Tantrums Every Morning!

Can you have grandma get him ready? Bring him over in his pajamas.

I've been through this too. Still am on some days! I hope you're able to find a solution.
Good Luck!

I used to take my boys to my M.'s every morning in their pajamas. They would eat breakfast there too. As they got a little older we were able to transition into a more normal morning with getting dressed, brushing teeth, eating, etc. It's not really necessary that he be dressed, and it is more important for you to ease this situation since it is so stressful. I know, I have been there, and if you can take a few shortcuts for now I say go for it.

This used to be a problem with my younger brother. They could usually get to his socks and shoes and then it became a fight. One morning my M. took him to school and dropped him off in the classroom (kindergarden) with his socks and shoes in one hand and him in the other, then turned around and left. It only took once for my broter to realize he didn't like this. Most teachers at that age will understand. I realize he can't go to school with no pants on, but he can go to your M.'s like that. It is getting cold, but a somewhat warmed car and blankets will help if he is not appropriatly dressed for the ride to your moms.

I feel your pain! My 3 yr old daughter is NOT a morning person at all either! She will actually sleep until close to noon if she does not have school...she goes to bed late though no matter how I try to change her sleep schedule.

Her bus comes at 810 am and she needs no more than 45 mins to get dressed and have breakfast. The problem with trying to wake her at 715 so we are ready is that the next 45 mins are VERY stressful to both of us... we both end up in tears every morning with me screaming and dragging her out the door!

I now wake her up at 645 and turn on cartoons (very low)for her to wake up to (I either carry her to the couch or if she is in my bed she lays there and watches) I give her 30 mins to wake up... I at first set a timer but now she comes out when I tell her. I keep going in to check on her and let her know it is soon time to get moving! I will talk softly and rub her back etc... keeping her calm while waking her up.

When the timer went off or when I now call her she comes out with no problems- or very rarely! The first thing she does is comes to take her daily medicine and vitamins. Then breakfast and then we get dressed and groomed.

I know it seems crazy waking up a kid earlier than needed but it really does work to do it more gently with mine! I will admit it did not magically change overnight! It took us about 4 days or so. I actually enjoy the mornings now... I will also use that 30 mins to cuddle with her sometimes too!

I wish you lots of luck for less stressful mornings! Blessings to you and yours!

Hi M. E.
My M. actually took my brother to school not dressed twice in row and from then on he got himself dressed and out the door. My M. did take the clothes and put them in the car. She walked him into the school while he was in pajamas and straight through the hall and then let him dress himself in the bathroom. Then she left and didn't say a word to him. It was very uncool at the time to have to walk into the school with your M. so I think it was an incentive. Also, she did warn the teacher that they were trying to change the morning routine at home. The teacher said she understood and as long as he was ontime and the M. managed how he got into class on-time she said go ahead and do what you need to do. Maybe you little guy won't like for one of his friends to see him not ready in the morning and he could get a little self motivation...My brother was 5 or 6 at the time. My M. was a tough woman, maybe this tactic is not right for everyone.
Good Luck, you have gotten lots of good information here.

I would try a reward chart with stickers first. I know with little ones, its all about picking your battles, but this is something I don't give in on. If you need to get up and go to work in the morning, there is no reason you should have a struggle from your little guy and have to be stressed for the rest of the day. I would get him up and tell him its time to get dressed. If he puts up a fight, send him to the time out corner and completely ignore bad behavior. I would repeat this until he is dressed. If he wastes time getting dressed and ends up making you late, I would let him know there will be a consequence, such as no story before bed, no tv, earlier bed time...etc. I would not give him any choice as to what he is wearing, eating for breakfast, or anything else. I disagree with taking him unfed to your moms in his pj's. I'm sure your M. has enough to do during the day, she shouldn't have to get him ready too. I don't think it is fair for parents to leave the struggle for the next person in line. Your kid, you figure out a remedy for the behavior. Once he goes to school or a daycare, I think it would totally not be fair to leave this for the teacher to have to deal with. I don't mean to be harsh, I am a daycare provider. Many times I have had parent's drop their kids off saying something like "Johny wouldn't leave his favorite toy at home today" and then leave. Then I have to spend the next 30 minutes in a power struggle with their kid, when it should have been the parent's job to solve the problem before they came. Ultimately, I would just be consistent with your son, try not to lose your cool, and insist that he is to get dressed, eat, etc... Make sure he knows the consequences for bad behavior and tantrums and then follow through. The reason he doesn't do this at school or your moms is because he knows there will be a direct consequence for his actions and he has no choice, but to do what is asked.

Thank you for this post. I can't wait to see some of the advice, because I have this issue with my son several days a week as well. So, while I haven't yet found anything that works for more than a day or two at a time, I wanted to let you know that you're not alone. good luck!

I think this is pretty common for his age. I went to this parenting class and the teacher told us to remember with toddlers that "this too will pass." I find that helpful. Certainly with my 2 and a half year old if I try to rush her, it all goes downhill. So I try to just relax and realize that if we are slightly late, it is okay. If he is still sleeping when it is time to get up, then he likely needs some more sleep. I might put him to bed earlier - even as early as 6.30pm. Then when he gets up if he is still asleep, I might try to get the clothes off and the new ones on while he is in the first groggy state. Otherwise, I would give them to him to put on and see how you go. If he is going to your M.'s then he doesn't have to have breakfast if that doesn't work out. He can have the breakfast at her place. Also, you could take him to her place in his pjs with a coat over him. I would read "Healthy Sleep Habits, happy baby" by Weisblut to see if maybe he needs some more sleep. Good luck.

You're not going crazy...this is part of parenting. Now think about doing all this without a spouse to give you a break. That was me.

Be greatful for what you have (your husband) and keep in mind that this won't last forever.

Happy Parenting!

E.

I was just reading an issue of the magazine REAL Simple at the drs. office and they had 10 different moms and how they structure their mornings so there are less tantrums/bickering etc. There were some really good ideas for incentives and motivational things. I'm pretty sure it was this months issue or last months. Maybe check out the website. Good luck!

Hi,
He might be a little young for this but I'm sure he will get it. My husband was having trouble with our daughter getting ready in the morning. No tantrums, just dragging her feet. We bought a "task" bored for children. Its a simple piece of cardboard with some kind of picture on it and there is a plastic hook for Morning, Afternoon & Night. It has plastic cards (a color for each time of day) and stickers you can put on them that show different tasks.
In the morning her cards were, Make the bed, brush your teeth, Get dressed for school, Get backpack...
She had things in the afternoon like, do homework, feed fish.. you get the idea.

She moves each card to done after she does it. At the end of each day she gets a plastic coin for each card she does. If she gets a set amount of plastic coins by the end of the week she got a reward, pick a movie to rent, happy meal... whatever you want to make it. We gave her 3 choices for her reward. It worked like a charm for her. She was up, got things done and kept counting her coins all week. She was probably about 5 when we did this but I think any age that can understand a reward system will get it. Its very easy. By the time she was 6 she was getting up with an alarm, making her bed and dressed before even coming out for breakfast. Now she is 8 and keeps her routine, making it much easier! We haven't used the board in a while but she does other chores now for an allowance.
Good luck@

Look into Love and Logic. They have books and cds on all levels. I know one of the senerios they used was this one. The M. had prearranged with the teacher that he would be showing up in him pjs and to please not let him in the daycare room in them. She took him straight from bed to the car and he had to figure out for himself where to change his clothes that she already had bagged up.

Love and Logic is a series of books, audios, and other materials that help with this stage. I purchased some of their books at Border's; other materials probably need to be obtained through the L&L website. A great resource in the city is called Tuesday's Child. My daughter and I attended 8 weeks of classes there several years ago. Her behavior - and my parenting skills - improved a lot as a result. Just Google "Tuesday's Child Chicago" and you'll find their site. Good Luck!

The days he's with your M., I would pack a bag of clothes and carry him to the car in his pajamas. Some things aren't worth fighting over. I've dressed my daughter while she wasn't quite awake, still in bed. Setting an alarm that wakes up with music or something may help or at least get him ready for the idea you'll be coming in soon to get him up. Maybe a silly wake up song, rewards for getting up without too much of a fight, earlier bedtime.

It is hard dealing with that daily. Take some time for yourself.

Here's a question...Where does M. live? Is she close? Could she drive to your house? Could you get her so he could sleep later? Does she desperately want to be at her house? Just a thought...

I know another M. who went through the same thing with her preschooler. Finally, one day she had enough and told him that if he didn't change out of his pajamas, that's what he would wear to school. Sure enough, he didn't get dressed, and she sent him to preschool in his pajamas. He was embarrassed about going to school in his pajamas, and he no longer fights her on getting dressed in the morning. Might be worth a shot! You could also tell him that he isn't allowed at the breakfast table and/or allowed to watch morning cartoons until he gets himself dressed. Good luck!

Wow, my son is 10 and even now I know how a cranky late morning can just ruin your whole day! It sounds like you are doing what you can to have your son ready ahead of time and I assume he is getting to bed early and getting plenty of rest.

As an adult who just is NOT a morning person, I can sympathize! But can you give him something special to look forward to that he only gets in the morning? Maybe a toaster waffle for breakfast or if he makes his bed, he gets a star or can earn a treat? ( at least then he has to get OUT of the bed!) Maybe a special call from Grandma in the morning- but only at the kitchen table- calling to say how she can't wait to see him and to tell him what fun things she has planned for that day?

As I said, these struggles continue, even now in 4th grade. My son is old enough that we have talked about his attitude and if he doesn't get out of bed, eat etc. it throws off EVERYONE's schedule and makes us late for school and work. Unfortunately your son isn't old enough to get that yet. good luck!!

Hi M. E.

Iam so glad you posted this. I am having sort of the same problem with my 3 year old boy. We have already gone through the stage of not wanting to get dressed. I now get him dressed while he is still in bed. I know it is the easy way out, but I am on a time schedule in the morning. I think when he grows out of this stage I will start him to dress himself after he is up for a while. Now he is starting to throw fits when we have to get his coat on and get in the car. I'm sure it has to do with he is watching t.v and doesn't want to leave. I think I will need to cut out the t.v in the morning. Of course this will cause another fit to deal with. My day was so stressed by 7:00 am I just wanted to go back to sleep!!!! But try getting him dressed before he is wide awake this might help. Maybe we should e-mail each other sounds like were going through alot of the same things.

Thanks,
Jackie