I just LOVE being home with my children (most days) of course some days are stressful. I used to be a working mom and now I cherish being home with them. I love taking care of them and making a nice warm home for them to live in.
I also LOVE LOVE LOVE taking care of my husband. This was not always the case. I too fell into the, trap where I thought he should help with normal house work and pick up the slack after work. I thought he should make his own lunches and take care of his own clothes. The result of this was an unhappy marriage and a less than willing husband. He was a grump. He came home watched TV and never lifted a finger.
Then came the change from me. I decided to do everything I could to make him happy, even though he wasn't doing the same for me. His clothes are always clean and put away. ALWAYS! Even if no one elses are. I get up early every morning and fix his lunch and coffee. I try, the key word being try, to keep the house picked up. With 5 children this is not easy and somedays the evidence is clear that I didn't clean anything. I don't ever EVER ask him to clean or pick up anything. Not even his own things. Every evening he is met at the door with a smiling wife, happy kids and a yummy dinner. I cook our meals for him, and that seems to make them more special. I also stopped complaining about anything that has happened. I make sure to listen to his day, even though I don't have a clue what he's talkin about.
During times when I'm stresssed out with the kids, I think about what my husband is doing. I think about the traffic he has to sit in twice a day. The boss he has to listen to. The fact that he has to eat lunch at a certain time. I think about the fact that if he's a little tired that day he can't simply forgo doing his work and take a breather on the couch. He can't laze around in sweats and slippers.
None of these changes were easy, at first. He was still the same for a while.I kept on it. And, then one day, he changed. It was a miracle. He started helping pick up, WITHOUT BEING ASKED. He would offer to let me take a bath so I could relax after dinner. He began being so sweet to me.
It's easy to get into the SAHM rut. I used to dwell in it daily. I don't think that men shouldn't help around the house. Of course they should. But their are things that are the moms jobs since she cares for the home and children. Our husbands don't expect us to come to their job and help out.
One of my favorite things to tell him is, "If you go out and make the living, I'll be here making the living worthwhile"
I was given some very wise advice from a woman who had years of happy marriage under her belt. She said, marriage is not 50/50. It's 100/100. You should always being giving 100% of yourself, even when your partner is not.
I learned that when my husband feels like the king, he treats me like a queen.
I hope some of this helps you as it did me. My marriage and life is so much happier now.
God bless you sweetie.
PS: Dont stress off of the house being cleaned everyday. Once you let that go you will feel better. It's never going to be clean. Check out flylady.net it's a lifesaver. Once I stopped having expectations about my home it was easier to stop and enjoy my children and husband. The mess will be back tomorrow, but your kids will grow up and leave.