Surviving Toddler Screaming

Just wanted to let you know that my daughter does this while I am driving. Probably to get my attention; however, it drives me crazy. I have tried everyhing... ignoring her is the only thing that does the trick. However, it is a very painful few minutes! She finally uses her quite voice, then I respond. She chooses not to do it anymore after that.

I too, am a mother of twins. I have a zero tolerance rule for screaming at my house. That goes for my children as well as others (their friends as well as my friends' children). No one has screamed in my house twice. There have been many good suggestions here to deal with this behavior. I suggest you find what works best for you and implement it immediately.

ear plugs, and patience. They will start understanding when you tell them to soften their voices at about 3 1/2. I need quiet everyday, so the yelling has been a big issue for me...I've survived though. Remember "this too shall pass."

Just because they know how to scream doesn't mean that it has to be allowed. Your girls need to know that there is a time and a place for screaming. They also need to know that you are in charge of the screaming too. When my sons went through that time, we would say, "No-no!" and put a finger in front of our mouths and say "shhhh!" This worked for the first and last, but the middle one needed more. We would take him outside and tell him to scream away. Then we would take him inside and not allow the screaming. If he screamed, he was admonished and talked to in a very quiet voice about how he could scream outside when he was playing, but that wasn't allowed inside. If he continued, we took him back outside and told him to scream. When he wanted to go back in for his toys (or whatever) we'd tell him, "We can go inside if you are done screaming."

When he was 2, we walked by a screaming kid in the grocery store and he looked up at me and said, "No-no!" and put his fingers up to his lips. It was hysterical. The point is, you can train them at this age too. It is harder when you have twins as they will feed off each other, but if you are consistent in not allowing it, it won't take long for them to catch on.

Good luck,
V. S

Yeah, it is a stage. With my daughter I made it into a game of modulating her volume. We would scream as loud as we could, then whisper as softly as we could, etc. I also set volume rules like no screaming in the car, inside voices in the house etc. In time they will get tired of it and find new ways of driving you batty :). Oh, one other trick, I would whisper to them when they scream so they have to be quiet to hear you. Good luck!

Hi A.,

My sister is going through this w/ my 15 mo old niece. She tunes her out and has become GREAT at doing that! My mom will have music playing while fixing snack/breakfast/dinner and sometimes sings and she claps along...sometimes still screaming but it's not as bad and she's distracted enough to let my mother get food prepared.
I scream and act silly with her. :) That throws her for a loop and she'll sit/stand trying to figure out why this big person is acting like this! That sometimes work. I also try to engage her in conversation as much as possible to keep her attention.

Now, being that all these things don't work ALL the time, we have to be creative. My twins are just now 4 months and their demanding personalities are starting to surface and my 10yr...lets just say only child syndrome is REAL!

I hope this HELP. Hang in there!!

Bre

Welcome to my world. My 8 year old also does this when she is excited. It is hard to reason with a toddler. My 2.5 year old is getting a little better. Just hang in there.

There are moments and a few circumstances where some screaming is understandable. But kids need to learn that it is not something that's done whenever they feel like it. Learning social behavior starts early and can be done in a positive way. No need to get angry at them, but certainly they need to know it is not an acceptable form of communication or expression.

Is it going to happen anyway? Absolutely - especially at their age. But they can also being to learn now that you don't get to do that whenever you want.

My toddler enjoys her powerful voice too (and my it IS powerful!) but she thinks it is hilarious when I whisper to her with excited eyes and she usually starts experimenting with her whisper voice. I usually whisper "you are being very loud let's be quiet now like mommy- can you talk like mommy?" and I make my eyebrows high and smile and be goofy... goofiness is my greatest weapon some days :-) My other weapon- an mp3 player... put headphones on and sing quetly to yourself- you stay calm, little one (s) scream happily on... the world is balanced.
It's super important not to scream back- you just feel bad later (I unfortnatly have yelled "quiet!" and startled my daughter- the guilt was horrible, after all she is doing her job- being a toddler) and it teaches nothing and accomplishes nothing. Ear plugs could be handy... you can still hear with them in- but it is muffled a bit, I haven't tried that yet. Focus on the fact that your girls are blessed to have strong voices and can make themselves heard.This too will pass all to quickly.

Distraction might work pretty well, at least for mealtime. Mine like to help set the table at any age, so grab whichever one is closer and whisper in her ear to carry something to the table. Give each one one thing at a time and always whisper your instructions. During their meal, if you let them feed themselves, walk out of the room. A series of 'I'll be right back's lets them feel like they are being watched and takes you out of the range of their little voices.
Good luck

I feel your pain! HA! I take care of a little boy with my 1 year old in tow. The little boy is a screamer. For a while my daughter did not pick it up and then one day the dreaded happened, he screamed, she looked at him, looked at me and belted out a good one! UGH, I then had a problem! What I did with my daughter is tell her in a firm voice, "NO Scream" and then I would dab my finger in Apple Cider Vinegar and tap it on her tongue. The screaming stops immediately and she is discouraged by the taste. If she screams again I do the same. Within a week I had her problem solved. The other one, I don't use the vinegar on because he is not mine of course. However, if he screams I tell him "No scream" (becuz I have to enforce to my daughter that it is not acceptable becuz she is watching). If he screams again, I put him in his crib and tell him that he can scream all he wants in his crib and I'll get him when he is done. I leave the room, he belts out for a minute and when I go back for him I tell him what a good boy he is and engage him in an activity. If he does it again, the same process. Personally, I think the Apple Cider Vinegar works the best and the fastest! I use it with my 6 year old for when he is sassy, I call it sassy juice. I asked my doctor her thoughts and she backed it and said that the apple cider vinegar is healthy for you and said it was fine. ALSO, ear plugs help a bit too! Good luck I know a piercing scream can rattle the nerves! Remember, it too shall pass!

Since your girls are 15 months old, you cannot reason with them much now. But as you are raising them, remember that YOU are the adult. You set the boundaries. Surely they will outgrow the screaming, but also perhaps, you can help by anticipating their food needs earlier. Don't wait until they are starving. Have structured times for meals, get food ready quickly, have something like predinner snacks that you can pull out to put before them at the first sign, before they get to the screaming stage. And babies soon discover how to impact the household by screaming, some of which is normal. And they feed off the moods of each other also, so it's not easy.
But also, at age 15 months, you can have an impact, getting their attention forcefully but calmly to teach them the word "No," if you haven't already. You can talk to them, explaining that you do not like the screaming. They are understanding quite a lot of verbalization going on around them, so it will have an impact.
Know that it is NOT normal for them to scream all the time, to scream to get their way, for once they discover that it really rattles you, they can scream to manipulate the tone in the room, or try your patience. So as soon as they begin to mature, set rules.
If you're fixing them food, and they begin to scream, and you don't want to hear it, give them a warning, one warning only, after you have explained whatever consequence there will be if they violate the rule. Stick to it. Walk away from the food-fixing...say you'll try again later when they have calmed, whatever it takes to get their attention and reeestablish dominance.
Watch SuperNanny, or the other Nanny show, or even The Dog Whisperer with Cesar Milano, to see how to set rules and enforce them. It's not rocket science, just common sense stuff of "being the pack leader".
You have the leverage on your side. You'll have things they want, and you can take away things they have. Make them believe. Let them have a screaming room, their own bedroom perhaps, and send/take them to it when they need to scream. Tell them, "I'm not going to have it in here" and make it stick! Assert yourself. You have rights too.
For now, best wishes. Not for nothing do they call this time the "terrible twos!" And even as I say that, I recall with great fondness that it is also a time of magical openness and discovery. Celebrate. It goes by very fast and then is gone.

I've got a 15 mo. old boy. The same thing is driving me craxy.

I've put a pack and play in the downstairs bedroom. When he starts the screaming. I tell him Mommy doesn't want to hear the screaming and he's going to time out.

I leave him for a minute or two until he stops and then I ask him if he's ready to be sweet. He'll lift his hands if he is and pout if he isn't.

I'll go get him out and put him down out in the main area of the home. If he cries or fusses when I put him down, I just start the time out process again. It takes some consistency upfront. (I think I did that cycle 5+ times at the beginning.)

The timeouts work for me. Good wishes and best of luck maintaining sanity! It gets so much better by 18 mo.

L.

When my son-in-law returned from Iraq, they had already spent 4 months with his family and the baby's screaming was causing problems between the families so they moved in with us. It seems she wanted to communicate so bad and this was her only way to do so. Like your twins, she wasn't necessarily upset, she just wanted to be heard. However, this screaming really grated on everyones' last nerves! My husband got a small spray bottle and everytime she screamed, he would mist her with water. He did it quietly and as inconspicuously as he could. He never said a word. As it was a mist, it caught her attention and she would stop screaming and look around to try to figure out where it came from. We continued on as if nothing had happened. We didn't give her any attention over it. And, the times my daughter didn't stop her from screaming when she should have, my husband would turn the nozzle to "stream" and squirt my daughter! By the time they moved out, she no longer screamed. Both sides of the family were very grateful! Just a note: this child will be four next month and she still does not speak well. Her sounds do not come out clear and we are sure she will have to have speach therapy. We try to work with her and as she approaches 4, we can see an improvement but she has a long way to go. We have often wondered if the two incidents are related in some way. God Bless You.

My twin boys just turned 18 months and they've been screaming their whole lives I feel like! Ugh, it drives Mama crazy! But they usually only scream when they're playing and having fun, or mad. Only sometimes will they do it when they're bored, usually they just cry. I really don't know what to do about it either, just wanted to let you know someone was in the same boat!

Let us know what works. =)

Just remember that kids repeat behaviors that "work" for them, so don't allow the whining sound to "work." That is, don't give them what they're after when they're whining. Maybe say something like, "Mommy can't cook while you're whining. Go play quietly and I will get your food ready." Then, as soon as they are playing quietly, magically have SOMETHING ready for them to eat, even if it's not the meal you intended. They will see that the QUIET gets them what they want. You can gradually increase the amount of time you require them to play quietly, and soon you'll have enough time to prepare meals. Well ... that's the theory, anyway. Good luck!

I have a little 1 year old who is very vocal and impatient when it comes to meal time and me getting him out of his crib after bed and nap times. He also screams randomly sometimes and the key is not to laugh or smile because then they think it's funny and keep doing it. I usually look at him sternly, shake my head, and/or say no.
There are two books that I have thoroughly enjoyed. One is called The happiest toddler on the block. It's full of lots of ideas for toddlers. You might also try a sign language book. Young kids usually scream because it's the only way they know how to get attention. If you teach some signs, they can learn how to communicate effectively. Of course, it takes time, but it's totally worth it. I haven't been gung ho about teaching my son signing but he is finally picking up some signs and able to communicate some major words with me like bed, milk, all done, etc. Whatever you do, stick with it and don't give up! Good luck!

As difficult as it is, ignore them. Any attention you give to it will only reinforce the behavior.