Talking to 3 Year Old About Death of Pets

I started talking to my daughter about this same issue about age 4. She's almost 6 now and every so often she'll say she wants to spend time with the older cats because they are 'going to die soon'. I have to keep reminding her that thought they are old, they are still healthy and should have quite a few years left.

She'll also say a similar thing about her Grandma and Great Aunt... LOL it's so cute, but I still correct her so she doesn't think the death is impending.

I would wait until the time comes. I don't think a 3 year old can understand without an example and still their understanding is a bit sketchy. My grandfather died when my son was 3. He had had alzheimer's for a number of years and we knew he was not going to be with us much longer. My family visited him frequently even though he did not know who we were or what was going on around him in general. My children would make him pictures and tell him about what they were doing. Like I said, I don't know if my grandfather even knew what was going on around him, but it was what I wanted to do. Well, after he died, we took my son to the viewing, but not the funeral. We talked to him on the way to the service telling him that grandpa was super old and when you get to be super old your body/brain doesn't work anymore and you die. We explained to him that we were going to a service to honor him and share memories of him and then he would be buried in the ground and we would never see him again. We tried to be as straight forward as we could. He handled it amazingly. It has been two years now and every once in a while my son will ask to be reminded what happend to grandpa. We drove by a cemetary the other day and an elderly man was sitting out next to a fresh grave. My son asked if he was talking to our grandpa. It made me smile because I think he finally understands. He knows we will never see him again, but we can visit his grave if we want.

Sorry for the long story, but after going through this experience I truly believe the best thing to do at that age is to wait until it happens. Children only understand what is happening right now. They have no/little concept of time and I did not want to tell him that grandpa was sick and would die because I definitely did not want him thinking everytime you get a cold/stomach bug or whatever that you could die.

I also found it helped me deal with my grieve by explaining things to my son. It took some of the emotion out of it. Having him at the viewing also lightened the mood and helped my grandmother and others remember the youthful, carefree times.

We had to put our 12 year old dog down in February and I was so grateful to have the book "Dog Heaven" by Cynthia Rylant......it so eloquently explained in a kid appropriate way the words that I was too choked up to explain myself. My son was 3.5 and it was his first intro to the concept of death. What a sweet book, it still brings tears to my eyes when I read it. We knew that morning it was "the day" we were taking him to be put down (deteriorating quickly) so we told our son to say goodbye to him. It sucked!
Cherish your pets while they are here....even when they drive you nuts~

Our dog had to be put to sleep when my daughter was 5. It was unexpected (he had a stroke), so we didn't have time to talk about it beforehand. I called the school counselor and she gave me a book called "Lifetimes". It discusses how everything that lives has to die, from little bugs to people. It was really very helpful.

I don't think you need to talk about it beforehand. We had two cats die when my daughter was that age, one suddenly and one after slowing down with sickness. She handled them both the same, sad and freaked and needing to talk about it. But without having specific indications that the dogs are dying, then it's needless worry. It could be a year, who knows how long, enjoy them while you have them and deal with it when the time comes.

We just went through this with our 20 year-old cat. My daughter was seven when I finally had to put my cat to sleep. It was so sad but I think because I prepared her, my daughter did very well. I started talking about Emma (the cat) being old, in pain and how difficult that was for her. This process started a while back when I suspected that the cat wouldn't live much longer.We talked about what a good cat she was and our favorite stories about her. The cat lasted longer than any of us could believe. Before we knew anything was happening soon, my daughter made a lot of time to just appreciate having her around; sort of soaking her up. She handled it well and I let her explore her feelings as she wanted to without pushing her in any direction. I tried to answer her questions honestly but simply without too much detail or drama. She would occasionally get worried about when Emma was going to die, but heck, so did I. Together we watched "Marley and me" and talked about the dog dying. When the time finally came this fall, to put Emma down, my daughter handled it great. She was sad but in a way that I'd expect anyone to be. Actually, I was amazed at how well she handled it. (I was secretly a wreck for a week) To say goodbye we buried Emma in our yard with a tree to remember her by. My kids all drew pictures to put in the grave and we said a little poem. After 7 months, occasionally my daughter still misses Emma but for the most part she is moving on with the pets we do have and the hundreds she wants to get.

Whatever you do, don't tell her they are going to live with the vet!! I did that when we suddenly had to put our cat down and my daughter was 3.5 to 4 years old. I thought I was being creative and avoiding the whole death issue, and it worked for awhile with her occasionally bringing up the cat and saying that she missed her. Well as she has gotten older, she still asks about her and wants to know why we can't visit her at the vet's. Well, when I tell her the vet lives too far away, her response...the vet wasn't that far away when we took her there.

At my daughter's preschool, her best friend's family dog passed away and the teacher was trying to show support and openness about the issue and shared it with the class (about 20 kids). Well, while it was helpful to the friend, who seemed fine and shared with me for about two weeks that her dog had died, it was detrimental to my daughter. She went on for several weeks in fear that my husband, or I or she would die, every now and then she still gets scared. I think she was just not able to relate and could only hear that all living things die and even people die. I was so upset that the teacher didn't even mention this to the rest of the parents, I only saw the results of her good intentions. You know your son better than any one and you know in your heart how much of the truth he can handle. I think you're on the right track by selecting books on the topic. Also, my niece said she found comfort in the movie "All Dogs Go To Heaven" when her pet died.
Good luck and glad to know you're thinking ahead.

When my daughter was 3, our small dog died unexpectedly in the middle of the night. We told her he was sick and couldn't get better but he was in heaven. We had talked about death in general prior to that because we had an elderly relative who was getting very sick. At first she didn't want to talk about it seemed like she wasn't listening but a couple of days later, she started asking questions and we just told her whatever she needed/wanted to know. Good luck, I wouldn't push the subject on them or go on and on but they are listening and processing it in their own way.