Teeth-brushing Toddler Tantrums

One of the things I have heard and use with my twins (3.5 yrs old), is that they can start their teeth and show me what a good job they can do, but Mommy or Daddy have to finish for them and we have to floss their teeth...their dentist has told them this. The other thing I tell them is that the rule is they are not allowed to brush all by themselves until they can tie their shoes. I heard this, have used it and it seems to be something that they can relate to, it also gives them a positive goal to reach for. Hope this helps.

My 21 month old is the same way. I have finally decided that at least if he is throwing a fit then I can brush his teeth pretty well. I don't like the tantrums, but I don't feel that he should win power struggles like this because it can lead to more power struggles later on. Good luck

You could try letting her brush her teeth first and then do it right afterward. I usually brushed my teeth with my son so that he could see how I do it. As he got a bit older, any resistance, I let him meet it with some photos online that showed what children looked like when they didn't brush their teeth. He's 5 now and is always brushing his teeth. :D

One thing I do is only put the yummy toothpaste on when it is time for me to help. I also use an eletric toothbrush for myself and I got her a battery operated one because I just think it makes it easier, plus it's hello kitty !All the communication your doing is most important.

just remebered another tip, try getting a flash light turning off the lights going to the mirror asking her to open up and shine the light in her mouth and ask her to watch ect

Let it go for now. If you force her to let you brush her teeth and do it while she is actively physicall protesting you both will be involved in a power struggle. The kid always wins.

My grandkids pediatric dentist said that what is important at this age is for them to develop the habit of brushing but that doing a good job isn't expected until they're older. Your daughter is now proud to be brusing with Mommy and Daddy and this is very good.

Later, say when she's 21/2 to 3 introduce your help in a casual positive way. Perhaps make it a game. Go slowly until she mostly agrees to your doing it. My daughter, when her kids were that age talked about what she was doing in a cheerful voice. Sometimes it worked and other times the kids would have none of it. When that happened she just let it go.

My grandson loved and still does love brushing his teeth. Unfortunately that created a new difficulty. He really just wants to eat the toothpaste. (:

Another idea is to name some of her teeth and have conversations with them. You could say, I want to see Mary tonight. What do you suppose Mary will tell me? Then use the toothbrush to talk with Mary. You be Mary's voice as you brush away. Kids love this sort of silliness.

My granddaughter and her mother have been having difficulty getting homework done. When I took over My granddaughter, at 7, didn't want to talk about it. She was holding one of her Littlest Pet Shop toys and began having him talk for her. I talked with the little animal who gave her the info and she relaxed. I'm going to use that playful way with other issues.

My granddaughter did have a couple of caries in her baby teeth which the dentist did fill. But he said that her teeth are in good shape and not to be concerned about the brushing until her permanent teeth came in.

I've seen babies with a mouthful of cavities. For most of them they slept with a bottle in their mouth. For many of them it was a bottle of Kool Aid full of sugar.

One easier way to keep her teeth clean is to have her either drink some water or to at least rinse her mouth out with water after meals but especially before going to bed.

I just remembered something else my daughter did. She used the prestrung dental floss and flossed their teeth. They couldn't do it for themselves which helped them to allow their mother to do it. The floss holder had animals on the handle.

If you really want to brush her teeth better than she can you might try using a different tool than a toothbrush, perhaps q-tip or a disposable brush whose head is foam. Tell her that this is the next step now that she can brush her teeth so well. But it is a step for mommies to do. I need your help to sit still and hold your head this way. And then praise her for the help she has given while you did this. Perhaps the new "brush" could be "The Inspector."

Kids learn a lot through modeling... Since it is a family routine of brushing teeth together, you and your husband should "help" brush each others teeth. Make it look like fun, and thank each other for helping. Your little one will soon want to take part in brushing... and you can even leat her try brushing your teeth! It's worth a try! Good luck :)

Hi B., I don't know if this will work, but have you tried asking her if you can check for "sugar bugs?" This worked for me with my nephew. If you do see areas that are missed you can tell her your is going to get the rest of the sugar bugs. If not you can congratulate her on getting them all by herself. Hope it helps! S.

Try to get another tooth brush and use that one for her. Also I would just let her cry and be quick!!

My two year old does the same thing. It's just their way of trying to assert their independence. We let her have her turn and then tell her it's Mommy or Daddy's turn to make sure they are actually brushed. She still protests and gets upset, but I think the key is consistency. I don't think you need to be worried about traumatizing her. My five year old did the same thing for a while and then resigned herself to being helped. Some people have success with having two toothbrushes, so she can still hold one while you are using the other. Don't worry, before you know it she'll be doing it on her own.

I'd try getting a 2nd tooth brush. Let her have hers and use yours to brush with.

My older daughter did the same thing at that age. I just let her brush her own teeth since she loves doing it herself and I'd rather tooth-brushing be a pleasant activity with as few negative associations as possible. Every night I offer to help her after I'm done with my teeth and now (at 30 months), as often as not, she accepts cheerfully. If she doesn't want my help then I don't push the matter. I figure she does a pretty good job and I'd rather only get her teeth clean thoroughly every other night than have a screaming toddler who hates brushing her teeth.

Oh, and her teeth are doing just fine - which is wonderful! She eats a great diet and almost no processed foods or refined sugars so I think that helps :)

Best wishes!
~B.

B.,

Let her brush for now. She's still learning. What worked for my son was let him brush, then say good job, let mommy see how good you did. Then I'd brush all his teeth myself. It ended the protests about not being able to do it himself.

Hope this helps,
Melissa

Hi B., I know what you are going through, one option is to buy another toothbrush for you, let her keep her own. You can brush and she can still have hers. My dentist suggets that parent's brush their childrens teeth until they are 10, children do not have the dexterity to do this until then. You are right about the baby teeth, but baby teeth can and will effect her adult teeth. Have you started teaching her to floss yet. I've learned the hard way it's almost more important then brushing. I hope I've helped some.

Tam

With my 3, I tell them they go first then it's my turn. I tell them I need to check for any food left in there teeth. I go down the list of what they just ate and it buys me time.
I have them say aaahhhh and then eeeeeee with their mouths closed smiling. It helps. When a little older I have them lean their heads back on my lap (I'm sitting) like at the dentist and I check & floss their teeth. The sooner they get use to proper mouth care and other people working in their mouth the better. Less problems for when they go to the dentist. Make it fun and silly. I make a weird sound when I brush their tongue.

We've had this same problem with our (now)29 mn old. I believe it's important to make sure the brushing is complete (thou I don't fixate on the "two minutes" rule yet) and have gone through the "brushing while her mouth is open & crying. I tell her how great she's doing, keeping her mouth open for mommy, even though she's crying. After what felt like far too long of this, she finally is more accepting of brushing her teeth herself first, then letting me or daddy finish up. This is her asserting her independence. If she's tired & cranky, all bets are off. Just remember: while you're building on great habits, she won't actually remember the battles for the brush! That is the grace of nearly 2 thru 3. (Seriously: think hard about your first memories!)

Hello There B.... How about this suggestion.. When you and your husband are done brushing you teeth, turn to your husband and say something like, "honey, did I get all my teeth clean or do I need to brush some more?" and let him pretend (without touching your mouth) to be looking for dirt or something, then turn to your daughter and open your mouth and say something like, "what do you think honey, did mommy get her teeth cleaned?" Let her look at your teeth and see how she reacts, then (without bothering her toothbrush stuff) see if she'll let you look in her mouth.. Maybe you could say "WOW! Those are awesome looking teeth! What about the ones way in the back? Let's look in the mirror and see if we got all of those ones clean too!" :) Look in the mirror together and say something positive or maybe even have your husband play along and say "uh oh.. you missed a tooth way back there" and brush again.. :) Good luck with whatever you try and hopefully something will work. Try not to stress too bad, because all kids will get some cavities at some point. So hang in there! :)

Good Morning,
Maybe you could change the routine, brush her teeth first and then let her do it by herself. Make it a reward for behaving.
I also am a firm advocate for discipline. If she is allowed to throw a temper tantrum at this age think what it will be like when you tell her that homework is before phone privelages at the teenage stage. I am not speaking from inexperience. I have 14 and 17 year old girls. I have heard the horrible complaints from my friends who didn't start with a firm hold on their kids from the start. It is not something that can be later implemented, it just won't work. Sorry, not a lecture, just breaks my heart to hear people dealing with fits.
God Bless, Annie

If the problem is taking away her toothbrush, get another one for you to use on her teeth. While she is holding hers, use the other one to help her brush. I had to hold my son down to brush his teeth. If you go the route of not forcing her, make sure she eats fresh crunchy fruits and vegetables like apples and carrots, raw, they will strengthen and clean her teeth. Give her water after to rinse the sugars from the food, but they will help clean her teeth.

Dear B.,

This is very normal...unfortunately! My suggestion is to just keep brushing her teeth. What we've done with our four is we do the brushing first, then reward them by allowing them to do their own teeth after we make sure they are all clean. This may be a tough transition, but I think it would be worth your time. Additionally, making this consistent, both morning and night - meaning parents first, then your little one, makes the transition a lot easier. A little prayer before you begin this transition, and during the transition, certainly helps as well!

Best of luck.

D. P. (mother of four, ranging in age from 5-20).

I let my little one brush on her own, but when she is done I get to check for "sugarbugs" because as I explained they are sometimes hard to get. So if I see any toward the back then I will brush them off for her. Now she brushes on her own and then opens up her mouth for me to do a sugarbug check.
There is also a really good episode of Jojos circus where they teach a lion how to brush his teeth and sing a little song about it. I sing the song to her (with a few modifications) so she knows how long she needs to brush.
Good luck!

Brushing teeth has been a struggle for months for us too. My daughter is 22 months. She enjoys holding it too, but doesn't so much like it when I try to help her out. I ended up getting one of those things that goes over your finger that you brush them with. I do that, and she has gotten used to it. She doesn't mind it as much as the regular brush. Lately, she has allowed me to use a regular brush a little too! We have progressed. I remember thinking "how are we ever going to get her to brush her teeth?" I don't know if she just decided to do it, or the finger brush helped. Either way, I think they will get there after some time. Good Luck!

Hi B.,
My son is 17 months old and we had the same issue a few months ago. Well, I was baffled at what to do! I decided to try different things, but the best thing for us was for me to ask him if mommy could hold his toothbrush. He would hand it to me and then I'd I would say "ahhhh" to show him to hold his mouth open for me. I would brush his teeth 'quickly' and then hand the tooth brush back to him. I don't know if this will work for you, but I thought I'd just mention what we do. Good luck!
J.

I started out by doing the "I'll brush in the evening, you brush in the morning thing." My son threw such tantrums and he ended up with two cavities when he was two. When I took him to the dentist, I told her that he throws such a tantrum. So, she said, "if he was sick, wouldn't you hold him down and force him to take antibiotics?" I responded yes, so she said "sit on him." Which I immediately began to do. He has never had a cavity since and he is just about 7 years old. Of course, around age 3 and half or four he has been more compliant from maturity. I also showed him some pictures of what your teeth look like when you don't take care of them. Also, at school he had a really great assemby in kinder and first grade, and now he loves brushing his teeth. He never forgets to brush and he even reminds me!

I can understand how you must feel. My daughter did the samething. I just let her brush her own teeth and she never got any cavities. I would try at various times to brush her teeth maybe in the am and let her do it pm or her do it am and I do it pm. But I found by brushing more often, she got over it. I would let her brush and then say, "let mama look and make sure you got all those teeth clean, ok?" She struggled at first but got used to it afte a time.

Hope that helps..It will get better..usually 6 months of any behavior changes as development and growth naturally happens.

D.

Helping your children brush their teeth can be difficult too say the least. My girls have always liked brushing their teeth. I think mostly to eat the toothpaste. What I do is tell the girls you can brush your teeth after I brush first. Mom brushes first, and I will even put more tooth paste on after so they may brush their teeth. It has always worked. I just explain before the fight even begins. Good luck! Stick to your guns. If she knows she can only brush after you have brushed first she will soon realize to let you brush. If you don't set that rule now, it will never get easier. My daughters are six and four years old. Now I let them brush once and the next time they brush, I brush first then they do. That way I know all the teeth are getting brushed. Dentist say to brush your children's teeth until 8-10 years old. So set a good routine now. Good luck!!

Is it really important for you to brush her teeth or are you doing this to teach her to brush her own? Let her have the independence now and eventually she will let you put your two cents in. I think this is why we are encouraged to promote brushing earlier to get them used to the idea.... :)