Struggling with Motherhood / Multiple Children

I have two 'normal' kids, and I can relate! We went on a family vacation and I had to herd 3 around for 2 days and I just about lost my mind!

Try to find time in the 'quiet' time for you and for you and hubby. Even if it is as simple as waking up 30 mins earlier to have breakfast alone.

Yes, we have 5 kids, baby to age 8. It is nonstop action, noise, mess...yes! I hear you. No words really. Same boat.

I only have one and a half, but when I get overwhelmed with work and everything, I remember something I heard somewhere, "the days are long, but the years are short." It helps me put it in perspective, especially when she was little and I was on very little sleep. When I see how big my girl is, I think, where did the years go already? I feel the little one move in my tummy and think it was just a few weeks ago when he or she was just a line on a test and not really real to me yet, but when I'm throwing up it seems like this pregnancy will never end. Time is a weird thing, man.

And, yeah, FB is where I post the cute things I think the grandparents and aunts will want to see, not usually the hard stuff. I don't post on there when she has a diarrhea explosion all over the bathroom and we're both crying because for her it's horribly embarrassing and for me it's just super gross. I don't post the nights when we get on each other's nerves to the point where we're both yelling and we don't know why. (She's 6) I just post when she says something adorable (like that she won't wish for the goblins to take her baby brother or sister away after we've watched Labyrinth, or she tells me that the reason she keeps getting put in the safe spot at school is because her voice just needs to talk when it needs to talk). My sister might complain to me that she has a hard time being a stay at home mom now with her 2 little boys and her new puppy, but on facebook she just posts pictures of the boys and dog being adorable with each other. FB is just posting the good parts of parenting, not the hard stuff that's below the surface.

FB is a joke. Everyone has the best kids, hubby, and life. The best thing to do is stay off for a while if you can't realize it's all a big facade.

I have four kids. I had 3 kids in 3 years. Husband was gone more than he was home. I had no family to help. But I didn't have kids w special needs.

All I can say is that you are not alone, your life sounds pretty normal. Hang in there.

I have three children also. Mine are 8, 6 & 2 1/2. To answer your question - Yes, I can definitely relate. I love my children to pieces but boy oh boy do I feel overwhelmed at times. My husband works a lot so most of the time it's just me and the kids which is wonderful and horrible all at the same time. Growing up I only had one brother who was four years older than me so basically, I felt like an only child. My home was very quiet and no one ever moved or took my things. My three kiddos are so very loud and nothing is ever where I put it. Cleaning is a joke... I always say cleaning my house is like shoveling while it's still snowing. ;) My girls are constantly bickering. I get frustrated with Facebook too but have learned to take it for what it is... the best of the best. People only post one side of their story on Facebook. The way I get through it all is to stop and take a deep breath and try to remind myself that no one's life is easy. Every one struggles with something whether it be their kids, their husband, family, work, etc. They just don't always share it with others. I guess the one thing I'd say that helps me is at night, when everyone is asleep, I sit and reflect on my day and wonder why I let my kids behavior upset me so much... I think about how I could have reacted differently and then the next day I try to do better. I remind myself that I'm not perfect, that I love my kiddos and that I'm doing the best that I know how. I like the quote by Maya Angelou, “Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.” Hang in there... you're doing the best that you can. Try to make a little time for yourself each day and if you and your husband aren't able to go out often, try planning date nights at home - order dinner, watch a movie, play a board game or just talk. Best of luck to you. :)

I have 4 kids(7 1/2, 6, 4, 3 1/2 months old). Yes I want to run away, yes i get overwhelmed. I told my husband tonight about how everything been so crazy. My older 3 goes to school. It's a battle in the morning to get them up, dressed and to school. They come and one's crying about the other hitting him/her, the 4 year old crying to wipe his butt, the baby crying, dog barking at the door(even though nobody's outside) and trying to get supper/clothes started. Lol. My mom always laugh because my dad and her had 4 of us when they were married. She remember those days. I think now she wish she enjoyed those days. She keep telling to enjoyed "these times" now while there little. I get what she means just is hard when things are crazy. I think facebook everyone's life isn't what it seem to be. Everyone probably think I have this perfect family with well behaved kids. Not!! At school there good at home not so much.lol. It's a battle at times. Yes I get stressed with the kids, bills, money, etc etc, but I wouldn't changed a thing. I love my kids so much. I love my husband. I love my life. Like my mom tells me go for a walk, go shopping by yourself. I made my husband last week take the baby while the older kids were asleep and locked myself in my room and painted my nails and watched tv. May not been the greatest but gave myself some me time. I think no matter how many kids a person has there going to be overwhelmed with other stuff as well. I have two of my kids who has to go to the eye doctor this week. Husband gotta get a ct scan and blood work done thursday. So I been worried and stress about everything. I know it be all good. Your not alone. Alot of mamas and dads can relate.

My kids are 5.5, 4, and 9 months. i get overwhelmed from time to time, and yes, I wish I could just escape it all. So I do. I find myself a good book, I put baby down for her nap, I put the other two in front of the TV, and I sit down with a cup of tea and escape. I may also meditate if I'm especially stressed....

I don't get much me time. I even homeschool. We rarely have date night because of the baby. My mom will take the other two for a sleep over about once a month. That's our date night. When the baby gets older, she most likely will go too. We do create date night at home, though. I will make an extra special dinner, we put the kids to bed, adn then we sit and drink wine and chat.

I was saying to hubby last night that I've been feeling like I have things in order with the kids. They are getting great at picking up without any conflict, including doing the crumbs under the kitchen table. It's been a slow, long process, but I think I can finally enjoy my house his winter without seeing giant messes all over the place. They are finally taking responsibility for their belongings, and I cannot tell you how much this helps my mental state! My oldest is even getting good at making beds!

I do a lot of preventative fighting with the kids. if I sense one is tired, or that conflict is likely, I separate them. If they do fight, they aren't allowed to play together any more. It really helps on keeping the fighting down.

But yes, I lay in bed at night thinking about a to-do list the size of mount rushmore. I never get to most of it, and I feel it's pressure. I just remind myself that considering everything, I'm doing amazing, the kids are happy, and that's what's important.

This parenting thing is hard.

My first 3 were born within 4 years... August 19, 1982, April 12, 1984, and August 21, 1986......

Yes, it was a real struggle! I didn't have the "distraction" of facebook, however. We also didn't have all the computer games and constant tv or hundreds of tv channel choices.

Yes, my children fought.... yes, I yelled at them.... I am ashamed of the times I yelled at them....

I was a SAHM..... hubby worked traditional hours of 8-5, M-F.

Did we go out on "date nights"? No, not very often.... our activities were geared around the kids..... our "vacations" were spent visiting family... no exotic trips, or fun trips to Disney.... our closest family was 6 hours away at that time.

How did we manage? I'm not sure.... we did things on the weekends as a family, like working in the yard or around the house, or day trips to nearby parks for hiking and such, as the kids got older.

As the kids got older, we got them involved in Girl Scouts, softball, church activities....things like that....

I was involved in a couple of different group activities, also... bowling league, church groups, a local women's group.... these gave me time to be around adults for a change!

btw... #4 was born November 1991.... (a boy this time...the first 3 were girls).... and yes, chaos still ruled supreme!

Did we survive? Yep..... our marriage is still intact... I am still married to the father of all 4 of the kids... we've been married since 1981.

Were there times I wanted to just run away from it all? Heck, yes!

However, I can't imagine my life without ANY of those kids ...... we were fortunate that we didn't have any real struggles like medical or special needs.... I look at the temptations to kids today, and am very glad I'm not raising children now...... it does seem more difficult with the influx of all of the social media and computer games available... not to mention all the "bad" stuff on the internet....

Suggestions? I'm not sure... find other women you can be around... take time during the day when kids are at school and do things for yourself.

And above all... cherish the times you have with your children... I just attended a funeral for one of the students I work with.. (medically fragile special needs).... he touched a LOT of people... but I sure do miss him!

I have a close friend who had 3 and the last has CP and requires multiple therapies. She has some help with a big church that does Respite Care, once a month. They take care of the special needs child so they can go out with the other two or cared for all the kids.

She and I switched off caring for kids while we volunteered at school. She really needed that time with others. When the youngest got school age, we both joined a prayer group that met during the day. We have a very tight group of ladies that have prayed through some overwhelming problems.
Seek a chance to find people with same interests that can help. Look for special needs groups and churches that help.

She used all the tricks she could. Her kids bathed at night and for years they dressed for the next day before they went to bed. That way, she could do the youngest's stretches in the morning. There are Special need advocacy groups and their members would have a thousand other tips, I'm sure. Don't try to do this all by yourself. The job is too big.

May God supply all your needs.

Don't even bother with facebook. My SIL posts "great" pictures and all that, and her real life is totally different than the facade on facebook. You may be able to find an online or local community for support re. the issues your children have to help you feel more supported, etc.

Most parents do have days off. They take the kids one day per week to Mother's Day Out, they swap babysitting with their friends, they have a night off and hubby watches the kids, and more. You don't have to be tied to the kids night and day and night and day. You are entitled to having a life too.

It's sad that your hubby doesn't provide you with a date night every week, the kids should have a babysitter. Most families I know absolutely do date nights. When my best friend lived here we traded off every other week. She'd keep the kids overnight then I'd keep her kids overnight the next week. It was wonderful to be able to lay down and fall asleep knowing that anything was going to be handled. The phone would only ring if they were on their way to the ER with massive bleeding. She was totally an efficient earth styled mother that never lost her cool over anything.

You deserve to have a life, time to yourself, and to be able to grow and follow your interests.

Since they're all in school now at least you have time during the day. I assume you "do" send them to school right? If not then you definitely need to get in a group to swap off babysitting just so you can get out of the house.

as a quiet, solitary person, i was often overwhelmed by the demands of two busy, noisy, incredible little boys, and a very busy work-and-actitivy-filled life. and i didn't even have special needs to throw into the mix.
i understand how it can be tough to appreciate the joys when you're in the trenches. it's cool that you understand that sometimes the overwhelming love gets a little buried in the overwhelming responsibility!
it's hard to do, but if you can carve out a little *you* time each week it will go a long way to replenishing your stores. i'm glad you get short breaks on the weekends. are you able to spend it with your husband?
it WILL get easier as they get older!
khairete
S.

I understand your struggles. Life with 3 children, close in age is a blessing and a curse at the same time. They are best friends in the best of times and worst enemies, constantly fighting with each other in the worst of times.

On top of that, my house is a constant mess. I will clean up one mess, and turn around to find another. It's not because my kids are bad or slobs (not all the time) they are just kids and kids can be very messy. It really stresses me out.

Life has gotten to the point that bed time and bus time are my favorite time! When they are gone at school I do miss them and look forward to their home coming, but when they get home, I can't wait for bed time.

I'm telling you all of this so that you know you are not alone. No one ever said this motherhood thing was going to be a cake walk, but you will get through it and life will get easier.

Keep your eyes on the prize. They will be off to full time schooling in no time and you will be looking for stuff to do during the day. You might even go back to work while they are in school. You will regain a sense of control and purpose that will be very refreshing, you just have to get through these tough years.

BTW, my 3 kids are less then 3 years apart and are currently 6,7 and 8.

I can DEF relate, and I'm sure that, like me, you've been iced in all weekend, which makes everything worse :( I only live a few minutes from you in Denton. I have 3 little ones, 4, 7, and 10. my 10yo can be VERY challenging at times, he has autism, but is very high functioning. being off his routine the past several days has really amped up the stress level! I, too, sometimes wonder wth is wrong with me that I don't "enjoy" every moment of parenting and just can't freaking WAIT for bedtime some(most?) nights! I think some people just hide their irritations better than others, I'm not one to fake it til I make it - parenting is tough, there's just no way around it. Like you, I'm VERY sensitive to the noise and chaos of three kids and I HATE HATE HATE with a passion my two story house, any movement up there sounds like a herd of stomping elephants :( Drives me freaking nuts! Right now, I'm relaxing in the office, which is directly under the media room, they've been told to clear out of that room and play in the playroom and bedrooms so I can get my head together for a bit haha! Not much advice other than to realize that you're not abnormal and nothing's wrong with you - sit down and make a list of the biggest stressors and see if there's anything you/your husband/your kids could realistically do differently that would make things less stressful. shoot me a private message if you need to talk :)

My mom worked full time had 3 kids and we had no sitter...back in those days, kids stayed home alone. she was overwhelmed with work, kids, house yard. my dad was busy with his business stuff.

Lots of things fell through the cracks...we did very few activities, we walked to school, and fended for ourselves. We didn't have special needs, but somehow we all grew up. Yes, lots of fights, but we got through it. I guess your post is a little vague about what their special needs are...that can make a big difference in what kind of support you need.

What are all of the things you are trying to do for them? Are all of those things adding to their quality of life? I would do an assessment of what actually needs to be done and what can be cut out on your part.

Oh yeah. I have 3 that are 14 yrs old, 1 that is 5 and a 2 yr old. When we had the 3, it was so easy compared to now. And we had no help. I have been unemployed since August and home all day. They are driving me nuts. The noise in my house is unbelievable. And forget about the mess. And throw in the 2 yr old's throwing things and other things this age does, plus we are stuck in a small space until our property increases enough to sell. I cannot wait to get back to work. My boys have medical issues but they are not horribly stressful (at least not like they could be). I have been trying to get in some workouts but it is hard with the kids. I know that helps me.

You need more of a break than what you are getting!! Raising kids can be so hard and then to have all three kids have special needs must be overwhelming. Can you get more help? How about hiring an mother's helper or a cleaning lady weekly or at least bimonthly?
Re: FB... People only post the highlights of their lives and the proud moments. FB does not reflect real life in any way. Get off of FB.
<Hugs>

When you speak of special needs what are they. Might make a difference in my thinking.