Stressed Out - Peoria, IL

Pay someone to come in , or get grandma, so you can have some time alone until baby is older and sleeping more and the kidney problem is answered questions instead of all the maybe and mights it is now.

Could it be possible that this 'stress' could be a mild form of post partum depression???

Perhaps you should talk to your doctor or OB about it and let them make the call. If so, it's easily treatable.

In the mean time, take a few moments for yourself each day. Take a long shower before bed, make an ice cream sundae, read a book (on the toilet if you have to), and be sure to rely on spouse, family, and friends for some 'airing out' sessions. Sometimes a little talk goes a long way! And never underestimate the power of a margarita!

You're in a transition period and it won't last forever, but certainly has it's challenges. Being a new mom is wonderful but hard, and your situation is complicated with your little ones' medical problems. Soon enough you will find your rythm, and these tribulations will be nestled firmly in your 'experience' file. :)

Good luck, and I hope this helps.

Just keep in mind that all this will pass, and go easy on yourself! Clean houses are SOOOO overrated when there are kids to tend to!

Having children is stressful. Having a little baby who may need medical attention is a lot to handle. May sure you take care of yourself, eating healthfully, sleeping, etc. The basics nothing fancy. It's natural to be worried about your babies health even when nothing is happening. Do you have someone you can talk out your fears with? Maybe journaling may be good. I wouldn't worry so much about the house and laundry. It will eventually get done and not done because those are never ending job. You'll figure out what works best for you as to what routine or schedule you need to create for yourself to accomplish these things realistically and have fun with your baby and family. I think if you are really having a hard time (especially because of the headaches) I would talk to your practitioner. Perhaps after baby hormones are causing a little anxiety or baby blues. Take care of yourself.

Take care of yourself! Be easy on yourself, sometimes thinking about how you would cut someone else a break if they were in your shoes helps because you are a little more objective about things. When you have a baby that young you aren't supposed to be up on the house work because the baby takes up all your time, energy and that is the way it should be right now. Someone mentioned getting outside help. GREAT IDEA! This time goes really fast (doesn't seem like it when you are in the middle of it all) but every thing is so new and you have a lot going on life will settle.

I get very stressed and it sounds like you are picking things that you feel are "in your control" like the house cleaning, to worry about in order to deal with you daughters health issues that are out of your control. I do this also...clinching your jaw when stressed can cause headaches. There are things you can wear at night to prevent this and help with the headaches without taking pain relievers all the time. (Changed my life!) Ask your dentist.

Things to help with stress. Exercise! It really helps your mental as well as physical health. Cut out the caffeine (but if you are a big caffeine drinker, this can cause headaches so cutting back is better.) Herbal tea, stress reducing "Easy Now" tea. Do something just for you at least once a day. Read a magazine you enjoy, take a bath, go for a walk (exercise and alone time), go online, watch a fav tv or movie. It makes a difference but it can be hard to do. When the baby is sleeping, you sleep or do something for you instead of the temptation to do housework. Moms feel guilt when they do things for themselves. But taking care of you is most important because when you are well you are better able to care for others.

I have 2 children and used to feel the same way. Married, going to school and taking care of the children. I used to put my baby to sleep and my son, take a nap. I would get up at 12 midnight and do as much cleaning as possible and go back to bed. All that don't get done, I stopped worrying about it. My husband was not a lot of help around the house. I was 30 then. I am 37 now. What I learned is how to get my husband to help. I used to ask him if he felt like washing the dishes or doing the laundry. He would say he didn't feel like it. Then, my cousin said, "If you ask him you are giving him the opportunity to say no. But, if you say "Honey, I need to clean the kitchen so when i come in i could cook right away. He was more inclined to do it because I didn't give him an option to tell me no. Turn some of the responsibilities fo r the house to your spouse. It works. Your number one concern is for your health and the baby before the house. If you are sick, who will care for baby and house then. take care of you and baby, the house day will come. That's what friends and family if for. times like this. Invite them over for lunch to either clean or care for the baby. Good luck.

M.,
I know you have alreay received a lot of advice, but I just wanted to share my story with you. I have a 5 month old and at two months he was hospitalized and have to have surgery for an infection. He came home with a pic-line in his arm and every six hours we had to give him antibiotics through it that took 1/2 an hour. I was very tired and very stressed. I finally called my Dr. and they sent in a prescription for me. I picked it up but I never had to use it, but just knowing it was there if I needed it was so helpful. My son got his pic-line out and I have been so much better. I promised my husband I would take it if he thought I needed it. I really think it is good to share with others how you feel and put your trust in God. Please feel free to contact me if you just want someone to talk with. I am praying for you and your sweet baby girl!

Look into some counseling, I'm not sure where you live but there's counseling services offered in the village hall/police department by me for 3 month for free. I have signed myself up, doesn't hurt to give it a try. Also maybe you are suffering migraines or anxiety, you may want to see a doctor about that.

M.,

Talk to your doctor. If you can get someone to talk to about your stress I would reccommend seeing someone. It sounds like you are overwhelmed and you want to be the healthiest menatlly and physically for yourself and your family. Getting help is ok-even a drug if necessary to help you through the doldrums when you are not dealing with things well on your own. In other words, it is ok to get help!

Talk yo your OB/family doctor about post partum depression (ppd). I am a new mom of twins and I had really bad ppd. Meds and appts with a psychiatrist helped and made the transition so much easier. I'm disappointed that I waited so long. One day at a time, one step at a time. You WILL get through this! Sorry to hear about your little girl, take it slow and wait for a decision from the doctor. I know it's hard not to worry, but worrying won't change what will inevitably will happen. Try and relive some worries and stress by enjoying all the positives and going for walks, hot bath, talk to friends, etc. This a a trying time (believe me - I know! I have 2!), but as they get older, around 4 months things get better.

You are a new mom and it is perfectly normal to get stressed out about everything. The house the baby, your husband/partner, yourself. You just have to take it one day at a time. If the dishes don't get done one day thy don't get done.... same with everything else. You are a mom and you can't feel guilty for not getting things done. If you do it just makes it harder with everything else. HAng in there.... and enjoy that little girl... because they grow up WAY TOO FAST! (my son just turned one!)

A new baby is certainly a handful and even more so if the baby has any health issues. Do you have friends and family that you can share with? A mom's group would be good. If you are a church goer, there are often opportunities for support there. As for the housework, one of the first things I did to feel sane about my new life as a single mom of a newborn was to ditch most things off my list of "to dos" A lot of housework is optional. Also if you have a partner/husband, talking to him/her about sharing the work is important. If you have a choice between a nap and housework - take the nap. You will feel so much better if you are well rested. Also, check in with your doc and get screened for postpartum depression/anxiety. PPD is very common and can really affect your first few months and there are ways to help you with it if you have it.
When I am stressed, I imagine a shimmering lake with lilies on it and I float all my worries out onto a lily. Believe it or not it works for me. good luck.

A two month old baby is a wonderful thing - it also brings on a lot of stress. Simple tasks like going to the bathroom or taking a shower can become tasks that have to be scheduled. Adding the stress of a potential newborn's illness can really be challenging. Don't be SUPER-MOM.... ask for help. Don't feel like you HAVE to do it all. Your daughter needs you and she needs you to be healthy and strong. Talk to your dr. just so that your mind and body continue to be healthy and strong. Don't shut your family and friends out now, either. Even though you don't have a lot of time to yourself - you need to surround yourself with people who are there for you. And when a friend asks you if they "can help in any way" they mean it...even if it means pushing a vacuum for you. (I've been that friend!)

M:

it is likely that your stress over the small things is really a way of being stress about something that you can control. To have a sick child makes everyone feel helpless. Are you asking your friends to spend time with you? Find out all of the information that you can about her specific kidney issues then do what you can to help (change her diet, any exercises - I'm not a physician so these may be dumb examples). What you can't do anything about will be out of your control. If you have faith then pray about the things over which you have no control.

Outsource as much as you can. If you can afford it, hire a house cleaner to come in once a week. When you make dinner, double or triple the recipe so you can put some in the freezer & make it quickly later. Call on your friends & family and tell them you need help! In general, people don't mind helping out other people. Give one person your grocery list, ask a neighbor to mow your lawn, etc. The best thing you can do for your little girl is be stress free. The more sound mind you are, the faster she will heal, and it will be easier on all you. Of course, the favors won't last forever, but it will at least get you through the rough patch!

Welcome to motherhood. It is toughest and most challenging job you will ever do. My daughter has Marfan Syndrome. I thought I was going to die when I found out. She is seven and she has had her first two surgeries this year, and she will be having two more soon. What keeps me going is seeing what a fighter she is and how she loves life. Think of the good stuff and get a support group to cry and laugh with. Good or bad, you will need it.
C. R

Your baby is so little, so of course it is completely normal to feel overwhelmed and stressed! I remember thinking when my kids were babies I would never have a clean house ever again! What worked for me was telling myself as soon as I woke up that I would be taking it one day at a time. As the parenting books say, when you have an infant you have to "dowsize your expectations" which just means alot of the time you are not going to get alot done!! Just take a deep breath and spend some time with your precious daughter- they grow so fast! And if the laundry and cleaning are getting you down, try asking your husband for help- or even your mom. Sometimes my mom would come over for a few hours so I could give the house a quick once over and do laundry. Or try making a list-sometimes it is satisfying even to check off unloading the dishwasher.
Just don't beat yourself up over it- how you are feeling is totally normal and I promise you it gets better everyday. I remember going to a friends house when my daughter was a few months old and crying on the way home because her house was so clean and she had made brownies! It made me so depressed :) But hang in there and take time to hold and enjoy your baby, especially with her upcoming surgery.

HI M.,
Congratulations on being new MOM!
My suggestion for you is a local post partum exercise class - yoga or whatever is convenient for you at your location. Also please let your personal doctor understand the changes that you are having with your headaches and stress. Another suggestion is joining a local Mom's group so that you are having get-togethers with other new Moms. I want to acknowledge that being a Mom is a big job:-)

C. L
Mom of 3 and prenatal/post partum yoga teacher

You need to talk to your doctor about the headaches he may be able to give you some suggestions or a prescription. Try not to let the little things bother you so much. Clean the house when you feel better unless it's a total mess. About your childs upcoming appointment. The first thing you need to do is pray. Ask God to heal her so she won't need surgery. this may sound unbelievable but God works miracles....trust Him. And if by chance she does need surgery ask him to make it successful so that she will be cured completely. God is always there and he just needs you to ask him for what you want. I've done it on many occasions and it works, believe me. Let me know the outcome.

Hi M.,

Congratulations on your new baby. First, I want to just say that I was also a mom at 21. I suffered post partum depression.. (with all 4 of my kids actually...) sometimes this post partum time is difficult in so many ways. Your hormones are still regulating, you're likely sleep deprived, you want to do everything right and be everything to everybody... and you want that perfect happy smiley baby who's clothes are always soft and clean and dry, and the mom who looks stunningly fresh and happy basking in the delight of her new bundle of joy. Seriously... it's NOTHING like that in real life. I have two babies that are 13 months apart. Life is crazy for me, and most days the two take turns crying and screaming, and it eventually adds up to about 5-6 hours of crying and screaming a day... aside from the noise plucking my nerves, i also can't get much done. I do things a little bit at a time... and I'm able to keep up for the most part. If i go to the bathroom... I'll quickly scrub the toilet about once a week... when washing my hands if i notice the sink could use a wipe down, i do it quick... not always the same day i cleaned the toilet... i wipe down counters a little at a time... vacuuming actually make the babies stop crying so if the two are going together, i'll turn on the vacuum... get something done and they stop for a few minutes. enlist help - your husband was not born in a generation where the women catered to the men... he needs underwear... show him where the washer is. Let go of what you can't get done today... people ask me how i survive... I tell them sometimes, I operate one day at a time... sometimes, it's one hour at a time! I still get frustrated because i want to get things done and the babies just wont seem to let me...

Talk to your OB about how you are feeling. I know you probably jsut had your 6 week check up, but call him/her back and tell them that you are feeling so completely overwhelmed and stressed out. Not all PPD is walking around sobbing and crying at the drop of a hat... mine has always been extreme anger, emotional sensitivity, and remorse for being so mean to everybody. Medication always helped for me. though it does take a couple weeks to reach full effectiveness, typically i started to feel better within a day or two.

You have every right to be stressed, overwhelemd, sad and angry... it just depends on how you handle it. you keep up at this pace, and you're going to give yourself an ulcer.

it sounds stupid.. but you need to eat periodically... even if it's just a banana or yogurt. your blood sugar dropping can drastically change the way you handle stress. lessen up on the caffeine - i need a couple cups in the morning of coffee... but after that i try to get my energy by keeping moving... it perpetuates itself. take the baby for walks when you can just to get out of the house. and i know it sounds dumb, but make sure you get into the shower every day. let the baby cry for 7-8 minutes if you have to, but dont bring the monitor in the bathroom with you... you need 7-8 minutes to yourself.

that's my advice to you... i'm not sure if it applies exactly for you, but i am drawing from my personal experiences... dont stress honey.. let go of whatever doesn't matter. accept your limitations and just focus on taking care of your baby and yourself... your husband isn't helpless - he can pitch in :)

Feel better.

Hi M.,
Give your self a break--you are stressing over things that can be and have to be changed. It sounds like you are trying to maintain life as it was before you had your baby. That won't happen. Life changes forever after the birth of a child, and you just have to relax and find your rhythm so you can develop a new routine, based on your new reality. You also mentioned that your little girl has some health challenges. All the more reason you have to relax and go with the flow. Until the health issues are resolved, you have to get accustomed to disruptions that may be necessary to meet her needs.

Also, whenever you can, allow yourself some time each day--15 or 20 minutes is good if you can find it. You need time to relax, take a breath, and evaluate the day's activities. Sometimes you may want just a few minutes to meditate or listen to some soft music. Other times you may need to journal to get some things out. Try different things to see what works. Remember, you must take GOOD care of yourself so that you can take care of your family.

Take it easy, sweetie. It will get better.

Dear M.,

I totally understand your 'inner' frustration. I am 39 and I have learned to let the 'little' things go. I "HAD" a set schedule in cleaning, doing laundry, having the house perfect. Not, anymore. Life is definately TOO short. As for the dust it will be there and as will the laundry....do one load a day. Enjoy being a mom! Before you know it your little will be walking, riding a bike and then off to college.

Smell the roses while they are in front of you blooming!

Enjoy everyday and take each day one at a time. Forget the dust it will be there tomorrow. (The bathrooms I can understand how you may feel but everything else does not need to be as perfect)

Good luck!

HA

try yoga. lpac has great instructors.

It sounds as if you could have postpartum depression. What you're going through is quite stressful. I'd suggest speaking with your doctor. I wish you the best of luck!

To M. b. Remember this, god won't, i mean won't put on you no more than you can handle. This beautiful baby is a gift from god. God gives us different trials because that is part of our test. With this test we in our lives will have to assist someone else thats going thru the same things that we had to over come. They might not be stronger then we are. Then we must assist them with our experiences and not keep them to ourselves. We know if it wasn't for god helping us thru we would not be here to tell the story. So be strong pass your test because your class of uplifting someone else will be here soon.stand and understand that he is god,and that he loves you and that precious baby.be blessed because u r.

2 months is the hard part- sleeplessness isn't cute any more! Being tired can make little things seem huge!

My son had a kidney problem and had surgery when he was 1 month old. he's doing fine now. (He's 15 months old) Do some research about the kidney problem and the doctors you are going to see. We're at Children's and they are wonderful! If you have any kidney questions, feel free to ask! We've learned a few things going through my son's ordeal. Feeling more in control of the kidney problem could ease some of the stress. So could a nap! Take some time for yourself! I know it's hard, but you'll get through this! Stay strong!

Dear M.-

You have a good reason to be stressing out- a 2 month old who may need surgery is a big deal! When you stress out about the house or laundry that is not really what you are stressing out about. I'm sure it's about the possible surgery and that is an understandable thing to stress out about. Do whatever helps you deal with the stress about the thing you can't do anything about. You have no control over the surgery- it's something that you'll have to deal with whether you like it or not. The laundry and cleaning is something you can decide to pay attention to or not. For some people cleanliness and order makes them feel in control and comfortable. For other people it is just not a priority ( except for clean underwear!) when there are important medical/social/emotional things to deal with. Neither approach is better than the other- you just do whatever makes you feel better and helps you deal with your stress over a very serious medical procedure.

Find ways to help you relax- massage? steam bath? calming music? yoga? It's different for everyone but find something that will physically give you a way to release the tension in your body.

I hope all goes well for your daughter, you, and your family. Best Wishes!

L.

PS. A lot of people with a 2 month old don't have clean houses or the laundry done and they aren't even dealing with possible surgery!! Cut yourself some slack!!

I would like to confirm some of your worries: My first child was a preemie, and when he got home I had many of the concerns you did, feeling overwhelmed and panicked and not getting anything done. Now that my second is here, I look back and realize I was suffering from post partum depression without knowing it. The other advice here about talking to your OB is very sound. If your daughter does need surgery, talk to the nurses in the pediatric unit or ask your doctor if there's anyone else with the same health issues you can talk to.

It's not easy when you have a special-needs child of any kind, and you're dealing with issues that a lot of other moms don't have to deal with. As for chores, do the MINIMUM -- what you need to wear and eat off of. If there is someone who asks what they can do for you, ask them if they would mind helping with a load of laundry or dishes. Most people will surprise you by saying YES and will offer to do more.

Realize that you need help right now and there is no shame in asking for exactly what you need, which is 1) rest, 2) time with your daughter, 3) enough food and laundry to get through the day.

Everything else is optional, and it will get easier. Trust me. :) :) :)