Stubborn Child

Hi M.,

There's a book called Train up a Child by Michael and Debi Pearl. It was recommended to me by one of my friends and business partner - she has eight children (who are all well behaved.) I have found the book very helpful!

If you are interested in finding out more, the website for the book is www.nogreaterjoy.org.

Hope this helps!

I also have a daughter that put me thru the same thing. It can be very aggravating!! When I talked to my doctor about it, he told me to feed her whatever she wants. Her big thing is pb&j. He said as long as she is eating something, she's fine, and not to hold out and starve her. I would check with your doctor and see what she recommends. My little girl grew out of it in a couple months, though. Good luck!!!

I am sure that you will get tons ove advice and ideas, but I have a 13 year old (14 in May) and I decided that food should not be an issue. As long as she takes vitamins and eats a few things that are good for her I decided there are worse things I could be dealing with. She eats chicken noodle soup almost every day. she will eat fruit and breakfast food (the sweet stuff, not eggs) and yogurt. I make her eat yogurt once a day and take a vitamin and she drinks a cup of milk every day. I have aways been afraid to make food a big issue because I am overweight and I don't want her to do the same or become anorexic. Meanwhile she's healthy plays soccer and tennis and gets good grades and is a reasonably happy teenager. Good luck and pick you battles carefully. S.

Your child may or may not be stubborn. All of the foods mentioned above are chrunchies and the noodles you can slide back without them touching your tongue much and don't have to chew much. She may be tactilely(touch) defensive on her tongue. Possible she has a weak chew and that is why she doesn't like meats. Veggies are just foods most kids aren't to fond of. If this is the case she will most likely outlive you on this. It is something to discuss with your doctor and maybe have her seen by a feeding therapist.

My son was this way too for a little bit. I only made one meal for the whole family and if he didn't want it, he didn't eat. He went almost 2 full days without eating but gave in at dinner. Since then, he'll try anything. If he doesn't want to, he won't eat. I talked to the doc about it and he said he is healthy and one or two missed meals every now and then won't hurt him!

Girl you stick it out. These kids nowadays I tell you. My two year old daughter is the same way. Well she finally got hungry enough and ate other things. I know you feel guilty, but you need to take control of your child. The doctor will only tell you feed her what she will eat. The other thing that will be good for a child like her is pediasure. It is got all the vitamins in it and she may like it. Try all the different flavors.
Let me know how you make out.

Getting a kid to eat is hard, I have a stubborn 4 year old myself. When she turned 3 my husband and I agreed we would not make her anything else for supper to eat. She would eat what I made for supper or she'd have to wait for breakfast. She goes to bed hungry at least twice a week most weeks. It was hard at first to hear her whine, but we stuck to our guns and she, mostly, will eat what I make. It's stuff like meatloaf, barbeque chicken, stuff like that. She eats what she wants for breakfast and lunch. Her pediatrician agreed with us and assured us that she won't starve. Please don't worry, talk to her doctor for advice.

If I were you I would stick to your guns exactly as you described.
Don't give up, she knows how to play you...
She will learn eventually that there are so many good things to eat in this world.
Keep the good things in your home.
Good luck.

Hi M.,

I feel your frustration with your picky eater. Mine also was, and is a picky eater. She is now 13 and eats mostly chicken nuggets, cereal, milk, or hamburgers. My picky eater just got pickier. I even tried making her stay at the table until she ate her food. She ended up sleeping all night at the dining table. (more than once)I can only tell you what did not work. I haven't had any luck.

Hi
Kelley said it but it bears repeating, a child will not starve themselves, period it can not happen. if your child gets hungry they will eat what you put in front of them. so cook your three meals and sit her at the table and if she eats great if not she can try again at the next meal, you can not spend you life cooking seperate meals, not everyone is going to like everything but she's gotta eat, and more importantly she's got to eat what you cook, what's going to happen when she starts school? you can't put mac and cheese or a grilled cheese sandwhich in a lunch box. well i guess you can but it wouldn't be so good by lunch. beleive it or not it sems everyone goes through this but it really comes down to the fact that WE are the PARENTS and we call the shots, not our children. best of luck.

Hi M., I have a six year old that is very picky too, and I can't wait to see how this turns out for you. I need the advice as well. My doctors always told us to offer her something she likes along with something new. To me it always seemed to defeat the purpose. Let me know how it goes. Thanks so much. N. L.

Hi Michelle, I know you got a ton of replies, I read them all, I wasnt going to reply, but noone touched on what I want t o say. I love food, all kinds of food. I was a strict vegetarian for 5 years, never felt better, I now eat meat again but in moderation, our 5 year old is like me, prefers his veggies, salads, wraps, ect, my 17 yo will eat just about everything.My husband, a whole different story. Wont eat ANY fruits, not even fun stuff like watermelon or strwberries. If he eats a veggie, it will be one bite of carrots or corn. Heaven forbid I cook with an onion or pepper, he wont touch it. He is strictly meat and potaoes. It is SOOOO unhealthy. He just turned 42, in the last year had 2 open-heart surgeries ( OK not really due to his diet), and still will not try anything new. Wont even try. Keep introducing. DO NOT give up. It is not something that will be outgrown if not addressed now. He works 2nd shift, so isnt home for dinner 5 nights a week, but weekends, our 5 year old "suddenly" doesnt like what Mama is serving, because Daddy doesnt. Yet come Monday, he loves it again. I havent been able to persuade my husband to do it for our son. So please, keep introducing. The hiding things in other food is really great for nutrition, but you want your daughter to embrace the wealth of what is available to us. I know there are certain things our son truly doesnt like, after many, many attempts, so I dont make him. (with me, its liver, oh NO). Keep it up, she will thank you later. Good Luck, God Bless, A.
PS: our son was Failure to Thrive the first 18 months, I had to do gross things like add oil to his juice just for the caloeries, so I feel for you

MAKE IT FUN!!!!! I used to teach pre-school and we cooked and talked about food EVERY day! These kids grow up to be adults and make choices. Talk about WHY you need certain foods, make things like sheep out of cauliflower, race cars out of carrot wheels and celery stalks, have her pick out things to make some trail mix - at LEAST one of which is new. Talk about how FUN it is to try new things. WE ALWAYS told the kids they had to take a "courtesty bite". That meant, I went or other kids and I...went to the trouble to fix it, at least try it. You don't have to like it and CERTAINLY don't have to eat it if you don't like it but try one bite. KEEP saying that OVER AND OVER AND OVER. Do NOT make a fight out of it. That just "tightens the reigns on her stubbornness".

By the end of the year, ALL of the kids were talking about how much fun it is to try new things. Let her pick out something in the produce section...i.e. papya..look on a map and talk about WHERE it came from, what kind of texture does it have, how does it grow?? Trees, in the ground, etc. MAKE it a learning experience and fun!

Hi Michelle,

I don't know if this will help or not, but try letting her prepare the dish with you. Pre-measure certain seasonings, let her put it in and stir or miss what ever you are doing. Maybe even let her have her own little bowl to mix her portion. Make a game of it, taste as you go (she will be eating what she taste). Let the other children participate, as well as Dad. Let them make their own pizza using what you deside to put on it. Try making smoothys, kid love that, especially if you let them do it.

Now the game. After she is done cooking, only give her a tiny bit of her's, because she does not like it. Tell her you are going to eat her's. She will not like that, and will want to eat it herself rather than have you or the others eat what she prepared.

As far as the snacks, start buying healthy snacks, or make your own. There are books to help you and your children prepare healthy meals.

Her reward, call the family and friends and praise her accomplishment. She may want to do it again. Treat them to pretty toes with polishing their toe nails, something like that. Let her invite someone over to prepare a dish for them. It's called "use your imagination", because Mama rules.

One thing about children, they are usually still healthy even if they miss a meal. We are the one's who panic because they won't eat. You don't want to deprive your child, but I guarantee, she will not starve. It is one of the things some children go through. Be flexible, but hold your ground. She will eat.

Above all, relax. Take a deep breath, because "This too shell pass."

God Bless You
D.

I wondered if perhaps you threw to much at your daughter with peanut butter and jelly. Perhaps trying 2 new things at once is a bit intimidating to her. Have you tried buying the things to make homemade pizza and let her help (a lot). When it is done, whether she will eat it or not, make sure that everyone just gushes over what a good cook she is. Then she may be more interested in trying her own creations. Not sure if that would work but it sure sounds good on paper. haha Have you tried getting someone else to approach her with new foods. Parents always have a harder time than others. I use to watch a little boy that would only eat certain foods until he came here. Suddenly he loved all these new foods (he still didn't like them if his mom made them). Also, to make sure that she is getting enough water, my sil use to tell the kids that they could have milk or juice the rest of the day if they drank just 1 cup of water and she would encourage them to just get it over with. After that most kids requested water through the day. Just a couple of ideas. I'm sorry that you are going through the stubborn thing. Sounds like you are going to have your hands full with that one. Let me know if any of this works for ya or if you decide not to try any of it. Good luck to ya. Shannon

M.,
I can't remember her name but she's married to Jerry Seinfeld. She has a book out on how to fix healthy meals for picky eaters (she tells you how to hide veggies in food). you might try to see if you can find it on line.Wish I knew what her name is, or what the book is called.
Good luck!
R.

Hi M.,
Has anyone suggested to you to try taking her to the grocery store with you so that she can help decide what new foods she is going to try? There's obviously a power-struggle going on here. Try to down-play the power struggle by letting her have a little more input into her progress. She is old enough to understand about the connection between her food and her health. Maybe get out a food pyramid and look at it with her and together make a plan about how she can get her nutrients. (If she wants to have peanut butter or tofu instead of meat - she's still getting her protein.) It's going to take a while to get her to make changes, so don't stress out about how long it's going to take. The long term benefits will be worth the patience and work you put in now.
Also keep in mind that there are stages of change that your daughter will go through. Stage 1 - Pre-contemplation: won't admit there is a problem, making no plans to change. Stage 2 - Contemplation: thinking about making changes. Stage 3 - Planning: making plans to make a change, but not doing anything about it. Stage 4 - Action: actively making changes in life. Stage 5 - Maintenance: maintaining the changes. (This is from the Stages of Change model I learned in one of my public health classes). So if you can take your daughter from stage 1 to stage 2, you're making progress!
I do want to say, though, that you ARE the parent. Try to avoid making things into power struggles, but she does need to be obedient.
Blessings-
J.

HI, I am a stay at home mom of a VERY picky 7 yo and a trash compactor 6 yo. For years my son wouldn't eat anything but fries, and we too gave in to him. Until we found out he was anemic due to iron defiency from not eatting right. My suggestion have her iron checked immediately, it has not too many signs esp. in small children. After that I told my son, if you don't want shots all the time, you have to start eatting. The first one was a chicken nugget happy meal. Make it fun, a happy meal has a reward if you eat it (the toy!!) Let them experiment by dipping the sauces, alot ok kids do not like the bread feeling in their mouth, so a sandwich is harder to start on. I have been there and still struggle with my son 4 years later on trying new things, but now he eats burgers, chicken, fish sticks, spaghetti etc.. this worked for me, and i know it's a strong threat about the shots, but it works. You really should have her iron checked we ouldn't of known if my moms carbon monoxide detector wouldn't of went off and we have to have their blood checked. Good luck let me know if it works
Tez&Chellsmom

When my son was 3 to 4 years old he only ate chicken nuggets and cucumber and fruit. Not too bad, but there certainly wasn't any variety in his diet. A good friend told me to try having him cook with me to help prepare dinners, etc. When I did this, it was completely amazing--he ate everything he had prepared and "cooked" without protest. Now that he's six he eats loads of different foods and still helps me out in the kitchen. I really can't believe it worked because he is so stubborn, but if he feels like he has a say in things he's much happier. Food is one way that children can control a situation and they know it. However, if you make it interesting or fun it won't be so stressful and she will be more likely to try new things. good luck!

Believe it or not, when I married my husband, her would only eat mac & cheese, grilled cheese, chipped ham and eggs. He wouldn't eat hardly anything good for him. I started out by making a deal with him. He could have whatever he wanted 6 days of the week but HAD to eat what I made the other day. By mixing cooked and mashed carrots, cauliflower, zucchini into some of the foods, he got nurishment and NEVER knew! The carrots I put into meatloaf or I would put peeled and shredded zucchini into cakes, cookies, etc. Now he will eat almost anything! Maybe if you sit your daughter down and draw up a contract, telling her that She can pick the menu 6 days and you choose the other, she will feel important and give it a try.Good LUCK!

Michelle,

Extreemly restrictive eating patterns by themselves could be only stubborn behavior, but you should be aware that a child who restricts eating to only a very few itmes like this and prefers drinking to chewing could be in need of an evaluation by a speech therapist or an occupational therapist and probably a developmental pediatrican for oral motor issues and or sensory issues or more serious developmental issues.

If there is anything else about your daughter that makes you wonder "is this typical" then get a referal for an evaluation sooner rather than later. By anything else I mean; issues with clothing texture and needing clothes or shoes to be "just right", odd speech patterns especially those that include pronoun usage, unclear speech, toe walking, difficulty with peer interatction, lining up toys, failure to gesture, inapprorate eye contact, speaking like a little professor, intense interest in an object or subject, etc.

Also be aware that the first advice you got was right on, the texture of the foods your daughter eats should send a red flag up your poll, all of the foods your daughter eats are soft and will not help her develop some of the muscles in her mouth that are required for clear speech. The whole mechanism of pushing food from the front of the mouth to the back with your tounge is an important step towards being capable of making all the sounds of speech later.

Since you have drawn a line in the sand, you will probably need to stick too it if you ever want her to take you seriously. I would suggest that you make this less of a battle over the food (you will loose if you make it about the food) and more of a decision that she makes herself. Sit down at the table, give her small portions of what you made the family for dinner and refuse to make a big deal over what she eats or does not eat. She will not starve herself.

Bottom line, find out why her preference is for these particular foods and get her help if she needs it. The concequences could be much deeper than you realize.

M.

You are doing the right thing. At dinnertime, have her sit at the table with you and your husband. Give her just a bite of everything you are eating on her plate. Tell her she has to clean her plate before having anything else. Then, if she likes some of it, she can have more. Give her a glass of milk also, but no more until she cleans her plate. And of course, no dessert or snacks until she has a clean plate. Continue this, making her sit at the table until everyone is done eating. Ignore her complaints, require her to be quiet at the table while you and hubby talk. If she is not quiet, tell her she will have to go to her room with her plate. After a few days, she will find something she likes. Kids eat when they are hungry, even if it's not their favorite, and they want to be accepted with their family. I have 3 children, mostly grown now, youngest is 17. I went through this with one of them.

I can completely relate to this. My son, whose now 14 was a picky eater too! He survived and actually tries new things now! :) Sometimes I wonder if we make the kids neurotic with our own worrying? I think your pediatrician will be a good source of relief. Realistically, kids don't need much. I'd keep up with the fruits and whatever veggies she'll eat. Have you tried 'dips'? Ranch, peanut butter, etc... My son used to like to 'dip' things. I could get him to eat carrots, apples, etc... as long as I offered 'dip'.
Also, I think taking away the juice is a good idea. YOU are the parent, not her. Sometimes we worry ourselves into caving in! :)
Please make her a new sandwich if/when she decides to try the 'new food'..she may never want to try a new food again if she tastes the sandwich that's been in the ziploc baggie for days! ;) Good luck!! Take care!

You are doing the right thing. She will eat when she is hungry and this is a power struggle that you HAVE to win! I am sure that it is tough but, hang in there! You ARE doing a good thing! Good luck.

If she's eating healthy, I wouldn't worry about it too much. It's a phase. I just would not give into her whims on changing what I'm making for dinner or snack because she's whinning.

See if she will eat healthy fruit type snacks and see if she will eat other foods that have the basis of mac N cheese. For instance, if you add hamburger to mac n cheese or spaghetti sauce to mac n cheese, will she eat it?

When I was younger, I was a pretty picky eater. I would only eat veggies with melted cheese on them. See if she will try different kinds of dips or sauces over veggies and pasta. Eventually she will have to give in and eat something. When she's hungry, she will at least try the food.

Some children do not like the bitter taste of veggies or the tough texture. My brother and I were like that and so is my four year old. I try to give my four year old veggies that are a bit sweeter, drench them in cheese sauce and force him to at least take a bite before leaving the table.

I have put broccoli and hamburger in mac n cheese. I will put carrots and green beans into the spaghetti sauce. Even if the little one eats around the veggies, simply re-introducing them encourages them to taste the food. The flavors mix and vitamins from the veggies leach into the sauce.

All you can do is keep trying. I think there was a statistic that you have to introduce a food like 40 times before kids may decide they like it. So basically, just keep making normal meals that the rest of the family likes. If little one is hungry, she will eventually try it.

My son is 10 and has always been the same way. He has not eaten a fruit or vegetable since he was 2. He eats corn dogs, speghettios, and simple things like that which are not the healthiest in the world. The way that I have looked at it and can remember when my brothers and I were growing up, is that as long as he is healthy, I just don't worry too much about it. THe doctor said at his well child check up just recently, that he was healthy. I have been able to just within the last week get him to drink V8 Fusion. So at least now he is getting some sort of fruit and vegetable nutrients. The less I tried to get him to try something new, the less he was willing to try it. We still see his Pre-school teacher who remembers him telling her that he would try vegetables when he turned 5...then 6...then 7... and so on. In my opinion, forcing it doesn't work. With my son, he would throw everything up if I made him eat something he didn't like or want. They do start to broaden their tastes on their own. Been there...done that.

M., she will not starve herself...although children can be very stubborn, she will eventually get hungry enough that she will give in. If you give in now, she knows she will win next time and the time frame would be even longer. Just offer her the thing you want her to eat everytime...don't fight, just offer it when she says she's hungry...when she says no, say ok and wrap it back up and put it in the fridge. Also, everything you mentioned that she eats is sugar...even stuff like grilled cheese and mac n cheese. Everything has high fructose corn syrup and refined sugar. She is addicted to it and just like an addict you will have to take control of what she wants to eat. It will take her some time for her taste buds to adjust...people actually get accustomed to sugar taste and than anything other than that tastes bad. It is really important that you change her habits...what you described is exactly why Type II diabetes is now an epidemic among children. Type II diabetes used to be called, "Adult Onset Diabetes"...they actually had to change that name because of how many children are getting it and it is because of what they are eating, not genetics (that would be Type I). You are saving her life...so stay strong.

We're in your boat!! My oldest is 4 1/2 and will only eat yogurt tubes, peanut butter (on a spoon, not sandwich), and rice Chex. She's "branching out" and trying new cereals. She will eat junk like cookies (w/out nuts) and chips. But, even with snacks, she's picky. She won't touch anything sweet that isn't chocolately. Her 4th bday was the first that she actually tried a bite of her own cake.
She'll drink milk & water. I've gotten her to drink "shakes"...milk, protein powder, benefiber and a little chocolate syrup.

I thought preschool might help. But, the "peer pressure" hasn't done a thing. She'll sit there with her water while the other kids eat crackers/cheese/fruit and drink juice.

We've tried EVERYTHING. Threatening, spanking, force feeding, starving her out...She's stubborn enough that holding out until she eats doesn't work. After 48 hrs of just water, all she could do was sleep. She once sat at our table with piece of pasta in her mouth for an hour and 45 minutes. Even then, with it pretty much dissolved, she wouldn't swallow it.

Our pediatrician said to stop making food an issue. Always offer, but don't make her. Now that I think about it, I was a SUPER picky eater as a kid. I've really just started eating green veggies in my 20's.

Good Luck! It's SO frustrating!

Get the book Sneaky Chef by Missy Levine. It's awesome!!!

I have a picky eater too and was worried about getting in the veggies. I started making her smoothies that disguise the veggies and she loved them. Here's one recipe I like, but there are tons online:

1 sliced mango
1 cup frozen blueberries
2 bananas
2 handfuls of fresh spinach
honey to taste
2 cups filtered water

Another idea is Juice Plus tablets. I don't sell it, but know several in my area who do.

M., I wasn't going to respond to this because when I started to, I realized I didn't have any experience with having to make a food change mid-stream. However, I read the other responses and I need to share with you what I know from my experience as a mom and a stepmother.

Having decided to teach your daughter the joys of new foods is a wonderful gift you are giving her. Battling her, though, is very likely to backfire. My stepdaughter was a picky eater and a stubborn child. She has turned into an incredibly picky eater and an even more stubborn adult. Her mother did not give in. She would set a plate of food in front of her for every meal and if my stepdaughter didn't eat it, it would be there for the next meal and the meal after that. In theory, this sounds good. In reality, it created an adult with major issues over food.

With my own sons, I prepared one meal for the entire family. They had to try each food and could say they didn't like a particular thing, but were never allowed (for reasons of respect) to say "Yuck". If they said "yuck" or otherwise made rude comments, they got a second helping. If, after trying a food, they simply stated that they didn't care for it, we did not make them eat it. It was sufficient that they tried it. What we found was that they often hated something one year and loved it the next. Both my sons have grown into young men who eat well balanced meals and enjoy a large variety of foods.

Because of these two hugely varied experiences with my sons and stepdaughter, I want to suggest to you that you make the situation less of a battle and more of the blessing you intend for your daughter. Get out a small plate and put a spoonful of the food you want your daughter to try on it while also preparing for her one of the foods you know she will eat. When she has tried the spoonful of food you want her to try, allow her the food she wants. Perhaps the slower change will allow her to let down her guard a little and begin to enjoy new foods. She isn't likely to admit it at first, but I would venture to guess that in the long run, you will end up with a very healthy eater.

Infinite Blessings!

Good Luck. You have given in to her for so long now she knows she can control you. Your the Mom she's the child she needs to be reminded of this .

I just wanted to post a reply to you in response to the person who wrote "Be aware that neglect charges could be brought against you if you refuse to give your daughter adequate intake of food and liquid." Don't let that scare you into giving her what she WANTS to eat. You ARE offering your child good food. Your child is CHOOSING not to eat it. Also, while milk is something a child needs during the day, juice is not.I would have a glass of milk sitting with her meal and let her have it once she has eaten, but a couple days with out it isn't going to hurt her. Definitely talk to your pediatrician for any other advice he/she might have. I agree with all of the parents that said to put a tablespoon of everything on your child's plate and let them have more of their favorites after that. I also agree with the person that said children will often try things that they have a hand in making or think that someone else is raving about.

Good luck!

Hello M....it could be you have a stubborn child or you could have a child with some sensory processing disorders. One of the big signs is being very picky about types of foods they eat; someone with SPD will sometimes choose a taste or a texture and that is all they will eat no matter how firm you are. I would not know with the information you have given which category she falls in and unfortunetely a lot of doctors are not up on the subject either...even pediatricians. I am not sure where you live, but if you are in or near the Beavercreek area I could give you the names of a pediatrician that knows about SPD and/or a therapy group that might be able to answer you questions. My email is ____@____.com if you are interested. My daughter had SPD and was similar in her eating habits...once we started therapy there is almost nothing she won't try. It is something that if caught early enough can be 100% reversed. I am not saying this is your child as I don't know enough and I don't want to guide you in the wrong directions. There are plenty of articles on-line regarding sensory processing if you just want to go out and read about the signs and see if any other apply to your daughter. The only other suggestion I could give for a picky eater with nothing else causing it is to just fix your meals as normal and she either eats or she doesn't, but there are no special meals or snacks in between...usually if there is nothing else going on they will eat when they get hungry. Good luck.

M.,

You are doing the right thing. I was told when my sone was bout 3 that he will eat when he is hungry enough. Stick to your guns. She will eat when she is hungry enough. Once she realizes that she isn't getting her way then she will give in. Maybe when she asks for something to eat take out the sandwhich tell her that she can eat it when she is ready and leave it on the counter or table where she can reach it and walk away. Maybe when she is alone she will try it and actually eat it- you not showing Mommy she was right type thing. It's tough but you will make it through- she will give in just stick with it.

I have a couple of stubborn eaters- but not as stubborn as how you described! I would not give her the milk or juice to fill up on until she eats the food. There is also a recipe book and I think it's called Deceivingly Delicious or something- where you make foods- like spaghetti for example, and you "hide" veggies in it. So, you could take carrots or squash (since it's orange) and cook them, mush them up and put them in the Mac and cheese. I don't know if it would fool her, but she might not care if she is hungry! HAHAHA She can have the milk or juice after she eats. I know as a parent, it's hard to see this and you feel like your child is starving, and you feel like the biggest meany- but milk and juice isn't really substantial...and I know I have a few junk food junkies in my house too! BUT, if nothing else, you could give her fruits...yes- it is sweet stuff, but pears, apples, bananas, grapes, watermelon etc all have good nutrients. No, it isn't the balanced meal- but it's real food. Hopefully she would eat that!

I have 3 boys and we're expecting a girl in June... so I have had almost every kind of eater at one time or another. My middle one barely eats...I usually have to force him. (Force meaning- no video games or tv unless he eats dinner! He is 5 too- maybe it's the age.) But he loves fruit and veggies. My third is a pretty good eater but tends toward the veggies and fruits as well...sometimes he'll eat meat..just depends. My oldest is probably one of my pickier eaters and likes meat and veggies, and not all fruits LOL

I was a picky eater and the whole "they will eat when they get hungry" is true to a degree. But I would literally get sick before I ate something I thought was really gross. The other problem is that I think it became hard for me to distinguish between being hungry and feeling sick. So I completely empathsize with your daughter. Imagine the food you hate most and being forced to eat it. It's not easy.

That said, I also have a picky son and yes, we started him out on veggies and for years he ate everything and life was grand. And then at 4 he stopped and started to be choosy. So, yes, I make a dinner. I include a tiny amount of what he likes (itty bitty) and then more of the stuff that is new--also very small amounts. I think we often overwhelm them by how much we put on their plates. Then, when he's eaten everthing he can have more of what he likes. It is a slow slow process, but I think my own memories of being picky and feeling a true revulsion to some foods helped me with my son. And sometimes he really doesn't eat much, but sometimes he does. And BTW, now as an adult, the only thing I don't like is liver. And gummie bears.

Also, no dessert unless you try everything and have a healthy amount of dinner food!

You are the boss!! When she gets hungry enough she will eat. You can not let a child dictate what happens in your home. When she gets hungry she will eat whatever you are offering. I know it sounds cruel but you have to make her wait it out. I had to do something similair wth my18 month old. She refused to start drinking milk. The pediatrition told me not to give her any other options and sure enough after about two days she began to gobble up the milk. Just stickto your guns. She is the child not the head of the household. She needs to learn good eating habits now to avoid bad ones later.

My one suggestion is STAY STRONG in this fight! It makes a huge difference if you just set other food there and don't give her the choice to eat anything else. I have a 13, 10, & 6 year old. By the time we had our 3rd child I learned to be tough & she is the best eater, at least making her try 1 bite before she says no. If she doesn't at least try it I don't let her have anything else until she does. Yes, there has been crying & tears but after 1-2 times you will win! 1 scoop of veggies to at least try makes it look small to her & she does it to get it out of the way. I figure after a while she will learn that sometimes it tastes good even if it doesn't look good to her.
My son (13 year old) on the other hand won't eat anything new, different or green! The difference is huge when you can get them to try other foods their health will be so much better because of it.

I think it sounds like you are handling the situation perfectly! Although, giving her a glass of milk won't hurt, she can't fill up on a small glass and then at least she's getting some nutrients. Hang in there, she'll give in at some point. Let us know what the doc says!
Also, I'd try the book "Deceptively Delicious", it's got all kinds of ways to sneak in good stuff with the food kids will eat. I have an extra copy from Christmas if you want to buy it off me (or anyone else who reads this). PM me :)

I totally agree with your attempt to broaden your daughter's food intake. I will be curious what your Dr. will have to say.
One thing I would recommend is to remove the options of "junk food" like pretzels, pop tarts, and chips. When your daughter does take a bit of something different, then let her eat one of the nutritious things she likes: fruit and oatmeal.
Re: new foods to introduce, you might want to try the sweeter vegetables like sweet potatoes/yams and carrots. Also, what about grapes? Will she eat those? Although, at least here in Ohio, they've become pretty expensive.

The less refined sugar (sugar added to foods, including corn syrup) your daughter eats, the less she may crave sweets. So if you buy canned fruits or vegetables, try to buy those that are in their own juice or lite, read the labels (if sugar, or corn syrup is one of the first four ingredients, its too much). Also, when she drinks juice, have it be 100% juice, not juice cocktails which have only a little real juice.

Set an example for your daughter by having the whole family eat healthier and explain to her that you want everyone in the family to be healthier and stronger.

My daughter who is almost 18 has been a moderately picky eater. I try to just buy healthy food (lots of fruits and vegetables), including some that she particularly likes. I can't control what she eats when she's not at home, but I can control what I buy at the grocery store.

One last suggestion, with all the above in mind (healthier choices), try to minimize the focus on food. My mom made a big deal about how much I ate growing up and I continue to battle with excessive weight. I think as parents, the best we can do is to be positive role models for our children, provide them with healthy choices, and love them for the unique individuals that they are.

Good luck!

Hang tough Mom. She will have to eat something soon. I have an 8 year old that is very picky as well. I try hard not to keep junk food in the house and if he doesn't eat a meal, he doesn't eat until the next meal. When he and his older brother were young, I would fix a dinner for my husband and I and something else for the boys, so they would eat. Bad idea. My oldest is finally eating well, but I struggle with #2. When my 3rd came along, he ate what we ate period! He is a fantastic eater and will try anything I ask him too. It may take a while, but you will get there. Try not to make it into a fight, just set down the rules and abide by them. Good luck.

You have created this problem over years and it will take more than a day or two to fix it. I don't know that I would have chosen this was to draw the line in the sand, but now that it is drawn you have to stick to it or next time it will be even worse. She is the child and you are the adult and her health is in your hands.

Ok moms out there, I know this may sound harsh, but parents now-a-days just need to buck up and stick to thier guns. We are not short order cooks and by only letting are kids eat what THEY want to we are actually doing a disservice. They are not getting the propor portions of each food group. Look at what a Pop Tart is actually made of. Lets face it... We are the Parents of our children... as much as I love my kids they do not need me to be their friend, but they need me to be their parent. I do have a very open relationship with my girls and I explain why they need to do what I tell them to. If it were up to my husband, he would make them sit there until they finish their plate (whatever it might be) at every meal. Michelle, if I were in your position I would cut out ALL of the snacking!! Have your child eat actual meals first, then if she would like to have a snack, give her one. If she does not eat most of her meal, then DO NOT let her snack. If you let her snack you are telling her it is ok to not do what she was told to. If she crys, kicks and screams... just let her and stay strong. I have told each of my girls, "You know what, if you would like to cry (or act that way) you can do that up in your room. When you are finished you may come back down stairs." I'm telling you - it works! My youngest now tells me that she is done crying when she comes back down and she will behave. I have found that they sometimes need to cry. It's good for them to get their frustrations out.
I hope that helps!

It's best not to get into power struggles over food.
I've read that it's the parent's job to make sure they serve nutritious foods, it's the child's job to decide what/when/how much they eat.
I think the "take one bite of this, then I'll make you something you like" is setting the stage for a power struggle. It's also promoting the thinking that the other food is "work" that has to be gotten through in order to have the good stuff.

I definitely agree that I wouldn't want my dc to eat only what your dd eats (though your dd does have a lot of healthy options- fruit, oatmeal).
I think what I'd do if it were me, is try very hard to make up other types of foods that I thought my ds would like, and serve him that, with a side option of something healthy that I knew he'd eat (veggies or fruits). There wouldn't be any one bite rules, or anything like that. As hard as I would try to prepare foods that I thought he'd like, I wouldn't prepare another meal just to appease him. I'd make one of his preferred meals every so often (every few days maybe). It can take being exposed to a certain food 7 time or more before a child will be willing to try it.

Also, have you talked to her about the fact that her body needs different types of foods for nutrition? She needs protein to be able to grow and have energy to play. She needs calcium to keep her bones healthy, etc etc. Maybe if she knows the reasons to eat a variety of foods, she'll be more agreeable to it, than if she just thinks its something you're making her do, yk?

I really hope you can find some middle ground on this. It sounds like it's a tough situation for you.

Hi Michelle!
Your daughter sounds like mine. She is so picky! . Funny thing about my daughter is, she has a twin sister who will eat just about anything. They are 4 1/2 and will be 5 in July. I have been through the picky eater thing before with my son, who is now almost 18 years old, and thankfully is more adventurous with his meals. My daughter will not eat veggies, but fortunately she will eat a variety of fruit. Both girls drink water or milk, but I tend to stay away from fruit juice as it is mostly sugar and the actual fruit is so much better for them. The only advice I can give you is what I was told. If your daughter is healthy, she will not starve herself. You mentioned she eats a lot of snack foods. I think this is ok, as long as they are healthy, (such as the apples, pears and oatmeal you mentioned). Some people prefer to eat a lot of little meals throughout the day, and that may just be her "style." Remember too, that grilled cheese and mac and cheese do have nutritious ingredients. I lived through about 8 years of my son eating only chicken nuggets, pizza and fruit. Now my newest picky eater wants only peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, apples and hotdogs! I just keep trying to introduce new foods and practice a lot of patience. :)

Stick to it! You are right, she is doing this because she has been able to get away with it before. Just be matter-of-fact; she won't starve and will eventually give in and try a bite. Don't overpraise her afterwords, and don't give her too much of the other foods she likes either. Gradually introduce new things and you could tell her what I tell my kids: "this is not a restaurant", i.e. you eat what is served. No need to be "mean" about it, that is just the way it is.

Just stick to your guns. don't let her have any snack or anything but what you want her to eat. Allow her to dring water and white milk, limit the milk. She will eat when she is hungry.

This behaviour didn't start overnight & you're not going to change it overnight. You have at least realized that you created this problem & this is a BIG step toward fixing it. I have raised 6 kids & I babysit 60 hours a week. Let me tell you, this girl has nothing on my 2nd son. He was & is at 26 a VERY STRONG-WILLED individual. Tough it out. This is a matter of health. I'd be sure to give her vitamins, but she will eat when she's hungry. I teach all the kids I babysit for to eat everything on their plate. No exceptions! I also babysit my 4 grandkids. They also must eat everything. I hear parents say all the time "They won't.... Wake up parents! Part of being a GOOD parent is realizing you're not their "friend". That comes later when they're grown. They must know who is in charge. You don't have to be mean. Just be in control. I didn't win every battle, but I never lost. If they win even once, it breeds the thought that they can win again. Take heart! They all grow up eventually. Learn to pick your battles. Some are not worth fighting. This one is. God bless & hang in there!

Talking about picky eaters! I used to have one and I used to be one! My dad "cured" me when I was 4. He was in another city with me and he was determined he was not going to put up with me being picky. When it was time for dinner he asked me if I was hungry and I said "No", so he said "OK little one you can go and play". The next morning he asked me if I was hungry and I said "No", so he said "OK little one you can go and play". When it was time for lunch he asked me if I was hungry and I said "No", so he said "OK little one you can go and play", and so on. This lasted for three days! (Now I don't think I was allowed to have milk or juice). When I was finally hungry I went and told him I am ready to eat.It waas lunch time. This time he said "I am sorry but you can't eat. Wht don't you go and play!" So I did! For dinner I was begging him for something to eat but he said "I am sorry but you can't have anything!" Needless to say that on the next morning when I finally was given breakfast I was ready to eat!!! Anything! I have never been picky ever since.

Now with my little one I didn't go to the extreems my dad did. I had a few tricks: I always made the plate look great! I made smiley faces out of sunny sides up, monster teeth out of oranges and I always made sure the plate looks very attractive. This alone works, but the other thing is my little one is not given an alternative to eat something else. If she eats her food - whaever is on her plate - great! If not she can wait untill the next meal! And it will not be Mac&Cheese or grilled cheese. No juice or milk between meals. I have been firm and calm - I just made it a rule and she knows it.
To be honest I don't think that having her have a bite out of something will help you a lot because she already has dicided she doesn't like it and most kids need to try something a few times before they decide they like it. Hope this helps some! Good luck!

My daughter is very picky also. I guess I don't stress too much because I'm picky too. My mom was SO understanding, and I guess I feel guilty if I treat her differently. Even as an adult, I will try things now, but still hate them! I just keep trying periodically. If it is something that you eat, just always ask if she would like to try a bite. But don't make her feel bad about it. Also, if you have any older siblings, cousins, close friends, that will eat different things, get them together. My daughter has tried a couple of things because her older cousins love them. I just make sure i give her a pure, safe, beneficial vitamin everyday to get all of the right stuff in her, and mix it up with the 5 things she will eat! I hope this helps, good luck

Michelle,

You are the one in control, not your daughter. I was also fooled by a strong-willed child and we have had to live with the bad health due to poor nutrition. My 14 yr old now has fibromyalgia and we have had to take her off all milk, white sugar and white flour. She is so much better and in less pain. Don't jeopardize your sweet girls health. You have to be strong and help her learn to eat healthy. What do you and your hubby usually eat? Try to model the good behavior and get rid of the bad things. She won't eat them if you don't buy them. You could allow her to have them once a week. I really like Dr. William Sears approach to eating. He talks about teaching your kids to eat foods in the traffic light. It is a fun way to teach your daughter about good nutrition. Here is the link to that.http://www.askdrsears.com/html/4/trafficlight.asp

He also endorses a product called Juice PLUS. His article on the product is found at http://www.askdrsears.com/html/4/T040500.asp It is the ability to get 17 fruits and veggies a day into your families' diet. My family started taking the capsules after hearing a CD by Dr. Sears. I realized that we all were not getting adequate nutrition. My family started taking Juice PLUS in May of last year and we have been sick less and have more energy. I finally became a distributor because I was so excited to help my family have healthy bodies! My Juice PLUS web site is www.juiceplus.com/+jp80863 If you have any questions let me know, I have recipes and great ideas. I love to help people eat healthy!

the key is hang tough.... frankly if you quit cooking her those foods she will only eat, she will get hungry!!! but she may have to get good and hungry before she gives in! and that is soooo hard as a parent but it can be done or her menu will rule your life and thats no fun. my 2 step sons were this way. i just flat out refused to cook 2 meals! they would eat or starve- if you don't eat dinner you don't get snacks at my house! they learned pretty fast to expand their horizons! i promise you she will not starve! no person alive is so stuborn that they will allow themselves to starve with food right in front of them. keep your snack foods stored high also. they will sneak if given opportunity!

also something to consider on the other side is she may have texture issues.... jsut a thought. but she jsut sounds stubborn to me! : )
good luck!

if this is a matter of stubborness, your gonna have to stick to your guns. we have 5 children in all. they each have had there moments of only wanting certain things. like you i let them carry a cup and found they were too full to eat. you live you learn kinda thing. we were able to nip this in the bud, by not allowing snacks except designated times. also for our kids they had this idea that it was like a restraunt, which for moms is very time consuming. what we did is we served what was being cooked, they have the oppurntunity to eat if they didn't no snack. meals and snacks are chosen ahead of time, no exceptions. sometimes i'll say ok for snack you have a choice of apple or go-gurt, you keep it limited. at first this new policy was hard they had to adjust, we had to hear per their words we were starving them, but clearly we were not, they were being served meals and had snacks, fluids given with meals and snacks. if they are thirsty we have 3 oz dixie cups, they may have 1 cup to quench their thirst. we stuck to our guns, now the kids eat at mealtimes usually no problems. they are eating salads, collard greens, we have one who discovered she loves raw sweet onions of all things. its not easy, she is going to do the guilt trip thing, but it will pay off, don't give in mom! if she does go what you consider too long and your concerned about hydration or nutrients, get some pedia sure on hand but don't give it to her unless absolutly necessary, otherwise that will be her new milk if you know what i mean. best wishes. M.

I just spoke to my doctor about this just the other day. He said to not give in and only give them what you want them to eat. They'll eat when they get hungry. It may take a while, but they will do it. They won't go hungry.

To help your resolve, please consider the serious health consequences that will eventually result from not eating fruits and veggies, as well as from eating mainly processed foods that have very little living food in them. When we switched to a whole-foods diet 5 years ago, we implemented the "nothing else until you've eaten this" rule. My sons were 5 and 3 at the time, and I'm not saying we didn't have any battles-- it's just that we determined we would win them! Sometimes they were eating their dinner after the next day's lunch time. They got nothing else except all the water they wanted (which they absolutely need). I would even avoid the milk (which, if you're getting it from the grocery store has been changed so much from its original state that it is no longer a health food). We had some truly miserable days, but my boys are amazing eaters now (age 10 and 7)... the other night it was "this eggplant isn't as bad as it used to be." They do still like sweets (we let them have 3 things a week of their choice that are processed), so it's not one of those things where they just stop liking that stuff, but they are constantly amazing people with how/what they'll eat. I assure you, they did not come this way naturally... it's lovely to be experiencing the payoff from all that hard work! Your daughter is still young enough that you can influence this, but once she goes to school, etc., your window of opportunity to do something radical really begins to close.

Try the deceptively delicious cookbook by Jessica Seinfeld. My little one is only 18 mos. but I love this book! Since your child is eating only mac and cheese it may not work too great right now, but you can get ideas from it like I ALWAYS sneak pureed veggies into my daughter's grilled cheese or mac and cheese. Carrots, butternut squash, and sweet potatoes work. Scoop a few spoonfuls into it so that while you are trying to get her to try new things at least in the meantime she is getting some veggies! It tastes great, I actually like it better than without the veggies and she doesn't even notice it. Will she at least dip her fruit in some peanut butter? Good luck!

Children will often eat a new food if they help prepare/cook it. Also, put a tiny serving of everything on the child's plate and if parents talk to each other about how great a food tastes while eating it, a child will often try the new food to see what all the fuss is about. Right now, you are in a control battle with your daughter. Ask your daughter if she wants to help prepare the healthy foods you want to serve, offer her the opportunity to eat them, and let her try again at the next meal. Be sure a normal serving of milk and juice are included during her daily intake. Be aware that neglect charges could be brought against you if you refuse to give your daughter adequate intake of food and liquid.

You go Mama! You are doing the right thing by not giving in this time. I don't have much advise for you, just that there is a book called "The Strong-Willed Child" (or something like that) by Dr. James Dobson. I read a book of his called: "Parenting Is Not For Cowards" which was excellent. In the book he dealt with the subject of a strong-willed child a little but wrote that strong-willed children had so many different aspects to them that he had to write a separate book about them. I am planning on ordering it too as my one year old son already displays a strong will. Hang in there.

M., I feel your pain! I'm in the same spot. I know it is mainly my fault because I never forced the issue before. My son is 4 will be 5 in 3 months. About 3 weeks ago I started making him try one bite of each item I fix for dinner. I still make him his "staple" food, so I know he is getting enough to eat but he can not get up from the table until he eats his "bites" of the other food I have fixed. I'll tell you, it has not been easy! The first three nights he got himself so worked up that he gagged and vomited ON THE TABLE!!! But he realized that even vomit was not going to get him out of trying the new foods. Well, we're into week three and it really is getting easier. He is still slow about it but he is eating his "bites" and not fussing. The nice weather has also helped. I tell him that he can have 15 minutes of outside play time before bath and bed and that has sped him up a little. After just a couple weeks he has learned to like (at least a little) both chicken and cottage cheese. So hang in there! You can do it. My only real advice is not to get frustrated in front of her. If I seem upset in any way, it really slows down my son's progress eating.

A little about me:
I'm a nurse and mother of one.

I guess I have to ask if when she was a baby did you start her on veggies first after the cereal routine?

I have a 9 year old who ate everything from aspragus to zuchini, raw and cooked both and all veggies. He didn't care much for cut green beans and butterbeans, turnips, or beets when he got to be about 3, otherwise we had no problems until after my husband died. He likes kiwi fruit and papaya too. Not fond of grapefruit or tangerines but likes oranges, lemons, and limes. Likes fish (though I don't) and eats all meat except for liver, kidneys, gizzards, heart and brains. That is all right with me as I don't like them either.

We are just coming out of a spell that started when he was 4 when he decided he didn't like any veggies except for raw carrots, lettuce, corn, and french cut green beans. As for dinner he thought chicken nuggets and pizza were the ideal and mashed potatoes. I didn't give in. He still won't eat oatmeal or cream of wheat.

I put a tablespoon of something on his plate of each thing we were having for a meal and set it on the table. He didn't get anything else to eat until he finished everything on his plate. Then he could have seconds of the stuff he liked.

Milk is not bad for children, but I know they will fill up on it and then not eat.

The old family physician told me once that if you were hungry to drink a glass of water and it would take the edge off. He was right. Cut back on the liquids and she will be willing to eat more.

Good luck.

P. R