Support About Not Leaving Your Children/child with Sitters All the Time?

I support you.

I am the same way. I work full-time and go to school full-time, so my "free" time is 100% for my kids. I go out a few times a year IF that without them.

Anyone who doesn't have kids or is a bad parent won't understand.

There is nothing wrong with going out at all, but it has to be done in moderation I think.

Keep doing what you're doing!!

You have a million responses, and I haven't read them all, but here's one more. My daughter is now three, and I work full time. I feel the same way you do, and while I miss my single/childless friends, I honestly prefer to spend my free time with my child right now. Back before I had a kid, I didn't understand it, and thought another friend was over the top. Now I get it. Kind of sad that you friend doesn't.

Nope, you are perfectly normal in my book! I went to a Halloween party and hubby stayed home. Then brought my 6 year old to Christmas dinner with the office, which I paid for both her and my husbands dinner. My boss made some comment about how great the iPad was to keep her busy. Then she stayed with her Grandmother while hubby and I went to his Christmas dinner with his store.

I could careless what people think of me most often. I spend more time with them (co-workers) than her, why would I pick her up and drop her back with a sitter to see them again. They actually told me I couldn't bring her, so I passed, then they said I could bring her. My child is far more important to me then they are.

Yeah--taking care of your own kids. How "CRAZY" is that??
I had my child at 39. I didn't have that "urge" to go out, party, "get away", etc. I'm content doing the mom/dad thing--as is my husband. Have we done the "divide and conquer" thing? You bet. Did we "miss" anything? Nope.
Frankly, I'm almost embarrassed for posters who get nasty about grandparents refusing to babysit often enough, etc. Helllloooo? Your kids, your responsibility.
It's all about priorities, you know, J..
And to me, it sounds like you have your priorities in place.
If people don't want the responsibility of children, they shouldn't have them. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with a weekend away, or a dinner out, kid-less, with your husband....but what you're describing with your friend sounds excessive.

I am exactly in your situation, my DD has been in full time daycare since I went back to work when she was 6 months old and I NEVER get a sitter for her at any other time, ever. Some people do make comments about it, but frankly I don't care! DH and I never went on dates before we had her, so I don't see why we would start doing so after being married for 8 years and as for social invitations - I simply politely decline any events that are not child friendly.
Sure many women may enjoy some "adult" entertainment, but I don't drink or like spending exorbitant amounts of money on going to the movies or fancy restaurants... so I really don't feel like I am missing out.
My DD will be a teenager soon enough and no longer want to hang out with her patents, so I am determined to enjoy every second of the little time we have together.
Personally I think people who cannot understand or at least be supportive of your choice to put your kids before "fun" are not actually your friends and you will be better off no longer associating with them. At least that's what I found. Sometimes friends just develop in different directions and it appears you no longer have anything in common with them.
Good luck.

I support you. She, and her kids, are missing out.

Before you know it the kids will be grown and you'll have all the adult time you want. Enjoy these years, they go by in the blink of an eye! I feel sad for this woman, I have cousins who say "we pretty much raised ourselves" Who wants their kids to feel that way?

I'm with you and I'm a stay at home mom. There only little for such a short time. My parents were like your friend's, they NEVER took us on Vacations " Vacations were to get away from your children". Not me I live by a different set of rules. I want my kids to have memories to look back on to be able to say remember when mom/dad did this or we went here. I can't say any of those things about my parents. Your kids will be grown soon enough and you'll be happy you didn't miss anything. Do take time for special time with hubby. These mom's who do this Nanny/Vacation/ME time, seem selfish to me. Their the ones who have to have the Very BEST of everything, it all looks so good. But deep down something is and will be missing in their childrens childhood.

If I saw that little of my kid, I'd be sad. Not so sure about the smart bit. If she thinks that prioritizing your family is crazy....wow. To criticize someone for putting their kid ahead of so many nights out? I'd wonder why she's not home more, personally.

Don't let your friends who pawn their kids on others make you feel badly about - gasp! - wanting to spend time with your kids! I'm not 20 anymore, I have kids and I can't just jet off for a weekend regularly. We need to find sitters for fancy dress up style dinners. Life changes. My kid isn't an accessory that I only pull out when it suits me.

I worked FT and had her at daycare + a 2 hour daily commute. She spent more time out of my care than in it. It was hard. I really didn't feel the need to be away from her, especially when our quality time were those precious weekends.

I'm not saying you should NEVER get away or NEVER go out. But if you are often away and your kid is always with the sitter or nanny or someone other than you...why did you have him?

Sounds like you need to expand your circle of friends if they make you feel badly for being a parent.

kudos to you for being a good & caring mom! & I think your DH deserves a pat on the back, too!

Our time with our children is brief & is over waaaay tooooo soooon. Embrace & rejoice in the childhood years while you have them. Party time is before & then after childhood.....

I've been doing an inhome daycare for years now, & it still shocked me that I had two moms on "Christmas Break"....& all of their kids were with me. What a loss for them....& a joy for me. We had a blast talking about the holiday, talking about their presents (which they missed), & about all of the special treats/events. BUT they could have been with mom & creating new/special memories to last a lifetime. So sad.

I'm a SAHM, and I have a relative who thinks DH and I seriously have issues because we don't have regular paid "childcare," meaning we don't hire babysitters to go out on dates. She feels that our kids are missing out on having babysitters. I will let this person stew about it, I don't know why she even cares. We aren't going to change. We're perfectly happy being more family-oriented. Our kids are happy. And we're blessed enough to have enough grandparents and family members who can occasionally watch our kids if we do want to go out. I'd be done hanging around rude hostess for awhile.

Hmm. That was an extremely poor hostess. If I were a guest at a party and she talked about you like that to me, I would have felt very uncomfortable and wouldn't want to be there anymore. That's not about you, that's about her sorry, lack of skills in hospitality and gracious hosting. My feeling would be that if she were speaking ill of one guest in her home (a no-no!) then she'd be speaking ill of me next and would not be one to be trusted.

I think there needs to be a happy medium. I think it's VERY important to have quality time one on one with your spouse. We go on dates every other week, however the longer end is just 5-8 hours and the boys are in bed for much of that time. A strong, connected marriage make a strong, connected, secure, and more happy family environment for the children too. That said, I only did a 4 day trip away from my children ONCE. My husband worked incredibly hard and earned an amazing vacation where we could do some awesome events and activities, all paid for, and it was also important for the office politics. We did ask if we could take cash instead of the trip, but no. So my bff (since 1989) took my boys home with her to play with her son. They were 3 1/2 yrs old and 5 months old, and it was 4 days. We had a great time, the boys were fine, but we won't be doing that again anytime soon. My bff now has a full time job, my mom isn't really able to take them, I don't trust my dad that much (and despise how he raises my kid sister), so we don't have anyone that we would trust with our children. Besides, we like to have an evening away. But we don't need a whole weekend.
My old roommate and her husband leave for trips to Cancun, Hawaii, Las Vegas, British Colombia, all over the place.....3 or 4 times a year for a week or two at a time. It's a bit much, in my opinion. They leave their toddler son behind every time except last month's trip to Hawaii. I asked how it was, and she said they wouldn't take their son again because it was "kind of boring" with a child. That made me feel sad for them all. I'm all for an adult evening (or even an adult afternoon!) but it's sad that some people don't know how to have FAMILY fun too. The closest we'd do is pay for my mom or a sitter to accompany us on a trip so we could all be together, but they could have a sitter when we wanted to have a date.
Don't get mad. Though I was honestly fighting a little bit of jealousy at how often my old roommate got to go on vacations (and cool ones at that!), now I'm not jealous at all.....now I feel sad that they don't know how to have fun on the beach with a toddler. What a great opportunity, but they just didn't know what to do. That's not something to feel jealous, or small about. You do what feels best for your family. But I would suggest keeping a regular date night and letting a sitter watch your child while you go out once or twice a month. That's hardly "all the time", especially if it's at night when your children are sleeping. My children go to sleep at 8:30. We usually leave the house at 6:30, and those 2 hours are hardly going to hurt them! They sleep the rest of the time!

I am sort of torn on this issue - and I work full time. To me, your friend is taking it way too far. At the same time, I think more parents need to spend more time as a couple or as individuals without the children. If you have family near, that certainly makes it easier. But if you don't, then I think it's harder to leave your children with a "stranger" or the "help."

The hostess of this party was being incredibly rude for calling you crazy. What a lack of graciousness. On the flip side, though, I think it's strange that, unless your husband didn't really want to attend the party, he would stay home with the kids. I mean, it's one night.

I'm certainly not advocating that parents go out every weekend. The occassional weeknight (think, one a month) or the occassional weekend (one a quarter/every six months) will do you, your marriage, and, believe it or not, your kids a lot of good.

However, regardless of my opinion, it's just that - my opinion. We all have different ideas of what's best for our families, what works best for our situations. Just because I think it's healthy to get out every so often doesn't make someone who puts their kids first each and every time wrong. It's just a different way.

I am just like you. I did not want to leave my kids to just go out whenever. Outside of the day care my kids went to my mom and were usually the only ones that kept my kids if I did go somewhere. When my husband and I got married my oldest was 2 1/2 and it was hard on me to go on a honeymoon even. But I knew he was with my parents in his own bed since my son and I were living with them at the time. My husband knew for the begining of our relationship that my son came first. When we went out my son usually was with us even then. Cause I was away from him enough when I worked. I have friends that would just leave their kids with anyone and I didn't understand that. Don't let your friends make you feel bad because your kids come first!!!!

Don't be hard on yourself. Live your life with no regrets... As a mother you know how fast your little ones are growing, you don't get back that time. So if you miss weekend partying with friends instead of tucking the little ones in bed and reading that bedtime story, I think you know what one you will really regret not doing... I have a 16, 14, 5 year old, let me tell you, the blessing with having my 3rd after with that much time in between is cherishing his years and theirs. My daughter will be graduating from high school next year, then she'll go to college then start her adult life.
Do you want your kids remembering you not at home or the time you spent with them. Friends come and go, children grow up, what means the most to you!
I think you should feel so blessed with your choices! You are a good Mother!!!

I had a similar sort of conversation with my sister who does not have children. She asked if we have a sitter come watch the kids very often - I said nearly never unless we have a wedding or big event to go to and then the kids will either go to my father in laws or he will come to our house. She seemed to think that response was odd. My kids are small once. I work full time and we only get a couple of hours during the week of time when we are awake - and by that time we, many times, are all tired and cranky! Weekends many times are spent cleaning and trying to reconnect. My kids are at a daycare all day 5 days a week - I have mommy guilt!
I support you mamma!

Some people don't think about it because they aren't living it.

When my friends started having kids, some had kids and others were either newly married or single. We used to get together every month for drinks or some kind of social thing, but the ones who had kids started backing out. I admit, I complained about it because I missed seeing my friends. But then one of them explained that she works all day, and by the time she gets home she has maybe an hour or two with her child and then the child has to go to bed. Weekends were the only time to be together as a family. Once that was explained, we all understood.

You're doing fine, mama!

She might be saying these things to make herself feel better. She probably notices that you spend more time with your kids than she does and she probably knows that she should spend more time at home, but just doesn't want to. So, in order to make herself feel better, she makes stupid comments about you. Don't worry about it; you're doing a great job being there for your kids. She will suffer the consequences of not spending time with her kids. Cats in the cradle, you know!

I know how you feel working full time and having to be away from your kids.
That being said, you and your husband do need to get out together even if
it is once a month. Maybe a weekend once a year. Just make sure you
make time to nuture your marriage. I know that is what always gets put on
the back burner.

We really do have to have thick skins in this life. I agree that you are doing what you feel is best for your children and in all likliehood, it's best. But it's also possible that for some kids, they never really miss their parents. A lot of parents simply aren't kid people. Some parents won't or can't get down on the floor and play with kids, or they don't enjoy being home, or they have no patience for kids. Daycare and nannies can be a real blessing. So chock it up to the idea that she just doesn't understand.

I wish more parents were like your friends these days! LOL. My bottom line has really been getting smaller since people have been worried about the economy. I'm ready for people to start going out and away for the weekends again.

I totally support you. I have also been given a hard time for not leaving my kids with a sitter and going out. I much rather stay home with my kids and tuck them in. I want to be home if they need me. Every now and then I will get a sitter and go to dinner. My kids are 5 and 7. Now that they are older they like it when the sitter comes over and plays with them while we go to dinner. I still won't go away overnight. It is my personal choice. If people don't agree that is their problem. Do what you are comfortable with. Don't worry what other people think. Sounds like you are a great Mom.

I am like you, I want to be home with my kids when i am not at work. My husband was the one who had a problem with me not wanting to leave the kids with the sitter all the time so we could go out. He is no longer my husband and i am still the same way as a single working mother i would rather be with my kids than go out all the time. Do whats best for you and let it roll off your back, everyone parents in their own way.

You are doing fine and wonderful. You are trying to make a balance which is a beautiful thing for your children. Your friends have different priorities, and your family is happier for it. Some people don't want to create a bond or spend any time with their children. That isn't who you are. Don't feel bad to stand up for yourself, I am amazed they speak about you in that manner.

We babysat a child whose mom was gone all the time. We would have him from 7 am to 7 pm. She put him to bed immediately when she got home. Then, she usually had us watch him on weekends too so she could go out with her friends, relax or study. She would whine about how tough it was being a single mom. She only saw her child maybe 20-30 hours a week. It was very sad.

I think it's a delicate balance. We have no family where we live - NONE - so we've come to depend on daycares and those type of places to get out ever.
my kids are in bed by 8pm (latest) and we often go out to dinner on Friday at 5ish - drop the kids at the after hours daycare in our town - pick them up around 7ish - and everyone is back home at a reasonable hour and usually a lot more relaxed.

That said - it's not for everyone and I'm sure there are people that can't believe I would drop my kids at a place like that - but they aren't me and they aren't you - do what you feel is right.

As for the "easy Mom" - she's probably not as together as she appears. :-)

J.,
I applaud you for your stand on being with your children as much as you can. I think you are doing the right thing by not adding more daycare/nightcare situations for your children than necessary. Your children truly are blessed. I am a SAHM. It was a choice we made even before we were married and had children. It was vitally important to us that our kids have the stability of a mom at home with them. It grew into homeschooling them. These are our choices, and we wouldn't have it any other way. But, we get some of the same reactions you do by some people. They think we're crazy. I think part of it is because some of the people are too selfish to give up their "me" time to anyone else, even their beloved children. Others have never even considered this idea. And, yet others may be a bit convicted by their own choices. It's hard to know really, where people are on the spectrum. And, honestly, I don't really care. It isn't my business, and I have more important things to worry about. Ignore those people. They are only trying to tear down your household. It is yours to build up. It has nothing to do with anyone outside of your walls. Love your children, love your husband. Those are your responsibilities. What are your husband's thoughts on these things? I would think he is in agreement with you since he goes along with it all. Build each other up, pour this time into your children. They really do grow up too fast. Parties, etc. will always be there. The children won't be. People put too much importance on the things that are so not important. Cherish your family. You are doing well! Have confidence in your choices. You have thought them through and made them with conviction. Own them. Your children are extremely blessed that you have such strong thoughts about this. I cannot image putting my kids in daycare all day and then getting a sitter at night. What kind of life is that for them? They aren't just little inconveniences to the real life things we want to do. They are people in their formative years. Speak into them as often and as much as you possibly can. Kudos to you!!

BTW, If you were to waste your money on more sitters, perhaps that might swing the balance of having to work in the first place. Many women I know who work, work because they have to in order to help pay bills. Why on earth would you add more bills to the plate for that hard earned money? Most would prefer to be home with their kids rather than pay someone else to be there for them.

Congrats that time with your kids is valuable enough to you to make the choices you do. I've been both a work- away from home mom and now a work at home mom and it's not easy either way. I can proudly (or sadly- depending on how you look at it) say I have never hired a babysitter for my kids outside of when I was at work. If my husband and I go out grandma comes over so the kids get to spend time with someone that loves them. And then I start missing them after an hour and want to go home. There's nothing at all wrong with wanting to be with your kids!

I guess, some people can do it...some others not..I am that mom who couldn't just leave her little ones with a babysitter. It is your decision, your choice...and you should feel good about it.. I still don't do it...and I still feel great with MY decision.

I'm like that, too. Not to take away from other mothers, but the commitment I made to the way that I want to parent was that I would be pretty much at home for the first year, maybe two depending on how it goes. The purpose of my nanny is to give my baby one-on-one hands-on support versus having him in a daycare environment (for multiple reasons). She is not to be a surrogate mother. When a social opportunity arises, my husband and I consider the schedule and determine what would work best for OUR family. Before my baby was quite a year old, my friend was celebrating her birthday with a little restaurant and bar hopping at an awkward time of day (happy hour) in an awkward part of town (nowhere near work or home). As a nursing mother who leaves home early in the morning Monday through Friday and stays away all day, I make it a point to be home with my baby by a certain time. If I know that the evening will be a long one, then I go home first. I ended up not going because it would have just taken too much energy to get home and back and run around. My friend understood. Other people didn't. I have nothing negative to offer about how others parent. I can only choose to speak to how I choose to do it. My friends had their children long ago, and their children are pretty much grown-up, so I am kind of the stick in the mud. When I had to have surgery less than four months after he was born, my mother didn't understand why I wanted her to bring him back home as soon as I could have him. I know that parents need breaks and all--and we take them--but we also LIKE being with our kid. I'm sick of being criticized for it, people assuming that my husband and I don't nurture our marriage.

Your family, your choice. If you and your husband and kids are happy, that's all that matters.

Sometimes, I just wish people would remember what their own mothers taught them ... "If you can't say something nice ...".

You know what? Good for you. Because you've made the best decision for your family and I think when your children are grown up they will always remember that you were a parent that was present, involved and loved them enough to put their needs first. That's really all that matters. There are all kinds of people in this world, all kinds of parents. I love going out with my husband on date nights, but we're around and with our child as much as possible because I've listened to the advice of how fast it all goes and to enjoy it and my husband and I intend on doing just that. I also know people who "escape" their children as often as they possibly can. Maybe they'll be the ones pining away for "family" in a rest home someday.

It's hard for some people to understand, especially if they haven't been a working mom. Some parents prefer to leave most of their childcare to nannies or whatever. I remember when my first was a baby, 16 years ago. My MIL was desperate to tell her friends at work that she got to babysit and kept offering to come and watch the baby so we could go to the movies. I had to tell her numerous times that working mothers with 2-3-4 month old babies do not go to movies after work, they spend the evenings at home with their babies.
Now, I certainily did use sitters occasionally. We went out without the kids. I did go away for weekends or out with friends after they were infants, leaving the kids with my husband/co-parent. I felt there was a happy medium to be reached.
Don't let people pressure you into doing something you're not comfortable with. You aren't crazy for not leaving your young child for weekends away or wanting your afterwork hours to spend with your precious child. However, an occasional weekend adult evening out with a babysitter may be a good thing!

sounds to me like you need new friends. You aren't crazy, she's not crazy ... you're just different people. And that's fine. Each person has to do what works for them and keeps them feeling sane.

However, the "friend" or whatever whose party you went to ... time to dump her and anyone else who behaves like that regarding you. It's ok to not understand where another person is coming from as long as you accept that it's what works for them and respect their choices. That woman clearly doesn't and doesn't need to be in your life. Get rid of her and find others who don't judge.

People are just different I suppose? I am in your camp, tho!

I got it even worse..when my daughter (now 17 years old) was born, I WAS the nanny, so she was with me all day working since she was 18 days old....then when she was 3 years old I started doing in home childcare (still do). She came with us most places (dinner, etc), or we stayed home. We did a few weeklong snowmobile trips with my darling adult age niece here with her, and for many years that worked great...and a few times a year (more as she got older) she would go to Gram's condo while we went to a movie. Its just what worked for us!

We went thru alot to get our one child here...we have always enjoyed our time with her...and I am already a basket case worrying about her possibly going out of state to college next year! My apron strings are made of cable!!

I guess you just need to stand back and let it go? You do you..and they will do them. Consider yourself supported here!!

Rude hostess, however, to be talking aobut you like that. What kind of "friend" is that???

If she is criticizing you or making fun of you, she isn't your friend. Or if you are looking at her efforts to get you out with your friends more, letting you know that she does this and why can't you, yada yada, then you are being a little too sensitive. Which is it? Maybe a little of both?

The woman with no kids doesn't have a clue. She just wants you at her party. How nice to be wanted, to be honest. Does she only have a party once a year or so? If you didn't go to a once in a blue moon party, she probably does think you are "circle around the ear". Until she has kids, she will never see your point of view.

If I were you, I would try to get out once a month with your friends before they stop ever asking you out again. And I would also tell the lady who you feel never sees her kids to stop giving you a hard time because you want to spend time with them. Tell her flat out. If you don't tell her you don't like it, then you are being a party to her remarks. It's pretty simple, really. Speak up, but don't bash her. It won't help.

Dawn

Everyone does things differently. Just like you said you're trying not to judge your friend, deep down it sounds like you kind of are a bit. Sounds like you were hoping once she had kids of her own that she'd feel the way you do & she just....doesn't. Everyone has some things that come easier to them than others. Nobody is perfect & no matter how hard we try, we ALL screw our kids up a little bit along the way. It doesn't make your way any better or any worse, for that matter, it's just different & different is ok.

When my kids were tiny & my husband & I were very young ourselves, but married, we got little to no help from my family. Their line was that we had chosen to have kids young & we could deal with all that entailed. I don't want to give the impression that we went out several times a week, but maybe a few times a year was all we ever asked for. When, years later, my sister had a baby while not married, but several years older than I had been when I had both of my kids, my parents bent over backwards to do any & everything for her. Fair? Nope, but it's just life. They said she had it harder because she was a single parent (although she lived for free with them & was able to go to nursing school completely free due to being a single mother). My line of thinking? Well, didn't she choose that for herself the same exact way I chose to have my kids very young, but get married? The answer of course is yes, but different people deal with things differently & some require more hand-holding while others are more hands-off.

Sounds to me like you just need to be a duck & let what others say about you just roll right off your back. Who cares what they think?

You are doing what's right for you and your family and that is all that matters. Who cares if someone thinks you're cuckoo for cocopuffs about your kids? You're happy with your choices, right?

My husband and I were the same way when our kids were little. They're only babies once. We had one trusted babysitter outside of the family and she was expensive, but awesome. When we hired her for the night, it was almost always for a special occasion. Otherwise, if we wanted to see a movie at the theaters, we took turns. We also would show up to parties alone while the other stayed home with the kids.

So, don't let the negative comments get to you. Sooner than you think, you won't have to worry about sitters because your kids will be old enough to watch themselves! It happens fast.

Sounds like you need to find new "friends" that have values & lifestyles that are more in tune with yours.

Why would you be jealous of your friend with the child? I feel sorry for her poor kid. It sounds like she'd rather be childless, to be honest.

You sound like a very normal, wonderful, devoted mother. All of my friends with kids, including myself, are like you. Don't feel bad for having the right priorities.

I am with you. I work full time (because I have to) and I don't want to leave my child with somone else after I am away from them all day every Monday through Friday. So my waking hours at home are limited except on Saturday and Sunday. I don't get people to have kids, work full time, ALWAYS leave their kids with other people and only seem to spend time with them when everyone is asleep.

Sure, everyone should have some alone and couple time but in my opinion, once you are a parent you are a parent first and foremost.

A good thing to say to these friends are "I work full time but it is still my responsibility to raise my children. I actually want to be a mother to my children and hubby wants to be a father so we make sacrifices. For us, our social life has to take a backseat". If they still push, you could say "I guess you just don't understand". Another approach would be to tell them point blank (not with an audience) that they have hurt your feelings by constantly making these comments. You and they have chosen a different approach to life and while you value their right to their choices, you feel that they don't show you that same respect".

Good luck.

First, she is not your friend, she is someone you know. Second we all parent differently, your other example of a mother is using her nanny to the fullest. Honestly, if I were paying a nanny I would probably get every penny paid to her out of it. I still have a mild social life, most of my lack of social outings is because I do not have money to toss around by going to bars and out to eat frequently. When I do want to go out it is often with my fiance vs friends or people I know so we are going to spend more money to hire a sitter or hope that his parents are available. Most of my friends left during the pregnancy and some stuck around but did not push the going out and were game when I called to make plans with them. I have a few that just did not care kid or no kid they knew that if they wanted to see me they were going to have to come over and adjust their ideas of hanging out for a while. So, you are not a bad person because you do not go out and still party it up, however one thing I did do often was go out AFTER my son went to bed. My son's bed time is 8pm once he is in bed I leave and go out. I can do a late dinner or a light dinner with the family and appetizer/finger foods and a few drinks with my friend or even a late movie and not feel bad. He is asleep and with daddy, I saw him, did bed time and we hung out - now I am going to hang out with my girlfriend. Most w/out kids and many with kids do not mind the later meal/snack and a drink thing in my experience. I have even had it where all the kids sleep at one house with all the dads and the moms all go out then the next time it's switched so we are all still having a good time.

i have to tell you, i work from home, my husband works outside the home. we have no family around. our kids are 7 and we have MAYBE been on a date night 3-4 times since they were born. when we go overseas to visit my family we do go out after kids are in bed but in the states never. our deal is one of us has to be with the kids. we don't like using sitters and just don't see the need to be away from them. never had a vacation without them. we do feel like it would be great if we could but we also realize it will not happen for us. so i don't allow anyone to guilty me into leaving my kids.

My answer to those who critisize you is...."i didn't have kids to have the nanny raise them" we have 4 kids and we're still fairly young both 29, and just now we've started going on ''dates" just hubby and I. We only do it 2-3 times a YEAR and when we do go out, all kids are allready asleep(9pm) and we pay my aunt to just be there with them to make sure they're ok. I get sick to my stomach when I watch Real Housewives of.... and I see these ladies leave 2,3,4 nights a week or weekends a month and leave the lil ones behind with their Nannys. To each their own right, but I feel good knowing that I DO know my kids favorites and dislikes, that i do tuck them in at night, every night and that no one could ever substitute me. I think it's great that you spend so much time with your kids, and maybe you need to eliminate some of those friends who like to put you down for being a good mom.

My 3 kids (oldest 2 now in school) have always had 3 days daycare/4 days home (2 weekdays with mom & weekends as a family), and it's important for me to be there to do the nightly routine and shuttle to/from activities. This has always been a good balance for me so that I could continue to work but also feel like I had quality time with them. I am like you - vacation plans, etc... are family events. The kids are very easy-going and very active and there are few things we won't try to do - I, too, want them to remember happy times and have wonderful associations with family time! We don't have relatives, etc... nearby to help out with childcare, and it's ok with us. We occasionally get away for night out & have taken a couple of work-related trips, but we are usually missing the kiddos by day 2 (or talking about them!). To each is own - you do what feels right for your family!