Spirited 5 Yr Old Is Getting the Best of Me, Seeking Advice on How to Cope!

Can you put her in school? My younger daughter (5 years old) is "spirited" (to put it mildly). She always has been. The only thing I have ever found that helps is to challenge her (REALLY challenge her). As such, she has been able to do jigsaw puzzles since she was just over a year old, learned to read when she was 3, could do her big sister's 2nd grade math at 4, and this year at 5 is in 1st grade (bossing all the boys around, I might add)... you get the idea. A child like this is very, very intelligent and needs to have something to keep her mind busy, or she will be forced to create ways to entertain herself. (And some of these ways are guaranteed NOT to amuse mommy! Like the time my little darling filled all my shoes with conditioner. Or the time she decided to dump a box of crayons into the dryer with a load of whites, and turned it on... so charming!) However, once we figured out that we could introduce her to new ideas and let her run with it, she became much calmer in general. For instance once she learned to read, she discovered that she could read books, which is an almost endless source of amusement for her. Once she learned how to add and subtract, we could give her a sheet of math problems and that would keep her busy for a good half hour. She gets the biggest kick out of flash cards. (How long will THAT last? LOL)

With regard to the eating issues, just ignore them. My daughter will have phases where she will go into a huff over food. I used to freak out about it. Now I don't react AT ALL. Put the food in front of her. If she doesn't eat it, oh well. No food until the next meal/snack time. Don't make any commentary, don't feed into her drama. It will pass much faster if you refuse to give her any reaction.

I have no idea if this is "normal" behavior - my older daughter never did it, but I think she has always been a really easy kid so who knows. But I guess if your kid is like this, and my kid is like this, then at least we're not alone! ; ) Just find something that really captures her interest - whether it is school work, music, theater... get her involved in it so she has something to keep that busy brain from thinking up mischief!

If you haven't yet read "Raising Your Spirited Child", I highly recommend it. The clouds opened more and more as I read the book. It helped me understand and communicate better with my daughter. Spirited children are unique and they don't become any less spirited as they age. However, you can help her learn how to manage herself better and you can learn how to manage her better. The book has some great tips (e.g., use a timer to transition from one activity to the next; let her know what to expect for the day or before you begin running errands; talk through before hand what she can do is she's disappointed -- as in if the movie you are planning to see is sold out before you get there; look for opportunities to say "yes" whenever possible; give her choices whenever appropriate -- as in "you can wear the red dress or the yellow dress".

I know it's hard to find time to read, but even reading a few pages at a time will be worth it. My husband and I committed to 15 min a night, and then we got through a big chunk as I read it out loud on a road trip. I would read a few paragraphs and then we'd discuss them. It was so worth it.

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Full day kindergarten! She needs it, you need it!

Lots and Lots of exercise...maybe it is time for some dance classes or gymnastics?

I have a "spirited" child as well...mine has such need to learn, explore and conquer...I figure I had better find things for him to conquer outside of the house before he conquers me:)

My daughter is a ball of energy as well. She just turned 4 and we finally have a TV DVD player in her room. We have a few selected DVD's she can watch and I've found that 1 movie a day before nap really helps. It gets her to settle, I know what she's watching, she's safe in her room and I can take that 30 mins to an hour to just breath.
Try seeing if you can give her chores to help you out with the younger ones. Get her to fetch things for you, you can even see if she can help you cook. Also she's competing for your attention with your other two, maybe you can find a way to set aside an hour for just her and you. make you husband take over the younger two. You don't have to leave the house just go have a tea party or play hair dresser for a while just you and her. It might help.

Good luck.

I would take her to the doctor to rule out any disorders. They should give the teachers and you forms to fill out on her behavior. Do not allow a general doctor to dianose any disorder. If they suspect something demand to be seen by an expect for proper diagnosis. She could have ADHD and/or Oppositional Defiance Disorder.

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets

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I have a 4 1/2 year old daughter, a 2 1/2 year old son and a 1 year old daughter, and an AWESOME discipline plan and 2 books you can have if you want. All the kids are great and my oldest daughter is the care taker and super well behaved as well as very spirited.
You're not specifically naming discipline issues as your difficulty such as tantrums, defiance, snotty attitude, although "oppositional" is usually discipline related-how often does she get away with opposing you? Have you ALWAYS consistently enforced clear rules on behavior, never ignoring it and allowing it to escalate? Is she really good at cooperating and being nice, but she's hyper and she's always moving her hands?

Does she seem to have an eating disorder, or is refusing to eat just one of the many things she likes to refuse to do to keep chaotic control? Nail biting could be nerves due to a nervous thing OR a symptom of stress from ineffective structure which could include lack of discipline. There are lots of ramifications when kids are off the rails that improve once you improve the discipline. 5 is usually a result of how the 2's 3's 4;s were handled, and if she is very spirited and you haven't been extremely diligent, things have escalated, but can be improved with hard work.

Or, if her discipline and obedience are fine, and you have always given and enforced firm boundaries consistently, such as not interrupting, quieting down when you say so, etc. WITH consequences for deciding to not respond to you, but she still cant' help herself from biting her nails and not eating and loudly talking with hands after all these years, it could be neurological.
Your question is how to cope, not how to fix it, but just in case,
check out this website if you think it's more nurture than medical, and see if you might like the book-it's great! I have another one that's even more strict and efficient, but see if this one's up your alley first if you want to work on it. Hang in there, I know how busy you are with 3! The more effective your discipline is, the less often you'll need it, the easier your life will be.
www.backtobasicsdiscipline.com

Get the book how to listen to your child so you child will listen to you.
It is good. I read some of it but that small amount did help out. You need to listen to her feelings. If she is upset listen to what she has to say and sit there and say,yes,unhuh and really listen to what she says and how she feels. She may feel like she the attention she needs. She is contending for your attention because you probably have a lot to deal with having the two younger ones around. All the things you said,sounds like she wants attention from you and/or her Dad. She is five and still needs some attention. May be when Dad gets home from work see if he can watch the kids and spend some time with her and do an activity together. See what happens if you try some of those things. Good luck to you.

Hi, T.:
Do you have a defined routine each day?
Is she in school?
Do spend time with her alone any time during the
day?

There is a book, To Listen to a Child, by T. Berry Brazelton, M.D.
There may be some tools that can help you.
Good luck. D.