Teenage Girl Stuff

I agree with everyone's advice regarding make-up. I think it's okay to allow her to wear light lip gloss, blush, and a little mascara. Teach her how to do it simply and tastefully, along with the concept that "less is more". In middle school, so many girls are already wearing make-up, some of it being way too heavy. She just wants to fit in, feel a little less like a little girl, and dabble in more grown-up things since she is growing up. Just give her the guidance she needs to not over-do it and to remember that her inner beauty is more important than her outer beauty.

As for thongs and boys, these questions are a little more concerning just because of how some girls use their limited knowledge about sexuality to attract attention from boys. Some girls, NOT ALL, may try to "show off" their thong to get attention from boys. If you think her interest in thongs is more about just being like her girlfriends at sleepovers, then look for some girlie alternatives to thongs that you're comfortable with. I think the suggestions that other moms gave as alternatives to thongs were great ones. Any girl at her age who is allowed time with boys needs to be supervised. She may be totally trustworthy in how she will conduct herself around boys, but she may not know how to handle some situations that could present themselves. Some boys at the same age as your daughter are beginning to experience their hormones and are becoming more interested in sexuality. Some boys will test girls to see what they can get away with...either through suggestive comments or "accidental" touches on a girl's body. Girls need guidance on how to deal with those kinds of situations so that they don't compromise their self-esteem.

Bottom line: your daughter's questions are also her way of exploring what your values are and to "test" what limits you are going to set for her. As much as she may protest or complain sometimes, kids want and need limits. Explore your own values first and then see what freedoms you're willing to give her because she needs opportunities to explore new things while also being guided within boundaries. For example, if you're okay with thongs, then help her select ones that still allow her to be modest and maintain her youth. It sounds like you're doing a great job of creating an environment where your daughter will ask questions and let you know what she's thinking about. Keep that up and try not to over-react if/when she asks you or tells you something unexpected or "shocking". Ask her open-ended questions to find out what she thinks about things too, which will help her learn how to evaluate her decisions.

Your daughter is very lucky to have a mother who cares enough about her to seek out advice. Best wishes to you and your daughter as she blossoms into a beautiful young lady.

I agree with Bev's advice. Absolutely NOT on the thong thing; you can buy panties that accomodate the jeans without getting thongs (and, by the way, what the heck is up with jeans??? I'm constantly pulling mine up to avoid flashing the people behind me! And I can't find a pair that aren't cut like that that don't look like old lady pants...argh.) ANYWAY-

As for makeup, I would think that some lipgloss or mascara would be fine. Then again, I hardly wear makeup today. I would establish some sort of 'tasteful' or 'natural' guideline with her.

Boyfriends -- When I was in 8th grade, I went to the high school homecoming with my first real boyfriend who was a freshman (and a friend of my brother). I think setting some boundaries regarding boyfriends makes sense. She's not old enough to be unchaperoned, either by you or the boy's parents (and, given some parents these days, I'd prefer it to be me, or better yet, my husband, who swears he'll bring a shotgun along on all of our daughter's dates, LOL).

Allowing some freedom, with reason and boundaries, makes sense for her age, but consider also her maturity level, honesty, etc. YOu might want to talk with her and let her know that her behavior dictates her freedoms; if she sneaks around, her freedoms will be diminished. But if she can act with honesty, responsibility and maturity, her behavior will be rewarded with additional freedoms.

Good luck!!

Hi M. -
I sure am glad I have a boy right now!
These are just my opinions - but I hope it gives some insight.
Around 7th grade - with a 13 year old - right?

Thongs - absolutely not. She is wanting to grow up too fast - which is what we all wanted in middle school. Peer pressure is HUGE right now. She needs to be a kid first - her adult life will last much longer than her teenage years. There is plenty of time for thongs when she's older. I would get her maybe some bikini cut panties if she is wanting to feel more "girly." If it's panty lines she's worried about, just tell her that everyone knows she's wearing panties. :-) Plus, they have panties that are not supposed to give you lines.

Make-up - Start with concealer/powder (if she needs it) or blush. Maybe some lip gloss - neutral colored or light pink. I just had this conversation with my cousin who has 4 girls. If you read the magazines right now - the main make-up enhancers really aren't much. Just blush, lip gloss, and mascara. I think those are pretty reasonable at this age. When I was first allowed to wear make-up, my parents started with basics - concealer or base and blush. Then I was allowed to wear lipstick and eye makeup. But that was like a 2 year process! I think just using the basics keeps their innocence.

Boyfriends - Kids are growing up so much faster these days. Again I would encourage her to be a middle schooler and not an adult. If she wants to have a boyfriend, insist on boys calling her and not her calling the boys. A lot of this depends on the maturity of your daughter. I think boyfriends are ok - just not dating. Make sure the boys are her age, too. Also, be sure to get to know her boyfriend and his family as well. Remind her, this time in her life sets the stage for who she will be known as throughout her high school life as well.

A lot of this depends on your daughter. You know her best. Go with your gut - instincts are always the best. I would be sure to keep in touch with her on all teenage topics. Have a daughter/mother day where you just spend time getting to know all about what she's doing. Kids this age go through so much during these times and it's so important to stay involved. I remember my middle school years like they were yesterday. It was hard - but just stay involved. I am truly blessed that my Mom was there every step of the way.

Again, these are just opinions but I hope they help. Good luck!
S.

my daughter asked me at age 13 if she could start wearing makeup i was surprised but i said yes. i took her shopping for makeup myself and taught her to put it on. she never asked about wearing a thong she doesnt like them which is a good thing for me. and she started dating this year she is 15 but when she asked i told her i needed to meet the boy and if went out at what time she was coming back and where she was going she is pretty responsible which is why i let her date in the first place.

Wow M., you do have your hands full. My 14 yo daughter is such a Tomboy. She thinks my thongs look disgusting and uncomfortable. (Yeah) And boys are someone to play sports with. She has a few crushes but doesn't want to date. I have told her until 16 dates include parental supervision (His parents or us). We take them to the movies, or out to eat and we stay (at a different area) and supervise. So she would rather not date. Her choice. Now she does have many friends that are male. I usually just treat them as I would any other friend. I have an open honest relationship with my daughter. She knows the rules and follows them, so we trust her.

My daughter doesn't like wearing make up often, but I had a complete Mary Kay makeover done for her at the beginning of this school year (8th grade) and bought her the works. She is allowed blush & lipstick and nail polish for everyday, eyeshadow & Mascarra for special occasions. No foundation, but concealer if necessary. She also has been taught to use makeup remover and cleanser. The poor kid had to start shaving at 12, she is taller than me and already looks 18 without makeup. So I am trying to help with her transition to looking so much older than she is. Hope i have helped.

I have a 13 year old daughter and a 14 year old son. My daughter is not allowed to wear thongs. As to low cut pants, she may not wear those either if skin shows but she does have low cut boxer type panties that work great for these. At this age, kids want to be like everyone else and I always ask why they want to do something....if it is to be average (like everyone else) then it isn't happening. As to makeup, she is allowed light lipstick/gloss and blush and mascara for dressier events. They do make a clear mascara which is great for everyday. I am teaching her good skin care (we had a makeover together), eyebrow brushing, hair care/styling tricks etc. I explain to her about how she will get more freedoms as she gets older and takes on more responsibility. She is pleased with what she is allowed to do. My daughter is in the 8th grade and most of her friends are on the same track makeup wise. About boyfriends - she came home at the age of 7 from camp with her first one...lol...the rules are: she may not call boys, she may only go on 'dates' with the boy's parents in attendence, and she may not go steady. I feel that learning to interact with the opposite sex properly takes time and should be introduced in steps. I think an absolute 'no' on this will only lead to sneaking as well which I don't want to deal with. She is thrilled with the 'dates' she has had - theater, private school dance, home parties. I hope this helps.

Well,
The hard fact of the matter is that your baby girl is growing up. The reality is, she IS growing up. The good thing is that she seems to be talking to you about these issues, so she obviously feels compfortable with you enough on these subjects, and wants you to approve of, but let her do some of these things. As far as thongs, I dont honestly see a problem with them. They are really just another type of underwear, and if they make her feel more self confidnet, it may be good. (I seriously doubt that the reason she wants one is because she is sleeping around. Otherwise she wouldnt ask your permission.) She may just feel more confident and fit in more in one, since most of her friends are probably wearing them. I wore them at that age because I was a dancer, and it was either a thong or nothing in the leotards, and a thong is better than nothing, lol. The thing that made me feel good was that my Mom was totally cool about it, and would buy them with me there, showing that she really did trust me, and was "cool" or understood my age. It really made me more open with her that she knew what I was going through and was willing to work with it to show she trusted me and wanted me to trust her. (although I do advise the plain, simple, hanes thongs).
I think the important thing here on all of these "teenage girl" issues, is to make sure you both are on the same page, and have trust in eachother. She will be less likely to rebel, and "sneak around" if she knows you would dissaprove with something, if you are reasonable about other things. Stay interested in what she does, and make her feel that she can come talk to you about things.

Hope this helps, and good luck with your little girl growing up and becoming a beautiful woman.

I too am glad I have a boy!
And I agree with everything Stacey said...however,I am an adult. We are talking about a 13 yr old girl here. 13 yr olds DO not and WILL not think like us. Telling a 13 yr old to enjoy being a kid is like telling someone who is going through a hard financial time to enjoy being poor...its not gonna happen. She'll roll her eyes and say,"whatever Mom".
I have 2 teenage sisters. One is 14, the other 17. And yes, they wear thongs. GASP! I don't think I started wearing thongs until I was 20! But the thing is,the cut of jeans is so low these days, that they almost have to wear thongs or else you see the whole panty hanging out which is just disgusting.
Has she asked you for permission to wear a thong? Her friends probably do. My advice is to talk and come to an agreement,otherwise, she may just do it on her own and that would be not be a good thing. There are the wide low rise thongs that Hanes makes which are not so sleazy. Stay away from the skimpy string ones!
And a boyfriend...I don't see the harm. If you are open and understanding, she will be comfortable being honest and spending time with him at your home. Otherwise,she'll sneak off to see him and wouldn't you rather have them in your home where you can keep an eye on them?
I was the oldest so my parents were pretty strict with me. Unfortunately, it led to me sneaking out of my bedroom window at night and lying about where I was going all the time! What a bad girl I was. However, in my youngest sister's case, my parents are SO lenient with her and she's just the best kid around. She's so honest,open,and good. She and her little boyfriend work together at Fiesta Texas(San Antonio) during the summers and they're both honor roll students. She's 15 and he is 16 I think.
I have 6 sisters and one brother and based on what I've seen, I think I should have a good grasp on how to handle my girl if I ever have one. You want your daughter to mature into a confident,intelligent woman who makes good choices. Confining or being overly strict can cause defiance and a hostile home environment. A teenage girl going through puberty is like the 1st trimester of pregnancy but worse. Their emotions are all over the place!
All I can say is to try very very hard to remember yourself at her exact age. What would have worked for you?
As far as makeup, I think mascara and lipgloss should be ok. Girls love to bond over makeup though so maybe she can be allowed to wear eyeshadows on the weekends for fun?
Ah, girls are so much trouble aren't they??? I know I was a handful!!! My Mom used to tell me I was the reason she had gray hairs. :) Good luck!