Our kindergartener got accepted to the private school across the street from our house for 1st grade along with a scholarship we can't refuse. We, as parents, are very very excited. He currently attends a different private school in another city. We applied to a different school because his current school is so traditionally academic and accelerated that we feel his self esteem may be suffering. In kinder this school piles on the homework and academic expectations are too high for kinder...including weekly spelling test that are graded, 3 digit math, lots of worksheets and timed work. It's also been a chore for us to make connections socially..families just don't seem that interested. Needless to say, the new school has a more holistic approach to learning and aligns with our philosophy so much better. Lots of whole family activities, a parent board, and no homework or worksheets. The difficulty is, our son made friends and connections in his classroom and school. He is easy going, so will make friends everywhere, but we feel bad about having to move him, though we know it's for the best. We are looking for how and when to start talking about it the move. Has anyone changed their child's school in a lower grade? Should we wait til the end of the school year to tell him?
Our son is now a 4th grader and our youngest is a 1st grader there. It turned out to be the best move for us. Our son adjusted, though 3rd grade was his best year so far, and 4th is shaping up to be even better. The school works for all of us, and is still academically challenging, but focuses on Social Emotional Learning too.
I would just tell him that he's going to x school for first grade, and get the contact info for the friends from the other school. I would let him know before the very end so he can say good bye.
My DD is being tested for a magnet program and I will tell her when we know if she's in that she'll be at another school.
I would approach it not as "leaving School A" but as "School B is where you'll go to 1st grade". I'd wait until after the end of the current school year to avoid potential drama from third parties. Approach it factually and don't show him that you're nervous. Young kids often take their reaction cues from parents so if you treat it like a matter of course, he is more likely to be pleased than worried.
Its often easier when they are young like that.
Make it sound exciting and pleasant.
And that is telling the truth.
Don't say it is because of his self-esteem etc. That is too much info. for a kid that age.
Just say that the new school is so great, fun, teaches well and is what you like and think it is family oriented and nurturing.
And wait until the end of the school year to tell him.
He will do just fine. First of all, he will now be going to school with his neighbors! That is a huge advantage. He will be able to have more play dates and feel like a community.
When ever I was about to tell our daughter about something I was worried she would be nervous about, I worded it with "You get to go to the school across the street!" You will be able to sleep a little longer in the mornings! You will get to see neighbor Johnny at school!
Just stay positive, he will follow your lead.
I would strongly suggest mentioning the school change to him after he has completed this school year, and for a number of reasons:
First, kids live in the present. That is to say, they are by nature in the here and now, so when we distract them from the present to tell them of upcoming changes, this can often cause children anxiety. Most especially in a situation like this one.
The fact of the matter is simply this: while adults--with all of our life-acquired knowledge-- often do well with knowing about changes/transitions way in advance, children do not have the life-skills and experience to know how to manage their apprehension or anxiety about change. New is simply NEW. Depending on the child's temperament, they may really need to experience that new thing ( a sport, a new school, a new teacher) before deciding they are okay with it. So, that is something to consider.
Now, also consider that if you bring up this change during the school year, he may very well ask :WHY. None of the reasons you are changing schools would be, at this moment, flattering to your son or the school he attends. Telling him that this school is 'too hard' or developmentally inappropriate (which, from your description, sounds awful) may very well have the affect of sabotaging him for the rest of *this* year. You want him to be confident in the friendships he's made for now, you want him to put forth his best effort. So, he needs to think that his current school is *where he belongs* for now.
In the summertime, you can share the good news with him that you found a school which you think will be a better fit for your family. That there will be other kids there, some of them will be new as well. Since you live across the street, there's more time to linger at the playground and make new connections. There a lot of great positives in what you describe.
So, please, save those positives for a time when it will cause the most happiness and the least confusion for your son. The reason-- I believe, anyway-- that parents often cue their kids too far in advance of upcoming changes (new babies, new schools, new caregivers) is that the *parents* have anxiety about the changes. I've actually written more about this if you want a bit more on the topic (I'll put the link in below--the article is on how to share transitions with our children) and I really hope you will hold onto this good news a bit longer. Congrats!
http://skyteahouse.blogspot.com/2012/07/present-tense-let...
i'd give him a chance to say "goodbye" to his kinder friends, so if you do wait a bit, make sure you still leave him time for that. It can be as simple or as elaborate a goodbye as you want.
My son went to preK at prek-8th grade school, so we did have a similar transition. He's now in 1st grade, and we keep in contact with a small handful of his friends from his preK, but for the most part, he's moved on.
You have a nice opportunity to talk to him in terms of practicality too--look, we can just walk to school now, so you have more time to play after school--we can do more after school activities since we're so close now--we can do more playdates since your new classmates will live closer, etc.
It will be fine. Even if you wait until after the school year, it will be fine. First grade is still an easy grade to make friends in. Now, 3rd and above is hard.
Good luck. Don't worry.
Here in NY my daughter was in a special Ed program. This program rented classroom space in various school districts. By the time she was in fifth grade, she had been in six schools. Some short bus rides, some long. We never knew where until a few weeks before school started. The less you make of it, the better off he will be. It was never a problem. For all he knows, e eryone might be going to a different school. You say it is right across the street. So you say this is where you will go to,school in Sept. Less is more!
I can't imagine a school like the one you're talking about having any kids that enjoy going there. I'd make it so wonderful for kiddo that he'd be begging to go to the new school.
It's really sad that schools have no idea that homework is so bad for kiddo's. Much research has shown that in elementary school years kids learn to love or hate learning. They learn many skills they need for the rest of their academic life. If they are bombarded with too much homework they learn to hate school and will do much lower on standardized testing than kids that have no homework at all.
The school the kids are going to right now doesn't do homework but if kiddo doesn't get finished with their stuff during the day they can bring it home to finish it.
I like that a lot. They love school right now and before, at another school, they were learning to hate it.
Congrats! He is at a great age to move gracefully. It honestly will not be much of a problem. I'm an Air Force brat and the moves in teen years are hard, but not early ones. We're going to France in the fall so my kids can be immersed in French. They're 8, 6 and 4. I just told them straight up "We're going to France and you'll be in French school" I'm the mom, so, That's it! We've been talking about it so long, I think the announcement was more easy to digest, so start talking now if your son is the type to warm up to ideas.
ps I'm so jealous of the highly academic school he's in now! If we had one like that in our reach we wouldn't be going to France! But the new one sounds nice too...
Just be straightforward with him. The new school is closer, so it will be easier for him to see his friends outside of school. It won't be as much work (you think) so he'll have more time to play.
Try to meet some kids from the new school before the start of first grade and you'll be in good shape. Moving at this age isn't a big deal - the kids adjust pretty quickly. It always sounds worse than it really is.
I think that he'll do ok with the transition. In my social circle, it is not usual for kids to attend one school for pre-K 3 &4 through K, then switch to a different private school for grades 1-8. My 2nd grade daughter is new at her private school this year (she's also a scholarship student). She was sad to leave her old school, but adjusted.
Since private school kids aren't tied to a particular neighborhood, they (and their parents) are used to traveling for birthday parties, play dates, etc. I know that my younger daughter does. The fact that it is across the street from your home will make it easier for your son to invite his classmates over for play now or to work on group projects when he's a bit older. (The only thing that I really miss about my daughter's old school is that we lived blocks away so more parents were willing to do an after school playdate)
Hi,
We went through a very similar situation, though with the public school system. My daughter went to our neighborhood school for kinder, which was traditional and emphasized teacher-directed learning, including worksheets galore, sitting on carpet squares for ages, and homework. We also did not really mesh with the parent population.
We changed to a more "holistic" charter school for first grade and though the drive is longer I'm so glad we changed.
We talked to my daughter early on about the possible change, telling her we were considering another school for her. I mentioned it first in a very casual way so she didn't worry too much. Once we'd made up our minds, we told her right away, about a month before the end of her kindergarten class. We were as honest as possible, telling her that even though she had friends in her class that she cared about, we thought she would really enjoy the new school more. I tell her often (and it's true) that she makes friends easily and what a great gift that is. We told her about specifics-- there would be no homework at this school, running is allowed on the playground (believe it or not, running was not allowed at her old school-- unbelievable), etc... I let her weigh in but ultimately it was our decision. It was not a comfortable transition, but I think it was as good as it could be. There was definitely awkwardness at birthday parties for her old friends and that kind of thing.
The only negative I would report from the whole experience is that she now believes that changing schools is not a big deal, that people change schools a lot and if there's a little something she doesn't like happening at her school she asks to go back to her old school. I know many other parents who share this belief, but I really believe that every school is far from perfect and as long as you find a school that fits your core values, generally suits the temperament of your child, and allows parents voices to be heard, you're doing pretty well. So I am now working to emphasize loyalty to this school and ownership in its continued creation and development.
Good luck!
