Struggling with Getting in the Christmas Spirit - Gift Stress

Nothing says you have to go all out. You could donate to a charity in their name, give them home made goodies, make a family gift basket (I used to order winecountrygifts.com towers for my uncle), etc. A few years back the cousins on my side decided to do gifts for immediate family (sisters) and the kids only. I think if you really want to bow out, you can be really clear before next year that you are cutting back and all you really want is time with friends. That is a gift you can't buy. We lost track of funerals this year, including a sudden death of a well-liked college student. Not to put too fine a point on it, but time is precious. You can get off the gift giving roller coaster just by saying so.

I feel the same way as you...every Christmas the whole gift thing gets a little stressful. It sounds to me like you spend a lot! If the adults have everything they need in life and want for nothing...you really don't need to be so generous! I just give very simple things. A good book. A scarf. For all my siblings I just give a joint gift for them and their spouse...something small. This year I'm making homemade candy and putting it in pretty containers for them. So, I spend $20 or less per person. For someone who has a lot of stuff, what about some fancy specialty food?

Think: Experiences

Movie tickets, show tickets, museum memberships, farm shares, etc.

I tend to do pricey necessities. Like L'Occitane hand cream. So good yet expensive for a lot of people to feel ok buying for themselves. Expensive coffee. Chocolates. There's a catalog too called Uncommon Goods and they have some cool stuff. Expensive cooking items too can be nice like fancy olive oil. Something that is the rage around us by the way is really nice plastic glasswear. We all love it so we can drink wine outside without worrying. Even in the house seems like so many people are using them. We do. Granted our crowd of kids is probably a bit younger but we used to break so many wine glasses getting them in and out of the dishwasher that these are now our go to. They look real!

Completely understand where you're coming from though. Not in the mood this year.

Movie tickets are a great idea. I'm totally using that, One! ;-)

Gift cards are great in these situations.
Netflix membership or gift cards.

I also like giving books or books on CD

Donation in a persons name.

New Years hats , horns, champagne.

Custom door mats for the front door.

Custom items that have been engraved. Look at personalization.com

Coffee if the month, snacks of the month... Etc..

Gift cards and gift certificates for things they like to do and places they like to go. Consumable items like treats to eat and drink, soaps, lotions, cosmetics. Necessities like socks, undies, pjs. Photo books, photo calendars or framed portraits.

When relatives ask what we want for Christmas the kids are asking for gift cards for the trampoline place, the movie theatre and ice tubing. I am asking for symphony tickets and wine. My husband would like some restaurant gift cards and nice beer.

How about gift certs for their favorite restaurant?

Take that $1,000 and make donations to charities or organizations that are related to things in which the recipients are interested. Someone loves, loves, loves her dogs? Donation to her town's animal shelter (most will be delighted to get a check from you, just phone them for details). Someone has a mother-in-law who has cancer? Donation to the American Cancer Society in her honor. Daughter who likes expensive toys is at a school that needs funds for a new gym or whatever? You get the picture.

Oh, they'll squawk. Maybe quietly so they think they're not being rude, but they will raise their eyebrows and look you up and down like you're an alien for not giving Something I Can Unwrap. But if you put on the glow and a huge grin and say, "I knew you'd all appreciate paying forward the many benefits we all have so I chose each recipient charity especially because of connections to YOUR interests," they can just eat their disappointment, frankly.

YOU will know you helped a shelter, a medical charity, a school, whatever. Be sure to do big cards for each person with a note saying why you chose what you did. And then? Have that "nice dinner or some time with all of these people" where you host a family dinner yourself and let the wine flow.

If they are churlish about it --hey, you know what, next year, travel. Be gone during the holiday gift exchange. That breaks the pattern of the obligatory gifts to all cousins. Give your parents something and tell your kids the trip is their present from you and be gone.

Think of it: A thousand bucks doing good rather than sitting in a closet or on a shelf. And next year, a trip and time with your immediate family.

If you just can't do it, then I'd get everyone movie ticket cards, all the same, and be done. Then don't let next year slip by without telling everyone in about September that your family isn't doing the gift exchange. Be sure your husband and kids are on board because by now your kids are used to seeing this exchange. Oh....for the charity gifts, why not have your kids do the research on what charities to benefit?? That involves them and makes them see that maybe gifts dont' have to equal more stuff.

If my husband and daughter wanted expensive toys like you describe, they would get bookstore gift cards and maybe a handmade "certificate" promising a drive to the bookstore and dessert after they make their own personalized purchases. But nobody gets a $500 toy.

By the way, your wrapping prowess sounds like my late mom's! She made the most amazing packages with beautiful "toppers." Have you considered offering your wrapping services for pay at a mall to benefit a charity too? Most large stores here let groups and charities run gift-wrapping tables to earn money or ask for donations at the holidays.

YES -- once my kids got older, into their later teens, Christmas gift giving lost all fun for me. The gifts they wanted weren't "cute" or fun to buy any more, just expensive, and more easily purchased themselves.

I'm with you. Fortunately, my grown kids are all okay with doing something this year, vs. buying gifts, and we have agreed to do a cheap, one person gift exchange.

I have no suggestions if people insist on getting gifts.

I'm sorry. The gifts you say you're thinking about and the items they are wanting that cost $500 are expensive gifts. It sounds like you are quite well off. If everyone else is well off and you're not and you're going into debt to buy Christmas then no wonder you resent them.

Some of my friends do a signature loan every November to buy Christmas then it's taken out of their pay each month before they get paid. It's fairly convenient and easy to do. It only adds a small deduction to the withholding.

Tell them this year while everyone is exchanging that you want to suggest they stop at the end and draw names. That it's just too much for you guys to buy for everyone. Surely they'll understand. Times are hard for a lot of people.

i love dirty santa, it's fun and everyone has a great time, I hope you enjoy no matter what your plans,,

i love sneaky santa type gift exchanges, but agree that just buying for a bunch of adults who have everything is simply a PITA. i'm SO glad i persuaded both sides of our families to resort to sneaky santa (or white elephant or however you want to term it.) it's fun, and so much less stress.
but we still have my parents-in-law, and my dang husband gets harder to buy for every year! fortunately he gave me a good list this year.
a 12 year old who loves travel is easy. that was all i wanted for christmas when i was 15 and was THRILLED that one time to get money for what i wanted so badly. i don't like giving money, but if that's what she really wants, do it!
no suggestions for your dh, i'm afraid. i have a hard enough time with mine.
but as for the adults on your list, just go pleasant and generic. bottle of wine, throw blanket, candles, chocolate, windchimes, umbrellas, travel coffee mugs, that sort of thing.
i'm not really in the spirit yet this year either. i'm going to plunge into the crowds today, while my dh decorates the inside of the house. i'm hoping that when i come home to a blazing fire and christmas carols and pretty christmas stuff everywhere it will kick in.
:) khairete
S.

Just because they continue to give you gifts does not mean you have to do the same. Simply tell them you're only gifting children this year. You can opt-out at any time, just tell them so.

If they are only buying you a gift because they want one in return, then they have time to return whatever it was they bought for you.

When it comes to giving to those who have everything, we give gifts in their honor to charity instead. Heifer international, the ACPCA, UNICEF etc.

Best,
F. B.

I can understand. Sometimes things just don't feel right but think back to
your times as a kid & how magical it is.
Ways to get back into the spirit:
-as I said think back to your time as a kid
-watch any & all Holiday movies on tv/Hallmark channel etc.
-try a new activity (ice skating at the local outdoor rink, a tree lighting
ceremony, walk around the neighborhood to look at lights finishing at
home w/mugs of hot cocoa, whipped cream & mini marshmellows.
-when you're feeling less than thrilled w/all the holiday stress (I've been
there), turn on the news. It will immediately put things into perspective.
-Don't stress about the gifts. They're just gifts, look around to get ideas
(catologs, tv commercials, the web). Get fun things or clever things.
You can give bottles of good wine, a basket w/wine goblets/chocolate &
an inexpensive bottle of wine, framed pictures of you & the kids, good
books, a book of funny anecdotes, a nice cozy throw, a small gift
certificate to a wine bar or local restaurant.
.-Magazine subscriptions
-make gingerbread houses. Buy a kit or use graham crackers, frosting &
candies.
-turn on the news. It will make your appreciative of what you do have.
-help others in need (just a small donation or Toys for Tots
-It's harder as the kids get older so you have to keep finding new ways to
make things special.
-create some new traditions
-Relax, take a deep breath & treat yourself to something.
It will all be ok & work out. Don't sweat the small stuff.
You can do it. Just buy 5 addtl small gifts. It will be ok. Do try to keep the
person in mind but look around at all the good ideas in the store/on TV/
in newspaper ads. Hope you have a fun, happy holiday!