Teens Unauthorized Party While Mom Is Out of Town

I would make HER call all the other parents and explain what she did with you standing right next to her. Make her practice what she's going to say and don't let her get out of it. Why should you clean up the mess she made? Make her take responsibility and maybe next time she'll think twice about doing something like this again.

I think you should let them know. Parents need to know if their children are drinking, especially if they are drinking and driving. I know I would be very upset with you if I found out later that you had known (even if you found out after the fact) and didn't tell me. It does take a village to raise a child!

This is a really tough one b/c as a parent I would want to know if my child engaged in dangerous behavior. However... you could be opening a can of worms here- and potential litigation. Unless you know these parents VERY well, I would deal with punishing your own child and address your ex regarding WHY she was unsupervised/unaccounted for long enough to pull this off.

My sister pulled this one at the same age. My parents were taking me to college and left my sister with their best friends for the weekend. These are mature (older than my parents) adults who raised three children and are very responsible. They asked my parents "what activities" my sister was allowed to do, curfew, etc. My parents told them the "rule"- in front of my sister... she worked around them. She was allowed to go to the first football jamboree and out to dinner, but had to be home by 10. Fine. She went to the football jamboree and then went to my parents' house with her friends and was back at their house by 10. The neighbors ratted her out.

Needless to say, she wasn't left home again AND was grounded for a month AND had to be home an hour after the Homecoming dance ended.

Punish her- consult with your ex (good chance she told him that she was out with her friends) and let the other kids see/hear that you know what happened and that your daughter was punished. I would also tell your daughter that IF something like this EVER happens again, you will contact each parent and fill them in b/c it will NOT be tolerated in your home.

Oh, I'd be livid.
She was staying with Dad, then SNEAKED into your house while you were away and the stuff you found out about (how did you find out by the way?) was only what she told you.
Next time you leave town I'd be tempted to change the locks and/or have some hidden cameras in place so you can see how the mice play when the cat's away.
Didn't Dad know where she was?
Did she lie to him about her where she was?
Where did the booze come from?
Did she buy it (fake id) or did she steal it from you (or Dad)?
She's got a lot to be grounded for and she's going to have to earn your (and Dad's) trust back and it won't be easy.
Having her call the parents of her friends - it would be tough and may alienate her from her friends (might be a good thing) if she snitches on them (even if it's forced).
Since she seems to have too much free time on her hands and has proven she can get into mischief, she needs something to keep her busy - a job might be a good idea or some volunteer work.

Thats a tough one. I would say start with your daughter and husband instead. Find out why he allowed the party or what lead up to the party, like what did he think was going on (did she lie) or did he know about it and condone it? Also have a talk with her about how unsafe it was and why it is so important for her not to drink and drive or allow friends to do so. She should also lose some serious privledges for this breach of trust. Be sure to find out who was at the party as well, was this her usual group of friends or was this a new group that maybe she is trying to "fit in" with or was there one new person who got this all going...just so you can figure out how to best prevent it in the future. Best of luck!

Really the Ex is the one who needs to call them. He had custodial or visitation time when it happened. It does not matter that it was your house, HE allowed it to happen. It happened on HIS watch. He didn't know where your daughter was or what she was doing. This is a concern. I have a 16 year old, and if I was divorced and she did this while I was away, I would confiscate her house keys before she left for visitation/custodial time with dad from now on. Talk to the ex. Honestly, there is nothing that you can do about it now. Clearly nothing bad happened and no parents are calling you furious about it, so they don't know. I would find out first whether you have any legal liability before you start calling parents and telling them. Even though you were not home, this party happened in your house, where your daughter lives at least part of the time. You could be held responsible even if she was staying with dad.

I really like Nicole's idea about having your daughter call the other parents. I think it's important they know - I would absolutely want to know if I were one of those parents. Decide on the punnishment you're giving your daughter and let her tell those parents how she's atoning for her bad judgement. Perhaps donating time at a soup kitchen or something like that.

Good luck to you

I would tell the other parents. I found out a few years too late that one of my daughter's friend's Moms was hosting parties and serving alcohol while the kids were in High School. Had I found out at the time I would have called the police so fast... I would have insisted that she be prosecuted. No one has the right to give alcohol to my child.

Your daughter may lose all of her friends over this. I would have not allowed my daughter to hang out with a kid who had drinking parties.

I would call the other parents. This situation was dangerous and will happen again if parent's aren't aware and stop it.

As a parent, I would want to know. You can bet my child would be in a world of trouble if I found out about such a dangerous behavior as drinking and driving.

I was going to respond one way until I read one of the postings by the other mom saying that had she known about her daughter going to one of those parties she would have prosecuted the mom right away. Things have changed a bit. I also don't like the fact that everyone uses charity work as a punishment. Charity work, volunteering at a soup kitchen should be to open up the charitable side of your child or to maybe open their eyes to see how others live if they are fortunate to live a comfortable lifestye. It is to teach children, teens, heck people to care about other people and other things in this world. It shouldn't always be a punishment. Anyway, she definetely deserves consequences and you should find out how much her dad knew and why he wasn't super cautious about where she was going. Research Teen drunk driving accidents and just show her the consequences. Kids will be kids but we have to make sure they know the right choices as well. Not getting in a car with a drunk person, not being afraid to say, that's o.k I will ride with so-& so because his/her ride is drunk etc.

Yes, yes, yes. They will want to know.Next time you may not be so lucky, and you'd be held responsible/liable. Daughter should get a significant consequence too. Has to earn back your trust. Where was her Dad in all this?

Not sure why some are blaming your ex on this. I don't see anything in your post that indicates he should have known. Assuming your daughter gave him an 'explanation' of where she was going to be, and that she then went to your house and had the party.
I would try to work with him on how to approach the other parents and on how to deal with your daughter. Definitely, I think your daughter needs some consequences that will cause her to think about such behavior in the future. I like the idea of having her work someplace like a soup kitchen, but if you can find somewhere she can work that will show her the results that could have come from such a party, it would be even better. Of course, many soup kitchens deal with people who have drinking problems, so that might be just the place.
I do think you need to talk with the other parents. They may find out from other sources and if you haven't talked with them, it might cause them to be more upset with you that you didn't talk with them. Hopefully they will be understanding that it wasn't just your daughter who was at fault, but that their children should have also known better than to do this type of thing. And hopefully you will all be able to see this as not some "horrible" thing your teens did, but normal teenage 'testing' of the waters of life.

Good idea to have her tell the parents. And it certainly was your ex's responsibility to prevent this from happening. I agree that the other parents need to know to try to prevent this from happening again, mostly because of the danger of drinking and driving.

I'd also just add that I did his when I was your daughter's age, and I went to a LOT of parties like this at other friends' houses when parents were away, and I turned out just fine. :) So don't worry too much that she did this. The thing to do is to TRY to make her realize how dangerous it is when alcohol impares good judgment, be it driving, sex, trying drugs, doing dangerous stunts, etc...

It is nice to see what other parents are suggesting for punishment. I totally did this as a teen (several times). I am going to have to be a big hypocrite if my kid does this to me someday.

I would want to know. I think that you should call them and tell them.

Yes, you should contact the other teens parents.

If you were one of the parents that didn't know, would you want to know?

I agree on letting the other parents know and I like the idea of having your daughter to the explaining. I just wanted to add to the possible things that could have happened (car accident, going to er, etc.); depending on where you live, there is also the chance of breaking a "social host” ordinance. This would be kids having a party with alcohol and holding the parent(s) responsible with a hefty fine. Sounds like you were also lucky with cell phones, texting, etc., that the party remained small. Good luck.

As a parent, I would want to know. I think you will have to consider what you say and how you approach the other parent's first.
I would feel guilty if any of those kids drank and drove in the future and got in an accident.
Their parents need a heads up.

I think back to when I was this age and doing the same things..I dont think you need to call the other paretns, but maybe have a talk with your daughter about what could happen if people drive or get sick at your house. Tell her you would rather her not have these parties at your house and that if she needs a ride you will always pick her up. To be honest kids are going to do what they want..they will either be open with you about it or they will hide it from you..I would rather my kid tell me but remind them that you could get into big trouble if anything happens as well. I dont think at this age they understand the things that could happen until they do.

I'd be more pissed off at your ex for allowing it to happen. Your daughter needs to be grounded. Would I call other moms and tell them now after the fact? No. I'd punish my child and make sure she doesnt get another opportunity to screw up like that again.

YES!! They need to know that their teens are stupid and take risks with their lives.

I wouldn't have too much of a problem with an unauthorized party, as long as my kids made sure their friends didn't drink and drive. But that didn't happen.

I would want to know if I was O. of the other parents, BUT I agree with Krista P. -- you will be opening yourself up to legal action as you & ex might be held responsible for this.