Teenager Driving Me Nuts.

Have you heard of the MArtha Foundation? Might be soemthing you'd be interested in down the road? I've done some research on it?

a good book to read is

You're a Better Parent Than You Think
by Dr. Ray Guarendi

It makes you feel good and realize you aren't the only one going through parenthood LOL

S., all teenager are diffult, in one way or another. However the problems your child has makes life even harder. My husband has a brain injury, which has made him a complete different person, and made me the mother, I have been taking care of him 24/7 for the last 6 years. My heart goes out to you, my advice is find the humor, laugh even when you want to cry, after a while it will become natural. Remember, we are woman of God, that we were trusted to love and care for perfect people in his eyes, how much must he value us? I sing to him a lot when he is mad and yelling, we both end up laughing, because I suck at singing. Try whip cream fights, I get my grandkids involved, we have so much fun, and silly string another thing that takes our mind off the bad things. I must tell you, I have an adopted grandson with a brain injury also, who is 8 now. No matter how mad he gets, he always gives in when grandma starts singing and dancing. Give it a try my friend, and if you need me e-mail me privately. Remember laughter can heal the heart. Kris

There is a great book by Dr. Phil's son, Jay McGraw. It is called "Closing the GAP, a strategy for bringing parents and teens together"...it is easy to read and is written for both the parent and teen to read. Very funny but simple and wholesome!

There is another book my mom gave me for parents and teachers, "Secrets of Discipline" by Ronald G. Morrish. It is based on 12 keys for raising responsible children.

Sometimes, I feel like I am NUTS as well, but some of the best things in life are better with nuts!

When I think back on the things I did during my teens, I wonder how my parents slept at night, let alone, work all day thinking of what I was doing or done and how we would deal with the consequences. I tell my kids sometimes, "being a parent is payback from my parents". I tell them, "When you have kids, you can be the boss, for now, I am". They tell me they are never going to have kids...I can remember saying that as well. I wouldn't trade my life and my parents did a good job taking care of and teaching me.

You will too!

When I visited friends in NC a few years back, we visited some famous homes/farms from the 1700's. One such home had the bedrooms for mom and pop, and daughters, and the parlor, dining room, etc. on the main floor. There was a little door at the very back of the house that wasn't open. I asked the docent what was behind that door. She explained that it was the door leading to stairs to the attic, which was only rough finished, and not a place where gentle persons would go. It was relatively indestructible place out of sight and to their minds was the best place to keep those strange creatures known as teenage boys, until they were civilized. Apparently they were more or less banished to the attic at all times they were not working or eating. Thought you would enjoy the story.

There is a book called "How to Talk so Your Children Will Listen and Listen so Your Children Will Talk" by Adele Faber. It takes some practice but it really works! And it saves your voice and sanity.

First of all, all my respect to you. God must have seen something really special in you to choose you as mom to someone with special needs. That said, I believe anyone with teens can understand where you are coming from. I have a 15, 13, 11 and a 10 year old (15 and 10 are step kids but I love them as my own I just didn't want you to think I was a rabbit, although my girlfriend has four and they are almost as close and again, my respect to her). I yell more than I would like to, but sometimes they just can be so exasperating. I never saw girlfriend lose it or yell until her kids became teens. That gave me hope :). You sound like a wonderful mom and you can come and yell all you want, we understand, and we are here to listen ok read. God Bless

The American lifestyle of the harried, relatively isolated modern mother who gets stuck in ego battles with her teenage children when they are not in school, and ends up behaving in a rather teenage fashion herself is not the only way of being! However, many adult females have entered parenthood without being fully grown women (regardless of chronological age).

Barbilee has raised some important angles on this topic, well worth engaging in. Just the fact that you are exploring natural family health is a huge step S., because through it you are connecting more to the option of becoming a more intuitive and wise woman, whatever that is for you.

I think it's really important to frame any discussion about "teenagers" in a cultural context, with awareness of the impact of 'nuclear family' isolation, birth/early parenting stress & trauma, sedentary mind-body dissociation, and the lack of multi-level mentorship that plagues modern western society.

Families in traditional societies such as rural India or Bali and some remaining tribal groups consider maturation into adulthhood to be the responsibility of parents, extended family, and elder mentors through apprenticeship to meaningful activites and challenging rites of passage that help the teenager understand the massive responsibilities that come with being of the age that is able to reproduce another human being!

IMHO, being an awesome mother is a matter of personal maturity, and I actually think it's a rarer thing these days... even though everybody's trying our best just to be good enough. The maturity to practice good self-care, be able to function without mood altering drugs or alchohol, and the ability to create challenging mentorship environments for effective rechanneling of the abundant adolescent energy is essential.

And, non-WiFi attics and treehouse hideaways are an excellent remedy too. :)

I hope you are okay to hear this, but your yelling is not about him at all, it is all about you. Your frustrations have nothing to do with him and everything to do with where you are in your life right now. I know you are joking when you say to send them away until they grow up (For 10 year, I taught junior high to special needs kids - I get wanting to send them away! LOL) but truthfully, your son was and is yours to teach you many things, I think right now it might be patience and understanding and unconditional love. All joking aside, you are having an amazing personal experience with an outstanding individual who needs your strentgh, your love and your guidance. You have the power to make or break every day, every moment with him. You are the one who gets to choose whether you will respond or react. Only you. Choose wisely.

I am happy to hear that you are taking a more natural approach to your families health. I did that two years ago after a medical leave from work left me with no answers. I was blessed to not only find a solution to my medical issues, but to my overall general health and well-being and how to maintain an optimal level of wellness forever. I really mean it...FOREVER! I can now handle anything that comes my way. I am mentally clear, I am calm and most of all I am totally healthy from the inside out. (My family - 2 daughters 12 & 8 and my husband) hae not even had one sick day in over 20 months...pretty cool!

I wish for you all that you desire and that the blessings of the holiday season are upon you and your family. I can tell you are an amazing mom and an even more caring woman. You will be just fine.

B.
www.HeyYouGetReal.com

PS If you would like to talk more, I am a great listener.

S. ~ you are not alone. Teenagers are rough. It is a phase and it will pass. Stay strong, hold your ground and he will come around, eventually. Good luck.

Hi, Ive worked with teens and families for over 12 years now and I am very aware of how important it is for the whole family system to have a break from each other. Have you checked with any of the local mental health providers about case management services. It could be that since your child has a diognosis and special needs you might qualify for respite care and an occasional one on one / community support worker for your son.

Hi S.,
Question number 1. Are you getting to have anytime for yourself either on a daily basis or at least once a week? Sometimes the best gift we can give those who live with us is to make sure we treat ourselves and not wait for someone else to do it. Especially when we feel like no one appreciates what we lovingly do for them. Maybe in this instance you need a timeout~ Get someone to come and care for your son for a few hours once a week or as often as you can. Don't be so hard on yourself and know your doing the best you can. You will reap the rewards one day~!

Hi S.

Like everyone else I think your a great "normal" mum just like the rest of us who yell at our kids. I have a 3 year old with autisic traits. I also have a 15 year old son. typical teenager. My daughter has done 13 months of therapy thru the cdc and tri counties and is now in special ed preschool 2 times a week.

Someone made a comment to me about the way she is and it was definately an eye opener. She see's the world in her way because of the way she is. SHE doesn't know any different. I do...but she doesn't. So I tend not to tell at her for doing the things she does. She just doesn't process it right now. As for the 15 year old it's a hard time of life for him. Peer pressure, grades, social etc. I pick my battles. If I get mad I walk away and wait until I'm calm then go discuss it with him. Yes there are times when I still yell coz I'm human too. and so are you. There's lots of great advise from everyone here. Pick which works for you.

hello i too understand how you feel i have achild with cerbal palsy and seizure disorder. i have learned to thank god daily for him. and do find things that make you and him laugh, but also learn to play video games with him,or whatever he likes to play. you are blessed with this special child. you see my son is 20yrs old and cannot walk or talk. i wish you well, and god bless you.

A lot of misunderstanding about autism...they are really bright people in their own way...Look for a support group on line, and when applicable find one close to you for phyiscal supoort for families...God does not put more on you than you cn bear to...turn this into positive...start your own group on line or local if you cant find one..by free adds in local papers...just an idea...People have no conrol on how they are brought into this world...we all need love and compassion that true agape love. will work wonders..

I too have a 13 year old boy diagnosed with high functioning autism as well as a 17 year old "neurotypical" daughter. Please don't sell yourself short, being occasionally "FED UP" is a normal human feeling but it sounds like in your e-mail that you are a very caring and concerned parent who wants what is best for her child and is trying hard to deal with all of life's challenges. Kudos to You! Teenagers are a challenge no matter what. Frankly I am having a harder time with my 17 year old right now than my 13 year old. Some days you can be right on target and proud of how you handling things as a parent and some days you miss the mark. The hardest thing for me is trying to determine what is "normal" 13 year old activity versus activity impacted by "autism". It can be a very fine dance and you can only strive to be the best parent you can. We all make mistakes but all you can do is keep striving to improve. Sounds like you have good family support so that is a definate plus. I would encourage you to make sure you are taking time for yourself. While this may seem selfish at first, it helps you to breathe and focus on balancing yourself, which will make you a better parent and wife. Find something that gives you Joy outside of your family and do it. For me, I get together with girl friends once a year to decompress and I am also beginning to run (5 and 10K stuff). I also am connected with the local autism society which has a small Asperger group. This is a great source of help and a great VENTING outlet. Even if your son doesn't have a strick Asperger diagnosis you may find you have lots in common with those folks as opposed to families with children lower on the spectrum. I would also encourage to share your feeling with you son. Your child may give you less feedback than some children (being the autistic way) but you also know how it feels when he says something that makes you aware that he is connecting. Feel free to email me directly. I am interested to know what holistic and natural approaches you are incorporating.

I feel your pain. Boy, do I.
Daughter, 9, thinks she's 16. Um, nooooo.
Daughter, 3, thinks she's her grandmothers-both of them. Oy.
Husband, 32, morphs into a 14 yr old boy when in the presence of our 9/16 yr old. Ugh.

I have nothing to offer than a giggle and wink because I am on your team. Chin up. Good thing that we love them, right?

Hi Susy,
I have two teenagers in my own, a 16 year old boy and 14 year old girl. So I have an idea how do you feel.
I think your decition to take more holistic and natural approch is great. I am been using Aromatherapy with only natural oils to help my kids and the improvements are amazing, specially with my son who has ADD. If you would like to have more information about that please let me know.
A.