Teen Sisters Fighting 24-7 - Beech Grove,IN

When my best friend and her older sister would fight and cause a problem in the household, their parents decided that the girls shoould decide the other ones punishment. This helped because the sisters knew what was dear to the other one.
This was an extreme case of fighting siblings. It would get aggresive when the parents were not home. If the parents could not determine who was at fault each sister decided a punishment for the other.
They ended up fighting a lot less when they realized what they stood to lose.

I understand it. I was 17 and my sister was fourteen once. (Now I'm older than fifty!). We fought constantly. Over everything. And there she was by my bedside last July when I woke up after an operation for cancer. So although you cannot understand it, the world can change. In the meantime, hang in there. Threaten to take one with you to work if they do not handle being together well. Take away the phone they are using to text! In otherwords, they are definitely trying to get your attention. So hi ho, how about givem a dose back!

you don't say what your business is but I would bring them with and put them to work.

I have an older sister and we are also polar opposites. Absolutely NOTHING in common. While growing up, we had to sit down (with mom, of course) and just lay it all on the table. We just admitted that we didn't have much in common, we saw the world through totally different eyes, and that probably wasn't going to change. We did say that we loved each other, but that we probably were never going to be "friends".
So, the solution we came up with was to agree to disagree AND to try to stay out of each other's hair. My older sister was the physical bully, as well, and she had a rule that she was absolutely not allowed to touch me. If she did, we also came up with consequences while at our sit down time.
I wish I were closer to my sister, but she views the world through totally different "glasses". Even to this day, she still baffles me and I just have to shake my head. I just don't understand her- and I'm sure she feels the same way about me.
Just my two cents,
R.

I grew up in a family with 6 children. Me and my sister just younger than me used to fight constantly also. I think it was because we were the closest in age and also played together the most so we had the most opportunity to fight. While I can't offer up any advice as I feel they are just at that age (same exact difference as me & my sister - I was 17 when she was 14) and it's just what girls do. But I feel there could be a light at the end of the tunnel. While my sister & I fought the most of all the siblings growing up I now feel like we get along the best. She is one of my best friends. Do they ever have periods where they get along at all?? My sister & I used to do the thing where we would fight and then an hour later forget about it and just start talking again and go to the mall or something. If they get along at all I'm just going to say that hopefully it is just a phase because they are both teenagers and hopefully soon they will realize that they are best friends!! Good luck to you!! I know that my sister & I probably drove my mother crazy!! ;-)

My mom and dad were both only children. They didn't know it (at least I hope they didn't), but they raised my brother and I to be enemies.

They allowed teasing and my father and brother would gang up on me. When my brother and I had a fight I was always in the wrong, because I was the oldest and "should know better". When I did something good, my father would brag about it to my brother and ask him why he couldn't be like me. When my brother did something good, my father would point it out to me and ask why I didn't do better. (My brother could sleep through class and get A's. I had to study hard to get B's. I always dreaded report card days.)

My kids all grew up to be friends and now, when my youngest is almost 22, they are still friends. I never allowed teasing. None. Period. I never compared one child to another. I always, always, found something each kid did well and would brag on that to them and to the rest of the family. Every one had something they could do well. I told my kids I loved them on a regular basis, usually once per day. I also gave them hugs. We worked together as a family and did things together.

I took all eight of my kids to Disneyland and Disney World. We went to baseball games (minor league). Each of my kids had to take a turn to watch the younger ones. At Disney, The oldest would take the youngest, the second oldest would take the second youngest, etc. At noon we meet and have lunch. Then mom and day would watch the youngest 3 and the oldest two would go off together, #3 &4 & 5would go off together until dinner, when we would have dinner together. After dinner they would go off together and meet us for the fireworks. After the fireworks we'd go home.

Recommendation: Start giving your kids hugs and tell them you love them. When they do something well, tell them and brag about it where they can hear it. Thank them when they do somethng you like. (This also works well with spouses.) Even a stopped watch is right at least twice each day. Never allow teasing or allow one to verbally "cut" the other. Respect your husband and treat him like a gentleman. Your husband should respect and honor you. Show your kids the proper example.

Look at Amanda L had to say. Its a good place to start.

"There is no success that can compensate for a failure in the home." Good luck to you and yours.

sounds like my family growing up... we had 3 girls and 3 boys plus the parents living in a 3-room trailer... my sisters and i fought ALL the time! (esp. me and my little sister, 4 years younger than me...) we did get physical quite a bit (probably from our brothers' influence. lol) but she is now one of my closest friends! we are still complete opposites, but we are still there for each other. I would just let them be... maybe try finding something they both like and send them off to do it. (go carts, get their hair done, mani/pedis, whatever) so they can have some positive bonding once in a while instead of just fighting all the time...

This is just what sisters do. The trick is to figure out how to minimize it. I would have one of them come work at your business with you. Keep them out of the house unsupervised as much as possible.

M.

Wow, I feel your pain. Our daughters are closer in age than yours and I know the problem.

Here are some thoughts. One, you need to sit the girls down and have a talk with them. Do they understand that you need to spend time at the business right now, and that it's for the family's well-being? They may be feeling resentful that you are not available now, and if possible you should try to spend time with them when you can. Still, they are old enough that you should be able to enlist their help as allies in the process of supporting the household. Their job, among others, is to get along together so you can do the work you need. Perhaps they have other jobs too, like certain chores they have to do each day. If not, it would be good to have some structure like that. Most importantly, they need to learn how to work out their issues without running to you each time they fight. Our preschool teachers instill that among the 4 year old classes, that the kids have to talk with each other and try to work things out first.

I definitely understand the challenges of being in a small place, but try to find a space where each of them can go to have their own time/ space. Set up a separate hangout space for each one so the girls aren't on top of each other all the time.

Try to arrange for each of them to have things to do this summer -- are they working? if they can't find a job, have them volunteer somewhere. Help at a children's camp, or find another opportunity for each of them to have her own activities separate from the other sister. There are tons of volunteer opportunities available, and you can simply require that they choose one to participate in.

If they call or text you about a fight, you need to try to not get involved, not resolve it for them, but be firm about encouraging them to work it out.

If they need to be home alone a lot, and the fighting/ contacting you continues, then you may need to literally bring one or both of them with you to work. They will have to sit quietly and read a book, or help you if that's possible, or whatever. I would give them the choice: either get along and work things out between themselves, or they can come to work with you. And then if need be, follow up and do that if they can not figure out how to manage otherwise. I have a feeling they probably wouldn't like that very much and that might just prompt them to get along better.

Good luck!!

Finally, I would try to read some parenting resources like the Love & Logic materials and Adele Faber's Siblings Without Rivalry (and her other books too). Those will give you some good ideas about how to make changes that might help.

You are now working after havign a been a stay at home mom forever. They are both looking for attention, from you.
Can you take them out separately? Can you go bowling, rollerskating, shoppping. Get them out of the house. Also can the 17 year old get a job? Something where she is away and making use of her time.
Have the 14 yo invite a friend over for a sleepover, while 17 yo goes to her frined's
Go to the movies.
My sister and I get along better by living 800 miles away form each other. She and I are not close, but we are now friends where as in high school we didn't even acknowledge we were sisters.

First and foremost, you need to sit down WITH them and have a family meeting. EVERYONE included. State the reason for the meeting and what you hope to accomplish - less fighting, you get more accomplished, etc. Make notes for the meeting if you have to.

Talk about the issues and make sure EVERYONE gets a chance to talk WITHOUT interruption - a rule of the meeting. EVERYONE gets their chance.

Talk about alternative behavrios that can RESOLVE rather than add to the conflict. THESE ARE LIFE SKILLS!! YES! They are teenagagers, but they HAVE to be able to handle conflict in all kinds of life situations. A spat once in a while is one thing....it happens, they're siblings. HOWEVER, the 24/7 thing should NOT the the standard. Fights should be the exception, rather than the norm.

Make sure the girls are a part of setting new house rules and guidelines AND what the consequences are if they are not followed. THAT way, they have input. In addition, BE CONSISTENT! Make SURE you abide by the guidelines and treat them equally.

Have another meeting in 2, 3,or 4 weeks, depending on the situation and talk about what has been accomplished and what needs changed.

I'm four years older than my sister and I don't know how our parents put up with us. I never knew what I did to deserve her, but figured it must have been pretty bad! I would spend my time trying to get rid of her, seriously dispose of her! Poor little thing never fought back either.
I moved 600 miles away when I was 19 and it wasn't until she was out of high school that we started getting along. Once she was out of college, we finally became friends. She is actually my best friend now and I still wonder what I did to deserve her. It must have been something really great!
We live in the same city again and we talk just about every day.

Give them time, that may be the only solution.
If one of them is mad at you about something, encourage her to talk to her sister about it. This is the only time we ever bonded when we were younger, bitching about our parents- LOL. Try not to make comparisons between them ("well when she was your age...). And don't indulge in their texts and tattling. They're old enough to settle their disputes themselves (step in if it's physical though if course).

Sorry it's so stressful for you. I myself have three boys now but I'm sure some of the rivalry will still come around. And my mom can just sit back and smile.