Tell Me What to Expect Please:

Updated on June 12, 2013
D.D. asks from Phoenix, AZ
14 answers

I don't want to appear rude at all. I have to watch a few boys with ADHD. I heard one mom grumble about it once. I'm not the type to do that. But I would kind of like to know what it is like, from your perspective, should you have had prior experience. The kids are on medication, but is the behavior really that different from other "rambunctious" boys?

Thanks.

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X.O.

answers from Chicago on

My son was diagnosed with ADHD in January. I've joined a few support groups and the biggest thing I have learned is that MY ADHD child is vastly different from everyone else's ADHD child. Some have extreme anger issues, violence, tics, OCD, anxiety, etc. Mine doesn't have any of those additional problems.

It is best to contact the parents and ask them for their insight to their kids' personalities, what challenges they may present, and what techniques work best with them.

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J.W.

answers from St. Louis on

How would we know?

I am being serious. I have four kids all with ADHD, I could describe them but I would have to describe all four because they are all very different. I know other kids with ADHD, again, nothing like my kids.

I have ADHD, doubt I am like anyone else either.

I can tell you my kids are the ones that people wish their kids were.

So don't just a kid by a diagnosis. You will know what they are like when you meet them.
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Wow, reading Lillym's response, well words fail me. I can only assume she thinks a spectrum kid is only ADHD because ADHD hyperfocus, they don't perseverate. Redirection is also a term generally used with spectrum disorders, not ADHD. I really hope she is merely attacking my answer because that is a very unfair assessment of any child with just ADHD.

Now if those kids are ADHD and spectrum, as my third is, then yes, expect that behavior. If they are just ADHD expect a child that could be anywhere from completely out of control or no different from a normal kid.

And Lillym the reason the label is irrelevant is that it is all on parenting, not the disorder.

So as others have said, ask the parents if you want to know about their kid.

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C..

answers from Columbia on

Supernanny (I don't love everything she says, but I liked this) did an exercise with a dad one time to try and let him experience what doing homework was like for a child with *unmedicated* ADHD.

She sat him in the living room and turned on the TV. Then she put headphones on with the stereo on. Then she had one kid doing jumping jacks just off his eye-sight (like not in direct view but in peripheral). The other kid was in direct view but about 10 feet away playing with trains on the floor. Then his wife brought the phone over to him to tell him it was ringing and why wasn't he answering.

THEN - SHE asked him why he wasn't getting his homework done like a good boy.

He had a COMPLETE turnaround with his son... in terms of compassion. For some reason that example has always stuck in my mind.

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D.N.

answers from Chicago on

The best way to know is to ask the parent. My nephew is medicated. They have lowered the meds over time. When he was younger, he would be great all day but come afternoon, you could tell the meds were wearing off. He would get antsy and had to get moving or there were behavior issues. My daughter's friend is ADHD, not medicated and he would have moments during the day that were just something else. You could not get him to sit still for more than a few minutes at a time. It was easier to just keep him busy. Ask the parents how their days are and the best way to manage them. They can provide more information for a good structure for the day.

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J.B.

answers from Boston on

Wow OK I have to respond to refute Lillym's response. Her perception of ADHD is, well, certainly not universal. While many children with ADHD can hyperfocus on activites that they enjoy (getting reaaaallllyyyy into legos or drawing a picture or playing a game), I have never had my kids or their friends hyperfocus on things that are off limits. Rather, it tends to be the opposite: "oh, you didn't want me to jump off the stairs and dive headfirst in to the couch? OK sorry" and then that's that, they're on to something else.

There are so many factors that it's hard to make any kind of blanket statements. Like any children, age will be a factor - watching younger kids may be more like herding monkeys (as with many young kids, ADHD or not) and older kids, even with attention defecits, will probably be more mellow.

My oldest son (15) has ADHD-i (meaning he's mostly inattentive, not hyperactive) and watching him when he was younger was no different from any other child other than knowing that you might have to ask a question more than once or repeat directions.

My middle son (9) probably doesn't have ADHD per se but is rather loud, obnoxious, rambunctious and can have poor impulse control (meaning do first, think second). A lot of his friends are like like him - loud, boisterous, and energetic. Some I know are being treated for ADHD and some are not. In any case, they tend to be very active together but don't require any special supervision. At their age, they are old enough to follow the rules. Like most 9 year old boys, they are either playing outside in our yard (trampoline, bikes, scooters, rollerblades, hockey, lacrosse, golf) or will play video games, minecraft or legos.

I have some kids in my Sunday school class (6 & 7 year olds) who have a lot of energy and perhaps some inattentiveness. If one of the boys in my class is particularly atsy, I'll have him run a lap or two around the gym to burn off some energy and settle down. For some other kids, they just need a little more direction and reminding than the rest of the class but usually a gentle reminder or even a hand on the shoulder is enough to get them to settle down and get back on track for a few minutes.

Overall, I don't think that one can really make any blanket statements about kids with ADHD. You're watching boys. Give them plenty of options of things to do, let them have at it, and enjoy!

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J.K.

answers from Sacramento on

You might want to read the book, " The Way of Boys." It doesn't talk really about kids with ADHD, but talks about the over diagnosis of it, and the expectation that we have of boys in today's society.

We had my son evaluated for ADHD after he had trouble in preschool and in first grade. I grew up with 4 brothers (none with ADD but very busy household), and I didn't think that he had it, but I wanted to do my due diligence, particularly because my husband has ADD.

Our pediatrician told us he didn't see anything glaringly pointing to ADHD, so we got a child psychiatrist's second opinion. In the end he told me that my son had "mild ADHD tendencies." That basically meant that he was a busy boy and immature in terms of impulsivity and he would probably outgrow his ADHD tendencies.

All kids are different. Certainly there are kids who do have ADD/ADHD. And like anything else they are kids and so the behavior and traits are going to different for every child.

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M.C.

answers from Washington DC on

I have had experience with kids that I feel are undiagnosed ADHD, so unmedicated. In my experience, they do not know how to entertain themselves unless it is watching a high action movie or playing an action video game. Quietly playing or coloring is not on the 'likes' list.

So at it with the attitude that these are just rambunctious boys. Be prepared with several options for entertainment, keeping occupied. Basketball, a treasure hunt are good activities.

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J.G.

answers from Chicago on

Please go to psychology today and read about ADHD and France.

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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

I work at my kids' school.
Some boys at my kids' school are undiagnosed ADHD. Staff and teachers know. The parents don't or don't want to know.
Then, some are ADHD. Too.
They are kids.
If you can, ask the parents about their boys, so that you have head's up about anything.
They are not necessarily worse, than "normal" kids.
All kids, have good days or bad days.
I know one ADHD kid, that is nicer than his "normal" classmate.
My friend's son is ADHD. Nice kid.

And as with any babysitting... I hope you are not doing it alone by yourself... since you said you have "a few boys" to watch.
What is the adult to child, ratio?

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R.X.

answers from Houston on

How do you know that you won't grumble. Grumbling is human. Wait until you have the experience then throw stones,

ADHD is a hard to manage. Why do you think they give these children meds?

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M.R.

answers from Seattle on

I can only speak for myself and my son.

We need action, good books, comics, games, music, lots of music, either playing or to be played, outside time, floor time, going to the park, or taking a hike, is the best, because we walk and talk at the same time :) And do not let us skip a meal because we become "hangry' that is very moody on top of being hungry.

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M.L.

answers from Cleveland on

In my experience, with a typical child i can redirect them,
oh johnny no swinging from the chandelier, you can slide down the bannister and launch yourself into the wall instead.

again in my experience a typical child will go
uh oh she doesn't want me doing that, but hey the other sounds fun lets try that.

the kid's i have known with ADHD medicated or not while all completely different individials they share the common trait of not redirecting unless you physically remove the chandelier from them and even then they will ignore the bannister and try to explore as many options as possible for retrieving the chandelier that has been locked in the vault that is barricaded in the basement that is only accessible by retina scan.

perfectly legit question in my book, how else can we get past labeling if we aren't allowed to ask. Again this is just my extensive experience of course everu kid is different but better to have some idea going in

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M.H.

answers from Chicago on

My son is ADHD and sensory. He can be exhausting, and wonderful. We have done a bunch of different things, so who he was 6 weeks ago is different from today.

My son at times has bad impulse control, make bad decisons. Other times he is with it and wonderful to be around. If he knows he is getting under your skin, he will continue .. and continue.

I will say this, lately things are going well, clicking. We are not medicated. My decision to medicate will come if he is failing in school. Right now, OT, diet changes and acupuncture are working. Like I said he is different now from 6 weeks ago.

A child medicated typically will be no different= than the average child, however not sure what the med effects are , like not eating etc..

Keep an even keel, don't hold a grudge, be consistent. and have fun.

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O.O.

answers from Kansas City on

My son has an ADHD bud that's here quite a bit. He takes mess and, really, I couldn't rattle off O. way he's "different" than the rest of the gang. :)

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