Teaching Son to Play Sports

First off...I want to say that I am not trying to lecture you and I hope that you will not take this in a bad way BUT....
You need to make sure that playing hockey is what your SON wants to do and not what your HUSBAND wants him to do. I know that you referenced in your request that your son is interested but kids have a deep seated desire to please parents and especially when your son reads from your husband that hockey is important to him. As the Mom of 2 boys (6 and 3) I am APPALLED at the pressure that is being put on young boys in sports by well meaning adults. I really believe that they are living vicariously through their children with the hopes that their children will be either the sports star that they were or maybe never were and felt bad about it. It is disgusting to go to ball games and hear parents yell at their children and to see the sadness on the child's face because they are obviously not pleasing them. Adults have taken all of the fun out of sports for kids. I would say that you tell your husband if he cannot play with your son and not be critical then he should not play with your son. The emotional problems that you are setting your son up for because of this (unable to please his ddad and the feeling of being not good enough..failure )will be with him for the rest of his life. I would advise to find a local rink that has kids hockey and introduce your son that way. Many kids in my neighborhood (same age as your son)are doing this now and their parents say that the coaches are really good and patient with the kids. In closing let me just say that if American parents and other adults (school districts even) put as much interest and energy into academics as they do into kids sports we would truly have the smartest kids on the planet. I will get off my soapbox now!

My suggestion is that at age 6 your son in not interested in the rules of the game. That will come in time when he is old enough to understand them. Just let him have fun. If your husband forces the rules on your son, he will be taking the joy out of the game and then you son will only learn to hate the game.

I've been playing hockey for 22 years an ice hockey coach for ten years. I have coached mini-mites all the way through high school. My advice to all parents of children that age is to make it fun. If you've ever seen 6 year olds play soccer you know that's tough for them and they're not on skates and don't have a stick!

If your husband makes learning hockey a game and all about having "dad time" your son will love it no matter how good he is. A couple of trash cans and a lot of "way to go"'s and high fives will do a lot for your husband and son.

Have them play games like can you pass to dad on this side of the trash can (way to go) how about this side (high five). Another is can you take this ball around the trash can and shoot on dad (if you have a net or another set of cans) and have dad fall down or something silly and tell him how good he's getting even if he's not great. All positive.

Kids that age are still learning the coordination needed to play the game. There will be plenty of time as he grows for drills and plenty of coaching by coaches. Tell your boys to go out and HAVE FUN! -D

Personally, I would drop the issue. When he says wants to play hockey, then let him (and maybe dad) hit the puck around. How can your husband "lose patience" when he's PLAYING--this shouldn't be instructional time--it's supposed to be fun. Sounds like it's not.

The best advice I have is to have your husband stop trying to teach specific skills. Just go out and hit a ball back and forth. As far as stick skills go, they'll come. Right now just let him have fun with dad and a hockey stick. Good luck to you both!!!

Maybe have your husband take your son out for a game of putt-putt golf. I know it sounds crazy but the putter is a little easier to handle and in the same shape as a hockey stick. It might help your son a bit. Good luck!

From what you are saying, it doesn't sound like he is developmentally ready. He is still a little guy! Every child develops at a different pace- no two are the same. Instead of trying to teach him to handle a stick (which I know my 6 year old would not be able to do), why not have he and his dad play something for fun together just recreationally in the backyard? If it is for fun, there won't be the loss of patience and/or the crying. You don't want a child that age to feel that he isn't good enough or to be stressed out over not getting something right. Just have them play catch or kick a soccer ball back and forth. There will be bonding between he and his dad and none of the pressure that comes along with "having" to learn something.

Why don't you look around and see if there are any pee wee leagues in your area ? That way he will be able to learn and have fun with kids his own age, and with his own level of coordination. . . It's really hard to teach your kids, plus the only one they have to emulate is an adult who is better coordinated and has already learned to play. If he can play with boys his own age and level of skill, he'll have much more fun.

and in the end, the purpose of sport is to have fun. and to see yourself be able to accomplish something. The pressure he sounds as if he's under right now is counterproductive. he's learning to hate ice hockey. Sorry Dad.

:-) good luck !!

J.,
I have a very ahtletic daughter who is now 15 - her sport is softball, which she excels at. Even with her natural talent, I didn't notice any part of the mental game influencing her until she was at least 11 years old. (I saw her throw the ball home to stop a run instead of to first). With that being said, your son is still very young, and all I would do as a father - or mother - is to play hockey with him. Let it be fun - don't try to "teach" too much - they just can't process that yet, and will lose interest. Practice makes perfect - you'll see him progress just from playing.

Depending on where you live, you may want to look into a league that starts at the very beginning with teaching. We live in New Kensington, and the Valley Sports Complex close to us has a league called the Pittsburgh Vipers that starts kids out at age 4, even if they've never been on the ice before (they start them out skating with these chair-thingys for support). There's different sections with this, my son spent 2 yrs in the instructional part learning the basic rules, skating techniques, stick handling, etc. Now he's in a summer session that builds on these skills, and next fall when it starts up again he wants to go to the next level where they build on the skills and start playing games against each other. He loves it because it's no pressure (unless you're one of THOSE parents) and they've got a group of guys who all have kids or have experience teaching kids. Look into something like this, and your son may not get frustrated and you're husband may only lose his patience while trying to get your son's skates laced up! He could even volunteer to help out if they need people. My husband was asked last session if he could help, but he didn't feel his skills would do much good (he can't skate backwards).

I agree with Kelly D.
Your hub should focus on having FUN with your son and just playing around/hitting the ball/puck with your son. If there's too much pressure, your son may decide he doesn't like the sport. Not because of the sport, but because of expectations. I discovered this when I was trying to make my younger (by 11 years) sister an all-star field hockey player. I look back and wish I would have just hit around with her and played to get her to enjoy it and worry about skill development later. Because of this, she decided to play tennis and lacrosse. 2 sports I never played. :)

have someone else teach him...lessons are usually fun...as parents i think some times we dont realize how we sound

Okay, here is a big problem... It is his Dad teaching him. I've noticed with kids that sometimes they learn better from others. He is going to take every bit of direction a little harder from his Dad than anyone else. Also, it runs into other parts of life.

This doesn't mean Dad can't teach him (I have similar issues with my daughter.). What it does mean? You have to have more patience and less expectation. Tell Dad to keep showing him but don't worry so much about whether or not he gets it. Concentrate more on doing what your son wants to do, letting him try and overall on having fun together. Make it less of a work session and more of a fun session. If your son doesn't get, tell him "We'll get there. Let's just have some fun while we keep trying." Your son will get less frustrated and upset. And if your husband lowers and sort of changes his expectations, he will be less frustrated, have more fun and will build a better relationship with your son in the long run.

I guess the big suggestion with the sports... Show him. If he doesn't get it, praise him for the effort and let him know (if there is any part of it) what part of it he is doing correctly. Then tell him what he can do to fix the other part. Show him again. And then let him try, try, try, try and try again. Eventually, he will get it. If you worry less about the success and more on the fun trying, your son will be less stressed and may get it sooner. Remember, he wants to please dad as much as dad wants him to get it.

Just a suggestions from a frustrated Mom whose daughter does the same type of thing with her (and nothing can be more frustrating than dealing with a child who bursts into tears when you are trying to help them).

Good luck.

Get him involved in an instructional team/legue! Dad can help coach the team, but another coach should work with your son. Kids always seem to accept guidance and corrections much better from other adults. We have done this with every activity/sport our girls have done, soccer, softball, basketball, scouting, music lessons. WE are there, we are helping, but if another adult take the lead with our own children it is better for them and us!