C.A.
Hi,
Did something happen at school today to change her mind? Maybe other friends made fun of her for going to spend the night. Especially when there is an ill child other kids can be cruel. Your daughter may be vacillating because she feels her other friends are trying to make her feel bad for being a good friend. I know you have many things to teach your daughter about being a friend but I think if she is not emotionally ready to face an all nighter with someone that has an illness she doesn't understand may increase her fear of witnessing a seizure. Perhaps you guys can try again when she is a bit more stabilized. Her simple reason for not going is that maybe someone told her what a seizure looks like and now she is scared to see her friend in that condition. Honestly a 10 year old does not normally have the emotional tools to deal with a seizure or it's aftermath without long term exposure to them. Excitement took over and she probably said yes remembering how her friend was before and she was tickled about getting to spend time with her but the reality probably set in and she just is not ready. You can apologize for the cancellation to the other mom and just say that your daughter decided she is not ready to spend the night but maybe a trip to the movie or a rental and a bag or two of popcorn might be fun. As a mother to a special needs child the biggest problems I have seen from special needs children, whether it is an illness or a disability, is the loss of friends and the lack of ability to get people to look past their illness/disability.
You are not wrong to be angry but you also can't force children to deal with things they are not emotionally ready to handle without experience. Yes, her friend will be hurt but how hard would it be if your daughter was there and she had a grand mal seizure? The other mom would be so focused on what was going on with her own daughter there would be no emotional support for your daughter. I think the guilt trip may have gone a little overboard but mothers are good at that. Don't stress about it, just tell the mom your daughter is not ready yet. You can apologize for getting the girl's hopes up but you can't apologize for your daughter's feelings.
Don't know if that helps out but it's my opinion. You are doing the right thing to teach her to honor her word, however, you can't negate your daughter's feelings and only pay attention to the friend's. In her own way, she told you she could not handle this activity right now. I think after a few more visits to the friend will allow your daughter to not be as afraid. Once your daughter understands that the medication will help manage the seizures and the friend does better and better she might be more comfortable. Then maybe you can have the friend over to your house a few times for movies or fun and see how it goes.
C.