I am involved in a group ( not possible to get out of it for at least a year) I am new but have a clue, there is someone newer that has no experience in this field at all, and there are 2 women who have been running this "show" for many many years. I've known these ladies and knew they were like this and I know not to rock the boat, but im having trouble dealing.
we have certain decisions that need to be made and an agenda to get through, it's loose but we do have general deadlines. and mostly they are to be , not really "training" us newbies but filling us in.
But when we meet, the 2 ladies, socialize and chat and mess around until we only have 5 mins of actual productive time. I know the really new person is frustrated, I am but not as much as her.
I need some tricks for being able to get them to focus with out me being a well a "Witch", and if I push too hard i'm sure they will stop giving even the 5 mins that i'm getting now.
I know i'm being a bit obscure, but the main point of all of this is how do I get a group to stay on task?, when I don't have any authority.
has anyone been successful at a similar situation where it got better. I just want them to care!
If you are a newbie you won't be able to get the others on task. You will only invite hostility. If you stay in the group for longer than a year, at some point you will begin to have some clout, but not now, unfortunately.
Here is what is going to happen when you try to rein in the meeting. You're going to get ugliness and hostility. You won't get anything done and you'll be miserable.
The queens of this group intentionally prevent a real meeting from taking place so that there is no discussion possible and all you and the new people are to them is a rubber stamp for what they want to do.
The point is that you aren't going to get them to "focus". They've already had their meeting without the other people and they are running the program. Either drop out or accept what they are doing.
How do I know this? Because I've been in this exact position and I saw what the queen bees did to the person who tried to do exactly what you want to do. They threw her out of the group for being "difficult". And that's what these women will do to you.
Negative? Yeah, but I am because I've seen this.
Is this a volunteer group?
If so, I think your best bet is - similar to what some below posts have suggested - to tell them that you need to get through the business part quickly because you need to leave early.
I am in a few volunteer groups, and I have even once heard one woman say, very bluntly, "I am not here to socialize...I would like to get done with our business efficiently so that I can go socialize with my actual friends". !!!! Very blunt, but, it got a point across.
Ultimately though, that woman dropped out of our group. Because many volunteer groups are designed to blend "business" and "social"...can be difficult to just get done with business.
ADDED: I'm interested to see some posters above insisting that the women who are chatty during your meetings are "queen bees" and are intentionally marking their turf. Wow. That's assuming the very worst. I've been in lots of volunteer groups and found that it was seldom about "this is MY group, you're an outsider, I'm the queen" than it was about "Oh, this is how we've always done it....we don't think we really chat all that long...." Not intentional meanness but unthinking adherence to "how it's always been." That adherence can be as tough to uproot as queen-bee syndrome, of course, but Lillym -- just focus on "what tasks can I do; here, they're done" and other such strategies.
Original answer:
I think you need to enlist the help of the other new person. She might be balky since she has "no experience in this field" as you put it and is the newest, but it may take both of you together to keep things on track.
Is there a written agenda for each meeting? You mention an agenda but be sure there is one actually in writing, every time. Volunteer to be the person who writes it, e-mails it to everyone so they can insert other agenda items well in advance, prints it and brings copies to the meeting. Hand them out briskly as people arrive. If one of the old-timers is supposedly the leader, turn to her, bright and eager, and say, "Sally, would you lead off with that first item?" You can even put your own item first so that you take the lead: "OK, let's get through the agenda for tonight. I'd like to start with Subject X" and launch right in. A written agenda would keep things focused but you and the newest person might have to be a bit forceful in putting on smiles and speaking up if the others are just chatting.
I've also seen it help, in situations like this, for someone to come in and say, frankly and openly, "I want to let you know that I have to leave here promptly at 8:00 because the sitter is leaving our house at 8:10, so could we please start with Sally's great idea about fundraising so I can hear about that?. Sally, last time you said you'd call Y about project Z. What did you find out?" In other words -- announce that you WILL leave and you really need others to get moving but do it in a way that says "I am so ready to hear YOUR great stuff." Newbie can do that too and eventually the old-timers might realize that the two of you really will indeed leave at the time you specified and things must get done. It also helps to launch into a very specific question for one of the two chatters, so she has to focus on your question. Follow up on questions quickly, too, so that side conversations don't get started.
Never let a meeting end without a list of action items. "So by the next meeting on November 10, Sally will call Z about...; I will have the flyers printed and bring them; and Jenny will e-mail us all the financial report by November 8 so we can see it before the meeting." After the meeting, send that list out in writing by e-mail!!
Ask them to give you some tasks. If they do then go and do them outside of the meeting. If they don't then ask again, are you SURE there isn't anything I could or should be doing to get this goal met. If they say no, don't worry about it then you are just going to have to accept that the group will fail. Of course they will blame it all on you and the new girl. So if there are official minutes of the group make sure your request is entered every time you ask so you have verification to prove you did what you could to get things going.
Keeping the work focused on you and not that they are totally blowing off the goals of the group will help them focus and get to work.
Truthfully they are in the group and have been for some time. Evidently they do something at some time because what ever thing this group has formed to do gets done every year with them being at the head of it.
So don't worry, they may know exactly how to do this and you're worrying for nothing. Otherwise it might be the ones that held the 2 positions you and the other lady took over that got the work done. Play it by ear and keep trying but don't push it.
I try to not stress myself out over situations I can't change.
If things don't improve I'd do my time (the year?) and then part ways.
You can't control other people. You can only control yourself.
I don't think that it's unreasonable to work on a task while socializing even if you're the only one doing it.
"I'm so excited to be working on _____ with you ladies, this is such a great project. I was hoping that while we chat I could keep my hands busy with one of our tasks so that we're not as rushed at the end of the meeting."
Get to the meeting 30 minutes late and when asked about it, say that you know the real meeting starts after WE socialize. Do this for the next few meetings and the next time that you are late, the meeting will have started on time in order to teach you a lesson.
These bossy ladies know that it's rude, they are proving territory.
Is this a volunteer or work group? Could you build socializing time into the meeting? Bring some snacks and put the coffee on, and have the social time on the agenda at the end of the meeting? If it is a volunteer group, then the socializing is an important part. Many people join volunteer committees because they enjoy the social aspect of it, and if it were to suddenly just become work they would likely not have a reason to stay. If you are not the person who makes the agenda, ask the person who does make the agenda to do this. Tell them you would love to chat, but you have to leave early and want to get the work out of the way before you go.
You and New Girl can stay on track, and just keep interrupting the older two with whatever questions you have. Be polite about it though...
"So we need to have Project X done by deadline A.... Hey, Lady in Charge, do you think sub-deadline A is reasonable to have this portion of Project X finished? Or do you think we should work on a different angle?"
Just keep bringing up pertinent information... Let them have a little bit of chat time, but just keep inserting the group business whenever you need their help. Eventually, they may feel guilty hat you and New Girl are doing the lions share of the work, and stay on task.
