My husband lets his son walk all over him. In this school district, if the kids fails two,subject he can
Take 8 days in summer school and pass on to,the next year. I totally disagree with this, but he did it last year. And doing it again this year. His Dad told him he wasn't going to let him this year, he was going to repeat the entire grade.
I think he should , he has been bragging all year, that he doesn't have to do any work , he will go to the 8 summer school days and make it up. So it's 300 per class, Dad will pay it.
Now, his ex, who has no custody, has gotten herself involved, and called us complaining that we aren't giving him a chance.
Please ! He lies, does drugs, etc. now, after she got involved he is really considering letting him go.
I am more than upset, it's cheating the system, and wrong. Please give me your thoughts.
Than you K.
Personally I would let him do the summer class, but I would make him earn the money to pay for it. If he has the money make him pay up front, if not make a chart and have him work it off over the summer by earning money mowing lawns for neighbors and by doing chores you and dad want done like weeding or washing cars, ect. That way you are not holding him back, but he will understand that this is not going to continue to be an easy way out.
Please reread JB's very thoughtful post. Can you find some empathy there, for your husband?
From your post, you seem focused on all of the wrong things. Please, try to look beyond your anger and see the bigger picture. Your stepson needs some sort of help. The fact that his mom has no custody- that must be very hard for him. Underneath the bragging, there may be a very messed up, hurt kid there who may actually be very scared. Most kids brag so they don't lose face. What kid is truly proud of failing a class and looking stupid in front of his peers? Look a little deeper, beyond your own anger and indignation at the situation.
ETA: it's also worthwhile to do the math on this, folks. 8 days of instruction in a subject for say, 6 hours, is about 48 hours of classtime, give or take. Considering most subjects taught in high school run about 50 minutes and there are an average of 45 days in a quarter, the student really is getting about the same time being in instruction and ultimately, he DOES have to pass that class for them to pass him.
You don't say how old the boy is, but I'm assuming he's in high school. He obviously is not college-bound, so what he needs to be doing is working in an after-school job to prepare him for graduating from high school.
It's an absolute disgrace that 8 days in summer school passes a kid. THE SYSTEM is what you should be most upset about. Adults passed this law. Your step-son is a kid, not an adult. He is NOT interested in furthering his education. He can't be 20 and still in high school.
You and your husband need to go to couples counseling. If you don't, your husband will do a lot worse than the school thing. At some point soon, high school will come to an end and the boy will end up wanting to live in your house and make his father support him. There HAS to be some form of tough love that your husband will agree with. The drug use is absolutely something to worry about and should be talked about at length with the counselor.
Failing or not failing a grade is not the problem. Holding kids back, especially kids your step son's age does nothing except makes them drop out at a higher rate.
You are missing the forest for the trees. Get counseling for yourself even if no one else will go. It will help you cope. You need support to be there for the child and his father.
The title of your post is about your step son, but your issues are about your husband and his inability to parent effectively.
My thoughts are that you need counseling as a family and step son needs adults around him who act like adults.
If he writes as poorly as you, I'd say any opportunity should be maximized.
I call Troll!!!
You've left out a lot here, so it's not entirely clear. You don't say how old he is and I'm not sure what you mean by "after she got involved he is really considering letting him go." Go where?
I think his academic performance is not the main problem. Never mind cheating the system. This is cheating the child out of an upbringing, an education and a hands-on father who has standards and follow-through.
He's doing drugs and your husband just throws money at make-up classes instead of parenting the child? Your husband needs parenting skills & classes, the child needs therapy and drug intervention, and you and your husband need to get on the same page, so that means family counseling.
Ask your physician or the boy's pediatrician for some referrals to counselors who accept your medical insurance. You and your husband have to be united in how to parent, even though this is not your child, and he has to learn to co-parent with the boy's mother even though she does not have custody. That means working with an expert since whatever is being done now is not working.
Basically, dad is buying is passage to the next grade, and the school is encouraging that to happen with this ridiculous policy! That's a shame. Just another reason I am not a fan of schools/teachers. There is no way any kid can make up an entire school year in 8 days.
There is nothing you can do but sit back and watch this kid's life fall to pieces. Dad and mom are not helping him by enabling him but by the time they see the results of their parenting, it will be too late. They will go through the rest of their lives watching their son fail and they will KNOW that it's because they never made him be accountable/responsible.
What a waste and a shame!
My second son has to take some online credit recovery for two classes he failed in his freshmen year. You can bet that we are making him pay for it!
Is it cheating the system? What does it matter, he'll eventually pay the price as colleges will see that he did this over and over and will frown on it. And if my step kid was doing drugs, I would move out until the child was appropriately treated. in rehab. Street drugs often make kids lie and steal to obtain what they want, you have to treat the drug problem or nothing else will be resolved.
Have you considered kid boot camp for him? Perhaps for the whole family?
It would really help him to get focused and perhaps he needs someone that will work on that with him. BTW, I think perhaps dad could benefit from going with him.
It has nothing to do with "cheating the system," it's just bad for your stepson to get away with doing no schoolwork. You should mention his age; since he's doing drugs, I assume he's in high school? 10th grade?
My first thought is that Dad really, really needs to let this kid fail and repeat the grade. It is SO bad for your stepson to keep getting away with this. He needs to learn how to WORK, or he will fail at life.
However, he is lying and doing drugs, so school is not this kid's only problem. I agree with those below who say counseling is probably in order, because depending on the degree of this kid's problems, making him repeat a grade might make things worse.
However, I don't think it's bad to make a kid repeat a grade, especially since he's been boasting for two years about how he can get away with doing no work, and has gotten away with it twice.
