Son's Dad Planning to Get Married

i would never force him to go. can you work out a plan with his dad where he would pick up your son and go out for the day, just the two of them, and then bring him back home when they are done. after doing this a couple of times with just his dad, maybe he would be willing to talk about why he does not want to spend time with his new step sisters or daddys new wife. he may be willing to talk about it after he feels secure in the fact that daddy will still have time for him. maybe then he could ease in to time with the whole family.

Make him go. He is too young to be making serious life choices right now. Eventually, he will work through it. If the woman is nice to him and his dad cares about him, then you need to encourage his relationship with both of them.

HI A.,
I too have gone through the same scenario. The difference is that I've been on both sides of the story. My ex remarried a woman with two young boys... we have two girls. THey were 4 and 7 at the time. ALSO, I am a stepmother of two children. So I can see both sides of the issue.

I have to agree with the ladies that said you need to be making him go now. He is too young to make those decisions. If he is not expressing that he is being hurt physically or otherwise ,,and just doesn't want to go because he is mad or jealous. He has to learn to work out things that life hands you. We all want to protect our children from life,, but we can't. We have to teach them to cope.

You said you feel okay about this lady, so I think you should make it a point to discuss this with your son in depth. Make sure he knows that he will not lose his dad and that everything is going to be fine. Sometimes we have to just talk them through the problem.

It didn't sound like the dad was neglecting him in anyway, so Im not going to bad mouth him or be quick to make it all his dad's fault. So my guess is it's mostly the jealousy and the change.

Kids are tougher than we give them credit for. Just remind him he is loved by both and that everything will be okay.

I was the kid you are describing when I was 6 years old. My mom and dad divorced, and my dad remarried a short time afterwards to a woman with a son. I remember feeling just like your son, and I think it is normal for him to feel this way. I was uncertain and jealous and would beg not to go. I had to go anyway. It took a while for me to adjust, just like it will for your son. Since this isn't a temporary situation, it think it's best for him that everyone involved helps him cope to make the transition easier. I think that if you don't make him go, then that just reinforces to him that its ok to not deal with problems and doesn't help the situation at all in the long run. He is going to have to accept this eventually. He may not want to go, but he is just not old enough to make these types of decisions yet. My only advice is to talk to your son's dad about spending plenty of one-on-one time with him during his visits. Explain to him that his dad loves him so much that he would be very very sad if he stopped visiting him. When I was old enough, I made the decision to stop going on my weekend visits- not because I could deal with the stepfamily, but because I was 13 years old by then and had an active life with extracurricular activities and friends that I wanted to do things with on the weekends.

First you need to make sure that shes not doing something to upset your son. Kids are a good sense of character so make sure that everything really is ok. She might not be doing anything abusive but she might be handling your son in a way he isnt used to.

but if you feel everything really is ok then the sooner you get your sont o accept the fact that his family is getting bigger the better off he will be. When i started seeing someone else and then his dad, my son had issues also. Now he loves his stepmom and step siblings. Your son is almost 5 so explain to him that this is how things are. And that your sorry hes upset but that he needs to find the good in his new family and accept them. Make it seem like a very exciting thing to have a big family. Whenever you are with him talk up how great it is to have sisters and an extra "mommy". Also have your ex set aside some special one on one time with your son so that he knows hes still very important to his dad. Also maybe talk to your ex about taking your son and his fiances daughter to a park without her. Let your son bond with the girls first then maybe hell come around to there mom. Basically hes probally afraid hes getting replaced. Find ways to show him that no matter what that his dad is gonna love him and have a place for him in his life.

You should be making him go now. He is not old enough to be making those kind of decisions on his own. Also, he needs to learn that in life, we all deal with things we don't want to and have to do it in a civilized and decent manner. He needs to understand that this woman and her daughters are going to be a part of his family and he needs to treat them with love and respect.

How you respond to this is going to have a HUGE impact on how he responds to this.

Hello, my name is K.
I have a suggestion.
The only advice I have is as follows and I hope it helps.

His Dad needs to love him and make special time just for his son. The Dad and son need to do something special when he's over their. Just alone time by themselves.
Second suggestion is the whole family needs to spend time together as well. Nobody need to be left out.

I guarantee if the Dad would agree to do this, there would be a big difference. It won't happen suddenly; but it will work.

Good-Luck,
K.