Teen Queen

My 10 year acts the same way for the most part. though she does try to help some. its just a stage they go through i hope

Hi E.-
We went through this recently, too (albeit with my older son). The Christmas wrapping paper was hardly thrown away and the "I never get anything" nonsense began again!! I got VERY tired of it. I thought about it and considered that our kids get EVERYTHING they want, and have WAY too much stuff, which is probably why they don't appreciate anything.

I took a very radical approach and one day while kiddo was at school I cleared out his room, I'm talking EVERYTHING out...no more TV, video games, stereo. All that I left was the alarm clock.

Then I purchased a software program called "Easy Child" (instant download), which is a point system. The program gives you recommended behaviors to encourage and discourage based on age (so you can use it for all 3 kids), and you set up priveledges and allowance based on the number of points THEY earned at the end of the week. Oh, you can bet that he was MAD when he came home, but the adjustment did not take very long at all because it is FAIR. In my book, kids don't get to run the show, but it's a very insidious thing that creeps in and one day you say, "how did things get so out of control?" But you know what? YOU are the parent, and you get to make the rules. It's never too late to put the brakes on. With this system, whatever she wants, she can buy herself with the allowance she's earned. I know people have different thoughts about allowances, but I took a look at the way we were shelling out money, and it was very similar to way we shelled out STUFF, and again, no appreciation.

The best part of this system is that his choices determine his outcomes, so he is in control, and all I have to do is offer little cues. Here's the link: http://www.easychild.com/index.htm . I think I remember reading that it takes the yelling out of parenting (true). I'm all about the computer, so this worked for me, and even though I sound like an infomercial, I have no affiliation with this program or whoever it is that came up with it.

Hope this helps, what I like about it is that I feel like it's preparation for the real world. We all have to work for what we get, and save for the special things we want.

Best of luck to you!

My ten year old son is kinda like this. I try to explain things to him and tell him that he does not have to have everything his way. I think it's helping that he has a little brother now. I've been told it's kinda his personality to some extent. I'm sorry, I don't know if I've been much help. You look like your probably in my area. I"m from Panama, NY, do you know where that is?

Holly

I would suggest sitting down with her and explaining VERY EXPLICITLY what is expected of her. Set up a reward/punishment system -- AND STICK TO IT!!

The first time you give in, you have lost your power.

Kids learn early on how to wear down their parents. It was documented that it takes nine times of asking before the parent will wear down (don't ask me where I heard this, one of the morning shows I think).

Tell her, that if she speaks to someone disrespectfully then XYZ will happen. If you have to ask her to do something three times then ABC will happen - AND STICK TO IT!

This is the age where she is showing her independence, but it is the age where she needs the most guidence and structure. I have been through this age three times already with skids and still have five more to go!!

I hear you loud and clear. My 14 year old is the same, and from what other parents tell me, and what I remember from when I was a teen, it's going to be a rocky road until she's off to college.

What I'm doing may not work for you, but it's helping me. I'm doing my best to lead by example. Our children learn from us, and if my daughter sees ME talking back or disrespectful to my husband or someone, then she thinks it's ok. I'm really working hard to evaluate how I treat others, act, speak, etc so in turn she can learn from me. My daughter is involved in our church youth group, which she loves. Since she started that, things have improved somewhat. Only for a while I really couldn't "use that" because for a long time, my participation in church wasn't what it should be. I really couldn't say to her well that's not the catholic (or christian) thing to do, or that she needs to learn from God and Jesus and do what they would do, etc because I wasn't doing that either. So - with that said, I decided it was high time I not only talked the talk, but walked the walk. I go to church every week now, I'm involved with voluteer work at church in my very limited free time, and I signed up for the Women's Cornerstone retreat to reaffirm my faith in God and to start living as I should. My daughter's reaction to all this is amazing! Slowly she's coming around and realizing the impact of her actions and is very happy that I'm leading by example.

One other thing is that I'm setting up an appointment for my daughter to talk to a 3rd party. She needs some help coping as a teen and learning to deal with the tough situations with friends, etc. She's open to this, and I think that along with everything else will help tremendously.

Best of luck to you. I hope this helps you or anyone else in some way.

I have a soon to be 16 year old and when you figure it out let me know! HEHE! Hey maybe we can get intouch with each other. I love in the Utica area and I see you live in Western NY so maybe we can exchange e-mails and phone numbers.

Please. I know its hard but Love her. Continue to say no as needed. she really does here you but right now she has to push it!!. The "its owed to me attitude" comes from what they are learning, be it from TV, Peers,and yes school. remember the good touch bad touch they learned in grade school. well that started it. Yes you want them to learn not to be push overs and fall for the endless strand ones in this world. But kids need to know that at home they can be themselves and no matter if they are bears and snap at us we still love them. remember when she yells at you and hates you grab her and hug her and let her know by action as well as words that you love her. The saying that peer preasure is worse today is true. Give her everything she "NEEDS" but not always everything that she "WANTS" but please remember needs today are different from our nees growing up. Peers can be mean and hateful. something as simple as a cell phone is starting to become a real need to 14 yr old today.

Try getting her involved in something that dosn't involve focusing on herself. Make her volunteer at a local nursing home or soup kitchen. MAybe if she is around people less fortunate than herself she will start to appreciate all she does have.

hi, i have 2 teen boys and my oldest went thu same thing and now my 16 yr old is.
i handled my first son and now handling my 16 yr old same way...all i need to be giving u is, room, clothes, food, and love, if u want to disrespect me i will take the cell, games, or what ever else u pay for away and do it if they dont straten up. my oldest i took his phone from him till he behaved, took a few weeks of him moping and wining but it worked and i gave it back once he stopped and showed me respect.
hope this helps
my 16 yr old thinks i dont give him privatcy see i ck on every thing he does.

All I can say is God help the parents of Teenagers! I have one 15 yr. old son and a almost 10 yr. old daughter. These teenage years are no picnic! My son is always wanting to do this that or the other along with always wanting this that or the other. It's not easy, but the word NO works wonders. My son tells me that is all he ever hears. I can be honest enough with myself and say I caused this problem, he was spoiled and lacked or wanted for nothing. Now that I have finally turned the tables, it's one heck of a battle, but I will NOT give in, and he's finally starting to realise that. He can ask me the same thing over and over and I flat out refuse to give in. I've even learned how to tune him out when he is on this course.

He sees his friends going everywhere, and running around with really no place to go, which to me leads to nothing but trouble and I wont allow it. ANother thing he tells me he hates me for. I don't let him go over to any of his friends houses unless I know thier parents, where they live and the phone number, another thing he tells me he hates me for. An example of this, yesterday he asked me to go over to some girls house after summer school. I did not know who this girl was, where she lived, who her parents were, I told him no. I can't even begin to tell you how many times he said Mom please on the way home from school. I didn't give in. He came home with an attitude, shut the door on me, went to his room. Came down 15 minutes later, picked up the dog mess in the yard and proceeded to cut the lawn. It was finally over! Stick to your guns! You can do it! By the way I see you are in WNY, where abouts? Im in the LakeView/Hamburg area.

Hi- i dont have a teen but it wasnt really that long ago that i was one really. I dont think you can put an end to it because i think its a phase that alot of teenage girls go through but you can control it. You can take away privilages and ground her for behavior though. Nothing kills a teenage girl more than if a phone is takin away! Hope that helps some.