Is hanging out a thing of the past? Do you think the trend of planning every second of childs time is going to end soon?
I am tempted to try and relocate to a lazier life somewhere else. What are summers like in your neighyborhood?
My son has had a heck of a time trying to get together with other kids. It amazes me that despite having so many kids in the area that hardly anyone seems to be allowed just to hang out. It summer and I have no once seen a kid out and about in the neigbohood in the two weeks they have been out of school.
It always seems that so many kids are overbooked. We often will get him into programs just because that is what everyone does and it is about the only time he gets to hang out with friends. This summer we are planning a long and pricey trip out of state and we don't have the funds, plus working around are vacation time has left us with few options. He has been calling kids everyday and no one is home? Really? And we are in an area where there is quite a few families with a parent at home during the day. Now he is not the most social kid on the around, but has a pretty good group. I feel bad for him, and have offered to get him into something, but he wants to just have some time to hang out with a friend.
So he is now online with several boys and will be for hours, but these kids are not allowed to come over for various reason. And I know it is not us, becuase they do hang out just when it is "planned". It is always just so darned draining to "plan out" their time together. Hello, they are 12 not 6. I do not need some long drawn out, "play date" for kids this age. It is all about this weired scheduling phenomonom that seems to rule peoples lives. I have gotten, oh I am not ready for my kids to be using the phone yet.
Two of the responses I got today is that sounds great lets plan it? Why do we need to plan it when the kids are doing nothing at the moment and want to hang out. So we have "plans for next week" for two of his friends. I guess a 12 year old must be present to go the post office. And the other child can not hang out with a friend unless his sibling has a "play date" as well. Even though all the kids get along.
I am all planned out, Peace!
Michelle feel free to send him over!
I really do not understand having every minute the day booked for the kids. Some of my favorite memories are of finding or creating something to do when we were "bored". I feel sorry for the kids who cannot entertain themselves.
I was happy to see that my daughter got out all of the Lego's yesterday. Yes it is a mess but she is will play with them for days.
I think there are a few things going on here -
With SAHMs, I've noticed a lot of effort in trying to get kids out of their hair. And then they complain about how "busy" they are.
Which brings me to my 2nd annoyance - I am so sick of hearing the "I'm just SO busy... I couldn't possibly fit in 3 hours for you 2 weeks from now. We have playdates, swimming & summer camps & a gazillion memberships to every place in the city." Really? Get over yourself. So, you don't even have time to eat, then?! No one's THAT busy. I think that some people tend to embellish how "busy" they are to feel that they are important.
I thought we'd be busier, too. Everyone says "let's hang", but then when it comes to actually figuring it out, they always have something to do. Whatever. God forbid your kid had some down time.
I don't have advise for you and your son, but I just wanted to complain about the "planning every second of a childs time". I am so bothered by this. I can't figure out if it is that moms don't want to deal with their kids in the summer, or what it is. I have contacted a few friends to get together for pool time, park time, play dates and so on, and all I get is "Oh well ok, but we have Lego camp next week, soccer camp at the Y the week after that, and swim lessons every day the following week, then football starts next month, so yes we want to spend time with you guys, but nope, doesn't look like thats going to happen." lol My kids (6&3) are doing NOTHING this summer.. Isn't that what its about? Why the schedule? Why the constant driving and dropping off. Enjoy your children. I will never be "that" mother, and I am proud of that.
I find this frustrating as well. Just send your kid over! Now, tomorrow, whatever. I'll pick him up if I can, even. My son is 13. Why does a playdate for a kid that age always have to be booked in advance? Is their 13 y.o. a lawyer or a doctor??? 0_o
I see you are in TX. We are in AZ. Its very hot in both places. When the kids get out of school we joke with the neighbors that we will see them when school starts again. That's because its simply too hot to play outside in the neighborhood like they do in winter. All of our kids are in the house or in the pool. So it may be the same for your neighborhood. Good luck.
My daughter has been calling friends all week and hardly anyone is home. But school just got out and a lot of families have gone on vacation.
Where I live a lot of people belong to swim and tennis clubs (including us) so we spend a lot of time just hanging out at the pool and my daughter usually finds a friend there (if you have a public pool maybe you could get a pass and spend some time there this summer?)
She's also going to do three or four weeks of day camps, because yes I am one of those SAHMs who wants my kid out of my hair sometimes!
I would send an email to a few of your son's friends moms asking them what their plans are and when would be a good time for the boys to get together.
I'm in the 'camp' of having signed my daughters up for camp bc I was afraid no one else would be around. It's a circular thing nowadays I think... But, the camps are only partial days and sometimes my daughters don't go bc they just want to stay home. I would be very open to a mom calling and asking for a playdate ahead of time and then I'd have them skip camp that day too. I would love for them to just hang out all summer but mine are only 5 and 6.5 so not making phone calls themselves yet. If I were you, I'd try some of your sons' friends' moms to see if maybe the kids are home early afternoon from camp so they could hang out then or if you offer to host at your house, ask if their son(s) would like to skip camp and just come hang out one day. I'm not looking for my kids to be scheduled every minute etc - signing them up was a defensive move - so you might find other moms in the same frame of mind who woulnd't mind their kids missing some camp days. Sure, we paid for the camp but I don't care as the whole point is for the kids to have fun so however that is accomplished best is the decision maker for me. Some moms might say no bc they paid for camp but hopefully not all.
I think it's ridiculous to have your kids in all these freaking activities that they can't go hang out with kids and develop friendships. My son is 10 going to be 11 in a week and we have had the same problem for quite some time now. I feel bad for him. I hope that "Hanging Out is not a thing of the past. I'd like to know why all this money is being spent on activities when kids should just enjoy being kids and that money be put into a saving account for the kids college or other future planning. Let them be kids now and adults later. It's Absurd!!!
How frustrating. We feel lucky - we live in a neighborhood with plenty of kids and they all love to play together. Yes our son does some camps and some lessons this summer but he still has plenty of down time at home. He usually (not always, but often) is able to find a couple other kids who are ready to play and they go play baseball or catch or jump on our trampoline. I bet it has just been bad timing so far and if you keep calling people eventually things will work out to set up some play dates. Is he allowed to walk over to any neighborhood friend's houses to go ask if kids can come out and play? Is he doing a camp or a sport or swim lessons or anything where he sees other kids? That is when we will sometimes set up a time for another kid to come over. We joined a neighborhood pool and he always sees one or more kids from school he knows. Keep trying and don't give up! You did not say how old your son is but it does help to have him in one activity. This week our son did "golf camp" which was only 45 minute a day, but it helped to see other kids and we planned to meet people at the pool or have another little boy come over one afternoon. Don't give up! I'm sure one of his friends will be back in town or less busy soon. You should try talking to/emailing a bunch of his classmates parents. That is another thing I will do.
I just read your So What Happened. Crazy. It does sound like the parents of some of his friends are a little strange about things. So sorry to hear that! How frustrating for your son. I do know some parents like this. I talked to one mom and she said her son has been asking to play with my son for the last few months. I said, great, when shall they get together? I was ready to have her son over the next day or whenever. She said, oh, I'll call you to plan something and she never did.
Oops - Sorry about giving you some bad advice. My son is only 7. I think with 12 year olds they can just call each other and set their own times to meet (if it's ok w the parents) right? You are right - these boys parents are being a little controlling.
Do you have a community pool?
