DD is having a sudden anxiety attack, and I am not sure how to handle it...
Here's some background - she has slept by herself in the crib since 3 mos old. And she's been sleeping in her room since 13 mos old. She took the transition from our room to her own room pretty well. We let her cry initially. But within 3 days, the crying gradually reduced to zero, and she took to the new setting. And last few months, DH always tucks her in. They first put away all her toys to sleep, and then he cuddles her for a few min and tucks her in with her two loveys. She smiles, says goodnight, and turns her head and goes to sleep. She sleeps pretty much through, for about 10 hrs.
What changed - For the first time after DD was born, DH had to travel for a couple days, work-related. He was away for 2 nights. The first day, I tucked her in following the same routine that dad and daughter follow. But just as I was going to put her in her crib, her face started crumbling, and she clung really hard to me, and started shivering. I could literally feel tremors running through her. I tried to calm her down, sang to her, but she just kept clinging to me. 2 min further, and she had a huge projectile vomit, and threw up almost all her dinner and her before-bed-time feed. I cleaned it all up, while all the time talking to her gently, trying to make her talk about her toys, etc., and then took her with me to our bedroom, rocked her to sleep. She fell asleep in 2 min. I laid her down beside me for half an hr, and once she was deep asleep, I gently transferred her to her crib. She continued to sleep through the night.
The next day, she did the same before we even reached the crib. And for a 3rd night now, even after DH was back yesterday. So, for the 3rd continuous day, I've been rocking her to sleep on our bed, and have been transferring her to crib afterwards.
She wakes up fine, eats, plays and does her daytime stuff as normal as ever, active and smiling and comfortable. It is only after evenings, she has been literally following me everywhere, and starts trembling even as we mention 'bedtime'. All this, exactly for the last 3 days since DH traveled. She usually goes to bed by 10pm. Her dinner time is normally between 7.15-7.30pm. Bedtime feed is at about 9.30pm.
I understand she is having some kind of sudden separation anxiety attack, but how do I handle this? I absolutely do not mind rocking DD to sleep, or letting her cuddle up beside me for sometime. But I am worried about her panicky action, and her vomiting. She ends up losing most of her dinner. Have any of you faced similar situations? How did you handle them? Am I doing something wrong here? Is there something I can try changing in her schedule? How do I help her start feeling comfortable and secure again?
I'd be very grateful for any ideas or suggestions! Thank you all in advance...
It took so long for me to wait and see what happens!
Thank you for all your suggestions. I continued to rock her to sleep for days. Hubby had to travel again a week later, and this time, she handled it much better. She's gone back to her old routine during daytime napping. I am still rocking her a little to sleep in the night, but she's improved much, and lets me tuck her in her crib once she is really sleepy. Goes to sleep without much trouble.
Hopefully in another week, she'll be happy to go back to her old routine.
(The 2 new small cushions with a tweety and elephant and tassles, that we got for her crib, probably contributed to it a lot! :) )
Phew! Glad to know this kind of anxiety, vomiting behavior is common in kids of this age.
Separation anxiety is common at that age. It will probably take a while to shift back to a new routine so take it slow--I suggest you and your husband alternate but do the same routine. I had my kids in the crib in my bedroom until age 2 so we did things differently. My 6 year old still hates to be alone in his room, especially at night.
By BF's son went through the same thing at about the same age. She talked to her pediatrician about it, and believe it or not, this is quite common. He would get himself so worked up at bedtime and then vomit in his crib. It was especially bad when she was not there and he was home with Dad, but even when she was there the vomiting would occur. The pediatrician told her not to positively reinforce the behavior by taking him out of the bed and bringing him in with her, etc. She also told her to line the bed with various blankets so that when he did vomit, she could easily peel off one layer and leave him with something clean to sleep on without having to take him out of bed. The doc told her to clean him up, lay him back down, and move on with her night. After a few weeks, his behavior stopped.
I would talk to your ped about it to get his/her advice as well. Good luck and so sorry! I know how scary this can be.
mine did the same thing at about that age.. minus the vomiting.. they suddenly realize the they are going to bed and mom and dad go away..
Just a warning.. if you rock or hold her to sleep for a few days.. taht will be the new bedtime routine.. and you will have to break the habit later. I know she needs the extra attention now.. but someday you will have to break the habit..
Keep on reassuring her. I am glad you are willing to cuddle and rock her; she is still really a baby and it's not spoiling her to do this. Some kids really need their routines, and her dad's trip, even for just two nights, rocked her little world, even though you followed the same routine as dad; in time, she will be fine with either of you doing it, but she was very attuned to his being there at bedtime. Don't change her schedule -- stick to the one you were using before this.
The trembling and vomiting at bedtime are a bit much, but some children do tend to vomit when very upset, and this seems so clearly tied to bedtime anxiety. Now that your husband is back, has he returned to putting her to bed or are you still doing it? If you are doing it, you could try having him return to bedtime duty exactly as he did before. But you might also stay in sight where she can know you too are around.
Remember, she is at an age where she may still think that when one of you is gone -- especially at bedtime -- you are gone for good. Out of sight equals disappeared forever, to a small child. She is right on the cusp of being old enough to transition to knowing you are really there when she can't see you, but again, at bedime many young kids suddenly seem much younger, needier and clingier than they are during the day, when they can seem confident and outgoing. That is very typical for toddlers at bedtime.
I think you are handling this well, truly. Keep to the routines, make sure dad is putting her to bed, but also be where she knows YOU have not left, and continue being gentle and never fussing when she vomits. She is not old enough yet to "do it on purpose to manipulate you" as some moms on here sometimes claim little kids do; she's just not old enough yet to pull that kind of stunt. She's vomiting out of pure stress.
It's only been three nights of this; you may have to let tiime take care of it, and the fact that dad is back.
I think you're handling this in a good way. Continue to reassure her.
I might try telling a story, during the day time about a little girl who has these same things happening to her. Talk about why this little girl may be doing this and make some suggestions about what could make the little girl feel better. End the story with the little girl calm and happy once more.
