Teenage Son Is Peeing Everywhere but the Toliet!!??? HELP

Hi J.,

I think that something is going on in his brain that needs help. I suggest the following website and physician:
http://www.amenclinics.com/
The only clinic on the east coast is in Virginia.
http://www.amenclinics.com/clinics/information/locations/

Good luck,
M.D.

I agree that your son is exhibiting some pretty big red flags with peeing in the house, and while it might be symptomatic of a bigger problem, deep down he likely wants you to "catch" him. If it were me, I'd sit down with him and just be clear that you don't know what's upsetting him, that you are going to find someone for him to talk to (because this sounds very necessary) and that even if he's angry, he needs to use the toilet. I'd also ask him to think about how he wants to clean up the urine he's left in the house, because this isn't going to continue and it's not appropriate at this age for you to be cleaning up his accidents. This includes the bed-linens, too. He should be doing his own laundry in regard to this.

While we are often wary of "coming down too hard" on our upset children, they do need us to be clear with boundaries and consistent in enforcing them. If I were a teen wetting the bed and peeing elsewhere besides the toilet, this would be a huge cry for attention and an expression of anger/negative self-perception. You need to be clear with him that you are still a strong parent. In Bruno Bettelheim's "The Good Enough Parent", he discusses adolescence and states that our adolescent children need us to be "the wall upon which they push", most especially during the teenage years. If we don't stand firm in our own values and give good guidelines/boundaries/expectations, their 'wall' tumbles down, and so do they.

Does your son have some kind of learning disability or other behavior issues like autism, etc.? Have you talked to him and ask him WHY he is doing this or told him simply to knock it off, it's unacceptable? Is he angry with you for some reason and thinks this is his way of getting back at you?

It would probably be helpful if you provided more information first - I would think you would want to deal with your son directly if you can before bringing it up with a doctor.

I know of your worry and encourage you to disregard the depression and drunk/ drug comments below. Not good and not true!

One of my 3 kids (a teen) does this from time to time. He has some sleep issues, and he gets so overtired and exhausted that when he does sleep soundly, he is OUT! Or sometimes he walks in his sleep.

He doesn't wake up when he has to go.

It acts up more around stressful times: basketball championship season and midterms/ finals.
We went to a neurologist and he had an EEG done. Then a sleep deprived EEG. He has some different brain wave patterns the doc found. He will hopefully outgrow these when growth spurts are over.

Our son does not drink anything one hour before bed. Also, he has a note on his bathroom mirror---little code word to remind him to pee before bed. I know it sounds silly, but teenage boys are thinking about all kinds of other things at night....or are too tired to remember. Since we have done these two things, he is down to one accident a year instead of one a month.

My BIL used to sleep walk a lot and pee in his closet. He thought the closet was the bathroom and was too out of it to know. Once, my BIL walked over to my husband's bed in the middle of the night and was ready to pee on him. ewwww! My husband stopped him last second and woke him up!
Sleepwalking tends to run in families.

You didn't mention if there were any other issues with your son (medically or emotionally) that could be triggering this. The peeing outside may just be a normal "guy" thing (all three of my brothers growing up did it), but the peeing somewhere random in the house is not. If he's still wetting the bed at 14, there has to be some issue going on. I would definately talk to his doctor about it.

If it were a dog, getting him fixed might solve the problem.
If you can talk to your son, you might jokingly tell him you're going to take him to a vet if he can't get himself house broken pretty darn quick.

Have you talked with your son about this? Does he explain it as an accident or having trouble getting to the bathroom in time? Or does he give any other explanation?

Considering the history of cancer, I would definitely check with the doctor. Is it possible it is triggering anything in your son? Is it possible he has a new growth that is putting pressure on his urinary tract or somehow affecting his kidneys?

Our 14-year-old son kicked the Pull-up habit, so to speak, a couple months ago. He has had three accidents at night since then, but I think we might be making progress and we're thrilled. So, I understand your frustration.

Is there anything new in your son's life that is stressful? Has his diet changed recently? Is he forgetting to empty his bladder fully when he pees (day or night)? Where is he on the scale of puberty development?

I have been told that puberty is often a time when teen boys, who still struggle with dryness, turn a corner to being dry. Our son is particularly slow on the puberty development scale. All of his other friends are shooting up in height and their voices are deepening. Our son is just now getting to the stinky feet stage (oh joy!), so this may be progress.

I wish you luck and patience during this time. I hope your son's health is okay. Although, if not, that would help explain this development.

Good luck!

Its plain laziness my son used to poop in his pants and hide it I found 14 pair one day just hidden so I got them all put hot water in a bucket and made him scrub it with a toothbrush it was bad when the smell surfaced he was gagging and I told him now you know how I feel. He never did it agian it wasnt becasue he was drunk or on drugs or stupid things like that he was spoiled and lazy and didnt want to stop what he was doing he would sit down next to you like that and I knew it was him. After that incident it never ever happend again,.. Kids are so lazy now

If it were just at night, I would say nocturnal enuresis - betwetting is a medical condition related to "full-bladder-to-brain" signal not getting there and the child not waking up. My son had this and took medication until he was about 12. No side effects, simple pill before bed. We saw a pediatric neurologist in addition to our regular pediatrician, and he said he sometimes has to keep kids on the meds until 18 or a little longer. It's a developmental issue, not a psychiatric or behavioral issue.

That doesn't solve the problem of daytime peeing in inappropriate places. There's may a psychological issue going on (he's defiant, he wants attention, something like that) or a more serious issue like obsessive compulsive disorder that causes him to repeat behaviors that are not normal. Could be other things - I'm not an expert.

I would certainly work with his doctor and therapist. I think he can be involved and in charge of cleaning up his messes but I would do this without punishment or harsh judgment until you can get more professional advice.

Good luck.

Have him start cleaning it all up himself. I would also have a conversation asking why?

If he cannot give an explanation take him to the doctor and see if the Doc can get the info out of him, without you in the room..