I am a stepmom and my 2 stepsons both "invited" me to be tagged as their 'Mom' on FB...so i accepted. They do not have their real mom listed as 'Mother' even tho they are friends on there?
I have been the stepmom to my stepkids since they were 5 & 3, they are now 19 & 16...and I have never asked or made them call me Mom, they call me be my first name and I like it that way, as I am not their mom. I have never really thought about whether or not their Mom feels disrespected by this? But now that I have...I imagine she would...but they invited me...what was I supposed to do, deny them? I don't think so.
If I remember correctly your kids have to accept or acknowledge the family relationship for it to show up in the right color...is the son/daughter word in the correct color? If yes, are you sure they dislike her as much as you do?
I mean no disrespect by that last question...I just wanted to remind you of the colors and how that actually works...the kids have to actually push a button that says deny or acknowledge, maybe the situation isnt as you think it is?
I am sorry that your feelings are hurt? This must be a new and fresh wound for you...I can see why you would feel disrespected by that...it's like rubbing it in kinda, huh? Like she is taking your kids away....or like she has some sort of 'claim' on them...that would piss me off too!
~For the record I do refer to my stepkids as my kids in certain situations and as stepkids in others, it just all depends...but...we have been in each others lives for a very long time and I always take my cues from them...I never did it til I heard them refer to me as their Mom while talking to others.
***And to answer your "Why" question...the answer is simple...because we think of them as our kids too, that's why!