Teen Daughters Out of Control Eating

sounds pretty normal to me.
I know ate like this in hs,
for example one night we had an intalian night at the coaches house , I ate 4 large plates of lasagna , half a dozen stuffed shells and one serving of 14 different desserts. I used to be able to put down a whole med pizza by myself.
What you are listing is mild comparatively.
and yes you limiting all this stuff does cause her to binge on it when she's out.

If it were me I would not discuss it with her at this point (for fear of inadvertently making the problem worse). But feverishly behind the scenes, I would seek out professional advice to go at it from 2 angles: 1) physiologically - is she deficient in a nutrient or intolerant to certain foods which causes her to eat more? and 2) from an emotional, psychological or behavioral standpoint do we have a problem (and if so how do we deal with it)?

To do that I would seek the advice of a nutritionist who specializes in eating disorders (just an initial consult), an integrative physician for comprehensive blood work including food sensitivities, and a psychologist who specializes in teens.

As another mom mentioned time is running out (since she is about to become an adult).

I don't have daughters, and I have never dealt with this specific problem. This is just my "mom" opinion (I'm not a health care professional of any type).

Perhaps there is no real issue, which I hope is the case.

Good luck.

I think she sounds pretty normal. Our daughter and her friends in high school, were very busy. Marching band, dance, rowing, wrestling, track, swimming, drill team .. They ate a ton. Not in front of boys, but in front of each other. I think they were so
active they did not tend to gain that much weight..At school, I assume the tator tots are baked? Here in Austin, no fryers are allowed in public schools. Everything is baked.

That being said, I had a few mom friends that though their daughters were chubby or overweight and when I looked at the girls, I thought they looked healthy and proportioned.
Maybe she is getting ready to go through a growing spurt.

She may be a little overweight because you do not mention any exercise . Is she in a sport? Does she run, bike, go to a gym, do yoga? Do you all have any type of equipment at home? Maybe something fun like a class with all sorts of different training.. If not this is where she needs to concentrate and you can help. You can tell her for Christmas the 2 of you are going to join a gym. Tell her you need to get your own body into better shape, since you are getting older. Women about to or go through menopause should be having a regular exercise program and you want her to be your work out buddy.

If you are concerned, make sure she has a full check up at the doctor.. She sounds like a great kid, be careful about this food issue. and yes, when there are no treats, it makes you seek them out..

My mom was a bit of a food Nazi.. once I got to college all heck broke loose.. I could eat what I wanted and craved. With our daughter we had/have snacks.. She has learned that sure.. eat all junk, but you are going to fill terrible.. Eat it in moderation and really treat it as a snack and you will not have any problems..

Now that she is in college, her campus has hills and there is no parking on campus, so she walks everywhere.. Here she could jump in a car to go to the store, up there she walks into town or takes the bus and hikes around the other towns.. It has made a huge difference.

She is still growing, so it's possible that she's hungry. It's also fun to eat the not-so-good-for-you stuff when you get a chance. That said, I think there may be something different going on for YOU as well - you said: "I’ve never made an issue about her weight (as my mother did and it took years for me to get over it)." I don't think you HAVE gotten over it. It still haunts you, and you may be passing this on to your daughter as well. You may want to talk to a professional and deal with your food hang-ups because you ARE hovering, and you are making an issue of her eating habits because of your past bad experiences. If you haven't talked to her about your own issues, now might be a good time. She's almost an adult, and dealing with it and her on an adult level may be a huge help.

Also, If she hasn't had a check-up, now might be a good time. She should have her first ob visit anyway. You can both find out if she has a thyroid issue or anything else - make sure she's healthy. Then take it from there. Some of the other moms had great ideas re. carbs, etc. That's all good stuff, too.

I wasn't going to comment till I read the comment about bulimia. ok I have been bulimic for 7 yrs, and it was because I was depressed about my weight (I also have a mood disorder which might have contributed) and because my mom was always commenting about what I was eating. if your daughter is already heavy she might be sensitive about her weight so there really is no good way to bring up the way she is eating, but it is something you should do. tell her you are concerned about her eating habits....going back to the other comment about bulimia....I didn't hide vomit, and where some bulimics do that its really not that common. websites that list the signs will also tell you to look for sores on the hands (which come from bumping up against the teeth and repeated exposure to stomach acid) but some use a toothbrush instead of a finger, and some of us are so good at it (pry wrong word) that we dont need stimuli. signs to look for are the swollen glands (ie chipmunk cheeks) frequent trips to the bathroom, you could look for stashes of laxitives. I also want to mention that there are several other eating disorders. most people only only know about anorexia and bulimia but there are more ( I was orginally diagnosed with EDNOS or eating disorder not otherwise specified. which means I wasn't thin enough to be an anorexic and I was purging enough to be bulimic, which is dumb because I was doing it several times a day) however if your daughter is suffering from an ED (which I hope not) it is more likely that she has binge eating disorder, which is the same as bulima but without the purging.

You say you don't make an issue about her weight, but your letter totally comes across as you "monitor" everything. I think your history with food is coloring your view of your daughter's eating.
Maybe she has an issue, maybe she doesn't. Teen girls CAN eat a lot. Does she do a sport? My teen girls seem to eat constantly- some healthy stuff, some not so healthy. Your account of her waffle breakfast and then her lunch does not sound out of line.
Maybe a little counseling for you could help you decide whether she needs some counseling, also.
Good luck.

Ok mom, take a deep breath! First off, you said her lunch was a sandwich and chips. That's not healthy. My kids (12, 11, 11, and 7) get a PB&J sandwich or tuna and crackers, a granola bar, some sort of fruit and veggies (carrots and oranges...but always both), and cheese and crackers or yogurt (depending on if they they had PB&J or tuna). This is enough to fill them up and keep them going. My kids are very active, so being overweight isn't an issue.

You say that you rarely eat anything fried, rarely have junk food and no sodas...but Dad took her out for tacos and let her have 5 of them? If you're worried about her eating habits, make sure the only food in the house is healthy foods. Instead of chips, pack fruit or veggies.

It could be that she's eating because she's bored. Or it could be that she's not eating enough. Two waffles in the morning and then a sandwich and chips is maybe 600 calories (I'm guessing here)...a growing child needs 1500-1800 calories a day.

Whatever it is, it doesn't sound like she's depressed. Keep your head up, being a parent isn't an exact science and we can try as hard as we want, but we'll never have all the answers. You're doing a great job raising what sounds like a great kid. (Seriously, holding straight As with a part time job! Awesome kid=Awesome parents!)

ETA: I realize this may have come across as rude. That's not how I meant it at all. Please forgive me if it sounds like that!

Be aware that eating carbohydrates (that means bread, chips, potatoes, etc) is essentially eating sugar. And your body responds by being hungry!

It may be that she is hungry! Frankly, eating a sandwich and chips isn't likely to fill her up, but make her more hungry, unless there is a good amount of protein in that sandwich. You said that you keep only healthy foods in the house and don't allow soda, which is fine. But what about protein? Is she getting an adequate amount of protein each day? I LOVE food! but if I eat an adequate amount of protein at my meals, I am too full to eat more than a bite of anything dessert-y, and certainly too full for much in between meal snacking. One ounce of meat protein (one ounce of tuna for example) has about 7 grams of protein. One large egg has about 6 grams of protein. 2 frozen waffles with syrup MIGHT have about 4 grams of protein, but all the sugar in it (carbs plus syrup) makes the insulin flow and the result is hunger.
Eggs have been much maligned over the years b/c of cholesterol. They are one of the healthiest foods. Have your daughter eat an egg or two (scrambled, fried, boiled, however she wants... make them into an omelet!) and a slice of whole grain toast for breakfast. Add a piece of fruit if you want (half an apple, some orange or grapefruit sections, a banana: just make it whole fruit and not juice, which is LOADED with sugar)... and she will not feel hungry for HOURS. Why? Because there is adequate protein, and NOT a sugar rush from simple carbs. All her meals should follow that pattern. Lean protein (if she will eat 15-20 grams of protein at 3 meals a day, she will NOT be hungry), high glycemic index complex carbohydrates ( WHOLE grains, not highly processed ones like regular pasta, boxed cereal, or rice/potatoes are) and WHOLE fruits (meaning not apple juice, but an apple; not orange juice but an orange) and if she DOES feel a little "snacky" eat a handful of healthy nuts or low sugar yogurt (like the greek yogurts): walnuts and almonds are excellent nut choices... then she will be giving her body what it needs. Any green leafy veggies she can eat to her hearts content, and brightly colored fruits & veggies are packed with vitamins/antioxidents and bioflavinoids, etc and are LOW in sugars (red/orange bell pepper, carrots, tomatoes, raspberries, blackberries, blueberries, strawberries, etc).

Chips make you hungry. They are totally empty calories that break down to sugar in your body. Plain white bread is exactly the same.

Now, there may be some emotional issues going on with her that is making her eat like she is... she is at a turning point in her life: she's about to be an official adult! Just that alone can be extremely stressful, even with great support systems in place and for emotionally well-adjusted kids. She is approaching one of the biggest transitions she has ever faced.

But, if you help her/provide her/guide her to the proper mix of food choices... even if she DOES use food to manage some of the stress, then she will not be ABLE to eat much junk. She will be FULL.
Most people do NOT eat enough protein. It doesn't have to be steak or beef. Fish, chicken, turkey, cheese, eggs, nuts, beans (we love black beans at our house!). These ALL are good sources of protein that you can play around with and incorporate into your daily diet without a drastic change.

I say all of this because you said that you have never made an issue about her weight. That's fine. But you didn't really say what you have taught her by example, other than that you don't allow junk at home. That is very vague. And everyone's definition of junk is slightly different. Canned fruit might sound healthy, for example, but I'd bet it is packaged with syrup in the can and if you read the label is probably far from the healthy picture you might think.

And 5 tacos for breakfast? I'm guessing it was drive-thru also? How unhealthy is that?! Our 12 year old and 9 year old started reading cereal box labels themselves this past summer, because we pointed out to them that what they were asking for (sugary cereals for breakfast) weren't healthy for them to eat every day. Sure, it's okay once in a while... but not every day! When we explained it... they were quick to NOT want the cereal. And our son eats a LOT of salads instead of fried stuff. Or grilled chicken sandwiches instead of fried ones. You can't just ignore the whole issue of food so that you don't make it an issue for her. You have to provide her with information about what is healthy and what is not, and why, and then guide her to healthier choices when they are available. Not by being overbearing, but like you would teach her about other unacceptable behavior: "Can you think of a better way to handle your anger than hitting?" = "Can you find something else on the menu that is a healthier choice?" "Can you think of a different way to serve/prepare that so that is is healthier/better for you?"

hth

I know, you think you aren't making a deal about food...but it really sounds like you are. I had a friend in high-school, who's mom never said a thing about food,but she always "hovered." It was always quite obvious, that she was watching her daughter's food intake. Her daughter always felt her mom peering at her eating. Kids KNOW when you are monitoring their behavior. My friend went from eating everything in site, to changing and eating nothing. She got dangerously thin and would most of the time, only eat a 1/4 apple a day and some gum. Her mom absolutely made her insecure about food and instilled some pretty huge issues...without saying anything. Just remember, that actions are more noticeable. If you are always worrying, watching, thinking of it...she knows. She most assuredly feels insecure about her weight and having her mom watching her constantly won't make it better! Encourage better eating habits. A breakfast burrito, chips, those kinds of things are empty calories. She will naturally be hungry after eating those, they only satisfy hunger, for a short while. If you are concerned about eating habits, don't allow her to get 5 breakfast burritos! Keep only fruit, veggies, and other healthy snacks to go with lunch. Let her get a treat,or junk sometimes...so the temptation to binge on junk outside the home, isn't there.

I think you need to find out the cause of the overeating first. Is it anxiety (the thought of graduating/starting college soon), depression, stress, negativity at school, boredom, true hunger, or an underlying physical problem? It could be any one or a combination of these things. A trip to the doctor to rule out a thyroid problem or high blood sugar is a good first step. They may refer you to a nutritionist for help with meal planning if that is the case. Figuring out if there is a psychological reason for the overeating is more difficult. Is there another adult in her life who she feels comfortable confiding in? If so, I would enlist their help. Maybe there IS something going on with her that she doesn't feel like talking to you about. She sounds like she has so much going for her, but sometimes teens (I have 2) are good at keeping things bottled up inside. I would NOT make a big issue about weight - I would center every discussion around the concept of HEALTH. And make it sort of a family project by getting everyone involved by moving more and making better choices when it comes to food. Teen are just bombarded with pressure to look and be a certain way - not fitting in to the "ideal" can lead to lack of self-esteem and a host of other problems, so you have to tread lightly and keep discussions positive. Instead of asking what's bothering her, you could try asking more open-ended questions that can't be answered with a simple yes or no - you may get more information out of her that way. Keep the lines of communication open - it's obvious how worried you are and how much you care. Good Luck, Mom!

Talk to her doctor and get her to see a dietician. Maybe if she has some information from a third party it will make a bigger impact than hearing it from you. Although studies have shown that even though you think your children are not listening to you, what you as parents say makes a big impact (bigger than outside sources such as school.) but it can't hurt to get some expert advice.

Since she is overweight it may be a self esteem issue. Also she may be hungry because her body is trying to maintain her extra weight. If she stops eating all the junk and watches her portions she will lose weight and be less hungry. More protein, less carbs, more veggies and fruit is the way to go.

My mom limited junk food, and when my sister and I got on our own that is all we ate. So with my son I make sure there are a variety of healthy foods in the house as well as some 100 calorie cookies and chips. Then there is other junk food that is OK like popcorn. I get seltzer water and mix it with 100% fruit juices, and then occasionally 7-Up which has a lot of natural ingredients, but I buy the small cans (I think they are 8oz). So that way no one feels deprived.

Good luck I hope you find the answer! Hopefully it's a phase!

Well let me tell you my best friend and I ate like little pigs when we were teens!!! We still laugh about it today! Like for instance, she would come over in the summer time and we would go to the corner store and get a pint of ice cream each a big bag of chips and a candy bar. We would each eat ALL of that!! Then we would go to the pool for hours and burn it all off;) We were not heavy, which is amazing. We used to make mac n cheese and put a whole stick of butter in it. At her house we would get huge bowls of ice cream and drown them in chocolate sauce for breakfast. We still marvel at some of our eating habits. I always was the one to have the tendency to gain more that she did, she was on drill team and worked out everyday, but I was in music, so not as much. But really we were both normal. She came from a house where there were sweets available, I didn't, and we both ate like lil piggies:D I really think it is a teen thing. I mean your hormones are going bananas, you are growing like mad and you like junk bc you haven't figured out that anything bad could ever happen to you. Since you said your daughter is on the thicker side I think not having junk in the house is helpful. I think if I would have had access to junk 24/7 I might of really gained a lot. I did gain after highschool, but I pulled it off early on in college. I went through a rough break up and gained again and then pulled if off when I was like 23 and never gained anything back until 31 after my first baby, so I would let her be. Plenty of girls who are a little thicker have great lives, careers, boyfriends, husbands, kids, the whole deal. It does sound like she is an awesome girl and full of talent and brains, great package!! Weight is personal and if she is having trouble fitting into some jeans etc that is when she will probably decide to do something, but at her age, I think it will have to be her decision. Take care!! Sounds like you are raising a great girl:D

My personal opionon that it is not bulima it is binge eating it is the same concept without vomiting, It is a real disorder. Dont say anything about her eating in front of people beucause she will turn to eating because food wont criticize her its safe and feels good. My step mother called me fat and always told me that I didnt deserve to eat at McDonalds because I was too fat( she made me watch my sister and her friends eat and told me she would stop and get me a salad) In time I tried to eat less in front of her and that wasnt good enough for her so I stopped eating in front of her. At night I would binge because I would not eat all day because she made me so nervous. You struggled with your weight remember how it felt looking in the mirror and thinking nobody loves me because Im fat even my own mother. Pull her aside and let her know that you love her and dont want her to become obese it happens fast I know it is so hard to lose it when it becomes out of control. Be sensitive and let her know you love her but dont want to watch food consume her.

Hi .. you got some really good advice about how to help the eating habits. I would add that drinking water might help curb her appetite.

I also want to address the eating from the cafeteria line. Perhaps you can talk to her about not visiting you while you are working and have her study in a better environment. The cafeteria line is not her or any students personal buffet. No one except food workers with the appropriate clothing and coverings should be near the food. You wouldnt go to a restaurant and see the owners children snacking in the kitchen.

First things first...a disclaimer of sorts. Nothing I am about to say is a judgement on you. You seem very sensible and caring. Any mother who loves their kid would worry. Now then, I think you may need professional advice. My first instinct is to tell you never to mention it to her. I can't think of any way you could broach this subject without her feelings being hurt. And teen girls especially have very fragile egos when it comes to their bodies. It sounds like you know what it is like to have a mom be hard on you about our weight, and I had a mom, a dad, and a grandmother who could not keep quiet. That was when I was 16 and weighed 165. I might have bounced back if I was not confronted with it daily. Now I struggle to with my weight and have for years. Okay, that's my stuff, not yours. The point is...you want to help your daughter, not make her feel worse about herself. Maybe there is a way to stop having drive through...as a family. Or join a gym together or a walking group. Some way to be a positive force in her life without saying that she has a problem and you are concerned. Maybe I am wrong here, but I feel like 17 is way different than if you had a young daughter. 17 is very very close to being out on her own and making all of her choice without you. Please approach this with caution. I'm not saying ignore it, just be very careful. My father passed away several years ago but I still remember so very clearly the night he told me he was afraid that I would be teased if I tried to waitress at this nice restaurant. He didn't want anyone to complain that they got stuck with the "fat" waitress. He was afraid my feelings would be hurt...

i don't want to scare you or upset you but when my sister was in high school she went through a similar thing. She is pretty, did well in school, had lots of friends, we had a good family life etc. But she started eating like crazy. i remember watching eat so much at dinner and then having a huge bowel of ice cream for a bedtime snack every night. She gained about 30 pounds and a few years later we found out she was bulimic and had been eating like that and then throwing it up. We also found out she had be sexually assaulted at her friends house. Not raped but still enough to give her some issues and sadness. You never would have known it cause she did well in her life in every other way. But she got counseling and it's been years sense all of that. She is married, happy, healthy and pregnant :) So I hope this isn't what is wrong with your daughter but you might just want to look into it. See if she goes to the bathroom soon after eating etc.

My two teen daughters are not overweight, so i am not sure if my answer is helpful. BUT...my teens eat a lot more then they used to. We laugh about it. I remember my sisters and i doing this as teens. I don't know if it is growth spurts or what but they are hungry. I always chalked it up to being teenagers and that is what they do. I could be wrong i guess. For now i am not worried....

Hi,
I don't want to scare you but I'm with Andrea on this one. Sounds like she might be suffering rom Bulimia. Don't panic, just watch her after she eats a meal. Does she go to the bathroom soon afterwards? Are her glands swollen? She might be suffering from Depression and seeking food as her solace. It makes her feels good but then she feels guilty and purges it. This is a vicious cycle that happens over and over. Check her room for any signs of food lying around or vomit hidden somewhere. It's a common illness with young girls that can be successfully treated. It's best when it's caught early before she starts having health problems. I wish you the best.
Bernie

I think that even though you've tried to "hide' your eating issues from her they have eeked out. You say she is already a big girl. I'd go vegetarian in my house for awhile and get the entire family on a better, healthier diet. You can't just point a finger at one family member, everyone has to be on board. You cant control what she buys outside of the home, but you can sure try to steer her in a better direction (nonchalantly so it doesnt become a battle of wills) in your own home. Grab some new cookbooks mom, empty the pantry and fridge of the bad stuff, I'm sure you know what that is. Keep plenty of healthy snacks easy to get to in order to stive off hunger that causes cravings for junk. Get her hooked on some good stuff, she's addicted to some foods already, so you have to addict her to something healthy instead. I'd start first with celery and natural peanut butter, it's easy, tasty, healthy and is a good snack alternative.
Just say no to tater tots. Home made breakfast burritos can be filled with all sorts of delicious things and you dont have to have bacon in them!
Omelots are great meals, filled with fresh spinach, mushrooms, onions, beans, low fat cheeses..... you make great, healthy meals out of them and they are filling. Add pulverized flaxseed to some oatmeal, it keeps you full for up to 5 hours.
Don't get on her about her eating habits, that will only make things worse. You are now aware, slowly incorporate your new healthy eating plan without anyone ever knowing youre doing it. Sounds like one of those mom challenges that we have now and then.
Good luck

You don't mention whether she is eating enough fruits and vegetables during the day. Maybe that will give her that little something extra that she is looking for (fill her up) and also give her the vitamins and minerals that her body maybe sunconsciously seeking out. Also, if there are a lot of white flour and sugary products in her diet, that can be very addicting and not very satisfying long run.

There are some medical issues that will cause it. Diabetes or pre diabetes ( 'hyperglycemia') can cause excessive hunger/eating. Usually, this syndrome goes along with 'hyperaldosteronism' or 'hypercortisolism' ('cushings'). Cortisol from the adrenal gland control blood sugar, so always check out the adrenal gland function when blood sugar issues arise. Google these issues above and see if there are any other warning signs that she has.
if you ever decide to get blood sugar tested, do one hour glucose tolerance testing, not glucose fasting testing.

This could be many things. She does need to be checked for Belimia. It's not something that I've experienced but have seen many stories on it. I really hope that's not the case. The other thing I thought was what my sister does. She eats a lot and over the years have gone to 350 lbs. She always says how she hates being fat and wants to lose weight but doesn't think that she eats a lot. If I make a spaghetti she'll eat the same amount as my husband and I put together and then want desert shortly after. I'm not thin by any means but I realize that I could eat less and excercise to lose weight whereas I don't think she realizes her eating habits or is in denial about them. I've really gotten worried about my sister here recently because she's now unhealthy and obese. I bought a scale for my house the other day that also measures body fat because my husband and I are going on a diet and wanted to track. She said she wanted to do it as well and got on the scale. When the scale finally read her information after several tries she was 72% body fat. I'm hoping that finally brought it to realization for her bc no matter what we say she will get offended and deny her eating habits. Your daughter needs to get control of it now before she gets to that point. I've been afraid that my sister is more unhealthy than we know and we'll find out the hard way. I recently found a diet shake that I made my sister try that has a lot of nutrients and they are doing a 90 day challenge and giving all sorts of prizes away for meeting the your personal challenge. The shake really fills you up which I didn't think it would and in 1 week I've lost 4 lbs and my husband has lost 5. That is just one shake a day. You can do as many as 2 for higher goals. Let me know if your interested. I think I have a link to the information. If anything maybe she'll want some of the prizes and make them a goal. I really hope all works out for her.

Hi JEB,
I can tell you that my 15 year old daughter's best friend is deprived of any junk food at home and binges like crazy whenever she is away from parents. I've had to tell her that she does not need 4 slices of pizza. Last night, I took the girls to a basketball game. I gave them each $2 for the snack bar. My daughter came back with a bottled water for herself and a diet soda for me. Her friend came back with a full sized hershey bar and reese peanut butter cups. I already visualize this kid with the freshman 30 in three years.
The breakfast you described sounds normal. Remember that they are eating adult sized portions. There are some people who see food, and if it is not being eaten, feel that they need to eat it. Has she always been this way? I would think about a discussion with her doctor, a counselor or a nutritionist while you still can. Next year, she's an adult and off to college (?) and you wont' have control of what she's eating, nor will you be able to control her medical care. Do something now while you can. Eating all those tacos with cheese and bacon is a problem - has she had cholesterol testing done? What does her doctor say about her weight? Has her doctor discussed healthy eating with her? If you still use a ped, I'd say it's time for an adult doctor, as your daughter cannot eat like a kid anymore and has to face adult consequences for her health.

Good luck!