Tell My Child There Is No Santa?

Mine stopped believing long before she let on to me that she knew the truth. She was worried that if she no longer believed, I would stop playing Santa and there would be no more stockings.
Now we do Santa for each other.

My 12 year old and 10 year old either believe or don't want to admit otherwise. I can't imagine wanting to destroy that for them just because I don't want to wait up.

Well, my kids still believe because I've always said that people who don't believe in Santa don't get gifts from Santa! (Hey, I even still believe in Santa... I recognize that I have to give him a little help to get these presents in the stockings on Christmas Eve, but I still believe! ;)

There's nothing wrong with believing in a little magic on Christmas.

I think it's a shame to take this magical feeling away from a child before he's ready. When that point comes varies with the child, the social group he's in, how chatty the kids are on the school bus, and so on. I'm surprised often at the 10 and 11 year olds who still believe. The fact that your son is keeping his belief a secret from his friends means that he already has an inkling, but he doesn't want to deal with it. You're dropping hints left and right, but he's not picking up on it you say. Maybe he doesn't want to and he's pushing all that aside in his consciousness. It's healthy for him to hold on to this as long as he wants to. So why should you be the one to force that? These years go way too fast.

You can scale back your intense efforts (footprints in ashes, for example), without spilling the beans. You got all involved in so much work, and it's wearing you out. It's okay for Santa to be a little neater and not walk in the ashes, it's okay for Santa to not have cookies set out for him. You can knock off the personal messages and photos - Santa is busy, the world's population is growing, he's got more houses to go to, or maybe Santa only does that for kids below a certain age. Now that your son is 12 years old, he doesn't need the photos.

Do ALL the gifts come from Santa? Or are there gifts from you and Grandma and Aunt Sadie? Those can be out long before Christmas Eve. Just hold back a few gifts from Santa, plus the stockings if those come from him as well. It really doesn't take that much time to attend to these things. Just have a separate closet for those items.

My step kids believed a lot longer than I thought they would, and I did change the handwriting and the type of wrapping paper. I think you have to take the cues from your son. Cut back on some of the extraneous details and see what happens.

Consider also that there may be a part of him that thinks you are Santa, but that this is so important to YOU to undertake all these steps that he doesn't want to disappoint you. There are all kinds of books and stories out there that help kids to see the magic of Christmas and Santa even if he's not physically real. This goes back to the old "Yes Virginia" editorial and has continued through modern times. Maybe show your son that classic piece and see what he thinks of it.

I think the most important thing is to listen to what kids think rather than tell them what you think, or what you think THEY should think.

It's unlikely that he really does still believe. He knows. He's just not wanting to let go of the loving tradition that you have created.

My boys knew at about age 8, and they asked. I explained that Santa WAS real. He was a real man. Really! Look up the history. St. Nicholas lived in the 4th century A.D. He was well loved and when he passed away, his legacy lived on. Santa Claus traditions ensured St. Nicholas' life of giving and love remained, even though he had passed away. Parents pass the tradition to the next generation. My grandparents taught my parents who taught me...and when my boys asked, I passed the secret gift-giving love on to them.

I would broach the subject by adopting a needy family this year who "needs a Santa." When he asks why Santa doesn't just go there himself, it will be the perfect opportunity to explain that WE are all Santa, when we love others and give unselfishly.

I'm sure he knows the truth but still enjoys the ritual.
Not sure why you are waiting to wrap the gifts until the night before? I wrapped them as I bought them and kept them well hidden until it was time to put them out. If I had a big item (like a bike) I stored it in the back of our shed.

Most kids have it figured out between 8 and 12, they just don't tell their parents so they don't rock the boat.

I find this amusing because I have talked to friends who are all Junior still believes! And while Junior is at my house he is talking about what mom is getting him for Christmas. Just because your kids don't tell you they don't believe because they enjoy the ritual doesn't mean they still believe.

I suspect that your son knows the truth, but prefers the fun of suspending the truth for the holiday season. That's completely ok, IMO.

I wouldn't worry about the friends, and I'm not sure what to say about your self-admitted laziness. My parent continued to put the presents under the tree for me and my siblings until we no longer lived at home (if any of us moved back in, my mom would probably still do it). It's all part of the fun, and I would encourage you to keep it up, regardless of whether or not your son believes.

He very probably has come to his own conclusions by now.
We've never told our son - he's 16.
Santa is not necessarily a childish thing.
If you've got to have a vice - well, I wouldn't count believing in Santa as a vice in the first place - there are worse ones to have.
Wrap things up before Christmas Eve.
We have things ready in advance to put under the tree and slip into stockings - it only takes a few minutes.
Going to bed Christmas Eve - send him to bed at a reasonable time.
Getting him up early Christmas Eve morning helps with him being tired enough when the evening comes around.

My kids never 'told' me when they no longer believed. I suppose because there was always someone younger that still believed.

In my house, there will always be 'santa' as one of my youngest (twins) is 18, but will always be 5 ish developmentally! Her sibs still come home on x mas eve (or earlier) and we go ALL out with santa for her.

I will ask the 'olders' at thanksgiving when they knew. I like that they never told the 'youngers'.

If it is becoming too much for you to manage, that is one thing. Perhaps cut back on all you do.

I also think HE might not be telling you as he does not want to ruin your fun!

I would not tell myself...but you know your kiddo best!

Unless he's very immature, my guess is that your son knows but doesn't want to let you down because you seem so into perpetuating the belief.

I like the idea of breaking the ice with something like "let's play Santa to another family this year" when doing a charitable gift. It doesn't need to be an outright discussion, just little things here and there that let him know that you know he doesn't believe anymore and that you're OK with it.

My youngest is 8 and he's on the fence...the olders are 10 & 16 and are long past the point where they believe but they've been good about not spoiling the idea for the younger one. The younger one is just very much a practical realist and finds the whole thing improbable, but hasn't yet come out and said "I don't believe."

No, don't tell him. Let him figure it out for himself (if he hasn't already). All of my kids figured it out in 5th grade. At 12, I highly doubt he'll believe it through this year.

Maybe he knows but just doesn't want to give up on the magic yet. And as far as all the work -- even after my kids knew, they still got stockings from "Santa" and gifts from "Santa." So the work doesn't end, if you want to give them a magical Christmas.

I have an 11 yr old (almost 12) and he still says he believes, he has never even questioned it. But, he doesn't talk about it to his friends. My older kids are 13, 14 and 15 and I know they don't believe anymore,but they have never said anything. When they did question it I just say "well, I believe in Santa" and its true, he is totally real at my house :)

I'm 45 and still believe in the magic at Christmas. Why would you want to take that away?

My oldest doesn't believe anymore, she is 11. Last year she figured it out. The next in line, 9, still believes. I don't think he really does, but my 11 year old told me the 9 year old told her he still believes. The 7 year old is all in still.

I also tell my kids Santa is real - it's about the spirit of Christmas more than a fat man coming down our chimney. As long as there are kids in my house, we will do Santa. When they are gone, Santa will visit them. Three gifts every year to each kid. I can't imagine taking away the magic of Christmas because I didn't want to stay up late one night of the year. Even though my 11 year old knows there is no real Santa, she loves everything we do that involves the idea of him...and I can't imagine not doing it.

He knows! He just likes believing.

My kids are still young, so I haven't really crossed this bridge. There was one thing you said that made me wonder ...

"I'm so tired of waiting for him to go to bed to get the Christmas gifts all wrapped and put out."

Not sure if you meant it this way or not, but do you really wait until he goes to bed to even wrap the presents? Mine are always 100% wrapped, I just have to get them and place them.

Just curious, because even that could save you some time.

It think it sounds like you do quite a bit to make this a magical experience. Maybe you could just dial it down a little bit each year? We take our kids to see Santa and sit on his lap each year. I also make sure that Santa presents have different wrapping paper from Mom & Dad presents and that the tags are written in different handwriting. That's about it.

Have Santa write him a letter, leave a note, something to close the door.

Have him tell him that once kids get to a certain age there are so many more children younger that they have to cut back on the older kids. They need more time, times are harder and more kids are starving, doing without, homeless, etc...and he can't come back...won't be leaving so much next time and then the year after that he won't be back.

Let Santa tell him he's stopping.

I am not in favor of infantilizing our children. My son (7) recently stated "I think the grownups are Santa and the Halloween Fairy" (candy traded for a gift). I asked "so, what if it is?" and he replied "well, then they should have got me a Lego set".

I think kids are smarter than we give them credit for and I think they can handled the truth if they are asking. So, that's my angle: we don't need to rub their noses in it. But I also believe that the harder we work to perpetuate the mythology early on, the harder it is for our kids to untie OUR expectations of their belief from the reality of the situation. We need to let our kids know it's okay to 'not believe'.

We also told Kiddo a couple years ago that Mom and Dad play Santa for each other and the animals because Santa is so busy and that when kids get older, they can play Santa too, for others. That it's fun. Don't make it the end of something magical, make it the beginning of something special-- the privilege of getting to give to others. I loved Christy Lee's suggestion of playing Santa for another family. Be that example for your kid.

Hi C. -
Your story sounds a bit familiar. I had a little sister only a few years younger, and continued to tell her and my parents I believed. Even when my sister was questioning. To me, it was a way of ensuring the magic of the morning remained. I thought, if my folks knew that I/we knew the truth, Christmas morning would lose it's special charm. It's surprise. (Heck, even as I'm stuffing stockings, and wrapping and setting presents under the tree until 1am! I still, in my heart like to think he's real.) Your son may "know" but is just playing a really good part continuing to believe, to ensure the magic of the mornings you've made so special all these years continues. Maybe just pare down on some of the "evidence" and eventually you'll have an "adult" Christmas. But he may always be a "believer!" :)

My ten year old asked me last year if Santa was real (because most of her "friends at school said no), I said Santa is fun. She hasn't expressed not believing to te rest if the kids and still gets excited.
I was just thinking about this today. It would be kind of nice if she told me she didn't believe she could get in on the Santa fun with me. I also wrap after they go to bed. We have a very small compared to our family size) home with little storage. I remember finding my dad's Christmas present stash in our basement as a kid. So I'm very creative with the little space we have to hide it-there's no room to wrap it first.
I would phase some stuff out (the boots in the ashes and videos), but keep the Christmas magic alive. I'm sure you'll miss wrapping presents into the wee hours when you don't need to do it anymore.

Well... my kids are 26 and 22 and still believe!! Okay not really!! My son asked once and I said "as long as you believe in the spirit of Santa, he will come".

When the kids were little, we really couldn't afford much and we wanted the stuff to come from Santa. Once my oldest said, "you know Mom, you and Dad never give me and brother anything for Christmas! Of course, I'm sitting there thinking "bull*^&%"!!!!! I said "yes we do, you get jammies from Mommy and Daddy." =)

The kids are older now and our traditions have changed some. Before Santa would set up and lay out all their items. Now, we just wrap and say "from Mom and Dad".

I was upset when my little brother asked about Santa. My thought was if he knew we wouldn't get anything. That could be what your son thinks as well. I would just keep doing what you want to do for your traditions. Trust me, he will figure it out.

My 12 year old still "believes" in Santa too. I know that he doesn't, but he understands that it is a fun tradition and why mess with any tradition that means getting gifts? My 9 year old was recently telling me that Santa wasn't real, and my 12 year old winked at me and explained to his brother that Santa was very real, and he better believe it if he wants Santa to bring him a present!

I never told my kids there was no Santa. I just told them I still believed and it was up to them to believe or not.

Why would you do that I think you should read "Yes Virginia There Is. Santa Claus." You may rethink things because you see he does exist.

My 13 year old still believes. He's the oldest of my 3. I think at this point he has figured it out but doesn't want it to be true that Santa isn't real so he ignores the fact.
We've been asked if Santa is real because of things said by friends. The kid next door was old enough when she walked out and caught her parents in the act that there was no going back. She was then pretty mean about making sure to tell my kids (it wasn't just that she told them but how she went about it).
Anyway...when the kids asked we asked them first "Do you want Santa to be real?". They have answered yes. We then said "Then he is real." That was all the conversation needed.
They aren't ready to have Santa "just be us". I don't see any reason to force them to face the truth. This is one thing that isn't harmful for them to believe in. When their answer to "Do you want Santa to be real?" is finally a no then we will accept it and let them in on the magic of helping for their younger siblings until all 3 are finally old enough to want it to just be us.

Wait .. Their is no such thing as Santa Claus? 😳

We used to hide the Santa gifts at the great grandparents home or a neighbors home. I am sure he knows the truth.
You could adopt a family for Christmas and ask him to help you be "Santa " for the family.

Get their wish list and have him shop with you, gift wrap with you etc..

This way the two of you can remember all of the fun times you had with Santa in your home.

Once all of us in our home knew about "Santa", we were all able to have Santa visit all of us. Our daughter would purchase Santa Gifts for me and and dad.. It was so fun to see what Santa had picked for us!

My 9 year old just asked me if he was real and I thought it was about time to fess up...I told her no and she yelled, "Yes he is!"