Tell Me About How Your "Difficult" Child Turned Out (Please)...

He sounds like my son who is 21 now. I agree I think that is his personality. He is so much better than before and I'm really proud of the young man that he is turning into.

He found his passion, which was the military. He really enjoys it and age has helped as well. He is in college and studying what he wants which is Construction Management.

How did we deal with him when he was little? We had to be very clear with our expectations, no gray area. Hold him accountable and be consistent. Oh he was a pain in the butt. I sometimes look back and try to figure out how we all survived! He went to counseling and so did we. We learned how to parent him which was different than our daughter.

I was exhausted for years BUT my reward is this wonderful young man who is coming into his own. He actually calls me to just talk. =) He is terrific and worth every tear and sleepless night!!

My "difficult" child is getting a Phd

Ah yes, Our daughter went to school with a few of these boys. Their moms are my friends and boy, it was tough in high school.

I heard, "what am I going to do with this kid?"

Sure the kids were bright, but did not have the same focus, self control and good decision making skills. Tended to get in trouble for stupid choices.

The parents that tried to hold these kids super tight, had even worse problems. It seemed like the parents that allowed these kids to face the consequences of their choices, seemed, these boys have grown up, finally, and gotten their lives together. They are about 3 years behind most of the other kids they graduated with, but it is coming together for them.

One young man barely graduated, heck they could hardly get him to attend classes in high school. His parents made promises to him that if he would JUST graduate, they would help him with is passion.. Skateboarding. Yep, he ended up going on a Skateboard tour, they had a young man document all of it. blah, blah , blah.

It was a good opportunity for the family to test this passion. He did ok, but he realized pretty quickly the difference from being good here in Austin, vs on a Statewide and National crowd,. Pretty humbling.

He came home and helped by working at their businesses. He was held accountable like the other employees, He decided that was not what he wanted to do, so they told him, he was now on his own. He could live at home, but had to have a full time job.. anywhere.

I am not sure what he is doing now, but his dad says he is doing fine and has an apt and sharing it with some friends.

Another young man, I was really concerned about. His brother is brilliant and driven, but this young man, just could not stay out of trouble. Not BAD, but you know, poor choices. Walking off campus to have a cigarette.. But not able to get back on campus in enough time.
Skipping class, just the run of mill, silliness.

He would stay out past curfew, hung out with the older kids. He is a very polite and nice kid, but not focused or motivated. He hung around after HS graduation, helped his father with his business and FINALLY decided to start taking some classes at the Jr. College. He is graduating this year as a TEACHER!!!! They realized he is awesome with elementary aged children.. We are all stunned.

He will be 24 when he graduates from college this spring. He was 17 when he graduated from High School.. So it took him longer than a traditional student, but he is doing it.. His parents are so proud and so thrilled.

Hang in there. Have expectations that he can reach. Realize he may be behind on self control, focus and follow through. It is something that does not come naturally to him, so he may need some help figuring out how to solve this.

You can guide him, but he needs to figure out how this can be solved. It HAS to be held accountable. Try not to save him every time. That seemed to backfire on these parents each and every time if they "saved" their child from the consequences.

It was when these young men got through school and the parents said, "we can no longer save you" that these young men woke up.

Unfortunately, I'm sorry to say, you are wrong about bright doesn't equal behavior problems. Your husband may be right about your son and your pedi is clearly misguided. Bright CAN equal behavior problems - especially in boys. I teach 4th grade and I see it every year. I currently have 2 boys that are bored out of their minds and act up no matter how much extension learning we give them. They are extremely bright, they rush through everything, do most things with half effort - they clearly do not enjoy the school environment. They are constantly in trouble. They will be successful once they find what they are interested in. So you may want to rethink that...

i suppose it's predictable of me to say i'd homeschool this challenging, wonderful-sounding young fellow.
and it sounds as if he has exactly the right mom, for all that he's making you crazy right now.
i am gazing into my crystal ball (i have one! really!) and predicting that in a surprisingly few years you will be the one offering encouragement and suggestions to young moms with kids like this. he's going to turn out spectacularly.
:) khairete
S.
(the whole indigo child thing makes me roll my eyes until they plink onto the desk and roll across the floor.........)

He does sound bored in school.
It's not going to get any better anytime soon.
So challenge him outside of school.
Sign him up for science camp during the summer.
Keep trying him on different books till you find the type he likes.
Be a frequent visitor at the library.
Have him build things at home - water bottle rockets, catapults, home science experiment kits (nothing more explosive than Mentos and diet pepsi).
Find ways to harness his curiosity and keep him busy.

He is self-absorbed.
He is "me" oriented.
He is immature.
Being smart or "dumb" has nothing to do with it and if a kid acts this way.
Being in public or private school, does not "make" a kid or not.
But, private schools can kick out a kid. Public schools have a harder time doing this if need be.

I work at a school.
I see kids like this... ranging in all grades and ages.
These kids, just are so... self oriented. And like attention, and like being the "rock star" of the grade and school.
Yes, others feed into it and them being more like that.
But the bottom line is: the KID HIMSELF, has to realize, that.
People like this are externally, driven. In a negative way. They are not, internally driven for their own selves. They rely on external gratification etc. And some kids just don't care, what is said to them. I
They just think they are a "special little snow flake."
I call it the special little snowflake syndrome.

It is NOT ONLY "smart" kids that act this way.
That is a real inaccurate thing, to assume.
Because, kids of ALL intelligence or lack of, can act this way.
I work at a school and I SEE it and deal with kids like this.
AND when a kid is always told that they are so 'smart" they just think they are untouchable. That they can be and act ANY way they want.
Special little snowflake syndrome.
But they lack, maturity and self-reliance and discretion and good judgement. And they like, that they can affect others... in acting up or laughing along, too. It is amusing, to them.

Sooner or later, real life with bite them in their behind.
Not everyone will put up with it.

Kids like that, have to learn HOW to manage... their talents/interests/social relationships/strengths and weaknesses and not just think they can get away, with things.

ANY kids has traits that can or will turn out to be "assets" later.
But NOW... it is not.
They cannot manage, themselves.
They do not have the logic or deductive or inductive reasoning for that, developed. Yet. Some will, some will not learn that.

There is always, someone better than them. Or worse.
They have to learn that.
AND they can also, negatively affect, others with their antics. Many classmates cannot stand, kids like that. Again, I work at a school and everyday classmates complain about other classmates who are like your son.
They do not even, think about that.

Hmm, sounds like a natural born leader to me.

But with power comes responsibility.

So if you don't already, make it clear you expect great things from him.

Not just good grades, but HUGE grades. Make it a "I know you can do this!" kinda thing not a "You HAVE to do this" thing.

Leadership related volunteerism, and lots of it. He should be involved in clubs at school trying to make a difference.

He should aim high.

He needs to put that sparkle to work. He can do great things with it. As long as he knows it's expected of him. As long as he can channel and focus that energy.

:)

He sounds like a spirited child...That's what I call a challenging child.

I have a spirited child. It is sooooo challenging.

I will be able to let you know...In the meantime, I am turning gray. It doesn't bother my husband. We have rules, discipline and morals.
I keep telling myself that I was a good role model.

The one thing we do not allow is for our child to make doormats out of us.

Most of the most obnoxious kids I went to HS with are pretty mellow now...I only know this via the computer & all that they post.

I don't think bright = behavior problems, but if he's so bright that he's bored, you might want to consider a new school placement anyway, like a charter school.

However, that still won't guarantee that he won't act up. But with good parenting, most kids of all personality types turn out just fine. I like Robin's response.