Teen Daughters Clothes

I don't think it has anything to do with how often she goes out and the fact that she's homeschooled. I've met a lot of homeschooled kids who look worse than the kids in public school.

I say just let her have her own style. As long as she's not showing copious amounts of skin, I don't see what the problem is. She's a girly girl and wants to dress nicely.

I think it is awesome. I get tired of all the ultra casualness of today's people. What ever happened to style? Geeze, many peope don't even get out of their jammies to go shopping.

I think she sounds lovely, and very secure within herself! A proper young lady.

Good job mom!

:)

If she's not showing body parts I think she's fine. She sounds unique, I think it's pretty awesome. I had a girlfriend like that in high school, I envied her fashion sense... she was very "cool" and popular and it had a lot to do with the way she seemed to over dress. It became her signature of sorts.

Well I have a teenage daughter also, and she seems to be the type to be wearing jeans- and t shirts. Other times she wears clothes that I don't exactly like - for example a 1/2 shirt with another shirt underneath so its modest, but in my opinion UGLY. But I have learned to pick and choose my battles especially becasue she has become so picky about her clothes and now I cannot buy anything for her unless she is with me!
To answer your question I think that your daughter is looking for a creative outlet in the way she dresses, which I think is very normal for a teen. When I was in high school Ialways was very careful about how I dressed and what I looked like, way more that I care now! And each person is different also. i have a friend that does not like to leave the house unless she has done her hair, has the perfecty outfit & shoes & purse to match. So my answer would be as long as your daughter's clothes are covering her up adequately I would let her go for it. it could be sooo much worse- imagine purple hair and piercings ..LOL!

I have a mother who married into an entire community of home schoolers like you describe. I am familiar with the life long Biblical perception that it's not OK to draw attention through dress IN GENERAL as well as not dressing provocatively in a sexual way. The girls in the family all dress sort of like quakers, though some of them do actually wear jeans. We also live in an area with lots of Amish who have the same beliefs, so I understand. I get it. I feel weird going to visit my mom sometimes in -as my mom now calls them-"modern clothes" and make up.

This is particularly strange to me, since I am 40, and she married into this family 15 years ago, therefore I wasn't raised that way. Suddenly, in my 20's she started commenting on my "lipstick". WHAT??!! Or saying I shouldn't wear "such tight pants" EWWW, WHAT??! Normal fitted jeans??! I was raised riding horses in jeans!!! Seemed like a pervy observation to start with, but she takes it a bit overboard compared to the rest of the family. I was shocked after having a mom who bought Avon and got her hair done her whole life, to see her with gray hair down to her waist braided into a bun looking 30 years older than all the other grandparents her age, but hey, her choice. But would she REALLY be a wayward hussy if she kept herself up a bit more in accordance with 2011? I'm not asking her to wear bikinis and stripper heels, but surely some make up wouldn't hurt...But then I realized, I was being just as judgmental as her, so I don't say anything, and I take the comments she gives and let them roll off my back.

ANYWAY! When I was a teen, it was the 80's, and my peers didn't dress in a slutty manner with micro mini's as a staple like now, but we did dress pretty weird. I had a passion for weird fashion and became a fashion designer and moved to New York and worked in the garment industry for 15 years. It was hard work, and I didn't appreciate the implication from my mom's new side of the family that because I was a fashion designer for a living who liked clothes, that I was also and immoral, deceived, superficial person of non substance, trying to draw attention to myself for the sake of evil. It's just a bit much. Some of the most wonderful selfless people I know dress well and make themselves look good. The two qualities are not mutually exclusive.

For your daughter, it is very impressive that she goes against the norm by dressing differently than her peers when most kids just want to fit in. Even though I dressed very strangely, a lot of my friends did, so it wasn't so "brave". I can see where this would worry you that she is focusing too much on her exterior, but I would not worry about that unless she starts to lack morals or lags in other parts of her life. If she is still a wonderful person, then it would be you focusing too much on the exterior. As far as your spiritual beliefs on the matter, I think you should keep it at skimpy or provocative clothes. There really is no harm in just dressing formally. She will find her own way, she's only 14. Thank goodness she's not going around town in her pajama bottoms like the kids do today.....(woops, now who's the judgy grannie? :)

Don't stifle her in the clothing department if she is flourishing. That will drive a wedge into your relationship with her. Do your best to love her style and even help her dress up. It's not a fight worth fighting. She won't be a better person for dressing more plainly. It truly is what's on the inside that counts.

Since you said "modest" I would back off and let her have her own style.

You actually answered your own question: "it's my own childhood issues stirring up because we were taught to not attract attention to ourselves." We often, as mother's, don't realize how much our own childhood beliefs influence our parenting. One of the things I learned how to do is to question my own belief systems. (A great resource is Byron Katie's "The Work" found at www.thework.com) I learned to recognize when my own fears and insecurities were getting in the way of allowing my children to be who they are.

Your daughter sounds lovely. She really, especially as a teenager, needs your support to decide for herself what works for her and what doesn't. She doesn't need you to decide for her. She needs someone to listen, to encourage her, to be there when she stumbles, etc.

One concept that also helped me in parenting (I have three teens: one girl, two boys) was the idea of "who owns the problem." This simply means that who does the issue really effect. Does the problem "interfere with the parent's right or prevent the parent getting her needs met?" How your daughter dresses and how other's respond to that do not directly effect you. Now, you may feel uncomfortable or empathize with sadness if that is what she feels, however, she is the one that owns the problem and needs that space and confidence to resolve the issue in a way that best supports her. (the interesting thing here is that it is clear that your daughter does not consider this an issue on any level)

I have learned that one of the most important things in parenting teenagers is supporting them in learning the skills of problem solving and conflict resolution. I grew up in a household that was very strict and controlling. I had always been told how to behave, what decisions to make, etc. When I got out into the world I was handicaped by an inability to make decisions on my own. I had few problem solving skills, little confidence in myself, and was really good at being who everyone else wanted me to be and had no clue how to be myself. It took me until I was in my mid 30's to realize that I was supposed to develop my own likes and dislikes, my own beliefs, and to have my own values.

Support yourself in healing your own fearful beliefs. Support your daughter in being the amazing, authentic, incredible person she is and give her the space to learn the tools of decision making and problem resolution for herself.

Aw she sounds really nice. I would just leave her to do her own thing. Its not hurting anyone. Hey, you will always spot her in a crowd of teenage girls!! :-) Who says dresses and making an effort has to be for special occasions. My niece is 12 and is sooo grunge (yuck) but thats her style for the time being. Enjoy it while you can. lol

She sounds like my teenage niece, and I think it's lovely. There ARE teenage girls that are naturally more feminine.
My own daughter dresses like every other girl at her school, basically tight jeans with a sweatshirt every day. They are like drones, I have encouraged her to try to find her own style, but I guess at the moment she's more concerned about fitting in.
Good for your daughter!

I think it's fine, maybe like Fancy Books. Those books are for much younger girls, like my kindergartener, but Nancy LOVES to look fancy at all times! Maybe your daughter is going through a phase. I seriously don't think it's a big deal. Just take a gander at what other 14-year-olds are doing/wearing and consider yourself blessed with such a wonderful girl. Maybe even encourage it a little, dressy ballet flats, sequin headband, etc. She is expressing herself and taking pride in her appearance, it is refreshing to see and hear about from you.

My own 13 yo is a fashion plate too. She also is homeschooled.
I let her wear what she wants within reason. I figure the kids at church and Girl Scouts can take care of the peer pressure.
But for the most part they like her eccentricities. It's her. She dresses in wild colors, mismatched socks, 3 inch spikes. She is always modest but always dressed up.
One day she wore a bright pink and black leopard print top with a neon pink tutu, same bright pink leotards and some hideous neon pink snowboots. Someone at church asked which of the "blondes over there" was my daughter. When I told her the pink one, the lady said Oh that one always makes me smile.
I so enjoy my eccentric little lady. Her sister, the 16 yo, wears jeans and tees.

The girls are not allowed short shorts, or mini skirts that are too short. They are not allowed cleaveage. My hubby has the final say on something that is a little too over the top, he has been a 15 yo boy. And if I send a picture of the girls with too much or too little, their 22 yo brother will call home and yell at me.

Let her dress how she wants. As long as there are the 3 B's there she should be just fine. Who cares if she stands out, let her be herself. It probably just a phase that she will out grow. I can't remember how many phases I went through going up.

3 B's- Boobs, butt and belly

Well . . . how often does she go out on special occasions? Maybe this is her way of bringing everyday life to be a special occasion.
I used to wear dresses everyday just because I wanted to. I grew out of it. Why wouldn't you want to draw attention to yourself? This is her way of expressing herself and I wouldn't want to stifle something so trivial. She could possibly backlash in worse ways. There are worse things to worry about.
You should look up Generation Y. We are attention seekers. It just comes with us. You can't take away our ability to express ourselves.
http://legalcareers.about.com/od/practicetips/a/Generatio...

Don't stifle her creativity and sense of adventure that she shows through her clothes. Congratulate yourself on raising a confident young woman, quite a feat in these times.

Let her be herself. I think your own issue may be at root. She will have plenty of external forces telling her how she needs to fit a certain mold. Be really proud at 14 she is confident in herself to have her own flair. Teenagers get enough pressure to conform. If it starts to effect her socally (kids comment etc) she will change herself if it bugs her. But if she is confident don't do anything to make her feel she shouldn't be... And her confidence might stop other kids from commenting as well. Be happy she isn't dressing inappropriately which is usually from low self esteem to attract attention. Let her find her own self and dont worry about her standing out. She'll change if it does cause social problems but it is really a good thing if she has the self esteem to be herself.

Have you ever watched "What Not to Wear"? I laugh because they always seem 'dressed up' to me. However, my very fashion conscious friend assures me that a lot of people do dress that way. I am a jeans and throw on shirt kinda gal, she is a everything must match dressy kinda gal. That's just how it works.

I would be looking into fashion and design schooling for her. I have found people who are very creative tend express themsleves more without pressuers of the outside world. My Neice is now in design school, while not a strictly dress kind of girl, she always wore what she wanted to not what everyone else did. Sometimes it was trendy sometimes not. But she always rocked it with and air of confidence I could only dream of having. I am trying to get back to my sense of self. I have long shelved myself to fit in, and I feel it is bring ing me down.

I think as long as she emotionally stable, I would support her uniqueness.

I recommend that you relax and let your daughter be herself. Particularly if she takes care of her clothes on her own. She sounds like a strong, confident person who doesn't really care how the world perceives her. I think it's great that she feels comfortable being different than her peers. Your worry will increase the tension in our house/relationship with your daughter. Relax and enjoy your strong daughter.

I actually think it's so cool that she is not afraid to just be herself....I personally don't like the cookie cutter affect, be yourself! Why do we have to copy other people, be proud & happy in your own skin. She will probably grow up to be an amazing person & do great things. ☮

It sounds like your daughter has her own ideas of how she wants to dress, regardless of how everyone else is dressing. In my opinion, as long as the outfits are appropriate, then let her wear them. My granddaughter also likes to dress up whenever she can. We don't go very many places, so when we do, I let her "dress" if she wants to. What do I care what everyone else thinks as long as her outfits are age appropriate. Also, you will find with teenagers there's a battle around every corner. This is definitely not something to battle her over. By the way, what would you say to her "don't dress so nicely" or "don't try to look nice all the time" How do you say that to anyone?

I would say if she were in school with other kids she would most likey dress differently. On a daily basis she would have had hundreds of other kids influences and that would have played a huge part in her "conforming" to norms.

I have a young friend who has always dressed differently than her peers. She has a very sleek and sophisticated look. Straighter skirts and more tailored shirts than the fru-fru dresses so many wore until 2nd and 3rd grade. She attends college right now and almost always has on slacks instead of jeans, a button front fitted shirt or top other than a tee shirt or sweat shirt, and instead of the usual tennis shoe/running shoes has on loafers or a pump. She dresses very nice and I imagine makes a much better impression on her professors that some of the others.

Let her dress up. Things could be worse. She could be wearing low cut tops and low cut pants. You have nothing to worry about. That's how she's comfortable and confident, so let her be. My 6 yo DD mixes and matches her clothes and most outfits don't match, but she walks around as if she doesn't have a care in the world and if I point it out that it doesn't match she says "so, I like how it looks" and off she goes. I love that about her.

She probably does that because she doesn't leave the house for very much. I'm sure if she went to school, she'e be motivated by what other kids there are wearing.
Kinda like the SAHM who never gets to go out? When you do, you want to get all spiffy!

At any rate, I don't think this is an issue. So what if she wants to get all fancy and then only have to undress at ballet. My god, if she's not being indecent or looking like Tammy Faye Baker with makeup, let her express herself!
This is not a parenting fail in any way nor an issue. Let her be.