Teenager in the Morning

Updated on November 01, 2009
P.B. asks from Simsbury, CT
5 answers

Hello,
My 14 year old seems to be slowing down with every morning that goes by. Needless to say, mornings have become unpleasant and loud. I have decided to shut my door in the morning and leave him to his own devices, as to minimize the lousy morning we both will have. He needs to learn responsibility, but my yelling isn't helping. I have instructed him to make his lunch the night before and have everything ready for school the next day so he isn't rushing. I also bought bagels, lean pockets and balance bars in case he's running late, so he can eat on the run, if not there is cereal, yogurt, eggos ect... We have talked about getting up earlier so he has plenty of time, and I have made it very clear that I will not give him a ride if he misses his ride. The problem is, I get up and watch the clock. I know he's sitting down to eat even though he doesn't have time, I also know that he's neglected to make his lunch, therefore I end up getting up and screaming at him anyway to hurry up. Please, any advice to get him moving and to stop me from losing my mind would be so appreciative!!

Addendum! I just checked his attendance (his school just started a portal in which you can check grades and attendance) and he was absent from his first class, meaning he missed his ride (knew better to call me) and walked to school. How do I punish him.? HELP!!!!!!

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J.C.

answers from Chicago on

Make his down time start at 8:30 no phone............no kid should have a tv in their room so remove it if he does.....make an evening schedule for him......include him making his lunch, showers, packing his backback, etc....maybe his bed time should be 9:30-10........also pick your battles he is still very young & managing time is very difficult for kids/boys.......maybe you can sit him down and let him know you want him to succeed in life & want things to be easier for him.....you know that kids eating is very important.........find out what you can do to help him have smoother mornings for both of your sakes......maybe making him breakfast would help him out a lot or making him lunch would help things go smoother.........my daughter is now 19 & off living away at college......she has brought up that me making her have a schedule like no phones after 9 really helped her.....she now realizes that she needed that down time otherwise she would have just ran herself ragged.....we laugh about it now but i know it really helped her.......best wishes

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D.F.

answers from Boston on

P.,

He is 14, he is just like all the other 14 year olds. I would make sure he is not watching TV late at night. IF he has a TV in his room, remove it. If he has a computer and is on it late, remove it. Time limits with both. Bedtime should be around 10pm. He did walk to school, so that a punishment in its self. Set his alarm clock half hour earlier.... make sure its loud and across the room so he has to get up. I made my kids lunches all the way through school, I made them at night and put it the fridge so they could just grab it on the way out. I did make sure homework and backpacks were ready to go at night also.
Screaming at him will not make him a responsible teen and it doesn't help you either. So stop screaming at him, he will catch on. When you remove things he enjoys, he will get that you mean business. Sit down a talk to him about the changes you will make. It just might be he is not getting enough sleep. I know mine didn't.
You have a lot on your plate it seems, take a deep breath where he is concerned. Be patient....I have been where you are in life. Fourteen is a hard age for him and you. I am sure that he will get detentions at school if he is late more than a few times. I used to ground mine from what ever they treasured most for a least a week. That seemed to work for me.

Good luck! We all need luck when dealing with teens!

D.

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T.S.

answers from Boston on

If you have anytime for outside reading I suggest NurtureShock by Po Bronson. It has a lot of interesting info about teens and how to deal with them. I was very interested in the chapter on teen sleep. Good luck!

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C.F.

answers from Pittsfield on

Check out the book "Have a New Kid by Friday" by Dr. Kevin Leman.

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E.M.

answers from Boston on

Teachable moment here. I have 2 teenagers at my house and they need to leave the house by 6:55AM.
May I suggest you talk to him (at a time that is relaxed for both of you) and set a schedule you both think is reasonable. Then write it down on big note cards and post it in multiple places, so he can keep track of how much time has left.
For example: shower 6-6:15 / get dressed 6:15-6:30 / breakfast 6:30-6:45 / brush teeth, get shoes & jacket on 6:45-6:55 / pleasant good-bye.
Help him check his back-pack and gym bag the night before.
Make his lunch, you're up anyway. It's a good time to have the first cup of coffee, watch the weather report on tv and be company to your son as he eats breakfast.
Teach. Leave the punishments for the serious stuff.

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