Oh I am so far beyond at my wits end it's not even funny. I even looked up Parents Anonymous today because I just didn't know how to stop being angry with my toddler. She is every flippity flipping stereotype all at once and I'm at a loss how to handle things.
She won't leave the diaper on, but refuses potty training. She gets out of all her clothes, pull-ups, won't sleep w/o a diaper, and absolutely has no interest (as of our formally beginning potty training) in the potty and will instead walk out the door and potty just minutes later.
She insists on taking a nap, so I stop everything I'm doing to do her whole naptime routine and she won't sleep. Takes off all her clothes, the diaper. I replace the diaper. It's off again and she pees in bed. I bring the baby in (we have just a two bedroom so the girls share a room) for a nap and she wants to do the whole bedtime routine over again. So...I do. And she drops the diaper again. The baby goes to sleep. We try one more time with the diaper and this time she decides to wake up her sister...
She wants food, oh gosh she's so hungry she just might die, oh no wait, she throws it to the dog and the plate on the floor. Pours out the water onto the tray and splashes.
She refuses to get into her car seat; or out of it; or into the car; or out of it. She doesn't want Daddy to go to work, she doesn't want Mommy to stay, she doesn't want either of us, she's not happy w/o both.
I'm ranting and raving because you have to understand...we have boundaries in our house. Things are baby proofed. The girls are both in cribs still. We have routine. I'm so angry because I know in my head that sometimes she wants redirection, but I can't stand how much effort I put into her day only to have her destroy it and still get "rewarded" with a trip somewhere fun.
I know she wants just Mommy time since the new baby came along and that is also frustrating. I try. I really do. We go to the store, just her and I. Every other week, I go to Gymboree with just her. The baby goes to Grandma's. The alternate weeks, she goes to Grandma's for the entire morning and then to Gymboree w/ Grandma...so she's still getting baby-free time.
I'd like to hear from families that had an equally hard or even worse time with this phase. I feel so adrift. I let her help with chores she wants to do and like to think I strike a good balance between "Mommy needs to get this done" and "Mommy is happy to stop what she's doing to pay attention to you"...plus there's all that dedicated Mommy-Toddler time.
If you see something I'm doing horribly wrong, I'm happy to hear it but please be nice about it. I'm so stressed I'll cry if anyone's mean. :-P
Overall, I have a crazy smart kid and I understand (in my head) some of what's happening here but with a baby learning to crawl AND walk (because my kids don't do just one at a time!!!) I'm having a hard time figuring out what I need to do.
Please, if nothing else, tell me it's okay to be upset with her behavior and maybe we can work it through...I miss my happy girl. :-(
I'm so grateful to hear that others just might be in the same vicinity of frustrated as I am. The answers about age 3 being worse and printing out this question so I can laugh later make me laugh and cry because I bet those answers will be so true. Mark your calendars and we'll see if I'm not back here a year from now with the same rant, different age!
Especially now. In the short time since I asked this question, she came to me very politely and said "Mommy, diaper change" and I found a rather large quantity of what I have to assume is concentrated Bad Behavior in her diaper. She's resting quietly in her bed, almost asleep like a ridiculously sweet little angel.
I think I might be bald before her third birthday.
UPDATE:
I took some deep breaths. Had a mommy-toddler date this morning and some really long talks with DH about some areas he and I need to be even more on the same page in order to help our girls. All in all, I just really appreciate the reminder that my baby girl isn't abnormally difficult right now. :-) Thank you, all.
Two words: Duct Tape.
I mean on her diaper to keep in closed. Though do I recall fantasizing about using it in other ways at that age, LOL.
Others who are in your phase can give you advice, but as someone who is long past that phase, here's my advice:
Print out what you wrote, put it away somewhere, and you and your daughter can laugh over it together when she's older. She's a feisty little thing, isn't she.
Right now, it's not funny. But it will be.
Oh honey....just wait until you get to 3!
2 was a BREEZE compared to where we are now.
Take everything you've been dealing with, and add in "intent" rather than curiosity.
It'll get worse before it gets better. Just know that you're not alone!
It's OK to be mad. My god, I have days and moments where I WANT to knock him across the room. (Of course I don't.) But half of the torture is feeling that way, and the guilt I place on myself for not having my sh*t together enough to "handle" things. It always seems like other mothers are so much better at navigating this than I am. I've driven myself to tears lately becuase I feel all I do is yell at the poor little guy. I have to remind myself that he's a young 3, and I need to cut him some slack.
Hang in there hon.
They tell me it gets better.
I'm sorry, your post makes me smile.
You think THIS is rough wait til you have to teach her to drive while you're BOTH on your period!!
Congratulations, you have a Strong Determined Girl! I don't really have any advice, except possibly BE IN CHARGE. Otherwise, she'll be sweet again until the next Holy Terror Phase!
:))
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You really did a great job at summing up how frustrating life with a two-year old can be!!
My kids are two years apart, so my 3-year old is just coming out of this phase. The other night she had a 100% meltdown because she couldn't get her pajama top on right. BUT, lest you misunderstand, it's not as though she wanted me to HELP her with it. Oh, no. Why accept help when you can cry and scream? And don't forget the bossy "Go now!" and when I start to leave, a scream emits from the child that has dogs all over the neighborhood barking. "Doooon't go! Staaaay, mommy, please!" All so I could witness the I Can't Put My Pajama Top On Blues.
Sometimes it seems like nothing will please them! It's such a cliche, but you need to take a deep breath. Tell your daughter "mommy needs to take a minute. I'll be right back." Take the baby if you have to, go to your room, and shut the door. I know you want to pull your hair out. But remember, SOMEONE has to maintain their control in this situation, and we all know you can't count on a two-year old for that. So it falls on you, mom. And you can bet your daughter is looking to you for calm, non-flying-off-the-handle behavior.
At two years of age, redirection is your best friend. And try to say "yes" if you can. I'm sorry I don't have any specific advice regarding the diaper, except to duct-tape it on her. And if she says she's hungry, and when you give her food, she throws it out/gives it to the dog/etc., then the natural consequence of her behavior is to be still hungry. And I know what you mean about feeling like you're rewarding her bad behavior if you go somewhere fun. Maybe you should be prepared to cut down on "fun" for awhile. And when your daughter says "Mommy, why can't we go to the park?" you can say, "Well, last time we went to the park, you wouldn't go in your carseat. If you expect to go to the park in the future, I expect you to get up in your seat without a fuss. And if you fuss, we'll go back in the house." Be very clear about what you expect and what will happen if you're expectations aren't met. And then FOLLOW THROUGH.
You will have much sympathy from other moms on here, including me.
You miss your happy girl... she might miss her happy mommy. Not saying that you are unhappy - just saying she probably misses the way things were when you were a mommy to ONLY her!
Take a deep breath and count to ten. Someone told me recently "All you can do, is all you can do. And all you can do is enough!" You are doing the best you can right now and things will get better, promise!
Just think, in 16 years she'll be off to college and you'll be saying "I miss that crazy 2 year old!"
You think 2 is bad just wait until 3!
Wow. You are not alone. I have a 2 1/2 year old and a 16 month old. It is totally okay (and normal) for you to be upset with her behavior! There are days when my 2 year old about drives me CRAZY. Have you ever read "The Strong Willed Child"? I just finished it...and while it did not have any profound revelations for me, it did encourage me to keep setting boundaries and being very clear and consistent. I do not think you are doing anything wrong. There is a reason they call this stage the first adolescence. It sounds to me like you are doing a fantastic job! 2 year olds can just be very frustrating at times. ;) I do not have family or close friends to help with my children, and my hubby is a full time college student so it is rare for my children to have seperate alone time with me. Keep your chin up. :) Do not become discouraged. "This too shall pass" You can make it!! :) You rock mama!
My son is only 16 months but I kinda understand what you are trying to tell. I have no advise for you and am actually waiting to read all the responses as it might help M. later on. But I have to say I liked the way you have described all that your little girl does.I can totally understand how frustrating this whole experience can be right now , but still your post made M. smile :) And I am sure you are going to laugh (along with your daughter) remembering all these days when she is older . So cute!
I feel for you and understand your frustration. It sounds like you're doing everything you can for your family. First remember it is a stage and it will pass. One day you'll look back and laugh. I can look back and laugh at the smeared poop all over my son's room episode during a taking off the diaper phase. And it only took me 3 or 4 years to get over it ;)
Jealousy is worst when baby starts walking/crawling b/c they need so much more attention. And with really bright kids it's worse. I have a 4 month old and my middle child is 3 and she is refusing (AGAIN) to use the potty. She's used it before, knows when she has to go, can hold it........she just likes to toy with my emotions and ask to go potty every now and again. She is also very bright.
I would probably be firmer about doing things only once. Nap time routine-make it a little shorter and do it once. If she asks for it again tell her no, she can just go lay down on her own if she wants. If she's hungry and throws the food down I'd put her in a timeout for throwing it and then no food until next scheduled feeding time. If she has a temper tantrum I'd put her in her room until she stops screaming and then go up and ask if she is done screaming and ready to use her big girl voice (My daughter went through a stage of tantrums OMG-lots of deep breaths)
As for taking off diapers- can you get footie PJ's cut off the feet and zipper up the back? Or get the baby proof safety pins and pin the shirt to pants for nap time?
2-crying kids must go-good luck and remember 1 day at a time! :)
You need to set up a schedule and rules and help her understand them. She doesn't decide when to wear a diaper or not or when to nap or eat etc. It's nap time and if you're not tired, you need to be quiet during this time. It's time to eat etc... Set up nap time, play time, lunch time, dinner time, snack time, bed time. Even schedule potty time (once an hour or something like that.) Be consistent and stay on schedule. Don't allow her to run the house. You're in charge. Once she understands this, she will be so much more pleasant and you'll be a lot happier. =D I have a 1 year old who is just like what you described. But since he's my 5th, I've long learned that I can't have any child running the household! Good luck!!
Gosh I hated two's, My daughter was a truly difficult two. She wanted up, she wanted down, she wanted in her stroller, then when my back was turned, climb out and run off - she would run off ALL the time. She was one of those kids who you literally could not take your eyes off for even a second, She would be off. She was also a pourer and a spiller. Doesn't matter what kind of cup or bottle I would give her, she would unscrew it and pour it out, shampoo's, toothpaste you name it, she poured it.
She is and was a drawer, but only on herself, usually with the sharpie she found by climbing, with no chairs, and seemingly no handholds on top of the fridge. And that was her other thing, climbing - she could climb anything, sheer surfaces, how she did it is beyond me.
And whine, I have never in my born days known a whinier child. And NEVER ever sit still - I could barely ever go anywhere, shopping was a nightmare, because she wouldn't sit in the cart, grab stuff off the shelves. She would hit other kids, out of the blue, just whack them over the head. It didn't seem to matter how I punished her, time outs just made her laugh, spanks, made no difference.
Anyway I say all this because, there is light. THREE is a wonderful age, I love my three year old. So sweet and loving, and fun - I can reason with her, take her anywhere. So hold on another year lol
LOL such a cute complaint!
I exactly know what you are going through. My almost 3 year old did the same things and more when he was younger. He is a "big boy now!" and uses a whole new variety of creative tactics to grab attention. And no, I haven't lost all of my hair yet, so don't worry, you will sail through this. ;)
And he just got potty-trained after 1.5 years of countless trial & errors!
You think the two's are bad??? Just wait till you hit the three's. But, just know, this too shall pass. You are not alone.
