Terrible Two's Too Early!

There are a couple of things things that usually work. 1st thing is to see if you can find the "trigger". Something similar that usually happens to get her going. If you can find the problem try avoiding it. (If she is getting to hungry, tired, thirsty, or if there is some environmental trigger that seems to annoy her. Try to take care of these BEFORE she starts to have a melt down!) Also when she starts just ignore her. Put her in her room, close the door, & dont try to talk to or console her until she is done w/her fit. She wont hear a word you say while she is having her fit & it will just cause you BOTH to become frustrated. Hope this helps!

This is about the right time for the tantrums to start. Best way to deal with them is to ignore them. Pick her up, put her in her bed, close the door, and wait. Basically an early version of time out. She will figure out that her behavior will be the deciding factor for time with you. If you don't want to listen to a screaming child...don't. She'll get the picture that you don't like to hear and see the tantrum, so she shouldn't throw one. Best to stop it now before you go into a store and she embaresses you there. My 3 year-old now gets sent to her room until she is done. She now comes out and announces that she is done. "I'm through crying now!" Most importantly...stick with it. Do not make allowances!!

Good luck,
K.

As long as you interact with her, no matter where you are, this will continue. You are feeding the function of her behavior which is attention to her wants. I would get down on her level, tell her "mommy is going to go over there. When you are done, come talk to mommy" (you also may have to place her in a spot that she can't knock things over or break things) and walk away. This will be the hardest thing you do but if you remain consistent, you will extinguish this behavior quickly. You can even do this in public but only walk a few steps away and become really interested in something whether it is reading can labels at the store or different size shoes at the department store, just become totally absorbed in what you can find that will allow you to keep a close eye on her and DO NOT RESPOND TO HER PLEAS FOR ATTENTION. Yes people will look a you but you are attending to her while ignoring her if you see how this works.

Here are the keys to making this work:
#1... tell her you will wait for her to finish,
#2...do not respond to inappropriate behavior,
#3... when she does finish reward her verbally for making good choices (mommy is so proud of you for making good choices and not screaming anymore, what a big girl you are) #4.... catch her being a big girl and verbally reward her (what a big girl you are for picking up your toys or putting trash in the bin or whatever she is doing RIGHT)

Believe me you do not want what will happen if you do not extinguish this behavior at 18 months old. This get progressively harder to get rid of as they get older. Also remember that this behavior may get worse before it gets better and that is normal. She has always gotten a response from you and when you stop responding, she may kick it up a notch to elicit a response from you, just make sure she can't hurt herself so if you are at home, you may have to carry the wet noodle to a specific place and tell her she can stay there until she is done. Then, make her say she is sorry, love on her and go on with your day.

Good luck,
C.

Yes welcome! LOL... I have a 20 month old and I just go about my business. If she is still upset after a couple of minutes I try to console her if she allows me. If not I give her more time. I remember the first time she banged her head on the tile floor when she flung her head back because she was upset. Lets just say she doesnt do that again..

Hang in there. HUGS!

S.

As long as you try to please her during this, she will keep doing it. This is her way of 'feeling you out' for what she can and can't do. As hard and nerve racking as it is, walk away and ignore it. Tell her when she gets done you will be in the other room and she can join you then. I know at 18 mo. that seems a bit much, but you will be suprised at what they understand.

It may take a week, even 2 depending upon how strong willed she is, but once she realizes you won't try to entertain her fits, she will move on to her next tactic! HaHa! Worst part is in public and around other people...but be strong!

Good luck,
A.
www.youravon.com/aprilhinton

My first child did this when he saw a kid at the nursery do this. I was standing beside him when he suddenly threw himself on the floor and wailed. I just looked at him, laughed and told him he looked very silly. Then I walked out of the room and went to clean up something. He came to me and never did it again--in other words he got no response from me!!! It was not about frustration or wants of objects. It was about seeing if he could control the adults, control his environment.

My second child did this and I did the same response. So she waited till daddy got home to try it out on him. Daddy calmly picked her up and spanked her little fanny with about 3 swats (not a gentle pat) and told her if she really felt the need to cry and scream then he felt he needed to help her get a good wail going. LOL Sounds mean but it worked. She never did that again either. ;-)

Third child never really did it. When he thought about it the others would warn him--you are gonna get in trouble! LOL

Sounds to me like she has your number. You will have to hang tough and ride it out because she will see if it is just a contest of how long you can go without 'rewarding' her. ;-)

I would even go so far as to try taking the other child into another room and pulling out some playdo, crayons, crafts, etc. to do and say we are doing fun stuff but you can stay in your room by yourself and do your tantrum thing. Find something that she would rather do than be by herself acting like a brat. ;-)

ts

My son did the same thing and he still does time to time. He has been doing this since he was a little over a year old. He is about to turn 4 in July and he still does it sometimes. Whenever he would do that I would pick him up and put him in his bed and tell him that when he acts like that then nobody wants to be around him and he is to stay in his room til he can calm down. He would scream for a little bit and then come out of the room. I made him tell me that he was sorry and then he could go play again. If he didn't tell me he was sorry or he threw another one then he went back to his room. Try that for a bit and see if that will work. It works for him, cause he can't stand not to be in the middle of all the action. Good Luck, this to shall pass!!

Welcome to tantrums!!! Isn't it great! Lol! First, the best thing you can do is keep your sense of humor, if you watch them, it's quite funny.

The next thing is DO NOT try to appease them. They can't be reasoned with at that time anyway. What I used to do with my oldest daughter when she'd scream, which was quite often BTW, was just put her in her room. I told her that I was sorry she was so upset and if she wanted to scream, that was fine but Mommy would NOT listen to her. They are tiny people with BIG emotions and they just get overwhelmed by them sometimes.

The main thing for you is too stay calm and DO NOT give in to her tantrums. Your daughter needs to see that screaming and throwing a fit will NOT get her what see wants. You must also tell her that her behavior is not acceptable.

Be prepared that this will only get worse before it gets better. 3's are worse that 2's in my experience!! My child finally started calming down around 4 1/2. My son, my first was like yours. He NEVER had full blown tantrums. Then my daughter Kaylie came along and all hell broke loose. My 3rd child, Eden is also a girl and just turned 2 so we are starting tantrums. However, she's nothing compared to her sister!!! Lol! I tell her that too!

Hang in there, Mom! You too will weather your daughter's storms.

God bless!

Chris

My son did the same thing! I freaked at first then decided to stay firm. I read books and found that no response worked best. We were in the mall once and he didn't get his way, he laid on the floor and screamed while rolling all over. People literally walked over him and looked at me like I was crazy. I just waited until he finished but did not give him what he wanted. If you conceed even once you must start all over. Remember, it's all a phase and they will grow out of it. Good Luck!

I have a two year old daughter and two older sons. When I was faced with this problem a lot of times, I would tell them what I expected and that was for them to get up and stop, and then I would walk away or ignore it. Most of the time this worked. I wouldnt offer her anything b/c then she may associate the tatrum with getting something she may want. I know its difficult but you need to let her deal with whatever has made her upset, and just let her know that you are available when she is done.

Hope that helps...Good Luck.
A. :)

My daughter has done this same thing since about that time. She is almost 2 and a half now. I tried the same things as you. Now I either ignore her and wait for her to come to me when she is finished or I will offer to take her outside and play. Sometimes, I know I shouldn't, but I will offer her a popcicle. Depending on what set her off. I just hope that she gets over it soon and doesn't act out in public!

My son had early tantrums also. This may be hard to do, but what worked best with him was to say (in as calm a voice as you can manage) OK, I'll just be here until you can calm down.
Then sit down and grab a magazine and give as little attention as possible (unless they look like they are doing something that will really hurt themselves). Screaming and holding his breath until he passed out (when they pass out they actually start breathing again automatically)were my son's usual tricks.
The tantrums wore out by age 3. But as he realized he wouldn't get more attention that way then he changed tactics.
This approach may work for you. Good Luck

Actually it's not really too early. I have an almost 18 month old son, and they are already in their second year, so hello terrible two! I read an article that says terrible twos start at 1 1/2, so we are right on track! LOL! I don't really have much advice as I'm going through the same thing, but just remember it's a phase, you will get through it and so will she. I believe how ever you handle it you have to be consistent. Parents magazines had an article recently about time out, it should be one minute per year, so at 1 they should get 1 minute time out. There are 6 stories that come up on the Parents website that look good, I hope this link works if it won't work as a link, try copying and pasting it into your browser, this should list the 6 stories in the middle of the page...

http://www.parents.com/parents/search/summary.jhtml?_requ...

I'll try to read them later myself if I get a chance I have a tired, grumpy, toddler on my lap. Good Luck! If anyone gives you and good info, pass it along, ____@____.com

-T.

I do not agree with ignoring your child while they are throwing a tantrum in public, they need to be removed but not ignored in public around other people, it is ridiculous to subject other people to your child throwing a tantrum in public. Just my opinion.

I have heard of red food dye reacting that way in some children. The only way to check it is to taker her completely off anything with red food dye in it and see if that tampers her tantrums. Rest assured that EVERY parent has been there at one time or another. I always felt like a bad mom when one of my kids went into meltdown mode but anybody that has raised a child has been there. Ignoring her fits is the best way to taper them. Also, I made sure that the child is clean and dry and well fed before going out as tantrums usually rear their ugly heads when the wee one is tired or hungry or wet. Rest assured that this too shall pass. Tantrums usually occur because the child wants something and just cannot articulate it. As their language skills catch up to their wants and needs, the tantrums will fade away. Hang in there!!!

K.: I'm feeling for you. I have a 2yr old and he's doing things that I've never seen either. My 6yr old never did anything like that. I've talked to people, I've read books, and I've talked to the pediatrician, and they've all suggested that I just make sure he does not hurt himself or others when he's having a tantrum, and when everything's is over..open your arms and give him a hug. but you just can't stop it when is already happening. Now..to avoid it there are things we can do and it works most of the time. For example, when we go out I make sure he's being fed, napped, i bring books, little toys and snacks too. I don't go to the toy store or pass by the toy aile with him..the minute I'm not focus..that's a good chance he's getting to have a tantrum..so Mom..we've got to FOCUS!!!