Supernanny Parents ONLY: Daughter Getting up from the Naughty Spot for 10 Hours?

If you have to have a naughty spot when you go out to eat, you have bigger problems than any of us can help with. Most of us just pick up the misbehaving child and leave.

I don't think you or this is for real.
If it is, you're just plain insane and cruel, if it's not, then you're just crazy.

.

I guess your daughter doesn't watch the show so she doesn't know this is supposed to work?

Sorry but I find this funny on many levels not the least of which my name is J.. :p

Has it occurred to you that time outs (naughty spot) don't work with all kids? Time outs never worked with my kids and would you believe they became good kids anyway? Crazy I know.

My best bit of parenting advice, and I can say this cause I am a J. :), never get so invested in a parenting technique that you fail to see it isn't working.

hitting is a pickle for sure, and i too would not let it pass.
but punishing a child for going on 12 hours for an infraction that should have been dealt with in 4 minutes?
seriously?
the intelligent parent realizes that not all methods work cookie-cutter fashion for all kids, and builds in enough flexibility to deal with their OWN children's individual temperments.
:/
khairete
S.

I'm even struggling wondering if this question is actually real.
I honestly cannot believe you spent an entire day trying to complete a 4 minute time out.
You need to chill, your child is only 4!
Next time it might be better to pick her up and put her in the room and close the door for 4 minutes.
Open it after the 4 minutes and ask her if she wants to come out and be a good girl now. She will most likely say "yes".

What a family.
I can see where your daughter gets her control issues.
You seriously gave up a day of your life trying to enforce a time out?
Even Supernanny would suggest trying something else.
I think you and your wife need to sign up for a parenting or an early childhood education class, like now. I like Supernanny and I find her advice to be very good and helpful but it is a TV SHOW, not the Holy Grail of perfect parenting :(

You only want Supernanny advice? Then call Supernanny. There are so many other ways to handle this. Now it's not about the hitting at all, it's about the 4 minute time out. Chalk this up to a learning experience and try something different next time. Just because Supernanny techniques work for some doesn't mean they will work for your daughter.

Added: A little advice about strong willed children- Strong willed isn't a bad thing. It's a very GOOD personality! Don't ruin that in your child. Read the books The Happiest Baby on the Block and The Happiest Toddler on the Block. The books have wonderful insights on how to parent peacefully.

What parent in their right mind would punish a child for this long? Obviously you need to move on to something else. Your child is now overstimulated- overtired- overhungry and everything else. Has your child eaten? use the restroom? had access to water? I think you need to stop the "naughty spot" and find something else.

Sorry buddy...you and your wife are insane. 10 hours? At age 4?

Take a parenting class or get some sense. I feel very, very sorry for your child.

This is a joke, right? I cannot even imagine anyone trying to keep a 4 year old in time out for ten hours, so this HAS to be a joke. Please, someone hurry up with this punchline, because really, it's not funny.

I call TROLL. Guys, come on! It is not now 7PM ANYWHERE in the USA!

Have you thought about why your daughter hit your wife? Sounds like there may be factors that you are not revealing.

Please rethink your "SuperNanny" training, it sounds like it is not working for your family. 10 hours is a long time for everyone in the family to deal with a 4 year old temper tantrum.

You guys must be a lot of fun to be around.
If you need to punish for 10 straight hours, your discipline method is not working. I don't give a rat's butt who recommended it; it isn't working.

Vizzarion:

Welcome to mamapedia.

Jo would NEVER keep a child in the naughty spot for 10 hours. I would scratch and scream and hit as well.

You need some serious help. I would write to the show in the UK - who knows - maybe she will write you back!! YOU NEED HELP!!!

My son was an obstinant bugger. I didn't use a naughty spot, but did place him in the corner. The first several times I did, I had to stand behind him, using my body to hold him there until he got the message. I've had 4 kids and every single one of them had a different reaction to various punishments. I don't think this one works for your daughter. I would be coming up with something different.

First of all, Supernanny ISN'T super.

Anyone who understands children would know that having cameras all over the place and taping a child's behavioral problems and worst moments for *the entire world to see for posterity* is NOT to the child's benefit. It is invasive and treats the child as a commodity-- something to be used to prove her point. Some of her methods are effective for most kids-- I really like returning kids to their bed wordlessly-- but in many situations, parents need more than one option.

I say this having worked with kids for 20 years and know from whence I speak.

The other piece of this is that you cannot rely on one parenting method alone. Part of the reason things work for S-Nanny is that she is not the child's parent. Kids are generally more compliant for strangers, and she doesn't have the power struggles and enmeshment issues that the family unit often has.

You need OTHER parenting tools, V. You need to explore other options. Me, if my five-year old son was 'fighting' a time out, I'd have him go to his room and be in there until he was ready to do the time out. Yes, he might play in there. It might not be 'enough' of a punishment to some, but think of it-- he gets NO attention, he is not allowed to socialize, come to meals, nothing, until he's ready to comply with sitting on that damn chair for five minutes.

Guess what? With this method, we don't have a lot of power struggles. He has an 'out' to go get himself together and come back when he's reasonably able to comply. Sometimes, kids need a break from the dynamic, esp. when they ARE trying to challenge our authority. Putting him in his room-- I'm still in charge. He's still going to have to do what I ask. I am NOT going to waste my precious time giving him loads of attention for misbehaving, and that's exactly what happened in your situation.

What your daughter got was TEN WHOLE HOURS of attention from you and your wife. Negative attention is STILL attention.

Try Love and Logic classes. If you were in my area, I'd suggest the Parent Support Center; they use the book "Taking Charge: Caring Discipline That Works at Home and at School".

I'm not a touchy-feeling permissive parent, not by any means. I am authoritative and my son knows that I do mean business. What you need to figure out is how to make her noncompliance *her* problem, not your problem. The Taking Charge book is great for this.

As for currency, in my opinion, social inclusion is probably the best currency for many kids. Being sent to one's room is the opposite.

i think some times you have to J. call it quits and go to bed. kids get in bad moods like adults. imagine being at work or in a fight with your wife and her punnishing you for 10 hours straight. give her a hug, go to bed and start over in the morning with a good attitude.

There's another nanny for the US, I think.

But before you call a show, you might want to call someone local if you are at your wit's end.

But before THAT, I would look at the situation. If my DD got up for hours and hours, I'd frankly try something else like putting her in her room. Why did she hit? And is she getting a reaction from you by getting up all the time? Or is she getting no attention/no reaction? Sometimes kids will do bad things for attention. And sometimes it devolves into a simple power of wills. That's why I've put my DD in her room before (where she doesn't like to be with the door shut - if you think your DD would destroy a room or simply play, think of another place). Just this AM she went to her room while I cleaned up a massive juice spill that she did on purpose.

I wouldn't go on for even 3 hours. What I have told DD is that if she's still that cranky, she needs to go somewhere else (tantrums get no audience here) or to bed to sleep. There are times when I put her in her room and she does just fall asleep.

While I am a fan of a proper time out, I feel like there's a bit of info missing here. Or that you need to look at something in the bigger picture. Is your DD typically a child who fights and fights and fights til she wins? Maybe you need to do something different so you're not hostage to her. My SS was motivated by money and video games. His sister could watch you throw away all her toys and not flinch. But tell her no party? That got her attention. Find out what makes her tick and use it.

If you were trying to prove to your daughter that Daddy and Mommy are in charge and you will obey no matter what, you will show respect no matter what, then your point wasn't made and you didn't use the naughty spot correctly. How do I know? It lasted ten hours. Instead your daughter held you hostage in the house, turned the entire day upside down, and all you proved was you could be bigger, badder, and more intimidating. She spent far longer in time out than four minutes when it comes right down to it, which means you punished her for far longer than she deserved.

You didn't take into account how impulsive four year olds are. You didn't take into account how emotional they are. You didn't take into account the fact that you don't need to drive the point home so severely. You can set boundaries and lay down rules without wasting an entire day to try to prove a point that was already proven.

Either change the technique or find a new method of discipline. The same method doesn't work every single time even if it's worked before for the same child. That's just life.

Supernanny is a TV show. Do you really think Jo was successful 100% of the time? Highly doubtful. The show is butchered & edited so you're not getting the whole picture.

My advice? Talk to your DD's doctor, and get some family counseling.

I've seen Jo do that on the show, and she used that technique for most of the kids. However, there were some examples when she did not use that technique and explained to the parents why and what they were going to do instead.

This would work great with my older son. He responded very well to my adaptation. My 3 year old, however, would be just as head strong, if not more so, than your daughter.

Personally, I wouldn't even let it go 3 hours. With my 3 year old, I put him in his room and closed the door. I know Jo has given reasons why she does not usually suggest using the child's bedroom for a timeout, but it really works for him.

Make a few adjustments and adapt the technique to fit your daughter. But, yes, I think going more than an hour means she won.

Does she normally stay put for 4 minutes? And she just wasn't complying? I probably would have stuck her in her room at that point with the door shut, especially if she was ratcheting up the bad behavior with hitting, scratching and screaming. No way would that fly in our house!

ETA: My daughter has had days where everything is a reason to have a melt-down and her ability to listen and cooperate just flies out the window. Usually it is because she is overtired and really needs to catch up on her sleep. She would get disciplined for such behavior by having to stay in her room until she can pull herself together and be nice again, but then we'll be trying to get her down for a nap or an early bedtime later. Any chance your daughter was overtired or upset about something else entirely? That happens with my DD a lot too - whatever she appears to be upset about is just the tip of the iceberg. Discipline still happens, but we talk about it later too. Like others have said, don't get so caught up in a particular discipline strategy if it clearly is not working - better to come up with something else that will be easier to enforce. Sounds like this went from trying to teach a lesson to turning into a power struggle and you were just bound and determined to make the time-out stick because you are the parent and she is the child. I am trying more and more to get my daughter (who is 5) to understand the reasons behind why I need her to listen and behave, and to see how much easier and more fun life is when she does - I don't want to just blindly obey me because I don't expect her to have a will of her own. What do you want your daughter to take from this?

What the heck does the show have to do with this? This is common sense parenting - Jo ain't all that honey! Sounds like you've got a hard-headed little person in your house. It's going to take a little longer than what the well- produced TV SHOW actually aired.

**guys - I don't think this is a real post...

I watch Supernanny and like some of her techniques. I understand that you are trying to be consistent, however this technique is for most, but not all children. Make sure there's a good balance with love/acceptance and the discipline. Also, she may have neurologic issues that you're not aware of and it may be impossible for her to do what you want her to do. That is probably not the case, I'm just throwing it out there because it could very well be a factor you might want to consider. I feel bad for your daughter, because going that long could be damaging her self esteem, emotional psyche and her relationship with you. She's probably afraid and feels like she doesn't have a "safe place". Relax.

With ANY behavior modification system , they don't all work with all kids. And if she's spending that much time in time out then it's not working.
Find her currency , every kid has a currency. Find what makes her tick and use it.
Take away things, no TV no fun stuff, etc. no extras.
no desert. You get the point .
In my house, what you describe is classified as defiance and that gets a spanking.

Well, another post on a thread about trolls thinks that you are a troll. I'm really thinking about that because I have NEVER heard of anyone doing time out (which is the same thing as the naughty chair) for 10 hours.

If you are for real, and if your wife has done this all day long with a 4 year old, you are all in need of family therapy.

Just to add, I am a fan of Supernanny. BUT, obviously, the supernanny approach doesn't work for your daughter, or your wife does it wrong. Talk to the pediatrician about getting a play therapist to come in and observe your family. That will be worth more than Supernanny, to your family, at least.

Dawn

I don't think this is a real post. But, if it is, what sort of parent would punish their child for so long? She's 4!! Ten hours? That's just plainc cruel. Obviously this technique is not working for your child. Move on. A good parent has to be willing to be flexible when the situation calls for it.

Sounds like a rough day. I would let go of this incident. Start fresh tomorrow.

Sounds like your 4 year old had you both on time out.

As many have said before this particular technique isn't working for her and you need to have some other technique in your bag of tricks to discipline her that won't punish you too.

I'm not going to even tell you how that would be addressed in my home since you only want Supernanny advice but our method was effective especially for hitting a parent. My youngest is now 16 and the other 6 are older than him and none of them have ever even considered hitting me. Especially my son.

Not a supernanny parent, DS is a bit young, but curious about this -
did you feed her or have her go to the bathroom during this time?
won't it be bedtime soon? Can you tell her it will be more of the same all day tomorrow if she doesn't get it right?

Thanks for the info.
good luck with your DD.
F. B.

I would hazard a guess that the 'naughty spot' is not working. So if you do get your child to sit on this spot for 4 minutes - do you think she even remembers she got there for hitting. How is this power struggle (which you are losing, she is losing and no one is winning) going to help her make the right decision and not hit next time? I suspect your daughter would listen to super nanny because she is a stranger, she has no history with her and no expectations. Sorry, but it sounds like you need to new tools in the toolbox and it is time to give this one up. That is not at all unusual - many tools 'work' for a while, then the child reaches a new level of maturation and it is time for some new ones.

Are you talking to her at all? For the technique to work, you cannot talk to the child or make eye-contact, even if the child gets up, calls you names, hits you again, etc. NO reward for the behavior, not even negative attention.

P.S. Let your poor daughter get up. At this point, her time-out is longer than her memory.

Well, it seems she has a stronger will that this punishment. I would surely have tried something else by now.

Wouldn't you want to get up! She is 4, she probably forgot what she did wrong after the first hour, I am not going to apologize for this, but your frickin mean. There is obviously more to whats going on. Try looking within, becasue your children are a reflection of YOU!

get the book 1,2,3 magic and read it then follow it. you will have much better luck than with a show that was created for tv

I am familiar with this technique and all i can say is to keep it up. You may just have a child that is more strong willed than the children on the show (just cause they misbehave does not mean they were born with the strong willed personality some children display). I have a child like yours and she is only 2 (3 at the end of this month). I have in the past spent 12 hrs trying to achieve a 2 min time out), good news is that after this one day we have not had any more episodes like this. Now she will cry the entire time she is in the corner but will sit her time and then we move on with our day.

Don't use time outs. Children misbehave because they have trouble managing the negative emotions that drive them to their behavior. If they learn how to manage the emotions that drive them to their behavior, they will behave. We all experience negative emotions. When a loved one dies, we grieve. When something that belongs to us is stolen, we get upset, angry. Children are not born with the ability to manage the emotions that drive them to their behavior. It is true that punishment, even a threat of punishment, will result in immediate compliance. But when a child is punished, they think about how to not get caught next time and feel resentment towards the teachers and angry about the punishment, rather then think about their behavior. That anger can result in more misbehavior because punishment doesn't teach children how to manage that anger and other negative emotions. That also means, because adults are not helping a child manage his/her emotions, the child will find another place to do the same thing where they will be 100% sure s/he was not going to be in trouble. S/he only cares about punishment. If the child gets up from time out, s/he gets placed back and more time out is done. In fact, the way we respond to their behavior actually shapes their brain development so do we teach them to calm or to escalate crises? When a child is able to effectively manage the emotions that drive them to their behavior, s/he has self-discipline. Discipline such as time, taking away privileges outs is what we call external discipline. Rather than the child shaping their own behavior, we shape their behavior. S/he never learns self-discipline, which is managing the emotions that drive them to their behavior. We do need to discipline them also to teach them how to manage the emotions that drive them to their behavior. There are non-punitive ways to do that. Children should not be forced to apologize. When a child is made to apologize, this is a forced apology and not a true indicator of a child's remorse. S/he are taught that an apology is a negotiating tool and not taught empathy or remorse. Children need limits with empathy. Teachers need to use words like " You wish you could play more. You love to play." (You're acknowledging their emotions). Then you set the limit. "But we have to do work now. We can play later." This will help children learn to empathize and when we care about others, we treat them with respect. A child does not have the conceptual ability to understand right from wrong until puberty. They only understand action and reaction. They perform an action, adults react to it. So they are going to misbehave. Here's a good parenting source.
http://www.ahaparenting.com/