Spoiled 4 Month Old?!?!?!

I was told that babies do not understand "manipulation," so there must be a reason she's crying - even if it's because she just prefers you. Try to be understanding and patient with her, yet try to also wean her from wanting only you. I remember reading something about letting her in one room while you walk away. Keep talking to her so she knows you're close by. Eventually, she'll understand you'll be back. Also, the best advice I was ever given -- "This too shall pass." At first, I was a little offended by it because it felt like no one understood how traumatic things were, but now I get it. These children pass through phases SO quickly that in a short time, it'll pass. Try to address it, love her, be patient, and it'll be a memory soon!

WOW A. GOOD LUCK, lil one at home and another one on the way. the thing is, it's around 4-6 months when that 'possessiveness starts.' you have to understand that the baby at that age thinks of you (mom) and herself as one unity, not separate. therefore if she sees you leaving or you're not around her to her that's major confussion, hence the crying.
it actually gets better at some point and then back to that possessiveness again around toddlerhood. i am going through this with my almost 3 year olds. how fun. my showers are superman fast :)
so, you can still leave the room but keep talking to her, say mami's right here. i am doing the dishes etc (soft, consoling voice), and just keep talking to her. that way, eventually she'll understand that you go away from her sight but that you come back again.
you're young and first time mama (don't you hate when people say that and here i am saying it), but true it's ok if she cries. and she will cry and have crying spells for good reasons and then some for no apparent reason.
good luck
vlora

First - congratulations on becoming a mom! It will truly be the toughest job you will ever love.

It is not uncommon for some children to go through separation anxiety at various stages in the infant and toddler periods. You just have to remember that you're the Mom and you set the rules. One thing is for certain, any "habit" or behavior you permit becomes harder to break the longer you wait.

Having said that, though, your daughter is still an infant who needs lots of love, and she knows where her security lies - with you. As a loving and concerned mother (which by asking for help you show you are) you can use your instincts to know when enough is enough - when the cry for attention is a real need or an excessive demand.

You are at the very early stages of "discipline" where your daughter needs to learn that just because Mommy is there, she does not get 100% of Mommy's time and attention. This will be especially important as she gets to be a toddler that will have to share Mommy with another sibling. This is hard to do when you're a first time mom, you have the time, and there's only one child.

If you have tended to your daughter (given her what she needs plus some TLC) and there is no special condition like colic or being sick or scared, then you just have to let her cry. You can reassure her with a calm voice that she is okay, you're right there, and she's all right. Make sure she has something to do like play in the exersaucer or with some toys or a mobil, and then let her be. Do not feel like you are hurting her, neglecting her, or reaking havoc with her emotional state by "ignoring" her demanding cries. She is learning that she is not the only thing in your universe and that just because Mommy isn't holding her she will still be okay.

I often tell my friends that child #1 is more about training the parent than the child. It's process that every parent must go through - even if you spent your life being around or taking care of other babies. It will take some trial and error but you need to find a balance between time you give to your children and time you give to yourself. If you don't, you won't have the energy to deal with these "battles".

I hope this helps.
S. L.

Hold your baby! If she needs you and you can't let her cry, then by all means, hold her! :) See if she would like a baby sling and learn how to strap her to you so that you have two hands free (try www.bundleyourjoy.com - she's a local provider in Vienna and you can even go try out her stuff).

Some moms are very attached to their babies and this is OKAY!! Some moms (or babies) are very independent. This is okay too. It depends on the mother/child and the relationship between you. There is no right or wrong way to parent. And your baby will NOT be spoiled if you hold her, cuddle a lot, etc.! Your 4 month old is actually very normal for wanting only one parent right now. You will find that she may switch to her father as the one she's attached to at about 8 or 9 months or so.

Trust your feelings and your heart!

A.
____@____.com
www.Dreambirths.com

I don't think that she is spoiled just because she wants to be held right now. Babies go through different stages. It is important that learn that when she needs you, you are there. Give her the comfort and security she needs right now. This will pass. Just remember that they are only babies for a short time. Let her be a baby and enjoy it. There will come a day (too soon) that she won't want or need you to hold her. This is a normal part of development. To make your life easier, try using a sling or other type of baby carrier (baby bjorn, snuggly etc.) I have a Hotsling (www.hotsling.com) but there are many others on the market. You could look at local stores or search online. Investing in a good sling is probably a good idea for you, especially since you have another little one on the way. This way you can carry your newborn while tending to your older baby. My daughter is 10 1/2 months old and still fits in the sling. I don't wear her in it too often but she still enjoys it.

Congratulations and Good Luck!

Mel

Hello my name is D.,
I am a first time mother too, but my daughter is 19months old. You should go to the book store and get the book called " the baby book" written by Sears and Sears. It is a white and purple, big book. I call it my baby bible. It has helped me soo much. Your daughter is in the stage of connection with you were all she wants is mommy. Dont worry though sweetheart, she will get over that and when she does you will miss the mommy attention. Wow I feel for you, being pregnant agian. That will be tough. I live in staunton, I have so many clothes and things if you need anything. Feel free to email me at ____@____.com Have a great day

The last thing you should be concerned with is spoiling your daughter at 4 months. Follow your instincts. I think it's harder for first time mom's to let their child cry. So, don't. Especially not at 4 months. There are stages that our sweeties go through when they just need their momma's more. My youngest turns two tomorrow but as I recall, there was a stage when I would have to lie on the floor with her until she moved from me. It sounds to me that she's started some attachment issues and reinforcing that you're there for her won't hurt her at all.

Imagine that. Is she still breastfed or did you just recently stop? She may still be in that security stage. That is okay. I truly believe that there is a fourth trimester and that is from birth to four months. She is now learning how to get your attention. Dont let her cry, but dont pick her up everytime. Pick her up more when she is in a good mood. Hold her when she is awakw and alert. Take a bath with her. Spend every emotion with her, but remember you have to do for you too. She will feel every emotion you feel. Release yourself...very calming babies are wonderful. It will not get easier, but it will get different, and you will learn it more from her than she will from you. First time parents learn alot with in the first year. You will get it...just like we all do.You have gotten WONDERFUL ADVICE!!!!!!!!!!

Hi A. Maybe your little one is actually overtired and you are the only one that soothes her. Try putting her down for a nap when she starts yawning or getting a little fussy. Pat her back or rub her head in her bed to see if she'll sleep. She may cry a little but a little bit of crying never hurt anyone. Babies are supposed to cry a little every day. Also maybe sitting her in a boppy pillow with one of your shirts may sooth her if she smells you it may help keep her quiet and the feeling of the boppy pillow snuggling her may trick her into thinking your holding her. Hope something helps it's no fun to have to walk with your little one all day. I guess you could get a sling or a front carrier that way you have your arms free :)
Good Luck!!

I agree that you can not spoil a baby at this age, and that getting a good baby carrier is essential. You have to find your own parenting philosophy, but there are lots of people who believe in "Attachment Parenting" - when your baby cries for you and you answer then, they become secure in knowing you will always be there for them, and instead of making them spoiled, it actually makes them more independant. Try looking into a pouch type sling, wrap or Mei Tai, as a 4 months, as long as she has head control you can actually start wearing her on yuor back. I wear my 17 month old on my back everyday in a carrier called an ERGO (and I am 36 weeks pregnant). Look for a carrier which supports baby in a sitting position (butt below knees), not one that hangs them by their crotch (not good for your spine of theirs). If you go to the NINO site (Nine In Nine Out - the national babywearing organization) you may be able to find a babywearing group near you for support and to try on carriers, www.nineinnineout.org. Try www.handsfreebaby.com (central DE).
K.

I recommend that you read a book called How to Parent by Dr. Fitzhugh Dodson (I think that is how it is spelled). Anyway, this is how babies are. All of mine have done the exact same thing. Dr. Dodson says there is no such thing as a "spoiled" infant. My third, Caroline, is four months now and she is doing the same thing. She also may be cutting teeth. Have you noticed any drooling? They are very clingy when they cut teeth. Good luck! My first two children are less than 13 months apart. They keep me on my toes that is for sure. It really does not get crazy until they are toddlers.

anyone who might tell you "yes" or "no" is not going to know for sure. my son is now 11mths old and he screams for everything. my husband tries to tell me he is spoiled, but i know better. i spend all day with him and i know him better than anyone. he is trying to communicate. he cannot yet speak, so he screams. saying "spoiled" is actually a blunt way of saying "mild to severe emotional issues" and you won't be able to know for sure if she has it until she can communicate clearly with you. if she constantly screams when you put her down, she may feel secure with you and unsure without you. i'm not telling you to hold her all the time, but maybe try to make her feel more confident by herself. when you two play, do you spend part of the time with her and the other without her. that is what i do, and my son seems to be very confident to do things on his own.(he rarely ever screams when i put him down; only if he needs something). hope this is at all helpful.

I agree with the other moms that at 4 months she is not spoiled but needs you for some reason. Many times when a baby first can clearly recognize faces, they will be more fearful of those that are not their primary care givers. At this stage, you are probably her primary care giver, the face she sees the most. It will pass, but during this stage I feel that if you reassure her with your presence, she will become more secure in the knowledge that you will always be there for her. Try sitting beside her and putting your hand on her instead of holding her. If you walk away and she cries, make sure that you do come back so she knows that she can depend on you coming to her aid.

Babies learn from experience, no one was born with the knowledge of how this "mommy-child" thing works. She has to try it out, to make sure you are a safe haven. Once she learns that, it should get better. If this does not get better for a long time, like years, I would consider talking to a health care professional about it, in case it is something serions. But for now, just enjoy the glow that you get from holding that precious piece of life that is yours. And delight in the knowledge that she considers you her world. You'll need those memories when she turns 13, lol.

You CAN NOT spoil a baby THIS young!!!!She just wants her mommy.Just hang in there,in time she will let you have a little space,for now-breath-and ENJOY,because in a couple of years she'll be independant and won't want so much to do with you.You'll just have to work around her schedule,while she's awake,be there for her.YOU can never give them too much attention and love,while she's asleep,either get you some rest or get as much cleaning/straightening done.As I've said many,many times before....they grow up really fast but the housework will ALWAYS be there.I know it is overwhelming at times and you may just have to let her lay there and cry,just make sure she's in a secure place and safe,and maybe step into another room for a few minutes and just take a breather.I know that sounds weird but believe me,my little girl was the same way,and thats what I had to do and it really works.
Good Luck,R.

It's pretty normal for babies to go through stages where only mama will do. I remember lots of meals eaten one handed with the baby on my lap. She's not spoiled, and if you indulge it, she'll eventually move on to the next stage.

That said, you won't permanently traumatize her if you put her down so you can you use the bathroom or eat a meal. When I had my second child, I discovered that I couldn't always instantly respond to cries -- and it wasn't the end of the world.

And take care of yourself! Babies less than a year apart are really hard on your body, so take your vitamins, eat well, and get as much rest as you can.

Hey there, she's not spoiled 'yet'. lol but she is learning that if she crys you do what she wants. she is learning how to manipulate you. I would suggest putting her down and staying close to her, close enough that she can see you and you are within reach. It will be hard and involve alot of crying at first but it shouldn't take long for her to discover that she can do other things. good luck, let me know how it works out for you.

Hey sweetie, my baby boy is the same way. LOL. If you really want her to start playing with and in her toys you are going to have to have cry some..Try to put her down a few times a day, start with small crying then graduate to a little more cries. If you are consistant in keep on putting her down, keep her in sight, with some crying. By the end of the week she would get used to not being held as much. Now when you put her down make sure you are talking to her and involving yourselves in whatever the activity may be for either you or her. Example you need to put her down because you are cooking. Tell her step by step what you are doing and why..Make it fun for her like you are playing a game with her. If you stick to your guns and just keep trying it, she should come to understand that she can be put down. Also, Im not sure where you live but try getting information in you city/county about an organization that will come into your home for free and work with you, on your childs age and needs. I live in Prince Edward County. (Farmville, VA) Ours is called Piedmont Healthy Families. They are just AWESOME and a huge Blessing. If you are enable to find out call ours they will be able to assist you. Their number is ###-###-#### ask for Virgina or Peggy let them know your age and that you are a first time mom. Good Luck and Keep me Posted

One addition to the other advice...if you need to get things done around the house and your daughter wants to be near you, try "wearing" her in a sling, wrap, bjorn or whatever you feel comfortable with. This way your hands are free and your baby is happy. I still wear my 9 month old frequently, especially when we are out and about!

Good luck!

Hi,
I am L. (25yrs old) and I too am a first time mommy. I have 8mo old twin boys. I do not know if it is good or not, but they seem to go to anyone. They do have cranky spells when they get hungry or they want to move around a bit and play. But for the most part they are pretty good. Although I am a beauty consultant, I am also in the Army and that of course means that they have to go to daycare. So they are not with me all the time. If you are a stay at home mom then of course she is always with you. But babies are going to cry sometimes. And it may seem more like all the time. That is what they do. As time goes on you will know her different cries and how to respond to them. My boys have sleepy cry, hungry cry, having a hard poo-poo cry, come get me/pick me up cry - and a couple more. It takes time. But you get what I mean. Congratulations on the pregnancy. You are so young. Although you are soon to be married and have children, do not forget to take care of YOU. Sometimes we (women)tend to place everyone and everything before ourselves. Gotta go. Take care. Here is my email address ____@____.com a blessed day! =)

My daughter is 14 months old. I remember around 4 to 5 months old my daughter went through the same thing. I felt like I couldn't get anything done because she wanted me to hold her all the time. Eventually you just have to put her down. She has to figure out how to calm herself and a little crying won't hurt her. Hang in there! It is just a phase that will pass.

Everyone has given you some good advise. Another resource you could try that will give you continued help is to see if there is an organization in your area called Parents As Teachers. It is a free program that is through many states for first time parents. It is an excellent program and it is great for teen parents. The program is available for all income levels. A teacher will come out to your house (not a social worker) and once a month for three years. They will do developmental activities with the baby, they will answer questions, give you information about babies and development, and will help you find resources. This program sounds like it would be perfect for you being a teen parent with soon to be two babies. They do have a national web site. www.patnc.org