Swatting/Hitting Problem

I'm far from a child expert, but when my first born was a toddler, I remember him hitting me while I was taking him up for a nap. I grabbed his hand and said "I don't hit you, you don't hit me." Think I might have had to do it twice, but it was never an issue after that. Had twins when he was 22 months and I don't remember them having any hitting issues. Give it a go and good luck.
S.

We have a little one with a temper issue, also related to lack of speech, even though he's almost 3. I wasn't doing this at 20 mos., but it's working well for us now. When he starts to hit, or yell, or stomp, or whatever the moment brings, we grab his arm, or leg, and tell him he may not respond that way. I acknowledge that he's frustrated, or angry, etc., and ask him if he'd like to draw a picture of how he feels. He goes and scribbles and then tells me about the picture. He loves it! I usually don't understand the explanation, but we have a happy kid. He really likes it. He now asks if he can draw when he's angry. Now he draws rainbows, because rainbows are happy. :) I don't remember how old he was when we started this, but maybe 6 months older than your son is now. We also worked with him on sign language. Although he never really bought it, it did reduce frustration because he knew we wanted to be able to understand him. GL! I know this isn't fun.

He's a little, tiny guy. Most of his brain development hasn't happened yet. He will outgrow this soon. He's too young to control this behavior.

Just coo at him and say in a sing-song voice, "Oh no! We don't hit people, Brian! Ow1 ow!" Silly stuff like that. Be happy and loving while you make your point. Even though he's too young to know that this is "bad behavior", he'll benefit more from your kind, instructional attention to the matter than he will be being ignored. It'll go away soon.

Ignoring the behavior is never good because discipline is necessary. However, removing him from the situation and then not cuddling with or playing with him for a couple minutes would work best.

A child will do whatever he/she can to get attention, whether it be good or bad attention. Remind yourself that the more positive attention you give your child, the less likely he is to act negatively in order to get attention. Good luck!

Have a GREAT day!

S.

This problem may just go away, but I doubt it. I tried to teach my kids appropriate ways to show their anger. I did it as a game with them, or just modeled it for them when I was upset. I know some people don't like foot stomping, but it worked great for me. I would stomp my feet and let out a big sigh and say, "I'm mad that...". After they knew what was acceptable, I would stop the innapropriate behavior and help them change it to the foot stomping.

You could redirect the behavior and teach him what IS approriate to hit, ie pillows are good, kids punching bag... Boys experience the world so much more physically, it really helps to give them appropriate ways the manage the behaviors that come naturally to them.

Good luck!!!!

At 20 months I am pretty confident it is out of frustration. Boys especially handle things physically and impulsively. They don't have the words yet and at this age it is very narrow scope that the world revovles around what they want! :)

The best thing that worked for my son at that age was to catch his hand, firmly look him in the face eye to eye and say very strongly "NOT NICE!!!!" and lay his hand down to his side. My son was devestated if I got upset with him so it only took a little while before it kicked in his brain. He used to grab his sisters hair and rip it out when he was this age and I scooped him up and put him away from everyone and told him firmly "NOT NICE"...
it won't be a magic overnight change, but time outs and being seperated from the situation is really the best at this age. To be removed from whom he hit is a signal that that he is not going to get what he wanted or play if he does it, it may take 20 times.

If you can, when you see him ready to do it, catch him in the act and gently but firmly grab his arm or hand and stop him!

My son's vocabulary took off after he turned two, with a older sister your son's probably will too, until you can teach them how to better handle the situation with logic and words, just stay consistent with removing him, being firm and setting him away from everyone! :) It is a phase.
My daughter used to bite, my son used to throw toys and pull hair! :)

I'm a child psychologist and I wanted to say I agreed with the advice Deb K gave you - hold his hold, look him in the eye and say "no hitting" or "not nice" in as stern a voice as you can without yelling. Then remove him from the situation and distract him. If he actually hits someone, then time out for just 2 minutes - 1 minutes per year of age - is appropriate. don't let the daycare keep him in timeout longer than 2 minutes. He's too young to understand.

S.

Just a thought to calm him down, lots of massage and time with you.

When he does hit, pick him up and talk to him. Tell him that it hurts when he hits you. Help him practice a better behavior, like giving hugs, or smoothing his hand over your arm. Also help him to point at what he wants or find a different way to communicate it. Sign language would be a big help here, just a few words might give him a sense of control.

When our son swatted at us, we would look him straight in the eyes, and tell him "NO. You cannot hit mommy/daddy/classmate. It hurts." Then we would set him down on the floor and walk away. This stopped in within about a month, and when he does it every once in a while still, we react the same way.

Hi L.-
I don't have any real words of wisdom, but wanted to let you know that my son is 21 months old and we are going thru the exact same thing. He is doing ALOT of swatting and we are also using time out...although I think he likes it! Anyway, I'm sure it's just a phase, but it's a tough one to deal with. Good luck!

L.,
I am looking to see your responses because I have the same issue with my 21 mo old son. My son does not do it at daycare but does it at home when he is angry. We have tried everything. We have tried time out and he will not sit in a chair..even with me holding him. We have tried putting him in his room and he just has fun and starts to play and then wont let me back in later. VERY STUBBORN! Now I am using the old high chair for time out because it locks him down. It seems to work sometimes but he continues to do it...

Hi L.,
You hit you sit 'method' worked well for my daughter. I had to be there all the time though, and my husband was briefed on the method.
If the child hits or swats, gently bring the arms in, pull him/her to sitting position, "You hit, you sit", breaking that flow of energy, then describe options of what he can do when he's frustrated, i.e. stomp feet, clap hands. Name the emotion he must be feeling, and provide acceptable options for expressing it. Also, describe what appropriate behavior is, "Oh, we never hit our friends (or anyone else), we use gentle hands (while showing him what gentle hands look/feel like) on everyone."
It's takes presence and repetition, as I said, it worked well for us.
Good job mommin'!

You need to teach him 2 things:

-an appropriate way to show his anger:
stomp your foot and say "that makes me feel angry" if he's too young to say it, you can say "does that make you feel angry?" and he can say yes or nod.

-what things are OK to hit
we have an old couch pillow and a punching bag that my boy can punch like crazy and that's OK....but it's not OK to hit people.

It's important that you give him something that he CAN hit instead of only showing him things he shouldn't hit.