Stupid Issue with Step-daugther and Cereal (Yep I Said It Was Stupid)

I agree with Molly B., hide it! Take the bag out of the box and put it in another box, like instant potatoes!

Yes you are allowed to have it -- hide it.

Come on moms -- it's cereal. As an adult, stepmom or not, she is allowed to have things that kids can't have. Like driving privileges, alcohol and cereal. She can have some darn cereal all to herself and doesn't have to make sure that everything is "fair," even if she's a stepmom. Life's not fair, and kids should know that.

My step mother used to buy "nice" food for herself and hide it from us kids. I remember thinking how mean and rude that was. I think a parent (biological or step) should sacrifice before the kids have to sacrifice. If I could only afford one box of "good" cereal, I would give it to my child and eat the crappy cereal myself. Sorry, but in my opinion kids come first.

Many moms may disagree with me, and that is fine. I know we all deserve something special just for ourselves and I get that. But when the issue is not being able to afford something special for ourselves AND the kids, in my opinion the kids come first. If you could afford to buy "nice" cereal for everyone, then I would agree that you hide yours and keep it away just for yourself. But when money is tight, I think the kids come first, not the adults. Sorry, not trying to make you feel bad. Just stating my personal opinion. Good luck! :)

First of all, I would not live with a man who treated my child that way (and I am re-married with a step-parent for my older son).

Second, I would not mention the cereal to step-daughter. If she asked me I would lovingly tease her about it - "the cereal monster came last night and scarfed down my favorite breakfast! Can you believe that?"

Yes, it is annoying but I would try to be the bigger person. She sounds bonded to you guys to want to live with you, and you need that bond to keep her on the right path as she grows into a young woman (potentially rocky years ahead). I wouldn't give her any excuse to pull harder the other direction.

Maybe this is the wrong advice, but I've watched how my husband handles my son for the last 15 years, and they have a wonderful bond (and my son also has his dad in his life with whom he is very close). My husband would never chastise my son for eating his cereal. He would literally give him the food off his plate if son wanted it. And he's not a wimpy guy either - he's a very strong leader and a great example for both my boys. My older son knows his step-dad is highly invested in him and loves him.

That's just my two cents. It is not easy being a step-parent - it's a thankless job many times. Go easy on yourself but try to put yourself in her shoes. Good luck.

Is it relevent that she's your step daughter? If it you had another baby and that child was eating up all the money in the house, the money you had set aside for your very OWN cereal, would you feel the same?

You're right, it IS petty. I can't imagine where the term StepMonster came from.

:)

Hide it better and let it go. She probably didnt know how important it was to you.

There is no way you can explain it that won't sound petty, so hide it better.

Kids are eating machines, while they may like their junk cereal, they may very well like yours better (or at least the 13 yo culprit) - even my 7 yo, who if you asked her which cereal to buy would say Frosted flakes or something sugary, when you ask her what she wants to eat at breakfast, it's the granola.

My husband claims he likes to "joke around" with our daughter, telling her NOOOO that's miiiine, but to me, it sounds like a 2 year old fighting over a toy, food, whatever it is.

So, give your husband the same advice - hide what you want to keep "as yours only", don't flaunt it in front of the children, or be prepared to share. This, "don't touch my stuff" attitude bugs me. The dads "want respect", but that has to be earned by modeling respect, not claimed as a right of parenthood. If he doesn't show your son respect, your son will never respect him.

You have a variety of opinions but I am with you on this one! My 3 kids eat about 3 boxes a cereal a week and if I wanted a special one for me, I would have to hide it. I have even hid ones that love, so they only have 1 box of it a week. Cereal is quite expensive even on sale or with coupons. Hide your box of cereal somewhere, even in your bedroom, and don't say a word about it.Eat it and enjoy!

I'm with Theresa N. I'm sorry, any way you slice it, it's petty.
Wondering if this was your daughter if you'd have as much trouble finding room in the budget for another box.
Kids are expensive..especially as they get older and into their tween/teens.
Buy two boxes.

Unless you set it up that everyone in the family gets one special out-of-budget treat, you're giving yourself something that you are denying her. Especially with stepchildren, the idea of giving something to a biological child and not the steps is a huge problem. She's looking to be accepted by you - so denying her your cereal is (to HER), denying her a full place in the family and in your heart. There is no nice way to say to her "I deserve this cereal and you do not."

She knows things are more expensive now that she lives with you, and she feels it every day when there are huge budget cuts. Makes her feel unwanted. She's also at the teenage stage when everything is about her anyway - she's getting into both selfishness and self-consciousness. Normal.

So either everyone shares, or everyone gets one treat that is theirs alone. But you have the added problem of your husband rejecting your son - so there's a lot more behavior that needs to be modified.

First of all, you and your husband absolutely must be on the same page and in agreement about parenting. All children must be treated the same way. If he's disagreeing with your child, and you're singling out his child, this scenario has "disaster" written all over it.

I am a stepmom of 2 and a mom of 1 - so I've been down this road.

Please sit down with your husband and work this out. If there is anything that the kids absolutely cannot have, then put it in your own room out of their sight, and don't flaunt it in front of them!

Wow, what differing responses! You're not denying her all the cereal, I'm sure if she wanted ONE bowl you'd let her. But she at ALL of it! How rude no matter if she was your stepdaughter or not! And you're not saying you treat her different in a bad way, you're just saying you feel you have to tiptoe more because she's your step.

Just hide the cereal. I hide things from my kids all the time. If I didn't they'd be whining for cookies and candy 24-7. My daughter is addicted to Ramen Noodles. They are so bad for you! Loaded with sodium and no nutritional value. I tried telling her she could have them once in a while as long as she ate something nutritious with them, but seeing a big box of Ramen in the pantry was too much for her and she'd ask EVERY DAY at EVERY MEAL. So I hid the box and told her I threw them out. Then one bag of Ramen would appear each week and once she ate the bag it was gone for the week. No more whining! Out of sight...out of mind!

Your not being selfish. I think you should take it out of the box and put it in a non-descript tupperware container. Write your name on it and tell everyone that you are on a special "diet" and anything labeled with your name, please do not eat. If they want a particular cereal, please let you know so you can put it on the list. GL!

M

Sounds like you ALL need to take a seminar in SHARING!

If you are like me, you give your kids and step kid many treats that you don't give your self, some material and other with actions. Is unrealistic to have ALL treats for everybody. Is just a box of cereal, YOU DESERVE IT.
Don't make a big deal of it with them, juts explain is your treat and point out their treats they have.
Btw, OHHHH I am so there with you. I am trying to lose weight so I got my Special K with berries, is the only thing I have for dinner.
Well, my daughter loves the berries of my cereal. I was ok with "share" a couple but she just wants them all, one day I didn't have any berries left of an almost full box.
They have plenty to eat for dinner, including fresh fruit while I only eat this.
I try looking for dry berries like the ones in the cereal but I haven't able to find them so for now until I found them I ONLY share a few...sometimes.
Easter is almost here, let's see how much of this "sharing" they remember then, LOL!
EDIT:
Sorry I just have to add something about the whole treat thing, my 12 year old is all into Abrercombrie clothes, we get her some here and there because is expensive, my 2 year old could care less about clothes but she loves books and toys, we get her some here and there, my husband needs suits for work, he gets very few because they are spensive. Well, I don't care about getting Abercrombie, not toys, and not suit soo if I want a whole bag of cereal for me I think is ok.
Is a treat and we can't or want give the same treat to everybody always.

hide it from her in your bedroom or something. you earn the money not her and yes you deserve a treat. or buy a box of cereal you know the kids wont eat and hide your cereal in it. they wont touch it. and no your not being selfish. :) just a mom

when I was growing up my mom always had "mom only" food. usually it was a box of the hostess chocolate doughnuts. my brother sister and I all understand that they were her special treat and we didnt think anything of it

Heck I used to hide Tootsie Rolls in my underwear drawer!!!! I still tell
my husand and daughter "hands off" if I buy something for myself. You
are not being petty.

There are lots of things that adults get that kids do not. That is the reward of adulthood and if it feels selfish - Tough. I logged a lot of time studying, finished college, work hard at a challenging job,. I clean the house, play chauffeur, help with homework, read to my kids and play games with them. And while obviously I enjoy most of my "work", I have earned a little treat now and then.

Frankly, I grew up with my parents having a private snack drawer. It is not like they fed us kids on bread and water. Most of their time and energy and care and money was spent on us and so who could begrudge them a little something of their own.

I would just assume she maybe wasn't aware that this was a private treat. Be honest next time and just tell the entire family (not just your SD)...This is mommy's only! =)

I don't think it's really that silly - a friend of mine and her husband both had gastric bypass surgery and are on special diets that require them to eat a certain amount of protein every day and limited carbs, and the only breakfast cereal that fits the bill is Kashi Go Lean, at $6.00 a box.

I would probably just explain to her, but be polite and almost apologetic about it first - as in, "I'm really sorry if this sounds petty, but from now on, if I buy that particular type of cereal, it's for myself and I would really appreciate it if you would choose something else to eat." Explain your reasons, again adding that you know it probably seems silly, but please humor you and respect your wishes. Next time you get the cereal, write your name on it so there's no misunderstandings. And if she really wants a box of the same cereal, she can use her own money to buy it - out of her allowance or whatever. Look for it to go on sale, or use coupons if available.

You already replied, but I wanted to chime in that I feel your pain. My SD even now sometimes eats my treats. I mark things that are special for me (or DD) so she knows not to eat those things. It seems very "college apartment" to me, but that's worked for us. Leftovers get marked, too, or my SS would eat his dad's lunches after work. I would tell her, "Look, we're all getting used to a new routine, but this is my special cereal. I'm going to mark it so you remember. This doesn't just apply to you. None of the kids should eat my cereal." If you didn't specify before, she didn't know. Now she knows and you can move on. By the way, if my stepkids wanted an item we wouldn't buy, they always had the option to buy it with their own money. SO if SD wants a box, too, she can buy her own and mark that one as HERS. After that if she eats it again, then she pays you back for it.

I agree with Lucky. If you'd have reacted the same way if it had been your son or DH, then, yes, go ahead and say something---but not just to her. Say something to everyone. And make the point that this is one, very small treat that you are giving yourself (and be prepared for them to ask for treats too, so have some examples of treats that they already get so you can name them !! :)

If, on the other hand, you think about it and realize that you wouldn't have reacted the same way or as strongly if it had been your son or DH, it's time to think through it again and think about again. That doesn't mean you can't name the cereal off limits (by all means do it)---it just means that you need to be very conscious of how you are reacting to your SD, and guard against unfairness/picking on her.

I know you've already gotten many responses, but I just wanted to add my two cents. I feel your pain about wanting your own treats. I do not have a blended family, so I don't have the added issue of the sensitivity that may come from stepchildren. But I do have a darling husband who loves to eat. He is an athlete, so he has to eat a lot of calories. He chooses to eat many of those calories from healthy foods, but he likes his sweets! Anyway, I have resorted to making a big batch of something, then dividing it up and labeling "portions" so I get some too. If I make something and just leave it out, it will be gone within a day or two, and I only get one or two pieces, if that! So now everyone in our house knows that when I make a treat, it gets divided up and we all get a share, and everyone's share is labeled. It works for us. So yes, you are entitled to your cereal. And as long as your SD knows it is only for you, then there's no worries that you are treating her differently than anyone else in the house. I do also believe that it is okay to treat yourself with something that you don't share with everyone. I think everyone deserves that. Sometimes I will buy a treat just for myself and not share it. But there are plenty of times that I have also bought things for everyone else in the house, but not for myself. I'm glad you came up with a solution, and the granola does sound heavenly. Thanks for sharing!

I have a 2.5 and 4.5 so this is easier in my house than yours where you have older children who can get their own food but I just hide anything that I don't want the kids to have! I also hide things from hubs so I don't have to share with him! So yes I think you can have your own treat stuff that you don't share with the kids and that's not being selfish. Let go of this one time where she ate your cereal, she didn't know it was off limits. Next shopping trip make sure you are getting a cereal she wants, if she is 13 she may not want a kid's cereal anymore, hence she ate yours....Also, if she really likes it explain how/when/why you buy it: how it's expensive, doesn't fit in the budget, is a treat for you that you indulge occasionally, and offer to SHARE the next box with her.

-hide it. my neice and nephew are always at my parents house and my parents are on a strict budget too. well my sisters piggy kids eat everything in sight soo my mom hides things that are expensive that are just for her in her closet or her filing cabinet. it sounds crazy but food is not cheap and i am a cereal fanatic also and i know it is not cheap for those little boxes. don't say anything to your sd just hide it and if its gone next time you go to have a box just explain to her the situation. at 13 she is able to understand when money is tight.

You're not being selfish at all. Good lord sometimes I have to hide food from my husband!! ;)
If I want to save something to eat later, I will hide it all the way in the back of the fridge so he won't see it. haha I know that sounds really bad but it works, because he will NOT bend down to look way in the back.

We have a neighborhood kid who comes over to play with our son alot, probably about 5 times a week. He loves to snack, OUR snacks. One day I went to grab some apples to bring to work, they were all gone. The culprit? The neighborhood boy. I know its frustrating, they're only kids, but geesh louise. I've taken advice on here to hide more stuff. lol

I think you should be able to have your own box of cereal. We all have favorite foods in this house and there are certain things that are off limits to others.

I just wanted to tell you that a 5 pk of that cereal is avaliable for purchase on their website for 27 bucks. I am not sure of the shipping fees but it might be worth checking into.
Good Luck!

It in the grand scheme of things it is petty but........if it had been your DH or other children not step would you have had the same reaction??? If so, then like your DH you set limits on what you like to share and not share...I think it is ok to have your own things that are off limits....I am curious as to what the cereal is??? LOL. Just relax and go with the flow.

I would just hide it in a weird place she would not think to look! Yes, you can have your special expensive cereal. Next time you are at the cheaper market and she is with you let her pick out some cereal that looks yummy to her. A mom deserves her treats too!

Food is food in my opinion. Anyone can eat whatever is there. Just my opinion.

I would let it go this time and just get another box. When you bring the other box home, be sure to tell everyone in the house that this is MOM'S treat and no one is allowed to eat it. My kids know that occasionally, I will bring something home that they are not allowed to have, simply because it is expensive and if I let them at it, I will never see one bite of it.

How, exactly, will they learn to share? Sharing is giving away something you want. You can keep your own cereal-but don't be shocked out of you mind when living with your family becomes intolerable. Here's an idea: figure out what is in the cereal-and duplicate it, inexpensively in large quantities-you may be surprised how easily this is done.
Here's a recipe:
http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/ina-garten/homemade-gr...

I would tell her it is your cereal because it is the only kind you like. If you don't tell her it is your cereal she will never know and think it is for the family to eat.

I haven't read all the responses, but I've learned some tough lessons with my own stepdaughter so I just want to offer what has helped me.

First, you all should strive to quit thinking of everyone as "step" children...if you all live together, and you and your husband are married, then they should just be your children. It took me a long time to get used to that idea, because I have invested so much into my own children and my stepdaughter, who is raised VERY DIFFERENTLY by her mother, is just used to different ways, rules, and things.

Now, off of step children and on to food. (First, it's my husband, myself, and our two children, ages 6 and 10 months. SD doesn't live with us.) THe only thing in the house right now that is "me only" is the soy ice cream, because my nursing baby is allergic to dairy. My oldest DOES like it (tastes like egg nog), but I've explained to her that she can have the "good stuff" and I only buy it because the "good stuff" makes baby sick.

I was keeping my Milano cookies to myself, but then I thought...how unfair is that? Even though I can only buy one little bag a month, if I can't share them, then I've got a problem. I actually felt super guilty that I told her they were "mommy's treat" and that they were "expensive" and she had all kinds of snacks. Terrible! I felt so bad! So now I share.

If your SD really likes the cereal, tell her you can buy her a box and you a box, and when hers is gone, that's it...that way it is fair. You CAN afford another box, just budget some other way on some other grocery item...OR take her shopping and let her pick a box of cereal she'd like.

I actually had this exact thing with my SD and cereal...when she was here, she would want MY cereal with strawberries in it...instead of all the cereal I buy for the children. I thought, you know, if she eats a bowl or two out of the box and I have to have a bowl or two of the mini-wheats that I don't like, I guess that's okay.

Really, they should be the ones getting the treats, not us.

So now, for a treat, any time I go run errands by myself I buy a candy bar and eat it on the way home. :)

I hope this didn't sound harsh...I was right there with you, but since I've gotten over it I think we're all happier. Food is NOT worth it!

I would question why it's ok that your husband treats your son with so much disrespect?

I am not sure if this has been mentioned and it has nothing to do with your issue but if you contact the cereal company they will send you coupons. I do it all the time.

That stuff IS Heaven in a box. Hide it! =D

i am a step parent and there are plenty of foods in my home that are for me only. we work hard all day and if there is a simple little thing that makes us feel like we're treating ourselves then no, its not selfish.
as another poster said, it was rude of her to eat the whole box. she should learn to ask for things like that. she's 13, old enough to understand that concept.

How about saying 'I love you very much. I think of you as my own child and am so happy you are part of my family. And the granola is my indulgence. Just like X is for you alone."

Then if she wants granola too, what will she give up in exchange. A budget is a budget for everyone. Learning how to live within your means is a great lesson to teach her and is no different for a bio kid or a step kid.

Give her lots of affirmation with your limit and really listen to her response. Also watch her for signs of a response that she's not verbalizing. I'd think the active listening and taking her point of view seriously would be more valuable than trying not to offend her. Besides, maybe she'd understand and it would be a non-issue anyway.

In our house, nothing belongs to just one person. Does that mean that I don't get the kids some treats sometimes? No. Does that mean that I don't have a secret snack sometimes? No.
If it were me, I would have a bowl, to cure my craving, then the rest is either hidden for the next craving, or left for anyone. No way am I going to deny something that sits there for them to see if they want it. That is just cruel and selfish in my opinion.
It is not like most kids get a chance to have a job to get things for themselves. If she's a good kid, then I don't get it.

But, I've never, ever had the slightest selfish bone in my body, so I don't understand how families could have a food in the house and deny it to some but allow others to have have it. It just doesn't seem right? I would feel sooooo guilty knowing that my child likes somethings but not letting them have it because it cost a little bit more than something they would normally have. Strange to me.

What Amy said, and tell your husband he needs to model adult behaviour re. his stuff.