Supernanny Technique - How Many Times Did You Have to Return Your Child to Bed?

I did her thing for 3 months, and it NEVER worked ... I even applied to the show to have her show me where I went wrong! Then daddy said we were done ... then we found out my son's disorders were getting in the way.

WOW! I thought my daughter was bad at 16 times! It does get better. I know it's not conventional, but after so many times we told her we were going to lock her door....and then we did. After she fell asleep we used the key to unlock it so if she needed us she could come get us. She is extremely strong willed too, we tried everything else first, taking toys, just putting her back in, once at 10:30 I even swatted her for it. None of it worked, but when she realizes the door is locked she gives up and goes to sleep.

Hang in there! I had to do this with my older daughter after we brought home her new little sister. Each night it will get a little bit better. I had a hard time and it took me a week or so. I think it is good for the same person to do it every night so they have consistency and know you mean business. Don't give up, stay as calm as you can and remember, this too shall pass!
Good luck!!

It was probably 5-6+ years ago, but in my mind, I returned him to bed 4,675,429 times exactly.

Way to hang tough!

You may not like my answer but I will say it anyways. Perhaps, ask yourself what is more important to you? Your child's feeling secure and loved 'the way' he wants to or 'the way' you want to 'condition' him, just because supernanny said so, your neighbors or your friends did so and were successful. I doubt how many of those stories are truthfully told.

Sure, it is possible to break any human being's spirit and 'condition' them and get a child to sleep ‘eventually’ but there are other consequences that no one talks about or can relate to -bedwetting, night terrors, child's constant quest for your love by making excuses for needing water, food, or going to bathroom, asking constantly for hugs or carrying them, telling you there are monsters in room, being clingy... just to get parents to ‘pay attention’ to them and show them you love them (No, a million times saying 'I love you' means absolutely nothing if we don't show love ‘the way’ our loved ones want from us). And, then we also find problem with their asking for attention!

Sure it may not be the case for all kids as every child has a different style and I may be over generalizing for the kids I see around who are conditioned to sleep - I find lonely, unsociable, unhappy, indifferent, mean, sad, bedwetters, having night terrors, crying a lot at little hurt or falling down, or losing a toy. Then of course, we find labels for such problems as well and take drastic measures to solve such problems.

All a child needs is warmth and closeness of parents especially in early five-nine years. When feeling secure in love, the child by his/her own same 'strong will' will naturally learn to be independent. I have always wondered if kids also wonder why mommy and daddy get to sleep in same bed snuggled to each other but they are denied the same warmth. Can you explain that to a child? They are supposed to be lonely in their prime love getting and building security years and wait until they grow up to sleep with someone in bed? We don't let them sleep with us or in our room because it is inconvenient to us. Sure, we can't have sex or watch late night TV or movies when they are in our room but isn't it more about our inconvenience and less about getting a child to sleep on his own?

No one ever needs training for sleeping or going potty for that matter. These come naturally when a child matures with age and develops such physical and emotional control but no, we want to take the credit for getting them trained on our clock not their biological clock! There are many cultures around the world where kids are not trained for sleep but they still sleep well because they are kept close to parents in early years. They don't suffer from insomnia or other sleep disorders. Andy by no means they are clingy or suffer from separation anxiety.

I personally find it a lot more easier and peaceful and get plenty sleep and rest when I have my child in our room, his bed snug close to our bed (we gradually moved his bed away) and neither parent ever had to get up to tend to him. If he gets up, seeing us right there, happily goes back to sleep with a huge smile of relief on his face. I highly recommend reading these two books,
-Smart Love and Addicted to Unhappiness by Martha and William Pieper

Oh gosh, we did it for four hours every night for about 1 month. NEVER WORKED. Exact Supernanny way. It might get better for you, because he is 3 1/2. Mine is only 22 months, and we had to do this at 20 months. I was crying, at my wits end. My hubby wanted to lock her in, but I wasn't comfortable with that idea at first. I took her for her well visit to the pediatrician and he said, put a gate up. Well guess what? I had already done that and she climbed over that. So then he said, lock her in. It took ONE night, I am not even kidding and she never came out again. We locked her in until she fell asleep and then unlocked it. She didn't cry too hard that first night either, more of a mad cry and then it was over so fast. And the next night, she never came out and hasn't since. It really saved me honestly. I don't think everyone would agree with it, but it worked. We have always had a bedtime routine for her since birth so I didn't need to do anything that way and I literally had tried everything. I think it will get better for you, hang in there! And good job!

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Keep. On. Doing. It.

Right now you're sore and tired and you will be for a while. This will take longer because he's older and knows the stakes better than a small toddler would. He'll fight you longer than he would have a year back. But don't backtrack now or you're back at square one. So many moms on here post things along these lines: "We've tried everything in the book...nothing works...we tried X and Y and Z...." But they didn't stick consistently to anything long enough to really make any one thing work. Kids know when you're being inconsistent.

Don't carry him to bed. Ever. Make him walk, turn him gently with your hands back toward bed and keep your hands on his shoulders all the way there. Do not speak to him after maybe the first "Night is for sleeping" or whatever the first time you do it. If you interact with him at all it becomes a game and he's getting attention. Hooray for your calmness - that is vital because if you get angry or upset or even talk, he will pick up on that and be more wakeful.

Your husband, by the way, needs to figure out how to control that temper and help you. He will have one exhausted, resentful wife (he didn't help) and a son who thinks only mom handles the bedtime routine (because dad did not model any bedtime routine with him). The first time you're away at bedtime your son will walk all over his dad and if your husband's got a temper now, well, what will happen then?

Good for you! I hope it is easier tonight.

We are about to tackle this with our almost 4 year old, and I'm sure it will be over 100 times for him too.

Not what you're asking, but you may want to think through both his bed time and his bedtime routine. As I was reading your description, I immediately thought of what I read about how once a kid passes their bedtime, their brain believes it HAS to stay awake so it releases a chemical to keep them up. Thus they get beyond sleeping, because as overtired as they are their brain won't let them sleep. He may be overtired, and he missed his window to sleep, and he's chemically wound up and will keep going until the whole system shuts down. TV before bed exacerbates this, as the movements of the lights/screen are mentally stimulating.

So an earlier bedtime and a more soothing routine may help. Check out "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Dr Marc Weissbluth, I found it very helpful.
Good luck!

omg girl....you are me!! i was SO mad at supernanny - she NEVER told me how long it REALLY takes! they make it look like one night, an hour or two, and it's done, easy peasy. (ok she doesn't make it look that EASY) but seriously...i did probably over a hundred the first night too - and i was sooo relieved when it worked. and exhausted, and sore, and emotionally drained...THEN i found out, OMG...IT TAKES MORE THAN ONE NIGHT!?!?!?

i was sooooo p*%^($!!! lol.

hang in there. it really works. REALLY. the next night the time it took was cut drastically - the third night, it was only like ten or fifteen minutes and he was done.

i wish i had known you were going to do it, i would have prepared you!

BUT like i said, it WORKS, and it's SO worth it. hang in there girlfriend!

God bless you! Our pediatrician said the earlier we started the easier it would be, so we did it at 21 months and had no problem. He has his lovie and his Pillow Pet and he's fine.

But I read up on the technique so I'd know what to do and I'd read somewhere it took a mom 65 times the first night, and she and everywhere else I've read said that it improves little by little each night. That particular mom said it took 5 days and her son knew he had to stay in bed.

Put up a baby gate, you can stack two, one on top of the other, to keep him in his room. Close the door, and you or your husband (his child, too) can sit on the outside (have a comfy chair and magazines or something to work on) and don't interact when he opens the door, just point to the bed. (I've read this in many of the examples from parents who used Supernanny's technique, you're not alone.) That way you won't have to continuously carry him back to bed.

The key is consistency, and it certainly sounds as if you have that down 100%. Oh, and hopefully you've ditched the crib tent. Because of the risk of strangulation or suffocation to a baby or toddler once they can take it down, the manufacturers recommend you no longer use them at this point.

Hang in there, and do something nice for yourself!

i read this mom gave out "passes" that the child is allowed to use to get out of their room at night. something physical like a foam card with a character on it. let's say 10 "batman passes" (or whatever character your child is really into) a week (start high then decrease the #). if by the end of the week the child hasn't used all passes then the child gets a little surprise. i know it's bad to bribe but... it might work. our daughter was in a toddler bed before she was 2, and we would walk her back to our room like you. then one day i put on the childproof door handle thing so she couldn't get out. in just a few days she knew she couldn't get out and didn't try. but she wasn't trying to go potty at night. by the time she was 2.5 we took it off because of that. good luck!

Another poster had a similar thing, but my son has tickets to get out of bed. After 3 tickets he MAY NOT get out of bed. (He is 6 though). He used to burn them up right away and then he learned to space them out and now he doesn't use them very much. But I started the tickets b/c he was excessively getting out of bed.

I can't believe how tired you must be! good luck!

I've had to return my daughter to her toddler bed two to three times a night. Last night though it was just once so I think we're getting somewhere with this. Regardless, I wish we had this done and taken care of! It's tiring being pregnant and having to get up so many times and she needs to be in her own bed in her room, not ours.

What you are doing is absolutely correct and it does get better. There will be good and bad nights for a while - just like potty training! It sounds like he is ready for a toddler/big boy bed. You didn't mention anything about that?

I am sure that I would not have been able to stay calm and silent. Kudos to you, mom! Maybe you can try putting a baby gate in front of his door so even if he gets up, he can't get out.

oooh man!! I bow to you!!! I am not sure I wouldn't have lost my cool after 50x!!!!

My daughter was a "let me see what I can get away with"...how she made it to 25 is beyond me!! LOL!!!

My boys? Rarely did I have a problem with them getting out bed...Nicholas is my boy that takes FOREVER to go to sleep - but he doesn't usually get out of bed...he just tosses and turns...Greg?! He was the "perfect" baby!! Now that he's a tween'er?! OH MY!! I want my baby back!!! :)

My daughter would get out of bed 10 to 25 times...each time it was the same...I need a drink of water. I wanted to make sure you were okay. I wanted to tell you I love you....our response was the same - thank you. it is bed time...let's go back to bed...it took about 2 weeks of the SAME response to get her to stay in bed...she was allowed to get up to go to the bathroom or a drink of water but not to just wander about.

Just keep with the SAME response...DO NOT make it a game. He might need a reward system for staying in bed. I don't know.

GOOD LUCK!!!

You've had some many very good repsonse already so I will echo what everyone is saying: keep doing it! Consistency is the key here. As another mom said, do not carry him back to bed; make him walk, no talking, no eye contact....nothing! Dad needs to get over his temper, get w/the program & be supportive. In the morning, if your son has stayed in bed then praise him to the high heavens & maybe link it to a sticker chart. Once he gets an amount of stickers you agree on, then he gets some kind of reward. Best of luck!

I haven't had the chance to read the other responses, but we did this religiously and calmly for months. Our son would get up 70+ times a night. We finally told him that he could get out of bed three times and after that, we would close the door (his door has a kiddie latch on the inside so he can't get out). It worked like a charm. And it still works. We make sure that he can't turn on any lights and that there is nothing for him to play with in his room. We even have a little potty in there and a water bottle so he can't make any excuses about needing to come out. I told him that I will give him "cold pricklies" if he needs me to come in after the door is closed. Since he doesn't want to be yelled at, he usually complies. Good luck! This was tremendously frustrating for us. I'm glad we finally took the tough road. I think it paid off.

Unfortunately, it would have been ultimately easier if you had done this sooner, not later. I'm really not sure how long it will take to teach him since you have waited so long. My kids were in toddler beds at 14 and 18 mo. b/c that's when they climbed out of their cribs on the lowest level. At those ages, I had to put them back in bed probably 30x a night for a week, then less and less after that. I would just take them by the hand, (or carry them if they wouldn't walk) and place them in bed and say "it's time to go to sleep now, you have to stay in bed". sometimes they ended up falling asleep on the rug instead of in bed, but that's ok!!
we also had a bedtime routine...baths made my kids excited, so we did those earlier in the day. we just did washing face and hands, brushing teeth, reading a story or 2, singing a few songs, kisses and hugs, then bed...our routine has pretty much stayed the same and my kids are now 5 and 7. I also have gotten smart and now do "last chance" for a drink or snack before brushing teeth. that way the kids know there's no whining that they're hungry or thirsty after that point (one less excuse for getting up later). basically, you have to set some reasonable rules and remain calm while executing them. please don't lock him in his room. what are you going to do when he's big enough to climb out the half-door?? teaching him to stay in bed will pay off a lot more in the future.

WOW - I am impressed with you!! Great job. Wish I could contribute more other than support. My 3.5 year old struggles too. I put him back over and over.. then (yes, I admit it) will lie with him until he yawns, calms down, then kiss him good night and leave. He will get up 1-2 times more (some nights) then go to bed.

There are many nights I had to return our 3 yr old to bed. I am not always silent but I say that it's time for bed. Stay here.

She gets her sippy of water, her song, her prayers, her tuck in, her bear and that's it. Back to bed!

Keep trying.

I think we could help you more if we understood your bedtime routine with him better. My son didn't like having his bath and bedtime for awhile, I think beacuse even though we would give 5 minute and 2 minute warnings, he didn't really understand it was coming. My son loves Caillou, so we started watching Caillou after dinner, then Chica does the birthdays and then the nerdle durdles does a song about brushing your teeth. My son understand now that once the nerdle durdles are done, the tv goes off and his bedtime routine of bath and books, etc begins. He doesn't fuss at all now.
We have a baby gate on his door. When we fist moved him to a toddler bed, I would close the door and he would keep getting up. One day I asked him if he would like the door to stay open. He said yes, now he hardly ever gets up.
I also let him take a book and small toy to bed. he has stuffed animals and a lovey too. I tell him when I tuck him in that if he's not tired he can stay awake and read to him animals or play with his toy, but he has to stay in bed. It works most nights.
Good luck. Stay calm and consistent and it will eventually work.

She swears by it. As many times as it takes unfortunately. Good luck mama I hope it gets better.

Good for you!!!! You are awesome and strong and you should be really proud of yourself for staying calm. It will get better...probably. ;)

I put my daughter back in bed at least 100x/night for the first few nights. It got better, but for us it took a REALLY long time, but she was only 22 months so maybe that was part of the issue. At 3.5 it could either take shorter b/c he gets it or longer b/c he has more drive to fight the system.

Keep it up. My daughter is now 4 and it's so nice to know that when I put her to bed she will stay in bed, unless of course there is a legitimate issue, but even those are few and far between. It's worth it, I promise, but I'm going to lie that I shed a lot of tears!!!

About to embark on this path... we're considering going a slightly different route, to make my daughter part of the process... I plan to talk to her about what she needs to stay in bed, maybe sit outside the room the first few nights (she really likes to know someone is there), and also to institute pom-poms in jar for staying in bed (she chose that instead of stickers). That way there will be an incentive for cooperating. She does much better if she feels like she's got input and autonomy. It turns defiance into cooperation in seconds! Of course, I don't know if any of this will work, but I'd like to keep it from just being a battle.

I would have loved supernanny to work for us - but it never did, I literally did hours and weeks of it - and guess what? He still got out of bed 50 times a night. Didn't work for us.
At that age, I finally had to lie in the bed with him - sometimes holding him down, until he fell asleep - sometimes took an hour, but it was a damn site better hour than the screaming wailing, kicking, carrying 3 hours of supernanny.
I have horribly strong willed children, so I hear ya.

Hi there. I feel for you. It is hard. However, i see this situation differently from most of what I have read here. My daughters are 12 and 14 and I have a great relationship with both, even though they are completely different. My 12 year old is strong willed and on and off has had a problem falling asleep by herself. I have usually either stayed in the room or in her bed cuddling with her until she is asleep, or close enough to still stay in bed; or I go to my bed to read and invite her to fall asleep in my bed. We then escort her to her room when she is asleep. I know it sounds ridiculous, but I know that she appreciates it a LOT, and she sleeps a lot better. I think it makes her feel very secure. Call me crazy, but I looked at it as bonding. To this day, whenever my husband travels, one of my girls will sleep with me, and I love that!

Good luck with whatever you end up doing.

I would keep at it as long as you can stay calm. We tried this with my son, but I couldn't keep calm after like 5 times! Our situation was a little different, but we would sit in his room until he fell asleep (not on his bed). Each night, we'd move further away and closer to the door. Eventually we were outside his door, and then in our own doorway (where he couldn't see us, but would shout out--Mommy are you at the door?) Then we'd just be close by so we could shout back yes.

I think it's probably time for him to be in a bed. I'm thinking that maybe you want to resolve this issue before transitioning??? If that's the case, you might be doing this all over again once you switch to a bed. Not sure...just a thought.