressed this to me all the time. I do think that new mothers, with their first baby, sometimes do hold their little ones a lot..I know I did! And I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. It is just a difficult situation. I can see the argument from both sides. You have the right to hold your baby as long as you want, as much as you choose. He is yours. But from the day care provider, she is trying to care for many children at once, and has the idea that if you know you are going to be leaving your son in her care, it is up to you to prepare him...and in her eyes, that means holding him less so that he is more comfortable at her house when she is dividing her attention with lots of children.
On top of that...all children are different. He may adjust quickly to the different situation. He may not (as my friend's situation was). It was too soon, in my opinion for your provider to have said something, as he started yesterday. She needs to give him time to see if he is just upset for not being with you, she needs to give him a chance first to see if that is what the issue is. She probably shouldn't have said what she did to you in that manner, and so soon. Maybe talking a bit more to the provider about this and your concerns will help relieve your stress. If she continues to be a bit on the rude side and is not helpful at all...maybe that will show a bit about what kind of a provider she is.
K.

I just wanted to let you all know about a super awesome nanny I know who is looking for a job. She needs full time but doesn't mind splitting up days with more than 1 family. Her name is Najat Benanssa. She was so great with my 2 kids. She's very motherly, they loved her. She took them outside to play every day, twice a day. She played with them, she sings songs, she is a fun, responsible and nurturing lady. Her references are impeccable too. If you need someone I hope you will give her a call, She is a rare find and anyone who gets her will be very lucky!

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Thanks, R. Gagnon

Find a new childcare provider.

My child loves to be held and has been in daycare since she was 11 weeks. She has always been a content baby at daycare.

Although the care provider only has 3 other children, it sounds as though 4 children are too many for her to fully tend to.

I don't want to stress you out more, but she absolutely should NOT have said that. You should hold and cuddle and play with your son as much as you want, and if she doens't believe that, then you want a new daycare situation.

He is a little baby, you can't spoil them. On your behalf, I am furious she said that!! Picking your child up is a way of making them feel secure. She apparently doesn't value that. The more you pick him up in a timely way, the better he will learn to cope when he can't be picked up.

The truth of daycare is because of the ratio of kids to adults, the provider will be less responsive than a mother. That is daycare. However, she should be working her @#!?@ off to do simulate the home environment.

Excuse the language, but it makes me very angry and brings back bad memories. I started my first daughter in a daycare facility around 12 weeks. She was there for about 6 months, and I know she was safe and the staff was caring. BUT I didn't feel like they responded to her like I did. And I let it go, because I was a new mom and I was stressed out about working, etc. etc. After about 6 months, I took her out and found a situation I liked better. Same ratio, but they seemed to have genuine affection and warmth for my child. It made all the difference. And I was better about being assertive and telling them what my expectations were for my child.

I suggest you look for a new situation, and consider one where the kids are all infants. It sounds counterintuitive since infants demand so much attention. But I guarentee that a whiney 4 year old is getting the brunt of the attention at the current daycare (I have a 4 year old and a 12 week old now). Your baby just sits in a crib, so there is no pressure for her to give him the attention he needs.

I don't intend to make you feel bad. I am sure you child is safe and cared for. But I would get busy looking for something else. Your gut will tell you if it's right. And be assertive. You are a new mom, but you know what your child needs. She may be a mom and a grandmother and have run daycare for 100 kids, but she is dead WRONG on this issue. She is not the boss of your son, but I know that sometimes these women can make you feel like they know best. They usually don't.

Feel free to e-mail me if you want some support or ideas (I'm in Ashburn). I know starting back to work can be tough.