Temper and Attitudes

My mother always said "I do not negotiate with terrorists". It wasn't until i became a mom that i truly understood what that meant. My son has just turned 3 and ATTITUDE! He doesn't throw many fits because when he does, he gets sent to his room until he can control himself and be respectful. there is never any yelling, time out, raising of any voice, it's simply "John, you need to go to your room until you can rmember your manners"

he has only thrown one tantrum and it was hylarious! he threw himself on the floor and was kicking and screaming. I stepped over him and said "When you're finished, I'll be in my room" and i walked out of the room.

he still cops an attitude and gets sent to his room until he can be respectful. he then comes out and tells us that heis sorry and tells us specifically what he is sorry for.

From what I understand, they are just going to push us to see how much power they have. Kids actually LIKE boundaries. it gives them a feeling of security. they know where to stop before heading out into the abiss of the unknown reaction.

Good luck. Sometimes mommy's need a time out too! :)

You must get in control of him, but there may be more than one way of making it work. For some children, being ignored is the worst punishment; for others, losing a privilege may be; for others, a spanking is bad (while for some kids, it doesn't seem to faze them at all). Figure out what is an actual punishment for your child -- a negative consequence of his behavior he'd rather not have.

But you also need to discipline him, and that is to show/tell him what *to* do, not just what *not* to do. In the above case, it may be as simple as grabbing his hands and saying (very calmly, gently, but forcibly), "we don't do that." You may need to first "get his attention" by a quick pop on the behind. Or, you may just be able to hold him in such a way that he is restrained (it may take holding him in your lap, with your legs above his legs, and hugging his hands and arms tightly so he can't move them), and tell him when he stops struggling, you'll let him go. And then, or at a later time, depending on his attitude, you may say, "We do not scratch people with our hands; hands are for playing with toys," or something like that. You can talk about his emotions ("I know you're upset when you want to do X and you can't"), but reinforce that he does not always get his way ("...but you have to do what mommy and daddy say, even when you don't want to.").

I would agree with most Mom's and say he's trying to push and see what he can get away with. When my son acts up, I don't talk to him, I just say "corner" and he has to go stand in the corner until I say he can move (usually a couple minutes). If he turns around, moves, or talks, I tell him I am adding time. They have short attention spans, so it can't be long, but they hate being in the corner and when they're there they have to think about what they've done to get themselves there.

I hope this helps!

The best way to handle 2-year old tantrums is to ignore them. Don't punish, etc., because this validates the behavior, although in a negative way.

I have some experience with this. My oldest was a champion at throwing tantrums. Because I saw my mother raise my younger sisters, I knew to just let him go. That was the fastest way for him to understand that the tantrums simply weren't worth his effort.

Not only that. I called my mother every week and asked her opinion about raising my son. She assured me that by the time he was 4, he would be finished with the tantrums and be the sweetest boy on earth. She was right! A little after becoming 4, my little guy began acting nearly perfect, and after that I had little trouble (at least until puberty!). He's 27 now, and very much in control of his emotions. (Because of my experience with him, I had little trouble with his younger brothers.)

If you pay attention, even negative attention, to your son now you may have trouble later on. If you make sure he's safe during a tantrum and otherwise ignore him, he'll outgrow this phase and become a very sweet little boy.

My 2 oldest did the exact same thing. Its normal behavior because at this age they are asserting their independence. I asked my kids doctors. I am not sure what to do except that now that I have a 2 yr old doing basically the same thing and I am ignoring it. My kids and others try picking her up and babying her and I won't allow it otherwise she will expect it to happen everytime. Once they hit the age of 1 yr they need to start being disciplined although we started around 6 mos. Yes, they are still little and even considered babies but if you baby them it only makes it worst. The other night when my daughter was mad for not getting her way she picked up her sippy cup and threw it at my visitors. I popped her butt, told her "NO" in a loud voice, and made her pick it back up. She knows better and letting her get away with it even worst makes it harder to break. Mine has'nt clawed faces yet but it will probably happen. She did that once while playing and she got popped then. Always on her butt and the fatty part. I try not touching her if she passes out somewhere like in the den or car unless we have to be somewhere then. Otherwise I try let her get that nap. Otherwise you will have a horrible time. Your not the only one sweetie. I hope this helps. But talking with other parents and doctors can help you find ways to discipline and cope. Mine likes the words, "No" and "Mine" currently. I am disabled and have a crippled hand where my fingers are drawn up so instead I have to use one of those little plastic handled sandwich spreaders. Its safer because the part I get her bottom with is all rubber and flimsy. The point is-it gets her attention but not the attention she wants. Good luck.

Hi A.,
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Hope this helps! N.

Boy, that's a dilemma! Everyone has different personalities, so either he's very strong-willed (demanding/commanding) or he's very sensitive (stubborn/resistant) -- and those are opposites.

If he's strong-willed, don't let him 'push your buttons'. You must be 'in command' (and this is particularly difficult if YOU are a 'sensitive' one). On the other hand, if he's very sensitive, be gentle (and this is difficult if YOU are a 'strong-willed' one -- as I am!)

The 'terrible twos' is only 'terrible', because kids that age understand a lot more than they can express. It's frustrating for them, too. Try to see 'where he's coming from' -- WHY he's frustrated, and that should help.

Strategically ignoring bad behavior (as much as possible) and specifically rewarding good behavior would be the simplest advice I can offer.

Hope this helps!

Read the book Making the Terrible Twos Terrific by John Rosemond.

Taking toys away is not a good dicipline technique for his age. That usually doesn't work until age 6 or higher.

Stick to timeouts as your first line of dicipline. Do it without emotion or lecturing, set a timer, no talking. Once timeout is over go to him, ask him if he knows what he did, explain it to him, and ask him for a hug.

If he won't sit in timeout then put him to bed, lights out, door closed. This has the effect of;

allowing an exhausted child to sleep

or

having him cool down and come out of his room on his own.

A child his age need 11-12 hours of sleep at night plus a two hour nap. Any less and it will effect his overall health and that will affect his behavior.