Temper Tantrums....HELP!

You've gotten good suggestions, but I thought I'd add a book my daughter-in-law read and has used with my grandson. It's called "The Explosive Child", I believe. Sorry I don't know the author, but when my daughter-in-law used a suggestion from the book, it truly worked magic with my grandson!

Rent a tape called 1, 2, 3 magic. All it takes for me now-a-days is to say "this is your first warning" and my son snaps out of it because he knows if I get to 3, he's going to be in a time out.

A.,
I agree with Paula. I have a 6 year-old son who fits the bill as well. I truly believe kids are born with their temperment and that is the way it is. Some children just require more skills in dealing with anger, frustration etc. Time outs are not enough with these children. Time-outs are punishment not learning experiences with coping skills. My sister gave me the book, "The Explosive Child" which one mom mentioned in her response. I have only read the first couple of pages, but I am looking forward to learning new skills and techniques to help my son deal with the frustration/anger he experiences. A note on the book says "A new approach for understanding and parenting easily frustrated, chronically inflexible children." The author is Ross W. Green, Ph.D.
My son has always done well in school as far as behavior goes(hopefully this year the trend will continue). I have never received reports about explosions at school. In fact, it is the opposite. In kindergarten last year he always did very well on behavior and respect on his report card. He obviously knows when to turn it on and off. At home, children feel safe to express their anger and act out. Maybe sometimes it is for our attention, or maybe it really is their inability to deal with the frustration. I hope for both of us(and Paula and M. T. haha) things will change as our children grow. Maybe we should start a book club online for "The Explosive Child" haha. Hope this helps knowing you are not alone. I also have a three year old son as well who watches his brother and is starting to mimic him...ugh!!!

Read this book: Positive Parenting with a Plan: Family Rules by Matthew Johnson. You can order it from his website or try to find it on e-bay or amazon. I got it $5.00 cheaper through e-bay, even with the shipping. If you truly are going to follow through 100% of the time with your parenting style then this book is for you and your family...amazing!
http://www.family-rules.com/

Good Luck--I've been there and know what you are going through. It does get better!

I'm sure that you have tried all kinds of approaches by this age, frustrating I know. I know a family who's son was having them until he was 9. That's right, 9! The family tried everything and could find no way to get through to him so they just let him deal it out and basically ignored him during his fit. Well they were out one day and he saw another kid having a complete meltdown. He looked at the kid and looked at his M. and asked "is that what I look like?" She was like "you sure do!" He realized how silly it looked and never had a major fit after that again. Kids will have fits but he didn't do the stomping, screaming, rolling on the floor stuff anymore. It's just a suggestion anyway, if perhaps she can realize how silly it is to act like that.

Hi A.-
I don't know if I can add any advice here, other than I feel your pain. My 2nd daughter, who is a middle child, was - I swear- just born angry.
By herself she is a really sweet, helpful girl. Add her siblings to the mix, and the tantrums run plentiful. She too is 6, and starting 1st grade.
Just this morning I had to remind her that we needed to take a bath. She opted out last night, so we had to do it this morning...well I heard all about how she didn't want to do it. Stomping, shouting at me, huffing and puffing upstairs.
I also see the quick "oh, I can't do it". So quick to give up at the littlest set back. No perserverance at all sometimes.
I've often asked her "why are you so unhappy??" Not that she can answer, but that's what your heart feels like asking. I'll be anxious to read your responses.
Sorry I'm not more help!
A.

A. you are living my life. I have a daughter who is 5 soon to be six and the tantrums are really bad. I have started to just walk away. I also praise good behavior with lots of attention and hugs. I have a 2 year old girl who is well in her terrible 2's. The older one claims I love the little one more - which is not true. I spend extra alone time out with the older one to give her personalized attention. It doesn't seem to matter. I've read the responses so far and agree ignoring it and not providing an audience is important. I have also started taking things away like her birthday party, dinners out and have grounded her a couple nights. Next is gymnastics. She has started changing her behavior to get her birthday party back. You aren't alone. Good luck!

I hope that perhaps these resources might be helpful for you...

http://drphil.com/articles/article/488/

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/6/T063300.asp

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/6/T061700.asp

Best wishes,
J.

oh my gosh, is your daughter related to my son :)

One thing I have found works really well is keeping my cool and walking away. I used to want to support him and talk him through it but I found that didn't help. It really only gave him attention for bad behavior. Now, I say in one sentence. We don't throw things in this house (or whatever fits the situation) and walk away (out of eyeshot). Without an audience it is much less fun to throw a fit. If he follows me I just continue to walk away.

I wouldn't worry about ADHD yet. That is so often diagnosed (in my opinion) way too early and too often. She may just have a mind of her own and want things her way. I can't say that I blame her, sometimes I do too :)

Good luck
P.

one other thing for us at least, the frustration is specific to our son trying to set up his musical instruments in such a way (not possible).... or sometimes sharing a toy. I tell him if he gets that upset over a toy, its time to put the toy away. and we also ignor the tantrum. We only had one full blown kick and scream distructive tantrum and i picked him up and put him in this room until he was done. I'd ask? are you done? (in a nice voice). and if he said yes, i'd hug him and let him out and chat a little about how he was feeling and things he could do instead. good luck

I don't think those tantrums ever truly go away, they just learn how to handle as they get older. I agree that ADHD is over-diagnosed but I also think there are true cases of it. I don;t think having tantrums is always related. As mentioned already, set rules and keep to them-no throwing, no screaming, etc. Don't give in and don;t let her see it bothers you. Walk away and tell her you will talk about it when she calms down. I have been doing this with one of my girls lately. As to her wanting things perfect, I noticed this when my kids were in Kindergarten. My other daughter was an absolute perfectionist. If she didn't like the way a paper was done or didn't finish something-even though they were allowed to finish later, she got very upset. The teacher said she saw this alot at 5 and 6 years of age. She is not as bad now though she does like things as she puts them and does not like to be criticized for her art. A plus is she has fantastic penmanship. :)