I have a 3 1/2 year old grandson having terrible tantrums, some lasting 45 minutes. During a tantrum he is out of control. Nothing is working. I have read many of your responses. We've tried putting him in a time out room or chair only to have him get out of it continuously. I've tried sitting in front of him with my back to him to keep him in his time-out spot only to have him kick and hit me. We've tried ignoring him, hugging him, etc. nothing is working. Patience is wearing thin. Profile: He goes to a day care. He is throwing the tantrums for them also, yelling at teachers, hitting kids. etc. Please help!
Thank you everyone for your messages of support. My daughter is trying several of them and has taken her son off Singular just in case it was that. The tantrums have gotten less but still continue.
C.,
I knew somebody that mocked the behavior, once the child saw the parent doing it, it stopped, it's worth a try.
B.
Dear Cladia-
We learned from our adoption agency that tantrums that continue too long and escalate over time can potentially be biochemical in nature. Not knowing what your family history is, your best bet would be to seek the advice of your family physician / pedi to see if maybe you need the advice of a specialist.
Best thing to do is pinpoint what the tantrums are about. Listening to the child is usually best. I know it's gruelling to hear them yelling and screaming, but just listen. Let him get it all out without interference (i.e. yelling back). When he starts to repeat himself, say, "Are you finished now?" And say in a calm voice "I can talk with you when you speak in a big boy voice". You can even try asking him if he knows why he's having a tantrum, getting him to figure it out will calm him down, and may even lessen the next outbursts.
When my daughter had tantrums at that age, I would look her in the face and say "You're mad, you're mad, you're mad. You're mad that mommy won't let you...(or took away...)etc" or "You're sad, you're sad, you're sad. You're sad that you have to stop playing." (or whatever started the tantrum.)
The point is to identify the emotion that the child is feeling as well as communicate that you understand and are listening to them. Usually when you do this a couple of times (repeat the phrase), the child stops to process the information. This pause usually calms them down and allows you to redirect them.
It worked for my daughter. I hope you find something that works.
I'm not sure how to help you.
My daughter is too throwing some bad tantrums and is going to be 4 in January. I hope I can also find a way to help her. We've also tried the time outs and the extra attention as some of the tantrums started when my son got a little older. He's now 1. I think she did it for attention and now is just in the habit.
Good luck:)
I know how frustrating this can be. I definitely wouldn't ignore him. Some tantrums that are thrown are b/c they want attention. So ignoring him could make it worse. Have you ever tried a "good behavior chart"... every time they do something good, pick up toys, no trantrums for the day he would get a sticker... once he fills up a small section then he would get a treat or a small toy, etc. Maybe reward good behavior and he'll find himself trying his best to get the treat/reward!
My nephew used to do the same thing. My mom would sit on the floor hold him still and keep telling him he was O.K and as soon as he calmed down she would let him go & then he could get up. He would just have a total fit but she would sit there and hold him still until he calmed down. Sometimes it took 45min or more. She kept doing it until he finally stoped. My mom would keep her cool the whole time too. He knew if she got upset he had won. My mom had to do this for several weeks but the tantrums got to be less & less each day. She was consistant & that is what he needed.
Good luck!!!
I have a friend who was going through the same exact thing. Her son has allergies and terrible asthma also. She did some research and found that Singulair can have adverse effects on children. She called the doctor and they took him off Singulair. I am not sure what they put him on, if anything, but once they took him off of it, his temper tantrums and moods changed for the better.
Hi C.!
It sounds as if you're doing everything you possibly can, in a loving manner, please continue to be patient. However, I, too suffer from allergies and asthma and have tried many of the medications that exist to treat them, but they can carry some negative side effects such as "irritability" . I'm not saying that is the problem, but it certainly could be a source that you may want to look into.
You are loved,
D.
i agree with the other ladies that you might want to look into the singulair issue. I have a girlfriend who's son became terribly moody on that particular medication. also, it never hurts to discuss feelings like anger, sadness and frustration with the child when they're in a calm mood. my husband and i discovered that after we started reading books about feelings with our daughter, it was a lot easier to avoid tandtrums, by reminding her of the different ways she'd learned to express herself.
Dear C.,
I am sorry to hear that you are going through this. Any child, no matter what age, throws tantrums from time to time and when they become second nature, for the child, it can be a bigger problem for the adults that have to handle it. I used to have that same situation with my children when they were younger and the best thing that worked for me was not to let them know it bothered me..and it was extremely hard to act like it was not happening. If we were in a store or in public, I would keep an eye on them for safety reasons, but I would continue my shopping or whatever it was I was doing. If what I was doing, could wait, then I would pick the child up, take them out of the environment, place in the car seat, seatbelt and go home. But one thing I would consider is talking with the pediatrician and see if the medication he is on is causing some type of allergic reaction. Sometimes medications that are supposed to help, may be having an adverse reaction to each person. I have asthma and although I have never taken Singulair myself, I know that some of the asthma medications make me feel jittery and on edge and I think one thing to look at, is does he throw these tantrums right after taking the medication or is there some kind of pattern to it? I would definitely check the medicine out with the doctor and see if this is possible. The other question I have is how long has he been having the trantrums, months, weeks, years?? It may be a learned behavior...may not be, but my prayers go out to you and your family as you try to find a solution to this problem. Try not to yell. As you know, yelling probably escalates the situation and doesn't help. Please let me know, how it goes. Always here to talk, if you need a friend to vent with.
My eldest son has allergies and asthma and when he was around 2 years old it was very difficult. I would have him taken off of Singulair. When I tried it he had night terrors and would not sleep in his room because he was "seeing things". There is pulmicort, and other drugs to try until he gets older. Now my son is 9 years old and he is back on Singulair. If I were you I would B. trying very hard to get to the root of his allergies and triggers so you can lesson them. Is he affected by things he eats? Red dye #40? Wheat and gluten? Or dairy, and/or peanuts? Soon after my son was 3 I started feeding him whole concentrated herb foods and it has helped him. Best of luck, I know it is a really hard time to go through.
