Teenage Sons! Three

Hello A.,

This all to common to hear about not doing homework at this age. I teach high school - freshmen in particular. Not doing homework is the single most complained about thing from parents and teachers alike. There is no secret cure for getting them to do it either. Here are somethings that have helped some of my students:
- the parent and I stay in contact 1 time a week where I let them know what is going on the next week and how they did this week. Then they know you are checking in on them; they tend to not like that
-the parents know of a particular motivation that they hang over the head/ let the teacher know too. A teacher who cares will mention it to them also.
-create a time, a place to do the homework, like some kids like to do it in front of the tv and they do good on it.
- last but not the least - most teachers will not fail them b/c they do not do their homework. At their age, "they know it all", and one point, they will see that they do not have to study. The only thing is- as a parent that is hard to see them fail & struggle back up. That is one way that they will surely never forget!!

Hi A..

I understand your frustration. Hang in there! I have three boys; 18, 16, 13. Homework, like all school work, is tied into their favorite things to do. No homework, then no video, TV, etc. I try to keep in constant contact with their teachers. My boys felt that homework was not as important as studying for a quiz or test, so they tried to slack off. I use homework to help me judge their comprehension of their subjects. Their difficulty with homework signals me that something is not being understood and gives me an early start to finding a solution before grades drop. Restricting video game play time, phone time, or whatever is their hobby will help you enforce homework. Stick to it and stay on them. As for sibling rivalry, that is normal. I try not to compare my boys to one another and I praise each on their individual skills. Words get exchanged every now and then as to who is better than the other. The truth hurts sometimes, but it is a part of life. I focus on the age differences or something else that is positive. You have twins, so that may be a bit more difficult. But, they are still individuals and one is going to be better/worse at something than the other. Take note of these differences and remind the one feeling low what they are better at doing. Keep the lines of communication open on all subjects, at all times, and you will survive. I hope this helps or at least gives you some ideas.

J.
(surviving in a house overflowing with testosterone)

I totally understand!! My daughter started this behavior when she was about 14. She's 18 now and I will tell you that these kids are going through so much more than we will ever know. Homework is usually the first sign that something is off. The real problem could be something as simple as needing eyeglasses to having problems with kids at school or even drugs. Be really aware of changes in habits and behaviors - THEY MEAN SOMETHING!!

Because kids can get into so many things, I'm going to give you a website (am I allowed to do that on here?): www.helpingdifficultteens.com. If you go to the button that says "The Internet", there is a program that you can get for $49 that is worth it's weight in gold. It tracks what your kids are doing in a movie-type style. This is where I really learned about what my daughter was doing. I was able to see her activity in real time and have emails sent to MY address when they came from kids that I was concerned about. I also was able to see "IM's" as well. If you really want to know what's going on, look at their computer activity. I could go on and on about what I found!

Good Luck A.!! Hopefully this will get you started out on the right foot in time enough to do what you need to do.

If you need any more information from there, write me and I'll do what I can. Unfortunately, I have way too much experience with troubled teens :(

Sorry I cannot help here. I have not reach that age yet with my daughter. It would not be right for me to try and advise at this time. But Good Luck in all your endeavors.
G.

Take away their wii, psp, game cube etc. I mean unplug it and store it where they can't find it until they willingly do their homework on a daily basis with no arguing.

A., I have to agree with Corinne. I have a teenage son, and when he got a bad grade in one of his classes, I started emailing the teacher. It let my son know that I have ways of checking up on him, and that the teacher and I have communicated. The teachers are more than willing to help out on getting our kids back on the right track, and I am sure they are happy to hear from parents that care! Now regarding sibling rivalry, I can't help with that, I only have the one child. I am sure they love each other, but I am sure with twins, they have a closer bond and maybe the 15 year old feels left out! Good luck with that! Sorry I couldn't be more help!